Just bummin' need to vent.

GamecockFan14
GamecockFan14 Posts: 154 Member
in Motivation and Support
No one needs to respond- but I just need to vent.

I'm 1 lb away from losing 60 lbs. I started at 294 lbs, and I'm down to 235. Great, right? I try so hard to think that way, but so much is getting in the way of that.

For example- 235 lbs is still so unhealthy. So heavy, and I still feel so unattractive. Sure, my confidence has increased because I can actually feel bones in my body again, but I'm still just as self conscious as I was 60 lbs ago. At 294 lbs I was pushing a 26. Now I'm can SQUEEZE into a 14, but realistically, I'm a 16. There was a time I would've LOVED to have been a 16. Now, I'm here- and now what? Eh. Whatever. You have this mentality when you're so big that a size 16 is "normal". It's not. (To me anyway. Im not trying to offend anyone.) I dont feel "normal" in a 16. But, the problem is, I havent been below a 14/16 in about 10 years- so I don't know what that's like anymore. When I look in the mirror I still see 294 lbs. When clothes actually fit my body, I refuse to wear them because I'm afraid people will be looking at any rolls that my spanx don't hide.

There's nothing I can do but to keep chugging along. Stopping won't get me anywhere at this point; I've come to far. But, the journey is emotionally draining some days. Sometimes I see women who are a 16 and they look phenomenal. Meanwhile, three kids later, my stomach and back fat have seemed to have taken permanent residency on my body. I swear, I've lost 60 lbs of fat just off of my face and arms and nothing else. (Ok, maybe my thighs.)

I don't know if this is normal with this journey or not. But I do know that this journey is taking absolutely all of my willpower, and the more I lose, the more it takes. My mind isn't keeping up with my body.

*vent complete* Thanks for reading if you did!

Replies

  • WickedZoey
    WickedZoey Posts: 401 Member
    You have had an amazing loss and you're doing great! Keep up the good work... we all have bad days. And yes, I've been there (used to weigh 239).
  • Lovlilyn
    Lovlilyn Posts: 79 Member
    Thanks for venting that - I've felt just as you have. You work so hard, taking everything you have to give to it (for me, that's factoring in full time job, 3 kids, home, husband, and I go to school), and you lose, but it's still not enough for you to feel good about yourself. I'm 10lbs off the goal I had set for myself by now (which was a very modest 1# a week), and it took forever to drop pants size (probably because I was squeezing myself into my starting size). It really is a head game, and as hokey as I find them, I'm really thinking about using some affirmations to turn some of the negativity into more positive thoughts. Like you, I'm not giving up, so I may as well try to think more positively through it all.

    Again, thanks for posting.
  • GamecockFan14
    GamecockFan14 Posts: 154 Member
    Thank you! You did?? From your profile picture you look absolutely fabulous!!!
  • GamecockFan14
    GamecockFan14 Posts: 154 Member
    Thank you, Lov for sharing. I'm dealing with the same, too. I have an 8 year old, 2 year old and 6 month old. I'm a full time student, too and my husband is military. I don't work outside of the home, so that's a blessing. I'm trying so hard to stay positive today. Just gotta keep pluggin' along I suppose!
  • NHoughton13
    NHoughton13 Posts: 303
    Consider yourself lucky to fit into a 16! :drinker: I'm 225 and still wear a size 20. I'd be thrilled to get into a 16.

    I try to not let the numbers get to me (scale/pant size) but they do. But like everyone says, I just keep plugging along.....
  • newdaydawning79
    newdaydawning79 Posts: 1,503 Member
    I am so jealous of your size loss!! :) I started out at a 22 (pushing into a 24) at 288.6 and I'm now 241.8 and I'm just now getting into an 18! Granted I was told that I'd never be lower than a 14 by doctors...now I see why! LOL

    Congrats to you on the almost 60 pound loss. From your pictures you look amazing to me! It's so much harder to see it in yourself, I know that for a fact!
  • nicola1141
    nicola1141 Posts: 613 Member
    Is that you in your profile? I would never have guessed a size 16, I would have guessed 12 for sure. You look awesome. It is hard sometimes for sure to see the differences, and especially to feel the differences. Keep chugging along and you'll have some great moments and some bleh moments. Hopefully the great ones will outweigh the other kind!
  • msleanlegs
    msleanlegs Posts: 188 Member
    Congrats on your weight loss. You are doing great! I think you need to re-examine your 'before' photos and compare them with current photos. Or try on some clothes from your heaviest weight. You WILL notice the difference! I have days when I feel just as fat as when I was 36 lbs heavier, but photos don't lie and neither do clothes - they help keep things in the right perspective.
  • hatkinson87
    hatkinson87 Posts: 42
    Weight loss is so much more than a physical thing. It is a metal battle that you have to fight daily. I've lost 10 pounds since January and I still struggle so much with seeing that as a victory! I've found that surrounding myself with encouraging people and taking my day one meal/exercise at a time helps me to realize those victories. You're not alone in this feeling, I know a lot of women who are all shapes and sizes that struggle with this!
  • msleanlegs
    msleanlegs Posts: 188 Member
    Is that you in your profile? I would never have guessed a size 16, I would have guessed 12 for sure.

