The in-laws...

sarahwilson12
sarahwilson12 Posts: 70 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
So, I have a bit of a dilema. I have amazing in-laws & they love having my hubby and I over as much as possible. We get along well, but there's one area that always is a struggle for me: their eating habits.

Every time I go over to their place, I overeat. It probably has something to do with their food portion sizes, constant access to pop & chips, and lots of desserts. Every morning we're here, they serve bacon and eggs - enough for 6 pieces per person, and 3 eggs each.

I love them, but I don't get it. They both have diabetes (each has a different type), and they're both overweight. They raised my hubby in a way that encouraged overeating, and this has been a topic of unrest & discussion between us since we starting dating - almost 6 years ago.

I'm trying to lose weight, as I'm not comfortable with my body right now. But, how do I nicely tell my mother-in-law that I don't want to eat as much as she serves? How can I motivate my husband to lose weight when he was raised to eat as much as he does?

My husband & I were trying to lose weight together before we got engaged. But, that kind of failed. He's working in construction now, so he now doesn't want to exercise on top of that.

I want my husband & me to be in shape before we start having kids. My family are small eaters and never had pop or chips in the house unless it was for a birthday party - so like, only twice a year, for my birthday & then my sister's birthday. Then, when we're over at my in-laws' place, my husband's eating habits revert back to the way he was raised.

Please help! I don't want to raise our kids this way at all & I really want both of us to be in shape! :ohwell:

Replies

  • okcat4
    okcat4 Posts: 224 Member
    1. it is a habit , he reacts to a life time of cues when he walks back in his folks place.
    2. THey tell each other they love and care for each other by providing lots of food. ( southern thing for sure or folks after the depression)
    3. THey have trained themselves to eat that much and have no idea what they are doing.

    HOw to handle it:
    1. Grin and bear it, plan and eat better options the other times you are not there. you will not change them now and will only lead to bad feelings if you gripe about it.
    2. Tell them your doctor has you and hubs on a diet and has threatened you within an inch of your life if you don't stick with it. ( Everyone takes most doctors word as biblical law) ( or your diet is to help prep for grandkids- some future grand folks will do anything for this!)
    3. Offer to help cook and throw in some options for everyone else/ you. A big bag of carrots, hummus is better than bag of chips and pop any day, even if you eat too much! .
    4. you can try to get them to stop by talking with them about how you would like them to eat better so they are around for grandkids
    and you
    5. Take snacks you feel comfortable eating.
    6. Pre plan and practice your diversion strategies before you are there. You know their habits by now, so you can pull this off.

    BTW, I am the same at my folks and relatives. even with better choices, I am constantly fending off food! It's how they say they love us. Must be an Oklahoma/ southern thing!
  • kerriberry74
    kerriberry74 Posts: 62 Member
    Is your MIL actually physically putting the food on your plate? Only reason I ask is that that would drive me insane; you and your husband are not children anymore.

    Could you maybe take over some of the cooking duties. not meaning push the MIL out of the kitchen... maybe more of a 'You spent so much time and effort on supper, how about I make breakfast in the morning?' and replace some of the whole eggs for egg whites, add veggies to the eggs, cut back on the amount of bacon made; or 'I found this new recipe I would love to make for you during our visit.' You can just neglect to tell them that it is healthy!

    The junk food available might just have to be a test for your self discipline. Maybe bring along some healthy snacks (ie. hummus and baby carrots). Offer some up to the in-laws, get them to try something new.

    My friends in-laws sound somewhat similar to yours. Both are diabetic and it took her FIL having a stroke for them to start taking better care of themselves (better, but still have a ways to go). Good luck!
  • sarahwilson12
    sarahwilson12 Posts: 70 Member
    Thanks for the suggestions! My FIL actually had his leg amputated due to infection from the diabetes. His other foot may potentially cause future issues.

    My MIL isn't actually putting the food on my plate, but she is quite pushy about eating more. My husband writes it off as her being hospitable, but I think it's more than that.

    Both of my in-laws grew up not so well-off. Now, they are well-off. My MIL raised 4 boys, and she's used to having lots of food all the time for them. But, even my brothers-in-law say she was more lenient when it came to my hubby's eating habits growing up.

    As for self-control, I completely agree. There was a bowl of candy out this afternoon, and my MIL just kept eating the candies. She kept on telling us to take some. My hubby did, but I didn't. One time I walked right by the bowl, and she even said "How can you just walk by it like that?" I thought to myself, "It's called self-control..."

