Overeaters Anonymous: Clothes Fitting Differently

Hi, my name is Azadi and I'm a recovering bulimic.

So this should be a good thing. And it is. I'm starting to notice some of my clothes fitting differently, better, looser. Pants that used to restrict me don't anymore. No huge change which is fine, but it's noticeable. Saw a good friend yesterday whom I haven't seen in about 2 months, and he said he noticed that I looked "better" (he knows not to comment directly on my weight).

So, problem? Of course. Cause I'm bulimic. I'm not sane. Weight loss is a trigger. That's one of the reasons I don't weigh myself: positive results can trigger the obsession, make me want to lose more faster. That's what triggered me originally, when the now-and-then purging became multiple-times-a-day. So while I can hold off noticing weight loss by not weighing myself for a while, but if it's working, I'm gonna notice eventually. And I'll admit, I am starting to feel that push, that impatience, that urge to restrict.

Fortunately, my plan of eating and my sponsor require that I have three meals every single day, no exceptions. Fortunately I have this site, and you folks, and the OA fellowship, and meetings to keep me on track. But I go below my calorie count about as often as I go above, and when I go below I get this warning at the bottom of my diary screen that I'm not eating enough. My calorie count is low, but based on my estimated weight (and studies show that most bulimics underestimate their weight) and lifestyle, it is the count that this site recommended.

Anyway, I just wanted to put that out here. We're only as sick as our secrets. Hopefully sharing will keep me clean.

Thanks for letting me share.