Depression

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venefirous
venefirous Posts: 20
in Introduce Yourself
Well, this is a lot to be putting out there on a forum like this. And I know most might break out the world's smallest violin. I used to be an MFP member but quit as life became chaotic and I felt bad that I couldn't motivate my MFP pals properly. I am not looking for sympathy. But perhaps, like-minded people who have faced similar tribulations

Depression has always been a recurrent theme in my life. I'll write out the main points of my story in chronological order as it's easier to digest and for me to write out.
- Mom passed away at 16 years old on Thanksgiving morning in '07. Father is legally insane and was not in the picture.
- Involved in a mentally, emotionally, and physically abusive relationship for three years. My weight sky-rocketed from 120lbs to over 200lbs in three years.
- Cheated on by said bf. Broke up with boyfriend and started piecing my life back together in '11.
- Lost the weight. Slowly but surely lost it with programs like Insanity and P90X between '11-'12.
- Got ill in summer of '12 Lost even more weight than intended, too quickly. Dropped to 105-110lbs. Over 100lbs lost, my metabolism was dead.
- Gained 30-40lbs back. Began to train with a trainer.
- Enrolled in CrossFit. Ultimately lost about 20lbs.
- Three car accident in Dec. '12. Was hit by someone going 70mph and was consequently pushed into another vehicle. As a result, I have permanent spinal damage and neurological issues.
- Recovery has been a slow process and I am losing motivation. The only exercises I can do is swimming pool exercises.

I miss lifting weights. I miss challenging myself in CrossFit with my friends. To have worked so hard and keep getting knocked down feels quite demoralizing. I feel as though I may never be able to do the things I used to do and I am only 21.

I don't know what I am looking for by posting here. If anyone has their own stories to share, or insight, they are welcome to do so. MFP pals are also welcome. Trolling comments will be ignored.

Thank you. :flowerforyou:

Replies

  • celesteshy
    celesteshy Posts: 2
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    I dont no if u believe in God but no this everything happens for a reason and everything WILL be ok im praying for you. My mother was murdered whn I was 17 and I was in fostercare since I was 10 never new my father and maybe dont suppose to I had weight loss surgery and its hard to loss weight before the surgery and after especially when its been a few years hang in there u will be fine.
  • suz155
    suz155 Posts: 326 Member
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    You can still swim,,,that is a good thing. What about other low impact machine? Eliptical? They have an exercise called chair yoga, that can keep you body and mind toned. What about joining some kind of a face to face group with people, who are going through what you are? Not only can a group like that help you, you can help others. Helping others, in a constructive way, is a great way to help myself. Im a lot older than you, but, had my fair share of bad "stuff" when I was your age. It took me a long time to realize I had to re-teach myself to be grateful for what I had. Good luck to you.
  • BigBrunette
    BigBrunette Posts: 1,543 Member
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    You've been through a lot in the past few years, but you haven't given up! Maybe it would help to find a "new normal" -- look for different ways to exercise and challenge yourself so that you can reconnect with your friends. A support group and/or a good therapist might help, too. Best of luck!
  • terri_journey
    terri_journey Posts: 287 Member
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    Can or have you tried to do a walking CD? Leslie Sansome makes several Walking off the Pounds CD's that are very good for weight loss. There are not alot of steps involved/ low impact but still you can burn alot of calories doing these. You can look her up on U-tube and see her exercises.
    Hope this helps. I agree with what one of the girls above said. God has a reason for Everything. He allows it to happen. You healing and recovery could and Will be a testimony to someone else.
    I wish you the best, Terri
  • rummyqueen
    rummyqueen Posts: 155 Member
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    You have another chance to do what you want,you sound like a strong person,Tank God you are still here.You can walk a little and you can swim.Just live day by day and do what you can in life.You want through a lot in life and you are only 21,life is really just starting for you,I say that because I have a 21 year old .Try to do the tings in life that makes you happy and as far as working out,eat right ,walk and swim,God bless you.
  • indygal76
    indygal76 Posts: 283 Member
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    Bless your heart dear! You sound like a very strong person! You can swim, walk slowly and just get your HR up with moving. I hope things turn around and you start to see some sunshine! :flowerforyou:
  • gerard54
    gerard54 Posts: 1,107 Member
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    Just think with all that to deal with you have the strength to push on and keep moving forward. That in itself is an accomplishment. Oh and nice ticker indygal76. Daaaaa bears...
  • dontgobacktosleep
    dontgobacktosleep Posts: 144 Member
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    My love, welcome to the school of hard knocks. Not to be a smart *kitten*, but we have many graduates who went on to show the world whose boss. On this path it is hard not to get jealous of those who have it easier, but don't let that jealousy sneak in!

