What's wrong with me???

cbm1951
cbm1951 Posts: 15
in Motivation and Support
I have been on diets off and on my entire life. I do great for about 6 to 8 months losing anywhere from 50 to 80 pounds but then I just completely ignore everything and start eating anything and everything. I know that I can always start over...the next day is a new day...but it always seems that the next day never comes for me. I end up gaining it all back and feeling so like a failure. There has got to be a reason, some psychological reason, that I just start back eating. Could it be I just don't want it bad enough??? :ohwell:

I don't have any willpower when I start back eating. It's a mind game that's for sure, but my mind doesn't want to work for me on this. I live by myself...never had any children and my husband passed away almost 4 years ago. People say it should be easy for me because I don't have to watch everybody else eat "good" food and feel left out. Then there is the issue of not having to cook for anyone but myself...so I should just cook the "right" food.

I get so frustrated with myself!!! :explode: I feel like I am such a failure and a "loser" in the bad way. If I could only talk with someone that understands. Someone that could give me some advice or tips that would help me along this journey that for me seems to have no end.

Anyone that wants to help me or even just make a comment, I sure would appreciate it!! :smile:

Replies

  • tekwriter
    tekwriter Posts: 923 Member
    quit thinking of just dieting and losing weight. Change your focus to eating healthy and moving more. Once you realize you are just living a healthy life you may stop sabotaging yourself.
  • mamosh81
    mamosh81 Posts: 409 Member
    quit thinking of just dieting and losing weight. Change your focus to eating healthy and moving more. Once you realize you are just living a healthy life you may stop sabotaging yourself.

    i was going to give pretty much the same advice. I been in your shoes lost around 80lbs in a year 4yrs ago just to gain it all back and even double but that was because i was on a diet! This time i am changing my life style and just have a healthier more active life!
  • Crochetluvr
    Crochetluvr Posts: 3,261 Member
    I agree with all the above. I used to be just like you....a real Yo-Yo dieter. I have had to change my way of thinking. You cant lose weight then go back to doing all the bad things you did and expect to keep it off. Its for LIFE ...and you have to start thinking that way. If you can do it for 6 or 8 months, you can do it forever. It only takes a few weeks to create a habit. But the best thing about weight loss....you can start over with a clean slate and still succeed. I wish you all the luck this time around. You CAN do it!!

    ETA - It took 6 months of me saying, "tomorrow" before that tomorrow finally came. ;)
  • karen_golfs
    karen_golfs Posts: 377 Member
    Got to agree - lifestyle change not diet. I really hate the word "diet". It implies we're not good enough and must be "dieting". My aha moment was in September 2012 . I am down 56 pounds and don't feel like I am being deprived of my favorite foods. My favorites have changed to different favorites. Bottom line is - please don't beat yourself up.
  • buxyblue
    buxyblue Posts: 11
    There's a very simple reason why you keep making mistakes, YOU'RE HUMAN! I am no expert, but I think you need to decide WHY you want to lose weight. That is your most important thing that will keep you going. When you start trying to lose again you have to keep your WHY in your mind when you want to cheat. You know how much better you feel when you lose weight, try remembering what that felt like. We can be friends if you want, I can give you encouragement when you have your down days. You can do this!!! :smile:
  • trixiemou
    trixiemou Posts: 554 Member
    I agree, this is about getting healthier and learning along the way. maybe try to start slowly just cutting down on a few things, portion size was a biggy for me. I started to weigh pasta, rice and potatoes and was really surprised on the calories saved from reducing by even 25-50g.. Once you start making a note of what you are actually eating and having to then look over it it is easier to see what small changes you can make to start.

    It can get a little overwhelming trying to do it all at once so try to do a little at a time and enjoy the fact that you are making the effort.

    You have obviously had the motivation in the past and succeeded. You can do it!
  • Nefetete
    Nefetete Posts: 343 Member
    Agree, stop thinking of this as dieting and start thinking about having a healthy lifestyle, making batter food choices majority of the time and incorporating regular workouts.

