In Shape Boyfriend is losing weight. Not me.

amandanilo · April 2013

I feel like I've struggled with my weight for years, especially within the past 6 or so.

In December, I quit smoking and at the end of January, I decided to get myself in shape. My goal is to get to about 150 by July. (that isnt going to happen now.) Things haven't been going as planned in the weight loss department.

A couple weeks after I decided to get in shape, my boyfriend decided to also. Let me say that he's already in shape and doesn't need to lose any weight. Well, he's been doing it anyway. He loses 1.5-2 lbs a week (usually around 2.2 on average).

It's been 3 weeks since I lost any weight and it is VERY frustrating. Every Monday, my boyfriend weighs himself and is like "yayyy 2.2 this week!" Great. It's really hard for me to feel happy for him. He doesnt need to lose weight!!! I DO!!!

I'm overweight. Being around someone who is in shape, runs half marathons and 5Ks all the time, yet can still eat crap, makes me feel awful. Its hard for me to even be happy for him. If he was overweight, I'd be thrilled. He's not. At all.

He's been very supportive when it comes to my weight loss and is excited for me when I lose weight. I feel bad that I don't feel happy for him. I feel like a jerk. I just can't help it.

We have a trip coming up in July - for MY friend...for a wedding that I'M in. It's very important for me to look good for it. It seems like he's "one upping" me every week. It just feels like no matter what I do, I just can't catch a break.

UGHHHH

janjangoodeats · April 2013

Tell him how you feel. I'm sure he's truly just trying to be supportive and doesn't want to one-up you. However, if he wants to lose weight then he should be free to do so; just politely ask him not to share his losses so enthusiastically, perhaps?
No, scratch that last part - just go talk to him!

If you're not losing weight but eating well and exercising, you might be losing inches and gaining muscle. Have you noticed a change in how your clothes fit? Have you been measuring? Maybe it's time to reevaluate your goals in order to make a sustainable change in your lifestyle, rather than aiming to lose a specific amount of weight for a wedding. Get in shape for yourself, not for the people at the wedding.

One last thought: you said your boyfriend is already in good shape and is successfully losing weight; maybe you could learn something from his success. What is he doing to be so successful?
I used to resent my fit and thin boyfriend for eating whatever he wanted and never gaining weight, but then when I started making lifestyle changes I realized that that wasn't true - sure, he ate more than me, but he always ate good foods, ate within his needs and never ate in excess. It wasn't just genetics or luck.

You can do this!

amoreslove · April 2013

Congrats on quitting smoking and starting a healthier lifestyle! That's great!

I can relate a bit. I declared that I wanted to lose 20 lbs by August and my bf said, "that sounds great. Me too." I was excited that he's doing the diet with me, but after the first week I realize it may end up being discouraging. He's already lost 3 lbs and I haven't lost any.

I know guys tend to lose weight much faster than women, so that's expected, but I'd be a bit happier about it if I had lost some weight too! Now I don't want to tell him that I haven't lost any weight for fear that he'll start advising me because he's losing and I'm not.

Anyway, just wanted you to know that you're not alone. I guess we both need to give ourselves a little pep talk and focus on own weight loss journeys and not dwell on the jealousy our boyfriends' successes. It helps me to hear success stories of other women similar to me. Otherwise, it's an unfair comparison that won't do me any good. As long as your bf is still supporting you, don't think about his weight loss too much. Just tell him he looks good and you're proud of him for being healthy (and enjoy his results!), but maybe ask him to not tell you how much weight he's losing on a weekly basis.

Good luck!

amandanilo · April 2013

Tell him how you feel. I'm sure he's truly just trying to be supportive and doesn't want to one-up you. However, if he wants to lose weight then he should be free to do so; just politely ask him not to share his losses so enthusiastically, perhaps?
No, scratch that last part - just go talk to him!

If you're not losing weight but eating well and exercising, you might be losing inches and gaining muscle. Have you noticed a change in how your clothes fit? Have you been measuring? Maybe it's time to reevaluate your goals in order to make a sustainable change in your lifestyle, rather than aiming to lose a specific amount of weight for a wedding. Get in shape for yourself, not for the people at the wedding.

