"Too fat" to "Too skinny" - Comments about weight.

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peanutbutterrunna
peanutbutterrunna Posts: 106
in Motivation and Support
Hello, everybody!

So I started my weight loss journey back in September, and have lost all the weight I wanted and more. Before I lost the weight (35 pounds) my mother would always make comments about my diet and lack on exercise. Not only that, but she'd say things like "those jeans are for skinny girls" (you get the picture) Anyway, I'm now a avid runner and strive to eat very healthy. I'm currently 98/99 pounds, which I admit is much lower than my original goal weight but I'm not underweight or malnourished. Anyway, my main point is now my Mom makes even worse comments about my weight. For example, she told me I looked like a Holocaust victim. This had to be the worst thing she's ever said to me, and brought me to tears. She constantly bugs me about food and makes me feel horrible about my choices. It's really frustrating, she makes me feel like I have an eating disorder. In fact, I'm pretty sure she thinks I DO have one. Which I don't. It's not like I starve myself or purge my food. I don't skip meals, I eat healthy, and I try to work out every day but take rest days when I damn please. I understand I look dramatically different now, I'm a short girl (5'1) with a small frame; so losing 35+ pounds has made me look a lot different...Anyway, my main point is has anyone else had to deal with this? I've always had horrible confidence, and at first losing weight helped this. But now her comments have driven me insane, and I find myself becoming depressed. I feel as if I can't do anything right, and feel as if all my hard work and willpower has been for nothing. I hate how she makes me feel. It's like she doesn't want me to love or be happy with myself. (If that's the case she sure did succeed)

If anyone's had to deal with a similar situation, do you have any advice for me? Thank you. :smile:

Replies

  • MensEtSalvere2013
    MensEtSalvere2013 Posts: 230 Member
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    While I am not down to my goal weight yet, I do have some advice that I think may help so I hope you do not mind. As long as you are happy and healthy that is all that matters. To help me, I make a list of reasons why I am losing weight and my non-scale victories and that helps me anytime I feel like quitting. In your case , maybe make a list of reasons why you want to maintain the weight? Anyways, I hope this helps and congrats on the weight loss!
  • Sqeekyjojo
    Sqeekyjojo Posts: 704 Member
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    Do you have to live with her?

    Could you move out?

    Or, if you are living somewhere else - why are you tolerating this ****? Hang up, go home, anything that shows you don't have to listen to her crap.
  • schnarfo
    schnarfo Posts: 764 Member
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    you just need to ignore what other people think! develop your own self esteem to just think well im doing well, im healthy, ive achieved my goals and i am fit! ignore others and just do whats right for you! if you need to talk to someone about what shes said to annoy then then vent to a friend or us on mfp!
  • djmodernroq
    djmodernroq Posts: 27
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    I'm very sorry to hear this specially coming from you mom. You should feel great you've lost weight and reached your goal, even though you lost more than what you anticipated but its what makes you happy! Im not sure if you have talked to your mom how much it bugs you or how bad you feel about the things she tells you but in case you haven't done so.. you should do it! You have achieved what many of us want to achieve.. to loose weight, to feel good about yourself, look good and be healthy.
  • montana_girl
    montana_girl Posts: 1,403 Member
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    I had similiar issues with my mother when I lost weight (though not as extreme as the things your mother said). She would say something I found hurtful and then try to laugh it off as joke. Problem was, it wasn't funny... just hurtful.

    The hardest thing I had to come to terms with at that point was no matter what I did with my life or what things I accomplished, I realized I would never get my mothers unconditional approval. What I continued to get was, "Good job, but...." And whatever followed usually brought me close to tears or full out crying.

    Once I realized I needed to look for support and approval outside my family, it was a lot easier to let go of her past comments and ignore whatever she says now. I know that my husband, son, and friends are very proud of the changes I've made in my life... and they are great about telling me so!

    So the best advice I can give is love your mom for who she is but ignore the things she says. She may be dealing with her own insecurities and/or personal demons and has trouble telling you that she's proud of you and you look great!
  • megsmom2
    megsmom2 Posts: 2,362 Member
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    Tell her to stuff it. If she cant make helpful constructive comments she can keep it to herself. Note that I didn't say she was not entitled to her own view...but you can say things in a non hurtful way.
  • TKRV
    TKRV Posts: 165 Member
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    I dealt with the same thing. In my college years, I dropped a good 20 pounds. In high school, I wasn't an athlete. In college, I walked to all my classes and picked up Fencing. I would fence for hours at least twice a week. The first couple years of college, I felt like I dropped a pant size a semester.

    Anyway, a friend of mine told me she heard a rumor that I was shoving my finger down my throat. Even my doctor told me I was probably loosing all the weight due to the stress of college.

    It's hard, but that was when I started to learn not to define my healthiness based on the assessment of others. I knew how I lost the weight. I also knew I was at a healthy weight. The rest of the world could think what it wanted.

    It's a shame, though, that people are put down when they are overweight and then continue to be put down when the lose it.
  • ril0riley
    ril0riley Posts: 54 Member
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    you can take some of the advice here about your mom to heart, but consider this. A lof of people on this website will relate to having a poor idea of what we look like: who here hasn't been surprised with how they looked in a picture vs how they look in the mirror, or rely on photos, measurements, and scale weight to track our changes since we can't easily see the change from day to day.

    Even if you're sure you have healthy eating habits, talk to a doctor. Make sure you're at a healthy weight, and you keep up with habits to maintain it.

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