    U didn't mention how u lost the weight in the past. One of the main reason I would gained back was having very restrictive diets that were impossible to maintain long term. I did the low cal / carb and even though my willpower was enough to keep me going for a few months it inevitable run out.
    So having realistic goals is key. Slow and steady wins the race in this journey. Good luck and feel free to add me.
  • molina76853
    molina76853 Posts: 143
    Most definitely! Not a diet but a lifestyle change...
  • Lesa_Sass
    Lesa_Sass Posts: 2,213 Member
    quit thinking of just dieting and losing weight. Change your focus to eating healthy and moving more. Once you realize you are just living a healthy life you may stop sabotaging yourself.

    This is pretty much everything everyone is going to say in 3 sentences.
  • DonaGail
    DonaGail Posts: 190 Member
    I could have written your post myself, its exactly what happens to me and how I think!
    The last time I had myself convinced that my new lifestyle was going to be forever.
    Except that it wasnt.
  • XXXMinnieXXX
    XXXMinnieXXX Posts: 3,459 Member
    Sounds like you've had a rough ride. You may need some therapy. You say yourself you think it's psychological. That's always been a huge issue for me and therapy helped tremendously. Maybe your a little lonely? Join groups, find a hobby.. Get out and meet people . Find a way to fill your time... Read, write, volunteer etc. Good luck!

    Zara x
  • Lesa_Sass
    Lesa_Sass Posts: 2,213 Member
    BTW, how I achieved success with my lifestyle was changing one thing at a time instead of everything at once. I am 5.5 years into it and still progressing and getting better every day. I do not put pressure on me to do it perfect, just progress.
  • mirandacox
    mirandacox Posts: 17 Member
    There is nothing really wrong with you. I have been there too! Losing weight is a life long journey and it seems that you are being too restrictive with your ways. Just enjoy your new lifestyle...make small changes and they will enventually turn into big changes over lomg periods of time. For example, I stopped drinking extra caramel in my caramel machiatos and cut my calories by a ton, but I didn't give them up because they make me happy :) Or I still eat my favorite foods, I just watch my portions. It keeps me sane and keeps me from binge eating them. You can do it!
  • bemott
    bemott Posts: 180
    This book might help: Intuitive Eating, also anything by Geneen Roth, and Heath at any Size.
    Also therapy is what helped me.
    Diets don't work.
    Hugs.
  • ileen327
    ileen327 Posts: 21
    Hi there! Its Debbie van Dijk! You know Ileen your friend! Now I know your journey too hon!
    We are about the same age and have lost and gained weiight all our lives. There is nothing wrong with you! LIving itself is a struggle. You have it very hard living alone and no kids. I don't know what I would do if my husband was not my cook and makes sure I eat healthy for dinnner. I would live on WW foods. But , I don't, like I said ,since the doctor scared the heck out of me about dying soon( I am not young anymore so can't say that) I can hardly eat. But I am hungry so have to make sure what I eat is good for my body and not too high in calories.
    I think you need to think about being kind to your body and soul! That is what I keep telling myself everyday. I don't look at my lifestyle as a diet anymore. Just about making smarter We can live healthy and be happy for as long as we believe we can do it. My aha moment came after new years, unfortunatly, it was after I learned I am going to be a little crippled by my knee for my life ,until I can get my knee replacement. So, I am doing it, but slowly and surely! Hugs and message me back on my "friend site" Hugs, hope to hear from you! You are not alone ! Life is worth it, God gave it to us to enjoy and be happy !
  • mesee619
    mesee619 Posts: 84 Member
    I sitting here thinking--She is describing me! Thank everybody this helps me too.
  • dawnmcneil10
    dawnmcneil10 Posts: 638 Member
    The support here is wonderful however I wonder if maybe an Overeaters Anonymous meeting would help you as well. There are meetings in most areas so there should be one near you.
  • Shalenes
    Shalenes Posts: 3 Member
    When I want to eat, I try to analyze why I want to eat. Am I hungry or a multitude of other feelings that I have used in the past to eat. When I have thought about it, then I decide what to eat. It has helped me a ton to think about it before I get the food.
  • gr8xpectationz
    gr8xpectationz Posts: 161 Member
    I don't think eating is the problem. I think that the biggest reasons people sabotage healthy habits (or never start them in the first place) are often emotional.