One last thought: you said your boyfriend is already in good shape and is successfully losing weight; maybe you could learn something from his success. What is he doing to be so successful?
I used to resent my fit and thin boyfriend for eating whatever he wanted and never gaining weight, but then when I started making lifestyle changes I realized that that wasn't true - sure, he ate more than me, but he always ate good foods, ate within his needs and never ate in excess. It wasn't just genetics or luck.

You can do this!

Thank you for that! I totally agree that he has every right to lose weight, too. I just don't understand why he's doing it. He's 5'6 and is at 146 right now! That's like a goal of mine! It's crazy.

I know he's not trying to hurt me. I think the majority of it is my frustration. He tries to give me advice, and of course I take it, but at the same time, I don't think he understands that women and men are different when it comes to weight loss. I feel like its a common things for women to be upset with how quickly men can lose weight. I am certainly not using that as an excuse, but it's valid. I don't think he understands this. I feel like I mention "this week I didnt lose anything because its that time of the month" and I feel like he just doesnt get that. Almost like I'm trying to make excuses for myself. I dont want to make excuses! I want to lose weight!

I'm not just doing it for this wedding. Its for me. I want to feel good. I want to look good. I don't want to spend my summer covered up like I do every year.

I was so motivated and now it's just slipping away. I feel like I can't get ahead. I definitely need to change something if I want to get results.

I'm going to look into kickboxing class a couple days a week in addition to my gym routine. If that doesn't work, I'm a lost cause!

elyelyse · April 2013

unfortunately for us... men can lose weight at a much faster rate than women. their size and additional muscle that is just a natural part of being male means that their metabolism is faster, and they just need more fuel, so they can typically eat a lot more than us and still drop the pounds. depending on your size and your guys size... chances are he can eat double what you eat and still lose. It's not fair!! *shakes a fist at the sky*

Woomytron · April 2013

How many calories do you eat? I know I started off pretty low (before I got really into researching it) and lost for a few weeks then it stalled out and I didn't lose anymore. I then upped my calories and I gained a few pounds but then it started to drop again. I been losing pretty steady ever since.

This is the website I used. Hope it helps. :flowerforyou:

http://scoobysworkshop.com/calorie-calculator/

ChristyRunStarr · April 2013

Stop comparing what he does each week to what you do. Guys weight goes down faster than women-you'll see it all the time.

Think about where you'll be in a few months from now-if you keep trying or if you let the lack of motivation get the better of you. You can either be happier with your body or in the same place you are now.

It's great your boyfriend is there to help support you-remmeber that and use him for that. Maybe don't have him tell you if he's lost or gained or stayed the same each week. You'll get there, it takes time but it'll be well worth it.

Remember when you quit smoking-I'm sure you thought you wouldn't be able to do it but you did. It's the same way with weight lose. You'll do it!

mcginger1 · April 2013

I'm right there with you. I'd been counting calories, tracking, and exercising when my boyfriend finally caught on to MFP. We've both been on the program a year, and he's lost 30 lbs (and STILL going!) while I've completely stalled out after losing 6. It's completely unfair, and it is frustrating to no end, but unfortunately that's the different between men & women. We are NOT the same creatures, and we can't lose at the same rates. It totally sucks, and I feel for you... just don't give up!!

CupcakesAndRazorblades · April 2013

My advice would be to stay OFF the scale. The scale can be a great tool and motivational BUT it can also make you feel terrible. I heard something that made a lot of sense to me and it was basically that the scale isn't an accurate measurement of fat being as your also weigh your bones, muscles, organs, etc. when you step on it. Maybe get a tape measure and take your measurements every few weeks. It's easy to feel like your efforts aren't paying off when the scale isn't moving. It's hard to celebrate for others when you want the same thing so badly. Don't give up lady, you can do this!

peachypants · April 2013

I know how you feel. My husband works a physically demanding job and eats out 2 meals a day. Now he comes home and eats the healthy meal I've prepared for him and loses weight. While I'm at work all day- come home to a hour long work out, then cook dinner. I going 100 miles an Hour all day long. And I still struggle to loose the weight. Not fair.

bpotts44 · April 2013

Three weeks without a loss is frustrating, but it is part of the journey. Your loss isn't going to be linear. Just buckle down on your diet and logging and you will continue to lose.

munzpritchard · April 2013

Keep in mind that weight is just a number. If you are sticking to your diet AND working out, you could be gaining muscle which could be off setting any fat that is going away. Don't be hard on yoursefl!

