The sad truth

TwistedHeart30
TwistedHeart30 Posts: 8
in Introduce Yourself
The sad truth is I am depressed, overweight, tired, foodaholic, embarrassed of what i have done to myself. I am tired of being looked at as a lazy slob who has no hope. I have fought eating and weight all of my life, but was able to maintain it up until three years ago. That is when my world, my emotions, my health, my weight just started busting at the seams.That was the year I had to take my father off of life support, then three mnths later had a baby girl. just to turn around and stand by my sisters as they took their mother off of lifesupport four mnths later.To top it all off I found my Dads widow who lived with me dead in her bed. All this in less than a year and half. What did my crazy self do? Instead of dealing with these emotions i isolated myself and food became my best friend. Do not get me wrong always been on the heavier side but never obese and I was very active which helped fight my food addiction. But not anymore I sit in this house with my daughter and just dream of making a change in my life instead of getting up and making that change. Sad Really!
I am angry and embarrassed at what I have done to myself and I AM SICK OF IT! No more excuses! Time to realize I am not the only person with hardships and these things are no reason to stop living. I have wasted three years and that is just too much. Starting now I am done blaming my life story and people in my story for the predicament I am in. I did this and I am the only one who can change it. i am not going to allow the choices I have made in my life to not only affect me, but I am not going to let this type of living affect my daughter anymore.
This is officially the first day of the rest of my life! :glasses:

Replies

  • Whipppets
    Whipppets Posts: 267
    Everyday you wake up think to yourself how can I make myself fitter.
    Think of the new you and how great life will be as a fit person.
  • rebecca8787
    rebecca8787 Posts: 35
    This post made me feel so sad, I am sorry you have had so much experience of death surrounding you, you should feel happy that you are finally making a change to your life, I believe you can do it ! x
  • sprintto50
    sprintto50 Posts: 410 Member
    Good for you! Show the world where it can stuff it's hardship and sadness and become the you that you deserve to be. You've found a great place to start your journey. Work hard and stick to it for the long haul and it will happen for you. Good luck to you!
  • JonnaM0916
    JonnaM0916 Posts: 113
    That had to be a very tough year for you. The great thing is you can make a change now for the better. We're all here cheering you along the way!
  • Holdenke1
    Holdenke1 Posts: 137 Member
    I'm so sorry for all your loss. You are right that you have to pick yourself up and continue to live a full life, not only for your sake but for the sake of your daughter. You want to be that positive role model in her life. I know depression is a hard thing to deal with; I've definitely been there. I see you want to lose 150 lbs. You can do this, although it will take some time (expect ups and downs but keep going). Be sure to reward yourself for every small accomplishment. Take up an activity that you enjoy, or something you have never tried. You are only 30 years old and have alot of life to live. Stay with us on My Fitness Pal (MFP) and you can also be a help to others along the way. Good luck!
  • nicoleashley_24
    nicoleashley_24 Posts: 144 Member
    I know grief all too well. I'm so glad you're daughter inspires you... choosing to be healthier for ourselves and our loved ones is always a good decision. Welcome to MFP!
  • bookworm_847
    bookworm_847 Posts: 1,903 Member
    Wow, that was very courageous of you to post that. I'm so sorry for your hardships, but am happy for you that you're taking charge. There are a lot of supportive people here, and I hope that you're able to get to where you want to be.

    Good luck to you!
  • 4_Lisa
    4_Lisa Posts: 362 Member
    I hear you, it is easier sometimes to turn to food. I recently helped a good friend and her kids through the loss of the childrens stepbrother, grandmother and father within 5 months of eachother, then to top it off 4 of the girls best friends were killed by a drunk driver. My son went for massive back surgery shortly after, It was a HARD year, I have now taken all that focus and put it into the gym and taking care of me so I can be around for my kids and grandkids. I want to be able to do things and not have my weight be a barrier...

    I feel what your going through. Feel free to add me if you'd like.
  • desampson
    desampson Posts: 7
    Although not to the same degree, you and I have been through similar experiences with multiple loss of loved ones early in life. The wake of those events causes a pretty large ripple effect on a person. Often times we don't even reallize we're drowning and think we are still swimming the waves. :)

    But, the end result is the same, we all search for a coping mechanism to make us feel better about this thing called life. The mechanism can be many things for different people, but for me it was stress eating. I am a firm believer we never really get over an addiction, we just replace it with something of a positive nature after alot of hard work.