    That would've been my guess as well.
  • IceDawg33
    IceDawg33 Posts: 2 Member
    You picked the right place to vent! :) YOU GO GIRL! Remember, ladies seem to show weight loss first in their face, shoulders, legs, etc. The middle is the hardest part to lose from .. but it WILL happen! :) Your pictures show a DRAMATIC loss and you look fabulous! You didn't put the weight on overnight or in just a few weeks -- it will take some time to take it off as well. BUT YOU CAN and WILL do it! :)
  • GCAsMom
    GCAsMom Posts: 120 Member
    I'm one hundred percent exactly right with you. I've dropped so much, yet sometimes I can only see the "how much I have yet to lose". All we can do is keep moving forward. I know for sure I do not want to go back.
  • BeachGingerOnTheRocks
    BeachGingerOnTheRocks Posts: 3,927 Member
    Three words: "Keep Moving Forward". We all have down days and get bummed. But just keep moving forward and it'll be another 6 months, and the next thing you know, you'll be down another 40 pounds and below 200.....then move forward some more.

    Those three words are the ones I live by.
  • usernameMAMA
    usernameMAMA Posts: 681 Member
    Have you looked at your profile pic recently? You look absolutely fantastic. You ARE one of those size 16's that look good:) Great job on your loss, you are an inspiration!
  • Lupercalia
    Lupercalia Posts: 1,857 Member
    I have to agree with everyone who has commented on how great you look in that profile photo--you've really changed your body!

    I'm pretty sure we can all relate to your rant, too. I know I can! The important thing is to let it go and keep marching forward. Keep going, you're doing great! :drinker:
  • wickedcricket
    wickedcricket Posts: 1,246 Member
    try not to focus on 'size' and 'appearance' and remember you're getting HEALTHY and IMPROVING YOUR LIFE and lifestyle. Those other things will fall into place. I feel discouraged often because I am not pretty and never have been. So even if I weigh 100lbs, I still won't be YOUNG and certainly not pretty - but I WILL be healthy, fit and happy.

    Being attractive is no guarantee of a longer, better quality of life. Being HEALTHY is.
    Maybe reward yourself with a new hair style, manicure, something like that. A professional facial does WONDERS for your esteem and feels fantastic.
    We're here for you!
    best wishes - Nana
  • 2hmom
    2hmom Posts: 241 Member
    Look in the mirror, you look awesome. Your hard work is paying off. I have felt that way many times. You are inspiring me to keep on, Thank you!
  • ShellGetsFit
    ShellGetsFit Posts: 604 Member
    OMG you look fantastic!!!!! Keep pushing forward, You're doing amazing!!! :happy:
  • salgalbp
    salgalbp Posts: 218 Member
    Congrats on your loss darlin'!

    I'm not sure if we're the same or not but I experienced this with my own loss as well as work in a weight loss clinic and see it all the time. I remember after the first 80 pounds came off I wasn't happy. I was actually really depressed and didn't know it. I wondered what the he11 was wrong with me actually....

    Then I realized over time, over counseling, coaching etc. that son of a gun, my weight was not the cause of my unhappiness it was actually the result. I had it backward.

    So it's taken me four years to come to terms with all the why's and how's of how I let myself get to that place, heal my inner thoughts about myself, understand those thoughts and where they came from.

    There are moments, fleeting as they might be, but they come when I have a tinge of the feeling or self-talk I used to have. However, they used to be months, then days, then hours and now they are moments every once in a great while and sometimes I go so long without thinking about how I used to be that when I see a picture of my old armor I just can't believe it's me because I feel like the person I am today is the person I've always been.

    This isn't just a tummy war, this is a rebuilding of our brains and our lives. You're doing so amazing and I encourage you as you've done here by venting to reach out to others and continue to use all the resources you already have, even the ones you don't recognize to continue your transformation.

