The Catch 22 of Weight loss
lamarnnem
Posts: 189
Now first let me preface this by saying: I love that I'm only 6lbs away from my initial goal weight. I love that I've lost almost 62lbs and that my family has changed and my life has a better outlook.
Losing weight is as much mental as it it's mental and often times spiritual/emotional (depending on your vantage point)
I've been out of shape so long and not my natural/normal weight for 13 years. When I started this process 250days ago I was 292.5lbs. I couldn't believe it. But something clicked that day in me mentally/spiritually and I committed to trying my best. Over the past few months sadness has crept in. Not in that I'm down that I'm fit(ter) it's watching my wardrobe change. I had no idea that letting go of all my clothes would be this hard. My size 40waist pants are now in my trunk and I struggle to discard them. My 38 waist designer jeans sit neatly folded on my wardrobe floor because the thought of "giving them away" bothers me. And now my size 36 waist pants are no longer fitting the way I'd like.
On the surface I'm thrilled; yet inside I find a gut-wrenching feeling of loss. It's a constant battle to get up everyday and bring it or dig deep. I honestly never thought I'd get this far! Glad I am and thrilled I'm progressing. I dream of macros and working out and eating right. I write down (log) EVERYTHING. my shirts are gone and my sweaters are in another's closet. Hahaha I feel like "fat me" cheated on me and left.
But then I notice my stamina and how I'm not just tired and sore for no reason. I notice how my wife and my kids look at me and keep complimenting me and I like how my clothes that I bought during my transition fit on me and I'm starting to be swallowed by them. I like watching all these commercials and hearing about weight loss and exercise and I think "yeah I'm doing that" with a big grin. I like watching my body transform before my eyes everyday. New muscles I've forgotten since my early 20's are emerging and I fight the temptation of comparisons daily: hell hourly. It makes me tougher and stronger and anxious for the next workout so I can bust my *kitten* all over again. This drives me!!
I realize that whether its 90 days or 60 I may not have the TRANSFORMATION story that is nightly coveted but what I have found out that, there is a drive in my at is unquenchable and a faith that doesn't shake or tremble. I'm fighting against me! The one that was tired and lazy loved to make excuses. I thought after 250 days he'd disappear but I'm reminded that he has taken up residency in my life for over 13 years and although he's a stubborn individual I got his fat *kitten* against the ropes.
All of this drives me insane and drives me to accomplish goals that I never thought were possible. This is my Catch 22.
Losing weight is as much mental as it it's mental and often times spiritual/emotional (depending on your vantage point)
I've been out of shape so long and not my natural/normal weight for 13 years. When I started this process 250days ago I was 292.5lbs. I couldn't believe it. But something clicked that day in me mentally/spiritually and I committed to trying my best. Over the past few months sadness has crept in. Not in that I'm down that I'm fit(ter) it's watching my wardrobe change. I had no idea that letting go of all my clothes would be this hard. My size 40waist pants are now in my trunk and I struggle to discard them. My 38 waist designer jeans sit neatly folded on my wardrobe floor because the thought of "giving them away" bothers me. And now my size 36 waist pants are no longer fitting the way I'd like.
On the surface I'm thrilled; yet inside I find a gut-wrenching feeling of loss. It's a constant battle to get up everyday and bring it or dig deep. I honestly never thought I'd get this far! Glad I am and thrilled I'm progressing. I dream of macros and working out and eating right. I write down (log) EVERYTHING. my shirts are gone and my sweaters are in another's closet. Hahaha I feel like "fat me" cheated on me and left.
But then I notice my stamina and how I'm not just tired and sore for no reason. I notice how my wife and my kids look at me and keep complimenting me and I like how my clothes that I bought during my transition fit on me and I'm starting to be swallowed by them. I like watching all these commercials and hearing about weight loss and exercise and I think "yeah I'm doing that" with a big grin. I like watching my body transform before my eyes everyday. New muscles I've forgotten since my early 20's are emerging and I fight the temptation of comparisons daily: hell hourly. It makes me tougher and stronger and anxious for the next workout so I can bust my *kitten* all over again. This drives me!!
I realize that whether its 90 days or 60 I may not have the TRANSFORMATION story that is nightly coveted but what I have found out that, there is a drive in my at is unquenchable and a faith that doesn't shake or tremble. I'm fighting against me! The one that was tired and lazy loved to make excuses. I thought after 250 days he'd disappear but I'm reminded that he has taken up residency in my life for over 13 years and although he's a stubborn individual I got his fat *kitten* against the ropes.