    I spent the last 20 years doing the stress eating thing and have the 100lbs to show for it. I've lost 45lbs since Janruary 1st (2013) and still have 55 to go to reach my first goal weight. Feel free to friend request me if you wish for support. I have discovered this stress eating thing can be rectified.

    Personally, I rely on my faith in Jesus Christ as my LORD and Savior to guide me in my daily decisions with this battle. A quick prayer of thanks, repentance for obesity (i.e, how I treat God's temple) and request for strength to do the tasks before are now part of my work outs. I've integrated the required eating lifestyle changes, regular exercise and the carlorie/exercise journaling to manage both effectively. I would also recommend getting an accountibility partner that you talk with frequently. Sometimes you can obtain a professional obesity counseler free of charge via your medical insurance company. Otherwise, you can use a friend whom you trust, speaks truth and you know they love you unconditionally. Maybe even do both.

    Lastly, I have applied many of the same tactics that were used on me by Drill Sgts. in US Army Basic training (23 years ago) that really do seem to provide benefit. No pain, no gain. If it ain't raining, we ain't training mindsets. :) But that's not for everyone i know.

    I salute you for taking this first step. Hang tuff Ma'am, for this road ain't for sissies. :) You can do this and you will love the feeling of weight loss when (not if) you accomplish it. Take care.
  • MRSHHJONES
    MRSHHJONES Posts: 41 Member
    Hi! I am so proud of you for taking the first, often the most difficult step, in making positive changes in your life!!!! There are many caring people who are willing to support you though this! I believe you can do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Welcome to MFP!!!!!!!!!!!
  • JesterMFP
    JesterMFP Posts: 3,596 Member
    It sounds like you've been through a really rough couple of years. Lots of people use food to cope with the crap they go through. It's not an excuse, but it's a fact. You're not alone. (Millions of other people use drink, drugs, gambling, sex or whatever...) The happy truth is that you can change, you can start right now to turn this around. You can totally do this. :flowerforyou:
  • syrklc
    syrklc Posts: 172 Member
    aww dont be so hard on yourself. You are here and you are in the right place. mfp is free and many great people here that will support you and help you with your goals.. We all get depressed and down in life.. Feel free to add me as a friend. I will support you in any way that I can.. :happy:
  • amymina
    amymina Posts: 64 Member
    Wow - you have been through a lot in the last few years. I am so sorry for all of your losses. I held my dads hand less than a year ago as he passed away in my parent's living room, not living long enough to hold his new grandson (he went unresponsive the night that he was born - my sister was still in the hospital) and my other sister not able to make it on time. It is a horrible thing to go through, the death of a parent. I had been doing WW half heartedly and lost 20 lbs before he died, and when he passed, I stayed with friends for a few days, binged on everything, and continued to binge for two months, gaining the 20 lbs back, and being back up to 300. You are making a good choice, and being honest with yourself is half the battle. This journey is tough, there are good days and days you want to give it all up and binge on those potato chips, oreos, or whatever else is your favorite binge food. Sometimes, you will beat off the temptations and feel better for it. others you will give in and feel guilty. Either way, the trick is getting up and starting over the next day and not making it a two year binge session. Find support here, ask for friends, vent when you are frustrated and get ideas. You can do this! (Sending you a request myself if you would like some encouragement!)
  • raebrietzke
    raebrietzke Posts: 1
    Good for you! Don't think too far into the future. Just concentrate on being the best you that you can today. Then, do it again tomorrow....
  • c2hrist3a
    c2hrist3a Posts: 67 Member
    Please feel free to add me as a friend. I will begin today praying for your peace of mind. Baby steps will get you back to where you want to be. Just put one foot in front of the other and remember to smile-even when you have to force it, your outlook will change.

    I am so sorry for the immense amount of loss you have experienced. Keep up the fight. You will make it. :smile:
  • Charlixoxo
    Charlixoxo Posts: 94 Member
    I am so sorry to hear this, you have been through a terrible time which has obviously affected you a lot.

    I have experienced severe depression after my father passed away 2 years ago, and I know it can cause a lot of pain and stress which leads to poor choices with food!

    Onwards and upwards though, I'm glad you have a positive attitude and are ready for a fresh start! I believe you can do it, and would be more than happy to share this journey with you!

    Please feel free to add me, I'd love to have you as a friend! :)

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