A VERY non MFP topic...looking for suggestions..

devan33 · April 2013

Sorry to disappoint...

maiaroman18 · April 2013

I know of courts that give children to parents that beat, molest, and neglect their children, all because the parents rights are more important than the physical and mental well-being of the children.

Our justice system just sucks. Plain and simple.

maab_connor · April 2013

are your friends actively foster parents? b/c you can circuumvent the court and have the caseworker do a simple house shift, if they are. if not - have them work w/ the caseworker to GET approved and then shift the house. at THAT point, b/c the kids are safe, they can turn their attention to making sure that all parental rights have been stripped from the bio parents and have the caseworker(s - all involved) and the bio grandparents put IN WRITING that they want the legal adoption of these minors to go to your friends, and have them apply for adoption w/ those as addendums.

Mustang_Susie · April 2013

I guess I thought maybe people wouldn't want to chat about it...lol Seems like everyone has had a damn fine time without post anyway

Ok...here is the short version..I tried not to make it too confusing. Basically, just wondering if anyone had any experience or words of wisdom...thanks

I am very good friends with a couple that have been married for 15 years and have 4 kids. He has a good job and she is an LPN almost finished with her RN. They are very active with their kids and have a loving home.

The husband has twin nephews who are 8. The nephews have an older and younger sister (11 and 4). They have 3 different dads. My friends brother does not take care of his twin boys. Has nothing to do with them. The oldest daughters dad is non existent and the 4 year olds dad is in prison. The mom passed away last fall of an OD. Before she passed she gave the 4 kids to her sister, who then gave them to a friend who happens to be a sister to the youngest girls dad that's in prison.

When my friends found out where the kids were and what condition they were living in, they tried to get custody..they have been working on it for 6 months. They have the support of the school, CPS, the state appointed lawyer for the kids and the kids bio grandma. This other woman has a history of moving between her hubby and boy friend who are both in and out of prison, sometimes for violence against her, one has a restraining order which they ignore. She is on welfare and HUD (she also has 3 kids of her own) does not work and has failed multiple home inspection/home studies with CPS. The school has had to call CPS repeatedly, the kids have been in the ER 4 times in the last month..a couple were due to injuries from this womans older son. They have untreated lice (they HAVE used kerosene on them) ...it's been one thing after another.

SO, they go to court the first time, 2 months ago. Everyone recommends my friends for custody. The VERY elderly judge comes in, plugs his hearing aid into a device to hear the people and then has no idea what the court was about..had not read the case. Decides to leave the kids where they are. Last month the kids lawyer files an emergency withdraw based on some of the above, they get a different judge who says he doesn't think it's an emergency that they leave. SO, he will leave them with her, although he tells that lady if it was his final decision, he would send them to my friends. (so why not just do that). This morning was another hearing, older judge again. EVERYONE shows up to support the couple and all expect the kids to be removed. The only person that woman had in her corner was herself. He again left the kids there. My friends are beside themselves. Are worried for these kids health and safety, the court is failing them. The kids lawyer and the couples lawyer have never seen a judge not rule in the way the child lawyer recommends. It's terrible that when they do get to see the kids (only the older 3, the lady will not allow the 4 year old to go since she is her bio aunt) they have to return them to filth and a fire hazard and they all cry This lady has been coaching the 11 year old to lie and the lawyers found out. She also has been allowing her boyfriends son to live in the home and he has been in trouble as well and is supposed to have limited contact with children!! Now they have to sit around and wait for a final hearing date, that they are very discouraged at this point and worried for the kids while they are still there.

This is easy.
Get the lady arrested.
When she goes to jail, have the friends offer to foster the kids while the lady is getting things squared away.
Then, while the kids are living at your friends home, the friends file for adoption.

If only it were that easy.
The family court system in my state is f***ed-up.
They'll keep kids in a bio home until the mother's boyfriend kills them.
(True story that has happened more than once in our city)

My husband and I have been royally screwed in our custody cases.
Our ex's lied, the judge believed them.
We lost placement of our kids from our first marriages.

We're good parents. Our ex's are horrible parents.
None of that matters.

And who has been hurt the most?
Our kids...

devan33 · April 2013

I will let her know about the foster parent thing. It's very scary and I know they think every weekend when they have to take them back, that it could be the time something happens and they don't get to see them anymore or that the kids will suffer though something terrible... I feel bad for anyone going through something like this.

Bess_74 · April 2013

are your friends actively foster parents? b/c you can circuumvent the court and have the caseworker do a simple house shift, if they are. if not - have them work w/ the caseworker to GET approved and then shift the house. at THAT point, b/c the kids are safe, they can turn their attention to making sure that all parental rights have been stripped from the bio parents and have the caseworker(s - all involved) and the bio grandparents put IN WRITING that they want the legal adoption of these minors to go to your friends, and have them apply for adoption w/ those as addendums.