All of this drives me insane and drives me to accomplish goals that I never thought were possible. This is my Catch 22.
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Replies
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I have had the privilege of watching a good portion of your transformation here through MFP. What an accomplishment! What a ride you have been on! I have pride in you and your efforts. Anyone that has been on a journey similar to you, they know full well that it is NOT always easy....it is NOT always fun. Still you remained committed!
I would only offer one additional comment....Keep it going!0 -
Its like the urge to keep ever single lighter even after you quit smoking.... Congrats and good luck!0
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Its like the urge to keep ever single lighter even after you quit smoking.... Congrats and good luck!
Exactly. Thank you and ill continue to do my best. You do the same.0 -
I have had the privilege of watching a good portion of your transformation here through MFP. What an accomplishment! What a ride you have been on! I have pride in you and your efforts. Anyone that has been on a journey similar to you, they know full well that it is NOT always easy....it is NOT always fun. Still you remained committed!
I would only offer one additional comment....Keep it going!
Jonesdav254 brother you know I will. That is one of the few things I actually can control.0 -
Love your post
I know what you mean about thinking you'd never get this far. I'm close to be the lowest weight I've ever been in maybe 10 years (at the same height)? Regardless of size, I am definitely the most physically fit I've ever been. I'm more than halfway to my goal, and the thought of getting there scares me almost ... because I've never been there before. I don't know what it will be like Good, I'm hoping. 0 -
Loved reading this! !!! Good for you... thank you for this post!!!0
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Love your post
I know what you mean about thinking you'd never get this far. I'm close to be the lowest weight I've ever been in maybe 10 years (at the same height)? Regardless of size, I am definitely the most physically fit I've ever been. I'm more than halfway to my goal, and the thought of getting there scares me almost ... because I've never been there before. I don't know what it will be like Good, I'm hoping.
That's my only fear! I haven't been in shape since 98' and I'm seriously thinking: "ok how in the world do I do this? Will I lose my drive? Will I take too much time off? Lol it's all there.0 -
Loved reading this! !!! Good for you... thank you for this post!!!
My pleasure.0 -
Thank you for sharing this. I have a "fear" of losing who I was (or able to be) at my max weight. I enjoy my relationship with food (albeit not healthy), and I enjoy "hiding" behind big, baggy shirts. I have been doing a lot of looking into myself and why I am more comfortable being heavier. When I consider what I will look like once I have achieved my goal weight, I get anxious and almost afraid. I DO know why I feel this way (I have known for quite a few years now), and I need to work through it. It is now more important to me to be healthy than to "hide" behind my fat. I am working through taking back the power that was taken from me when I was younger, realizing that I do deserve to be happy and healthy. It is an emotional time for me, so I pray that I can continue to grow and become comfortable as the "new" person I am becoming (or maybe it is more accurate to say "the person I have been hiding all of these years"). Keep growing, giving yourself time to work through your feelings of saying good-bye to the clothes that you wore as your "former" self. Obviously, it is an emotional time. As you alluded to, it is like your "new" self is cheating on your "previous" self. I wish you the best.0
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I put things I'm attached to or haven't worn in a long time in a box in a different location. Somehow, not seeing them for 6 months, then finding them helps me know it's okay to part with them. I'm then ready to let go. They've been out of my "circulation" for that long and I've not needed them. Sometimes, there will be fires or special needs in our church and it really helps to know that I'm giving directly to a situation where they will be valued.
By the state of my closet, I have some boxing to do!
It's great that you value not only who you are, but who you were. That person is still part of you. It will take a while to grow into your new self, new things you value, and "things" connected with the new you. Reward on reward, you'll begin to build a new "home" around yourself. Congrats on a job well done!0 -
I have to agree and say that I also enjoyed your post. Very well written. I am on a similar journey. Same height, starting out at 300 lbs, currently down 24.
It's amazing to see someone get so far. I hope you will enjoy every moment of your success that you can, despite the loss of your wardrobe.0 -
It's been a pleasure watching you transform my friend. You're my inspiration sir.0
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I have to agree and say that I also enjoyed your post. Very well written. I am on a similar journey. Same height, starting out at 300 lbs, currently down 24.
It's amazing to see someone get so far. I hope you will enjoy every moment of your success that you can, despite the loss of your wardrobe.