    The chips & pop are definitely my weakness. Bringing our own snacks might be a good idea. It might even encourage them to eat better, too :smile:
  • zsaoosh
    zsaoosh Posts: 402 Member
    When my husband and I were dating I hated his smoking. My grandfather died in a very horrable way because his smoking caused cancer so I didnt want to go through what my grandma did. I threatened him that I wouldnt marry him unless he quit, I gave him a guilt trip of how much it hurt me and I also tried to support him with suggesting I give up something too (junk food). NO LUCK! It was hard for him because its an addiction just like food is for me. So when I finally stopped pushing and I just pushed myself to lose weight I think he looked at himself and finally quit. Its when I found the stranght in myself to focus on me he found the strenght to do it also. So maybe ease off him and focus on yourself. No words need to be exchanged between you and your in-laws. They will get the picture when you start bringing your own fruit or making yourself an egg white omelet or picking just one or two peices of baccon. Your husband will notice too :happy: Goodluck!
  • healthygreek
    healthygreek Posts: 2,137 Member
    Just eat what you want. After a while they'll get used to your ways. No matter where and with whom I am with-I only eat what I want. If soda and chips are your weakness-that's your issue to deal with. You will be in countless situations where you will be "confronted" with junk you don't want. DON'T eat it! What goes into your body is your business.
    I always eat just what I want and that's pretty much it. What I put in my body is no reflection of how I feel about the people who invited me. We have very good friends who eat the way you are describing. We just pick and choose what is best for us and leave the rest. Yes, sometimes they make remarks about it- but that's ok. I don't tell them what to eat and I reserve the right to choose my own food and how much I eat. When I'm asked to make a dish-I make a dish that I will feel ok eating. Life is too short to feel obligated to eat what I never would choose on my own.
  • 36jessica
    36jessica Posts: 319 Member
    Well, let me just say that my husband is Italian and I live in Italy. Not eating everything my mother-in-law offers is a MORTAL SIN! I mean, it's one of those things that could definitely cause a family war. If I brought my own snacks or whatever to her house, I know she would be seriously offended... ditto with me throwing ingredients into her food...so, bottom line: You have to tell a little white lie -- Something along the lines of 'Sorry, but I really can't. I've been having stomach problems' or 'I'm due for some blood tests soon and my doctor said I should eliminate certain foods for a while' or even better, considering you mentioned children in your future 'My doctor told me that before I have kids, I need to make some changes so as to have a healthy pregnancy'. Although your in-laws seem to have serious complications due to diabetes, they don't really seem interested in making any changes at the moment and any suggestions you make might not be welcome/or could cause friction. Maybe you could decline some of their offers for dining at their home, going over for a visit after meals or you could invite them over to your place for lunch/dinner... at that point could cook whatever however.

    Still, the best strategy is to just say 'no' if you don't want something, that way you don't have to keep making up excuses in the future. Compliment her on her cooking but tell her firmly that you want a smaller portion...and walk by the candy bowl without hesitation. Good luck! :smile:
  • positivelypositive
    positivelypositive Posts: 6
    Don't worry about your kids at this point. You seem to have sensible eating habits yourself, and your kids will eat the proportions you serve to them. They'll get use to that and will hopefully grow up with that as their norm.
    Keep us updated with how it goes!
  • sarahwilson12
    sarahwilson12 Posts: 70 Member
    I guess I just need to put my foot down. We were talking to my MIL today about eating, and I mentioned how I just have different eating habits. My family is British... we really don't eat that much :smile:

    My MIL mentioned that she wished she had done things differently when raising my hubby, as in not letting him eat as much. But, I can't help but think it doesn't do much good now.

    Part of the reason that I don't bring our own food or invite them over to our place is because things are really tight for us currently. Add on top of this that we'll be moving further away in a month & a bit. So, my MIL's theory is that we should come over as often as possible.

    We were there last weekend for Easter as well, and I gained a bit of weight just from eating so much food. I don't want to put all the blame on her, 'cause I know I'm also responsible.

    Thanks for the support/thoughts/suggestions, everyone. I really appreciate it!
  • 36jessica
    36jessica Posts: 319 Member
    Well, then, stay strong considering the situation is only temporary as you will be moving away soon. Also, I get the fact that things are tight, so it's more likely that you'll go over to their house instead of vice-versa. You could try and plan ahead. For example, you could work out extra the day before you go and the day after you've been in order to limit the damage. Hope things work out :)
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
    Thanks for the suggestions! My FIL actually had his leg amputated due to infection from the diabetes. His other foot may potentially cause future issues.

    RED FLAG right there! They are killing themselves with food! More than pushing food off onto you and making your husband stray, if they don't change their habits soon they may not be alive to even see their Grandchildren!

    If you love them you need to sit down with your husband have a heart to heart and then you need to sit down with them and tell them the honest truth that their selfish addiction to food is killing them!

    This is not a little joke he already lost a foot! God knows what damage they are doing to their hearts or kidneys. They need some serious medical interventions and some interventions from the family that loves them.

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