I need some advice for something...

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SerenaBeans08
SerenaBeans08 Posts: 83 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hey all! I have been trying to get healthy for a while and feel better about myself even though I really haven't lost a lot of weight. My problem is that I have a little brother that is close to my age who isn't eating healthy and is very overweight. I try to motivate him to eat healthy and to exercise with me, but he won't listen. He works out every once in a while, but then eats junk that makes it not even worth it. I've tried telling him how it makes me feel to see him gaining weight and how scared I am that he will die because of this.

What should I do? I feel hopeless in trying to help him realize what he's doing to himself. Any advice is welcome :)

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  • Machafin
    Machafin Posts: 2,988 Member
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    Maybe you can motivate him with the thought of impressing women. Maybe show him some disturbing pictures (if he's old enough obviously). The problem is, that it is very hard to change the way someone is without them wanting to do it themselves. The best method may be to keep at it and hope that he will want to change himself eventually.
  • prettynotpretty
    prettynotpretty Posts: 193
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    You can't force someone to be healthy, lose weight, or change their bad habits. You can want it for him so bad, but if he doesn't want it--he won't do it.

    I wouldn't push anything on him too much. I think that backfires and makes the person withdraw more from what you're trying to convey to them. What you can do is try to include him in what you're doing and if he declines, shrug it off and keep going. For example, if you're going on a walk--invite him. If you're eating something healthy--tell him to try it, "its really good!' If he says no, let it be. When he sees the results you get--he might be more inclined to try it.

    I bet you're doing this already and he's not giving in, but reminding him over and over about his weight isn't going to make you any more successful. Sometimes you just have to wait for someone to be ready, and when they are--be there, and be supportive. Believe me, he knows he's overweight--he just has to be the one to take control over it.

    Good luck girl!
  • Calliope610
    Calliope610 Posts: 3,775 Member
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    What should I do?

    Lead by example. You can't "make" him do anything. All you can do it be a good example of a healthy lifestyle. If he wants go get healthy, he will, eventually. If not, he won't.
  • SerenaBeans08
    SerenaBeans08 Posts: 83 Member
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    I bet you're doing this already and he's not giving in, but reminding him over and over about his weight isn't going to make you any more successful. Sometimes you just have to wait for someone to be ready, and when they are--be there, and be supportive. Believe me, he knows he's overweight--he just has to be the one to take control over it.

    Oh yes, I've been doing this for years! I think he knows it, he just doesn't want to do anything about it. I can see where he's coming from, but I don't think he quite realizes the consequences.

    Thanks for your advice!
  • valeriewxy
    valeriewxy Posts: 418 Member
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    You can't force someone to be healthy, lose weight, or change their bad habits. You can want it for him so bad, but if he doesn't want it--he won't do it.

    I wouldn't push anything on him too much. I think that backfires and makes the person withdraw more from what you're trying to convey to them.

    This :)

    I have friends who claim they want to lose weight, but don't bother exercising, and continue eating high cal foods. I never say anything unless I'm asked though, because I don't want to become that friend :) Just keep on doing what you're doing, he'll see it ^^ and one day he'll come around.
  • bear73000
    bear73000 Posts: 52 Member
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    I have a similar situation with my older sister. I've been trying to get her to exercise and try to make better decision about her health. She has been trying to start, but it's very slow going. It is hard to on me as well.

    All I can say is don't give up on him. You just have to keep working on him and try to keep it positive. You also have to be honest with him about what it's doing to you as well as him.

    He's lucky to have a sister that does care and just keep letting him know how you feel. It's great that you are making a good change for yourself. Keep it up and it may start rubbing off on your brother.
  • iLoveMyAR15
    iLoveMyAR15 Posts: 122 Member
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    Sorry but you cannot force anyone to do anything. I quit smoking last year, not because my husband kept asking me too, but I did it because i was ready. Maybe he just isn't ready yet
  • SerenaBeans08
    SerenaBeans08 Posts: 83 Member
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    I understand that I can't MAKE him do anything. I just feel very hopeless, even if he sees me doing it, he still won't care. It just makes me sad :(
  • 4ever420
    4ever420 Posts: 4,088 Member
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    I can tell you that before I felt truly ready to lose weight that I would have found someone pushing me so much very offputting. In fact out of sheer stubborness, I would have actually gone the other way and would have felt less motivated to put in the effort. It's great you're on the road to a healthier life but until your brother is truly ready himself, you may actually be doing more harm than good. If I were you, I wouldn't say anything more about his choices and lead purely by example.
  • slim_photographer
    slim_photographer Posts: 310 Member
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    I have the same problem with my sister.
    read this book: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/switch-chip-heath/1100203647
    it may help
  • gerard54
    gerard54 Posts: 1,107 Member
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    I would try to get him to do something he likes that's active, maybe a sport or swimming. Something like that so it doesn't feel like a workout...
  • highervibes
    highervibes Posts: 2,219 Member
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    What should I do?