    You can create a tomorrow that has absolutely nothing to do with your yesterday, all you need is an unflinching belief it's possible. Don't go looking for the proof yet, belief is your friend right now. Try to find the life story of Sylvester Stallone as told by Tony Robbins on YouTube it will get you out of a rut real quick!

    Make sure you see a great chiropractor so you know your central nervous system isn't playing any tricks on you. I'm in car accident recovery mode myself, so I can sympathize :-) Hang in there!!

    "Be empty of worrying.
    Think of who created thought!

    Why do you stay in prison
    When the door is so wide open?”
    ― Rumi,
  • Admiral_Derp
    Admiral_Derp Posts: 866 Member
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    For a lot of us, depression is a certainty. The key to getting past it is perseverance. Keep your head up, and your focus on your goals. You'll get there, you just have to push through it.
  • Yarabago
    Yarabago Posts: 33 Member
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    I'm glad ur still trying,and have not giving up.
    You have been through a lot.Just keep on being strong,like you have been.
    I wish you the best of luck :)!
  • kathleen275
    kathleen275 Posts: 1
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    Hey, Im sorry about what happened to you. I have some stories as well, but not nearly as devastating.

    -all throughout middle school, I was bullied about my weight. I was never thin, and I had no friends for 5 years. This led to me becoming an anorexic
    -I started thinking about suicide, and attempted 2 times.
    -about a year later, I got a physiologist and some therapy
    -I gained back all the weight and put even more on. My heaviest was 190lbs. I was 14.
    -When I started high school, there was more bullying, although, not so bad
    -I fell for a guy who led me on then decided that I was not worth anything, I started to feel horrid again.
    -The only thing that kept me from going to anorexia again was my bff.
    -That leads me to now. I know I am young to be starting a program like this but, Im trying to go down a healthier path.

    I know what its like to be depressed all the time. Just try to keep going. If you want, we can talk. I know we are not the same age, but depression takes people no matter how old they are. Just try, thats what I am doing.
  • Charlixoxo
    Charlixoxo Posts: 94 Member
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    Hey, I'm sorry about your experiences, you certainly have had a very very tough time. But you seem very level headed, and the fact you are still motivated to lose weight despite going through depression is extremely inspiring,

    I have had some tough times over the past few years that caused me great pain and poor mental health.

    - I lost my dad 2 years ago when I was 17, it was a very tough time for me as we were very close.
    - my boyfriend cheated on me, about 3 weeks after he passed away
    -I had 2 miscarriages within 6 months of eachother

    My weight has gone up and down over the past 2 years, I gained a stone and a half within 6 months of my dad dying, but unlike you, had no motivation to do anything, I fell into a rut, and couldn't get myself out for 2 whole years I locked myself away from the world and refused to do anything about it.

    I think the important part of reading your story, is seeing you speak openly about it, because in a way it shows acceptance.
    Once you have accepted the horrible things that have happened to you, you have two choices:

    1) you carry on thinking about it, you get yourself stuck in the past and you carry on feeling extremely low and depressed, or;
    2) you realise that you can work with what you have, you do your best to look to the future and you make a plan on how you can make yourself feel better and happier.

    I lost my job just over a month ago, and I promised myself I would not get depressed over it,
    Instead, I promised myself I would be healthy, and exercise and get my health on track before I let it ruin my whole life all over again.

    If you'd like to add me, please feel free :) I have experienced depression and know its never nice to be alone in the struggle! You are not alone!
  • venefirous
    venefirous Posts: 20
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    I'm humbled by all of the support.

    And to those who shared your stories... Thank you. It really does help to know you're not alone and that many of you who have faced similar challenges are persevering. Very admirable.

    Anyone else is welcome share their experiences or add me if they are looking for another MFP buddy
  • Lib_B
    Lib_B Posts: 446 Member
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    So sorry about your circumstances, but it sounds like you are a tough and tenacious broad. (I say that with all due respect.) :flowerforyou:

    I will spare you my full story because my life has been a series of ups and downs - as have most people who make it to mid-life-ish. Just know that it does get better. Depression is a tough thing - I am genetically predisposed to it and have battled it my entire adult life. The best thing you can do is just put one foot in front of the other every day and as time goes on, we heal.

    One thing is certain - who you are in one moment is not who you are in sum. You get to define yourself and write your book. Maybe there is a 'new normal' as another poster said. Find out what that is and do the best you can with it. Also, read the books of people who inspire you, people who overcame tremendous odds on the other side saying, "I told you so." Those always inspire me to be my best, because my worst is not usually as bad as their 'worst' and makes me feel like I too can overcome.

    Good luck. Embrace your inner tough, old broad and keep up the vigilance.

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