I don't know what to do anymore...

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MFPfriend
MFPfriend Posts: 1,121 Member
in Motivation and Support
Background: My mom had gastric bypass surgery 5 years ago. The thing with GBS is that it forces you to eat right- no learning required. If you eat something that's bad, you end up throwing it up. My mom didn't have to deal with temptation... because giving in to her temptations came with immediate consequences.

Today, she called and said she didn't feel like making dinner, and asked what all of us (me, my sister, her boyfriend) wanted from McDonalds.

I almost ordered something, then I stopped myself. I thought that it wasn't worth it to blow 900 calories for a burger and fries. So, my mom called, took the order from my sister and her boyfriend, then asked me what I wanted. I told her I would just find something to eat at the house. She just went crazy on me and was like "WELL FINE. IF YOU AREN'T HAPPY WITH FOOD THAT *I* BUY FOR YOU, THEN SCREW IT! I'll make something at home!"

It wasn't my intention to piss her off. She just doesn't get it. She doesn't udnerstand that I'm still in the process of cutting out bad foods. When I eat something that screws up my diet, I tend to just "*kitten* it!" and eat like crap for the next month. Then I gain 5 pounds and feel guilty all over again. At this stage of the game, I can't eat bad foods. I haven't learned control yet. When I do, I will ocassionally indulge- but that time isn't now.

What am I supposed to do to make her not angry? I... I just don't know what I can do. She does this all the time and she doesn't understand what I'm going through.

Replies

  • ieatstickers
    ieatstickers Posts: 51 Member
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    You did a great thing honey. You said "no" to fast food. That's a huge step to be able to fight that temptation. Feel proud of yourself.

    Have you tried talking to her about it? Just sitting down and having a civil conversation about how serious you're about this? Maybe if you do she'll realize you do appreciate her, but you want to focus on healthier choices.
  • ❤B☩❤
    ❤B☩❤ Posts: 634
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    As a Mom, sometimes the hardest thing is to think of "what to make for supper?" So maybe she is frustrated. Can you sit her down and explain to her EXACTLY what you are going through (without yelling LOL!). It's too bad that she doesn't see what she is doing to your self-confidence and motivation.

    Just a thought (If you HAVE to choose something from McDonald's.............
    McDonald's cheeseburger 100 Calories, Apple Juice box 100 calories (or Dasani water 0 calories),Apple Dippers w/ lo fat caramel dip 100 calories, **OR** a Premium Ceasar Salad with grilled chicken 220 calories. No dressing, but use your own that you have at home.

    Funny I should read your post, as I was trying to decide what to have at McDonald's, but I wouldn't even consider going there without my nutritional info in hand first.

    Good Luck to you, and remember that you have friends here that will help!
    Donna
  • RushinBruisette
    RushinBruisette Posts: 2,109 Member
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    My hubby gets pissy with my still, even after 3months of my new lifestyle. I tell him no and he tends to flip out too. I have to remind him that it's nothing personal, I just know what will happen if I start to eat those foods again. Once or twice throughout the course of 3months is one thing, but every weekend and then some?!

    I hope your mom will realize you are doing something good for you and not to keep taking it so personal. WTG on saying no by the way!! Good for you.
  • waguchan
    waguchan Posts: 450 Member
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    Do you offer to do the cooking for the family when your Mom isn't in the mood? That might make her happy. Maybe you can even offer to do it once in a while even before your Mom calls and asks what kind of junk food you want. If your Mom took drastic steps such as Gastric Bypass to lose weight, then she should understand where you are coming from. She might just have been having a bad day or PMS or something.

    I hate to say it, but I actually bought lunch at McDonald's today for my kids and me. I just ate a salad with grilled chicken and the light balsamic dressing and I stole a few french fries from my kids. It filled me up. And I did count the french fries on my food diary.
  • Amy154
    Amy154 Posts: 52
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    Love strong women---and the power of Mom guilt!!!

    GOOD for you to do what is best for you!!! And it sounds like you may become an influence........