    Lead by example. You can't "make" him do anything. All you can do it be a good example of a healthy lifestyle. If he wants go get healthy, he will, eventually. If not, he won't.

    Pretty much this.
  • kayla7jackson
    kayla7jackson Posts: 72
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    Alright, first off I know the feeling...not only for my family members but my friends that are over weight. I have tried and tried and nothing seems to work. I have come to realize that nothing I say is going to make them want this like I do. I can just work my butt off to lose the weight and then they will see what I have been talking about all along. They have to WANT it, you cannot force them to want it unfortunately. If you make him do it he wont have the determination or motivation it takes to take this journey. I hope this helps.
  • Jacwhite22
    Jacwhite22 Posts: 7,012 Member
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    Hey all! I have been trying to get healthy for a while and feel better about myself even though I really haven't lost a lot of weight. My problem is that I have a little brother that is close to my age who isn't eating healthy and is very overweight. I try to motivate him to eat healthy and to exercise with me, but he won't listen. He works out every once in a while, but then eats junk that makes it not even worth it. I've tried telling him how it makes me feel to see him gaining weight and how scared I am that he will die because of this.

    What should I do? I feel hopeless in trying to help him realize what he's doing to himself. Any advice is welcome :)

    I am having trouble realized how your brother's lack of desire to change is impacting your progress. Could you explain a bit further for me?
  • thisismeraw
    thisismeraw Posts: 1,264 Member
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    Unfortunately you can't make him take his health seriously... you can't make him want to lose weight, eat better or exercise. He has to want it bad enough himself in order for it to happen.

    I would just keep doing what you are doing... invite him over for a healthy meal. Have him help you cook so he can learn without being pushed how to make healthy foods. Invite him for a walk... or to play tennis... etc.

    The more you push him into it, the further he is going to be from you. YOu ca't make someone want something. Don't harp on him... don't nag him about his weight or his eating habits.
  • verptwerp
    verptwerp Posts: 3,659 Member
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    Worry about yourself first ...... perhaps he'll see the great changes you are making & follow suit :drinker:
  • UrbanLotus
    UrbanLotus Posts: 1,163 Member
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    What should I do?

    Lead by example. You can't "make" him do anything. All you can do it be a good example of a healthy lifestyle. If he wants go get healthy, he will, eventually. If not, he won't.

    Yup. If you push it will backfire, guaranteed. Worry about yourself.
  • MinnieInMaine
    MinnieInMaine Posts: 6,400 Member
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    You can't force someone to be healthy, lose weight, or change their bad habits. You can want it for him so bad, but if he doesn't want it--he won't do it.

    I wouldn't push anything on him too much. I think that backfires and makes the person withdraw more from what you're trying to convey to them. What you can do is try to include him in what you're doing and if he declines, shrug it off and keep going. For example, if you're going on a walk--invite him. If you're eating something healthy--tell him to try it, "its really good!' If he says no, let it be. When he sees the results you get--he might be more inclined to try it.

    I bet you're doing this already and he's not giving in, but reminding him over and over about his weight isn't going to make you any more successful. Sometimes you just have to wait for someone to be ready, and when they are--be there, and be supportive. Believe me, he knows he's overweight--he just has to be the one to take control over it.

    Good luck girl!

    This is excellent advice! As the formerly-fat best friend, sister, daughter, etc - telling me I needed to lose weight, whether it came from a good place or not, just wasn't going to help. There is ABSOLUTELY nothing you can do to change his mind. Be a good example, keep inviting him to do active things with you, try new foods, etc. That and let him know when he's ready, you're there for him. But that's it - drop it! I know it sucks. There are plenty of friends and family members and even co-workers of mine that I wish I could help but there's only so much you can do.

    The only time you should allow yourself to discuss it is if he brings it up.
  • T1mH
    T1mH Posts: 568 Member
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    You got to lead by example. By your own admission your not making progress. He's going to see that and wonder why he should put forth the effort to eat better or exercise when he sees you doing it and it not working. So I think the very best thing you can do for him is prove that it can be done.

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