No support in real world

Emilie04444
Emilie04444 Posts: 151 Member
in Motivation and Support
I recently stopped seeing my therapist after about 3 years because I switched insurances. I am finding that I am not getting the support or encouragement that I need in the real world and I am not sure what to do. I am almost 30, no kids, rent a room, paying off student loans, trying to figure out what MA I want to get and if I will even get one, etc.

All of my new coworkers have kids and a different outlook on life, some just trying to make it through the day, some trying to buy better electronics and can have 30 min convo on that. I seem to be better off than some of my friends because I have a "good" job or better than theirs so why am I even complaining. And my old coworkers from my old job are busy with their boyfriends and their MA programs and talk to me less, if at all, b/c I am not literally in front of them. It's funny b/c I like my NEW job better, but it stinks socially. And some days it's so busy I just think, I am SO tired, I can't even think, or I just need to go home and sleep Then I get oh, at least you don't have kids, you have no idea what tired is or at least you have a job with benefits.. It's so dismissive and when I say oh please, just hear me, it's like I am being humored.

Because I find that people don't care about you really. I get the best support from ppl on here and it's really encouraging and I don't even know you guys. And I don't complain often but when I do, it's dismissed and I feel alone. I Just want to feel like I am being heard without having to pay for it. . I find that when I talk people dismiss me because they don't know all that I have been through in my life so I sound self absorbed, but I am really trying to survive, I have dealt with major depressive disorder for most of my life and try to be optimistic. I don't take life too seriously.

I want to add that I do listen to people speak and rant and I listen and give feedback and ask probing questions (sincerely!) but when I speak I get shutdown for the reasons mentioned above or ppl find ways to bring the convo back to themselves without giving me feedback or encouragement or support. Sometimes I say, wait a minute I just said something and need an opinion, bring it back to me for a sec.

Any thoughts? Do I need to grow up or stop talking... thanks for reading!

Replies

  • PosterPens
    PosterPens Posts: 172 Member
    i think most people at 30 are renting a room, having NO kids and trying to figure out what the hell to do with their lives.

    youre normal, your coworkers..not so normal. dont think too much about it.

    sounds like you need to find real friends, and keep your coworkers as coworkers.

    youre fine.
  • whimsy38
    whimsy38 Posts: 158 Member
    Maybe get involved in something you're interested in with a group of people, like volunteering.
  • peachstategal
    peachstategal Posts: 398 Member
    I am sorry you are feeling so alone. You sound very depressed. I have found when I am feeling this way, it is best for me to get very busy. Have you thought about joining a group....church, volunteer work, special interests clubs? Going for long walks? Seeing a doc for medication for depression?
  • Kat2795
    Kat2795 Posts: 8 Member
    We're all still trying to find our way. My coworkers are the same way! I work in a office with 3 women and their all married. They talk about their husbands and kids ALL day. They treat me like I'm a ghost at work and maybe that's a good thing. I have a daughter but I don't bring my personal life to work.
    I wouldn't worry about your coworkers. Some people are so caught up in their own lives they don't see/hear anyone else around them.


    I totally agree with PosterPens!
  • HollisGrant
    HollisGrant Posts: 2,022 Member
    Maybe get involved in something you're interested in with a group of people, like volunteering.

    This is really good advice. I met my lifelong friends and my husband through volunteering -- which I wasn't looking for, I was just interested in doing volunteer work.

    I suggest you ask yourself what would really interest you - helping the poor, Habitat for Humanity, the environment, helping animals, music, art, etc. The list is endless. Do some research of what your community offers, then take the plunge, pick one activity, and try it out. You sound like you are depressed. Get out of that room one day a week and do something fun and meaningful.
  • Emilie04444
    Emilie04444 Posts: 151 Member
    I am sorry you are feeling so alone. You sound very depressed. I have found when I am feeling this way, it is best for me to get very busy. Have you thought about joining a group....church, volunteer work, special interests clubs? Going for long walks? Seeing a doc for medication for depression?

    Hmm, do I sound depressed? Because I am not. I actually feel good, except for the no friends to talk to, which is major, but I am not letting it effect my mood, hence this post. I am trying to avoid that.

    Thanks for all the comments. I'm going to try to find new friends, by joining a group. I need to stop looking to coworkers as friends, but my job is so taxing for me, it's easy to look there as opposed to doing something extra. Time to stop being lazy.
  • xxnellie146xx
    xxnellie146xx Posts: 996 Member

    Thanks for all the comments. I'm going to try to find new friends, by joining a group. I need to stop looking to coworkers as friends, but my job is so taxing for me, it's easy to look there as opposed to doing something extra. Time to stop being lazy.

    Sounds like a good idea. Sometimes, co-workers are better left as co-workers...be friendly but don't be reliant on them as your only friends. Regarding your old job- if you really liked those people, is it possible to make a date once a month where everyone can get together for dinner or drinks or something?
  • reasnableblonde
    reasnableblonde Posts: 212 Member
    I went through something similar when I was transferred. Everyone was married with kids, and I was single and knew NO ONE in the new location. It wasn't depression, it was situational, related to adjustment. I can't remember the exact term.