    Amy
  • indybrown
    indybrown Posts: 31
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    You did right and gave the right answers...you're doing good in trying to cut out the temptations. What I'm trying to do, especially in situations like this when people are eating fast food/ordering from fast food, is order a salad from the restaurant, etc. and that way, you're still able to join in/participate and eat low-calorie. We've gone out for a work dinner where I had NO say-so and so I looked the menu up online and just ordered the healthiest thing they had. So, by being prepared beforehand, I was able to stick to the diet. Goodluck though and keep up the good work.
  • diet45
    diet45 Posts: 392 Member
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    I'm a mom of four kids. My twins (15 yrs old) have a great metabolism...they can eat whatever they want and not gain weight. My middle son (13 yrs.) is the total opposite. I have been working with him for three years now trying to teach him how to make wise food choices for his body type. It is a struggle. I'm showing him example now and should have started that the three years ago.

    I'm not sure why she got so upset with you, but please don't give up on your journey into a healthy lifestyle.
  • amy0776
    amy0776 Posts: 25
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    She'l get over it - I promise. Maybe she's just having a bad day. But if it seems that she's still stewing over the next couple of days, you might try telling her how hard it is for you to eat out in this stage of your journey. Tell her how much her support means to you, and that you didn't mean to make her feel unappreciated.

    Don't assume that your mom doesn't know about temptation. I've had the Lap-Band surgery, and even though I also suffer consequences for my bad decisions, it doesn't keep me from wanting to rub pizza in my hair. Instead, you may ask her advice for how to deal with eating out.

    Whatever you do - DON'T GIVE UP!!! You're doing the right thing for yourself AND your family! Keep up the good work!! :)
  • MFPfriend
    MFPfriend Posts: 1,121 Member
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    Update:

    I just talked to her about the problem.
    She denies ever getting mad at me and says that I'm overreacting.

    *sigh* I'll just deal with it. Thanks for your guys' help. :)
  • Sillybunni
    Sillybunni Posts: 61 Member
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    I'm not a mom, but I imagine it's possible she was just frustrated, having a bad day or feeling too tired to cook.

    Next time, throw in that you don't want fast food but you can make your own dinner if she is too tired to cook. Or, like someone else suggested- offer to cook for everyone at home. Perhaps you can talk to your mom and say you'd like to cook one night a week or something, if you think she's getting stressed.
  • armywife0215
    armywife0215 Posts: 4
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    When it comes to something like that you can always just order a side salad. they have became my new best friend cause everyone im around has a fetish with fast food. .
  • louloup
    louloup Posts: 87 Member
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    If macdonalds is my only choice I have a chicken salad toasted deli sandwich. Yummy and only about 350 cals.

    :)
  • SisterC
    SisterC Posts: 121 Member
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    Ahh, could it be she is a bit jealous that you are losing weight without surgery? Maybe she feels that you think you are stronger than her? Is she unconsciously trying to upset you enough to eat unhealthy? This may be a point that you need to explore and talk to her about. It is hard to believe that someone would get that upset about a meal and then deny the outburst ever took place. Think about it, observe other occassions and her reactions,and get some feedback from others. Of course, if it is intentional, you will need to decide if it is worth bringing up....she may deny it all and leave you thinking you are the guilty party. Stay strong and know that you are doing what is best for you and your life. Good luck! Hugs, SisterC
  • Justpeachy78
    Justpeachy78 Posts: 45
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    Update:

    I just talked to her about the problem.
    She denies ever getting mad at me and says that I'm overreacting.

    *sigh* I'll just deal with it. Thanks for your guys' help. :)

    Im sure in a few days all will be forgotten and you guys will be fine again. :flowerforyou:

    And GOOD FOR YOU for sticking to your guns and not ordering McDonalds...sure they have a lot of healthy choices, which is great, but i know for ME its hard to make those with all the tempting food there! I for one Am a fast food junkie so i have to stay away while dieting or it could be a disaster. :smile:

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