    Much love, keep up the good work/s!
    Sal
  • beelanc
    beelanc Posts: 71 Member
    The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph.
    -Thomas Paine

    Keep it up! You are doing and looking fabulous. :flowerforyou:
  • Mamalea32
    Mamalea32 Posts: 134
    Sounds like u have worked soo hard and made serious progress. Be proud! I also feel the need to cover my body, but for the opposite reason. I am at a weight that i have always wanted (113) and my husband and mom criticize saying im too thin. Its bullcrap! I think everybody should be proud of whoever they are. Your post just lit a fire in me that made me want to wear whatever i want and if they dont want to see my collarbone or my muscle tone they better close their eyes. And guess what cellulite is hereditary and i have it on my thighs even though i am thin. So i hope you can realize all people no matter their size may feel compelled to cover up for various reasons. Let us just wear what makes us comfy! Take care of you!:flowerforyou:
  • valeriewxy
    valeriewxy Posts: 418 Member
    Like everyone has said, you're doing amazing! :D

    I know if you look at my pics, you won't believe it - but I feel the same sometmes. Of course tha's down to different expectations from society. I'm 5'4", currently about 148lbs, fit into a comfortable UK 10 (US6), and still have local salespeople eye me suspiciously like I'll rip their clothes if I try them on ;)

    I try not to let it get to me though, cos they is mad yo!

    Keep it up! You'll get there sooner than you think!! *cheers*
  • ngressman
    ngressman Posts: 229 Member
    No one needs to respond- but I just need to vent.

    I'm 1 lb away from losing 60 lbs. I started at 294 lbs, and I'm down to 235. Great, right? I try so hard to think that way, but so much is getting in the way of that.

    For example- 235 lbs is still so unhealthy. So heavy, and I still feel so unattractive. Sure, my confidence has increased because I can actually feel bones in my body again, but I'm still just as self conscious as I was 60 lbs ago. At 294 lbs I was pushing a 26. Now I'm can SQUEEZE into a 14, but realistically, I'm a 16. There was a time I would've LOVED to have been a 16. Now, I'm here- and now what? Eh. Whatever. You have this mentality when you're so big that a size 16 is "normal". It's not. (To me anyway. Im not trying to offend anyone.) I dont feel "normal" in a 16. But, the problem is, I havent been below a 14/16 in about 10 years- so I don't know what that's like anymore. When I look in the mirror I still see 294 lbs. When clothes actually fit my body, I refuse to wear them because I'm afraid people will be looking at any rolls that my spanx don't hide.

    There's nothing I can do but to keep chugging along. Stopping won't get me anywhere at this point; I've come to far. But, the journey is emotionally draining some days. Sometimes I see women who are a 16 and they look phenomenal. Meanwhile, three kids later, my stomach and back fat have seemed to have taken permanent residency on my body. I swear, I've lost 60 lbs of fat just off of my face and arms and nothing else. (Ok, maybe my thighs.)

    I don't know if this is normal with this journey or not. But I do know that this journey is taking absolutely all of my willpower, and the more I lose, the more it takes. My mind isn't keeping up with my body.

    *vent complete* Thanks for reading if you did!

    Just don't do what I did- give up. Now I am starting almost all the way over. (Not quite though) I caught myself before I gained it all back. I think it is normal when you have lost so much \, but still have so much to go to feel a little discouraged. Look at your starting pictures. Remember how far you have come. Sixty pounds is an amazing achievement. Don't let yourself forget that. Keep at it. You have done awesome!
  • carrieous
    carrieous Posts: 1,024 Member
    getting to a 14 is fantastic!! it must feel good at least to be able to shop in more stores
  • Elicur
    Elicur Posts: 78 Member
    Oh dear..
    I could write here for hours, but I just wish I could give you a boost, so just keep your head up high. It gets better ( I was once 230, at age 14 )
  • andrederosier
    andrederosier Posts: 121 Member
    Great going so far. I can relate that you don't see it in mirror. That before/after profile pic is amazing. May I suggest putting up a before and current picture on every mirror to remind you of what a wonderful thing you have accomplished so far.
  • mk_hammer
    mk_hammer Posts: 105
    I TOTALLY get where you're coming from. The other day, one of my MFPals told me something along the lines of "Wow, 70 lbs? You must be so proud!" My first instinct wasn't pride; it was actually shame. I didn't feel proud to have have lost 70 lbs; I felt ashamed that I ever allowed myself to get so big to begin with.

    It's a daily struggle for me. Sometimes I feel proud and accomplished, and other times I feel shame. That's something I'll just have to deal with. The truth is: dwelling on the negative is simply not productive. What's done is done; the past cannot be altered. The future, though, is yet to be determined. Just take it one day at a time. You're on the right track! Give it time, and you'll get where you want to go. :flowerforyou:
  • Jagkat
    Jagkat Posts: 37 Member
    Ugh im the same weight as you also and can't get into non plus size clothes yet either.

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