Reza151 · April 2013

You may not be losing weight, but you could be losing body fat! I kep ton thinking I would have to go down another 5 lbs to get to my current body fat %. But I've been stuck at 125 for the past 7 months, and still had my body fat go down by 5%!

Also, it's possible that he's trying to lsoe weightg and "get in shape"so he can be with you on this journey, so you don't feel like you're alone in this battle

Lesa_Sass · April 2013

Men lose weight faster than women, it sucks but they do. When I quit drinking so did my husband to be supportive of me. In the first 4 months he lost 20 lbs! I was furious.

If you can afford it, get a fitbit. It will show you in black and white how much you are actually moving. Our purchase of them was one of the best things we ever did.

As far as the one upping goes, I doubt he is meaning it to be hurtful. I would say it is playful. My husband and I are like that but not in a mean way, it keeps us motivated. We have a fitbit battle to see who can get the most steps on any given day. The man has actually walked up and down the hallway before after I went to sleep to out do me in steps. It is the way some people are. I know that my family is the same way, its the way we interact with each other. Its not personal, its playful and loving.

You CAN do this. Stop comparing yourself to him or looking to him at what he is doing and what you can not. This is your journey and your battle. Good news is, you are not doing it alone. There are hundreds, if not thousands, of people on this site that would give anything if their significant other would join them in trying to be fit.

purpleroxmysocks · April 2013

Well at least he is trying to lose weight. My boyfriend doesn't try to lose weight but he knows I am and he'll weight himself when I do and when he's lost weight or when he weights less than me he celebrates. This guy does 0 exercise and eats crap when he isn't eating with me ha Also after profile stalking you have made noticeable progress and you have very nice curves. No homo

chercee · April 2013

I don't have much to add here, but I sympathize with you! My ex was very lean naturally, and if he needed to drop a few pounds here and there, it was so easy for him. It drove me crazy. (Joke's on him - his metabolism finally "grew up" a bit and last I saw he was looking a lot heavier - I know that shouldn't make me happy, but it kind of does lol) The truth is, your competition is between who you are today and who you were yesterday. That's it. It's easy to get bogged down in other people's progress, but your biggest competition is yourself. Maybe the scale isn't moving (frustrating, I know) but your body is getting healthier and stronger with each good decision you make. Don't give up!

apnovack · April 2013

Men seem to lose weight easier/faster than us. That's just the way it is.

Maybe his "getting into shape" is his way of motivating/supporting you. Enjoy his in shape body, keep working on yours and all will be good.

wllwsmmr · April 2013

Stop comparing what he does each week to what you do. Guys weight goes down faster than women-you'll see it all the time.

Think about where you'll be in a few months from now-if you keep trying or if you let the lack of motivation get the better of you. You can either be happier with your body or in the same place you are now.

It's great your boyfriend is there to help support you-remmeber that and use him for that. Maybe don't have him tell you if he's lost or gained or stayed the same each week. You'll get there, it takes time but it'll be well worth it.

Remember when you quit smoking-I'm sure you thought you wouldn't be able to do it but you did. It's the same way with weight lose. You'll do it!

THIS!! Talk to him about how it affects you and to not tell you about his progress on the scale!

Also, I'm with you about not being able to be happy about other people's weightloss achievements, especially when they are already skinny to start with.. I'm living with a cousin who is VERY skinny (naturally small boned, very skinny, eats whatever she wants, doesn't exercise) and recently said she feels like a face is abit rounder and wants to go on a diet and that made my mood foul for the rest of the day for god knows why. I think I'm just very sensitive about talking diet and weight with anyone in real life, and am also very competitive in this area. This is especially strong when I'm not doing well with my diet, which is now ):

But like many has said, every one has their right to lose weight or go on diets and brag about it, and we cannot control what others do or say but we can control how we react to it. Also, just focus on yourself. Focus on being better than what you were, don't compare. there will always be someone better. Look how far you've come. Focus on how to get off this plateau instead of breeding all this negativity thinking about how your boyfriend is one upping you.

In Shape Boyfriend is losing weight. Not me.

Replies

Categories