    I try to remember that if hunger is not the problem, then eating is not the answer. If you're eating to satisfy an emotional need, you'll never feel full because you weren't hungry in the first place.

    There are some good books about emotional eating. And most bariatric surgeon offices can point you in the right direction for a counselor who knows a lot about weight loss and the emotional challenges that go with it. I'm looking into it too, because I work soooo hard to lose weight and don't want to sabotage myself.
  • spruitt417
    spruitt417 Posts: 101 Member
    I'm not going to give you advice, but I am going to tell you that I understand. There's nothing wrong with you....you're human! I've been guilty of the same behavior more times than I care to admit. Who cares what others think? If lifestyle change was easy, everyone would be doing it. One day at a time is how this works. Hang in there! :smile:
  • holly1283
    holly1283 Posts: 741 Member
    I didn't read everyone's answers but one thing kept coming to mind. Are you cutting out all the foods you love and when you can't take it anymore then you revert back? I don't know, just asking. I am 62 and have not cut out anything that I really love to eat. I just have smaller portions. Yes, I have bad days and some of the MFPers would call me "UNCLEAN" because of what I eat. I do try to stay in my calorie allotment and I am eating healthier foods. Even though my wagon has gotten a flat tire sometimes I have not totally fallen off. Don't be too hard on yourself. This is a great place to be.
  • Starfish1125
    Starfish1125 Posts: 169 Member
    There is nothing wrong with you at all. It's a journey - a lifestyle change. If it was easy, we would all be size 2 and toned. I HATE HATE HATE that I've allowed myself to gain this much weight - and I hate that every pound I lose, I seem to gain 2 back. But this is all on me.

    I know that I'm an emotional eater. I haven't found a way to change that - yet. And I love junk food. Bad combo.

    I am very good during the week while I'm at work because I pack my lunches - but on the weekends it's almost like I forget to be good and I give myself an excuse to be terrible.

    Just look at this as a bump in the road and let's get back on track together!!! *hugs*
  • BigBrunette
    BigBrunette Posts: 1,543 Member
    I don't think you're a failure or that there's anything wrong with you. I think you're wonderfully human -- and brave to ask for the help you need. You will find lots of support here. And a good therapist might help you work through any issues that are holding you back from being the person you want to be and living the life you want to live. Big hugs! Best of luck to you!
  • HSingMomto7Kids
    HSingMomto7Kids Posts: 345 Member
    Yes, try to think it's a life style change. Some days are harder than others for me too. I'm sorry.. Just try to hang onto the support!
  • cbm1951
    cbm1951 Posts: 15
    Thanks to everyone for their input. I am trying soooo hard to get back on track. I haven't completely given up all my "bad" foods as for me, if I do, there is no way I can do this. I do try to eat them in moderation. I don't have my diary open to the public because I am afraid of any negativity that might be thrown my way. I know HOW to do this, it's just DOING IT!!!

    I have so much to lose and I think that is what is in the back of my mind...but then I see others lose as much as I have to lose and think that if they can do it, I can too. I know my health issues (bad knees, collapsed ankle bone, bone spurs, etc...etc...won't name them all) have a lot to do with me losing as fast as others, so I will have to settle for 1 or 2 pounds a week. They say the slower you lose it, the better....but I have never been known for having patience. LOL!!!

    Thanks to everyone for their comments. I need all the support I can get!!!

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