THIS!!!!

Mustang_Susie · April 2013

I will let her know about the foster parent thing. It's very scary and I know they think every weekend when they have to take them back, that it could be the time something happens and they don't get to see them anymore or that the kids will suffer though something terrible... I feel bad for anyone going through something like this.

FYI: every state is different, your friends need to find out how your state works.
Sorry, my reply wasn't more helpful in offering suggestions.
But I do understand the frustration.

devan33 · April 2013

I appreciate any help

kennethmgreen · April 2013

My first reply was more flippant than I intended. I have some follow-up questions:

1. "My friends tried to get custody, been working on it for 6 months."
What does that mean? How did they attempt to get custody? Generally, the court awards custody - but only when custody is in question. If this woman is legal guardian, her custody would have to be terminated first.

2. "she also has 3 kids of her own" - in addition to the four your friends are trying to get custody of - means we are talking about seven children, right? Are there seven children under that care of this woman?

3. "The kids have been in the ER multiple times" - which kids of the seven? The four your friends are trying to get custody of? All seven? Is there a difference in the care of these four and the three this woman also has?

4. Later, "boyfriend's son" is mentioned as being allowed to live in the house. So EIGHT kids are living with this woman?

I don't know if getting the woman arrested is necessarily the right move. It could be, but I don't know how CPS works on Ohio. I am somewhat familiar with how they work in Texas.

Very often it takes repeated, documented incidences of abuse or neglect before the courts will make a ruling that removes a child from his or her home. Getting the woman arrested might be the right start, but it could also mean having the kids in foster care (not your friends) for a long time. Even if your friends are foster parents, they wouldn't necessarily get custody.

Tough situation. Getting parental rights terminated (of woman currently caring for kids) is probably first step.

devan33 · April 2013

My first reply was more flippant than I intended. I have some follow-up questions:

1. "My friends tried to get custody, been working on it for 6 months."
What does that mean? How did they attempt to get custody? Generally, the court awards custody - but only when custody is in question. If this woman is legal guardian, her custody would have to be terminated first.

2. "she also has 3 kids of her own" - in addition to the four your friends are trying to get custody of - means we are talking about seven children, right? Are there seven children under that care of this woman?

3. "The kids have been in the ER multiple times" - which kids of the seven? The four your friends are trying to get custody of? All seven? Is there a difference in the care of these four and the three this woman also has?

4. Later, "boyfriend's son" is mentioned as being allowed to live in the house. So EIGHT kids are living with this woman?

I don't know if getting the woman arrested is necessarily the right move. It could be, but I don't know how CPS works on Ohio. I am somewhat familiar with how they work in Texas.

Very often it takes repeated, documented incidences of abuse or neglect before the courts will make a ruling that removes a child from his or her home. Getting the woman arrested might be the right start, but it could also mean having the kids in foster care (not your friends) for a long time. Even if your friends are foster parents, they wouldn't necessarily get custody.

Tough situation. Getting parental rights terminated (of woman currently caring for kids) is probably first step.

1. Once they found out the kids were living with this woman, they asked if they could start spending time with the kids. Once they did and found out all the bad stuff, they asked her about having them come and stay with them. She refused and stopped contact. They then got a lawyer and have been in court 3 times. SHe only has temporary custody. The judge did say they must be allowed to visit the couple on weekends.

2. My friends are not trying to get custody of the woman's 3 kids. Only their nephews and the 2 sisters. There are a total of 7 kids living with the woman at this time. Along with the boy friend and or husband and the boyfriends son, who is an adult.

3. The 4 siblings they are trying to get custody of have had trips to the ER... one for a terrible bite on the finger that got infected from the woman's son biting the other little boy. One for the older sister for a mysterious cut that needed stitches. The girls story has changed a few times on that. And then 2 for for other random things that weren't as serious. I do know by documentation from the kids lawyer, that the oldest son of this lady is now having mental issues due to the fast she is neglecting them trying to show the courts how much she cares for the other 4. It was noted by the lawyer that this lady cares more for the 4 kids than her own sons well being and has thought of sending her son to live with his father to keep him from hurting the other 4 (his dad was recently released from jail)

4. see #2

Tehy lawyers for the 4 kids had a huge file of reports and incidences from CPS and the school. Also, there were witnesses from the school and CPS in court today letting the judge know what they have seen. They are in favor of the kids moving in with the couple.
I do know that this lady has been in repeated amount of trouble and even mentioned to the bio grandma of the 4 kids that she fears losing her own 3 after all this due to what has been found out..and yet, they still are with her..all 7

A VERY non MFP topic...looking for suggestions..

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