Bro just keep pushing yourself and know this will take time. Enjoy the ride.0 -
I put things I'm attached to or haven't worn in a long time in a box in a different location. Somehow, not seeing them for 6 months, then finding them helps me know it's okay to part with them. I'm then ready to let go. They've been out of my "circulation" for that long and I've not needed them. Sometimes, there will be fires or special needs in our church and it really helps to know that I'm giving directly to a situation where they will be valued.
By the state of my closet, I have some boxing to do!
It's great that you value not only who you are, but who you were. That person is still part of you. It will take a while to grow into your new self, new things you value, and "things" connected with the new you. Reward on reward, you'll begin to build a new "home" around yourself. Congrats on a job well done!
It's good to know I'm not alone in this and yes with spring cleaning around the corner. It's time to finally depart with these things.0 -
Thank you for sharing this. I have a "fear" of losing who I was (or able to be) at my max weight. I enjoy my relationship with food (albeit not healthy), and I enjoy "hiding" behind big, baggy shirts. I have been doing a lot of looking into myself and why I am more comfortable being heavier. When I consider what I will look like once I have achieved my goal weight, I get anxious and almost afraid. I DO know why I feel this way (I have known for quite a few years now), and I need to work through it. It is now more important to me to be healthy than to "hide" behind my fat. I am working through taking back the power that was taken from me when I was younger, realizing that I do deserve to be happy and healthy. It is an emotional time for me, so I pray that I can continue to grow and become comfortable as the "new" person I am becoming (or maybe it is more accurate to say "the person I have been hiding all of these years"). Keep growing, giving yourself time to work through your feelings of saying good-bye to the clothes that you wore as your "former" self. Obviously, it is an emotional time. As you alluded to, it is like your "new" self is cheating on your "previous" self. I wish you the best.
Your words are very powerful as well. It's amazing because when I wrote this I just didn't see many posts about e apprehension of weight loss. I assumed everyone was thrilled the entire time until I got here and I'm wondering is it a switch I'm supposed to turn on? I'm appreciative of the process and that is growth.0 -
Wonderful post, exactly what I needed to hear this morning...I have begun to lose on my weight loss journey by only cutting calories...and I know I have to begin to work out....seriously work out....and I dread it, but I know I have to do it...thanks for the inspiration....0
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Wonderful post, exactly what I needed to hear this morning...I have begun to lose on my weight loss journey by only cutting calories...and I know I have to begin to work out....seriously work out....and I dread it, but I know I have to do it...thanks for the inspiration....
It's a process but do what you can and begin watching the change.0 -
An excellent post. I too have some clothes I need to 'let go' including a beautiful and expensive dress I bought for my son' s wedding.
I don't miss my old fat self because I have been thin in the past on and off, mostly off, but I can remember how good it felt.
I have a couple of amazing NSVs that I want to share with you. I used to have a real and disabling phobia of music in restaurants and shops. I couldn't go anywhere. - that has gone. I used to be constantly tormented by 'earworms' - tunes in the head. - that has also gone. It must be because I feel more confident and in control of my life. I had a difficult childhood where things were out of my control so I know where it all came from, depression etc, but I did not know that losing 40 lbs would have such an effect!
My health benefits have been almost unbelievable. - I am 63 yet feel 30 years younger.
Keep on keeping on, you have done brilliantly.
I have about 9 lbs to go to hit normal bmi. I will buy a new super expensive dress then and donate the old one. How good will that feel!0 -
An excellent post. I too have some clothes I need to 'let go' including a beautiful and expensive dress I bought for my son' s wedding.
I don't miss my old fat self because I have been thin in the past on and off, mostly off, but I can remember how good it felt.
I have a couple of amazing NSVs that I want to share with you. I used to have a real and disabling phobia of music in restaurants and shops. I couldn't go anywhere. - that has gone. I used to be constantly tormented by 'earworms' - tunes in the head. - that has also gone. It must be because I feel more confident and in control of my life. I had a difficult childhood where things were out of my control so I know where it all came from, depression etc, but I did not know that losing 40 lbs would have such an effect!
My health benefits have been almost unbelievable. - I am 63 yet feel 30 years younger.
Keep on keeping on, you have done brilliantly.
I have about 9 lbs to go to hit normal bmi. I will buy a new super expensive dress then and donate the old one. How good will that feel!
That is a wonderful NSV I love it and yes thank you for your words of encouragement as well. Comfy is not a place I long to be at anymore. And I long for the day to look back on this time of health and fitness and no longer consider myself a novice.0
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