    I second the advice to try volunteering. See if your college has an alumni group where you live, and try to get involved with that. You need a life outside of work, or you'll never be really happy. It took me some time, but I met my husband, got a local group of friends, and kept in touch with my friends and family back home. It can get better. Take charge of your own happiness, and the rest is just peaches.
  • Jeyed
    Jeyed Posts: 87 Member
    Surround yourself with positive like minded people. Try to remember, the grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence. This is perhaps the most important lesson you will learn in life.
    What you see on the outside with your coworkers, etc. is not necessarily what's really going on. Be true to yourself and everything will fall into place. Trust me I know - been there, done that.
  • Emilie04444
    Emilie04444 Posts: 151 Member
    We're all still trying to find our way. My coworkers are the same way! I work in a office with 3 women and their all married. They talk about their husbands and kids ALL day. They treat me like I'm a ghost at work and maybe that's a good thing. I have a daughter but I don't bring my personal life to work.
    I wouldn't worry about your coworkers. Some people are so caught up in their own lives they don't see/hear anyone else around them.

    They used to treat me like a ghost then I started participating a bit more. You are right ppl are caught up in their own lives, I think I am going to stop listening or participating in their monologues and see if that ends it. Or I will start talking about my cat when someone mentions their kids.

    I also need to start doing something more so I am not just working, coming home, and going to the occasional happy hour. I will have more outlets and also be more physically active
  • Hearts_2015
    Hearts_2015 Posts: 12,031 Member
    I am sorry you are feeling so alone. You sound very depressed. I have found when I am feeling this way, it is best for me to get very busy. Have you thought about joining a group....church, volunteer work, special interests clubs? Going for long walks? Seeing a doc for medication for depression?

    Hmm, do I sound depressed? Because I am not. I actually feel good, except for the no friends to talk to, which is major, but I am not letting it effect my mood, hence this post. I am trying to avoid that.

    Thanks for all the comments. I'm going to try to find new friends, by joining a group. I need to stop looking to coworkers as friends, but my job is so taxing for me, it's easy to look there as opposed to doing something extra. Time to stop being lazy.
    Yes, you do sound very depressed, sometimes others see it in us before we do ourselves. You just left your therapist of 3 years, that in itself is a huge loss in your life. Therapist are not friends but someone that works with you to help you move ahead and figure out why you're where you're at or where you might want to be in life.

    Can you call your former therapist and ask for a referral that takes your new insurance?

    I agree volunteering your time can really take a person out of themselves and see others that have much less than we do, it can change your life if you let it.

    Churches & other community centers often offer free Yoga, Pilate's, Qi Gong classes, you don't have to join a church they have programs for ppl that want to try out new things. I don't do the Church thing but have taken some great classes and met ppl that are into fitness and trying out new things.

    You might be truly surprised where you can make new friendships, on a bike path out walking, at a gym in a group class but you gotta get out of yourself to do it. You reach out and you'll find what you need, it really is the way it happens in life.:heart:

    Work friends are not really someone I'd want to hang out with after hours, not that they aren't fun but work is done and I move on to something else that day, something meaningful to me.

    Can you get a bigger place to live, something where you don't come home to just a room, like an apt. you can fix up and make your own, brighten it up etc.?:drinker:

    Get a plant, something that really catches your eye and make it your project, do you have community gardens you can grow a garden, how about a cooking class? So many ideas where ppl could really use someone like you, someone that cares about ppl ...give and you'll receive back so much in return.:flowerforyou:

    Looking forward to hearing back how you are down the road:wink::heart:
  • marysowter
    marysowter Posts: 121 Member
    I will not say sorry because in truth only you can turn your life around,You are depressed at the moment and I can understand why. Being in a one bedroom flat and no social life as so, not good. But you can do something about it, what are your hobbies can you not join a group.Have you family you can talk too,Us famillies are strange creatures at times we do not allways see what is under our nose and they may think you are a happy little bunny.Try and think of all the positive things in your life not the negative.When you get up in the morning think to yourself to day is going to be a good day and I like me I am a interesting person.These are techniques that do work given a chance. I wish you the very best, now get on with your life it is yours to live.Take care :happy: xx
  • JenCatwalk
    JenCatwalk Posts: 285 Member
    While friends are nice to have, its extreamly difficult finding one who is real. And I find that its better to be alone then waste my time with fake friends. I to have noticed that people just really don't care about you. So what do I do in a situation like this? Just stay true to myself and only let positive, well meaning people in my life (which I admit is too few). And don't pay no mnd to the regular people in this world, for who i'm concerned are just passing through. Being yourself is the best thing you can be and if someone doesn't like that well then obviously they arn't ment to stick around very long.
  • Emilie04444
    Emilie04444 Posts: 151 Member

    Regarding your old job- if you really liked those people, is it possible to make a date once a month where everyone can get together for dinner or drinks or something?

    I really like this idea. Whenever we meet up, it is always a lot of fun. A regular thing is a good idea, even just for coffee
  • Emilie04444
    Emilie04444 Posts: 151 Member
    I will not say sorry because in truth only you can turn your life around,You are depressed at the moment and I can understand why. Being in a one bedroom flat and no social life as so, not good. But you can do something about it, what are your hobbies can you not join a group.Have you family you can talk too,Us famillies are strange creatures at times we do not allways see what is under our nose and they may think you are a happy little bunny.Try and think of all the positive things in your life not the negative.When you get up in the morning think to yourself to day is going to be a good day and I like me I am a interesting person.These are techniques that do work given a chance. I wish you the very best, now get on with your life it is yours to live.Take care :happy: xx

    Not looking for sympathy at all...I am living where I am to pay off my massive student loans!

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