I'm Probably a Bulimic, Want Support to Change this
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BldHny2002
Posts: 193 Member
Hello.
I've been losing weight through really unhealthy measures since September. I started around 220-215lbs and now I'm sitting around 165-170. It's been almost seven months. I focus on my cardio, but now I'm paying more attention to weight training. I want to be strong, almost ripped even.
To get those muscles I know I needed to eat more. But I already at like, 800 cals a day. How much more do I need to eat? Well, I did some research, did the TDEE and BMR... My BMR is supposedly around 1600, and my TDEE is something like 1950. Yeah, I work out quite a bit on the little food that sustained me.
I was getting really down and depressed, though I didn't really know it. I wanted to eat more, but I don't want to gain... I did some more research. Turns out I'm pretty much a textbook non-purging bulimic, which I guess is why it was so hard for me to realize I had a problem. I didn't throw up. I didn't use laxatives. Sure, on a cheat day I felt guilty about I maybe had /thought/ about it...
So I've managed to up my calories to 1300. I've met those goals (only eating gross, not net 1300). Yesterday I dropped a pound. I thought that was great!
This morning, I gained it back. And I only dropped like 3oz of body fat.
I am tempted to say "screw this" and eat nothing for the day before I work out but I know that's stupid of me. And I'm already hungry anyways.
I need some support to stick with this. When I reach my goal weight and start to maintain I want to be able to enjoy myself! Hahaha.
Right now however because I guess I don't know how to eat my calories I'm mixing them with liquor, which isn't helping me at all XD. Once in a while, sure a drink or two is OK but I can't be filling up my caloric quota with whiskey (as much as I'd like to).
Please give me suggestions on what to do to eat my calories in a way that's beneficial to strength training as well as fat loss( as I'm still pretty focused on my cardio as I want to run a 10k next month)? Also I guess I'm asking for support and friends that are able to help walk me through this and yell at me to eat more than just carrots.
I've been losing weight through really unhealthy measures since September. I started around 220-215lbs and now I'm sitting around 165-170. It's been almost seven months. I focus on my cardio, but now I'm paying more attention to weight training. I want to be strong, almost ripped even.
To get those muscles I know I needed to eat more. But I already at like, 800 cals a day. How much more do I need to eat? Well, I did some research, did the TDEE and BMR... My BMR is supposedly around 1600, and my TDEE is something like 1950. Yeah, I work out quite a bit on the little food that sustained me.
I was getting really down and depressed, though I didn't really know it. I wanted to eat more, but I don't want to gain... I did some more research. Turns out I'm pretty much a textbook non-purging bulimic, which I guess is why it was so hard for me to realize I had a problem. I didn't throw up. I didn't use laxatives. Sure, on a cheat day I felt guilty about I maybe had /thought/ about it...
So I've managed to up my calories to 1300. I've met those goals (only eating gross, not net 1300). Yesterday I dropped a pound. I thought that was great!
This morning, I gained it back. And I only dropped like 3oz of body fat.
I am tempted to say "screw this" and eat nothing for the day before I work out but I know that's stupid of me. And I'm already hungry anyways.
I need some support to stick with this. When I reach my goal weight and start to maintain I want to be able to enjoy myself! Hahaha.
Right now however because I guess I don't know how to eat my calories I'm mixing them with liquor, which isn't helping me at all XD. Once in a while, sure a drink or two is OK but I can't be filling up my caloric quota with whiskey (as much as I'd like to).
Please give me suggestions on what to do to eat my calories in a way that's beneficial to strength training as well as fat loss( as I'm still pretty focused on my cardio as I want to run a 10k next month)? Also I guess I'm asking for support and friends that are able to help walk me through this and yell at me to eat more than just carrots.
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Replies
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I know the drill, I used to be on 600 cals for 3 months (lost a ton), but when I began going to the gym I first increased it to 900 and now I am at 1300ish.
When you increase it from the 600 you will see an improvement in how you feel right away.
When going to the gym you cannot stick to anything below a 1000 or it will kill us.
I also want to get ripped so now I am taking 2 protein shakes after workout (190 cals) and a bunch of fruits once I get home (because I do not want to eat sugars before nighttime). This, plus the tiny breakfast, puts me at around 600 already.
Then I eat fat free cottage cheese and stuff like that in the evening, a few sunflower seeds sometimes, and that makes it a good diet.
To conclude, I know everything you are going through. The 800 cal diet worked fine for me when I was not working out (I did lose a lot of weight and so have you), but when you go to gym you MUST increase cal intake. Considering I am doing weights and cardio every day now I can see improvements in my physical looks a lot, which motivates me the most.0 -
First of all, stop weighing yourself all the time. Your body changes constantly and so will your weight. And it is obviously not good for your head either. I can make myself crazy with the scale-I used to weigh before and after meals, before and after working out, before and after going to the bathroom and it never made any sense. No one could ever explain to me how I could weigh a pound less after eating a hunk of Lasagna.
Just eat your 1300 calories. If you feel better on that amount, eat that for a little bit. Then in a week or two you can increase some more if you want to. You have to do what is right for you. A lot of people on here are going to beat you up about your choices and think their way is the only way to go. You have to do you.
And most of all, don't beat yourself up!0 -
As someone who struggled with eating disorders for years, I would suggest one- that you talk to someone. A friend, a therapist, your doctor, anyone. I didn't talk to anyone for almost two years when I first developed an eating disorder and it was a very mentally exhausting time for me. Once I started seeing a therapist, that's when my life began to change.
As far as cardio and strength training, they are both good. If you want to do a 10k, go ahead and stick to your running cardio. If you want to mix in some weights with it, that's optimal too.
When you choose foods to eat throughout the day and you are having trouble getting to your calorie allowance, use full fat foods instead of diet foods- butter instead of margarine, eggs instead of egg whites, peanut butter, etc. You can look at my diary if you feel as though you need ideas.
I also can try to help you with anything if you need a friend to talk to. I have felt guilty about eating for most of my adult life and like i mentioned, it is EXHAUSTING. It will drain you mentally first before it drains you physically. And the worst part about it is I screwed up my metabolism from all my years of bad eating habits where I didn't eat enough. Be healthy and feel good about it!
BTW if you want to take a look, I gained 9 pounds and still look relatively the same. Try not to let the scale dictate how you feel.
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/960563-i-gained-9-pounds-what-pics
Hope this helps! Message me if you need anything.0 -
First of all, stop weighing yourself all the time. Your body changes constantly and so will your weight. And it is obviously not good for your head either.
^^^THIS
And (Important): http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/3047-700-calories-a-day-and-not-losing
And: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/9433-expectations
And finally: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/8977-your-body-s-thoughts-on-calories
Take some time to read these popular posts on MFP that have been saved by the admins. Get your mindset away from what it is currently and back on track with a healthy one.0 -
As far as weighing myself, last Wednesday I was .0
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As far as weighing myself, last Wednesday I was 168. Today, I'm 167.8. I only weigh once a week, let's say. In an entire week of busting my *kitten* at the gym I only lose two ounces? It's not good enough for me. I'd rather see the fluctuations than no progress. Personally I think you guys are focusing on the wrong part of the issue.0
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You can try opening your diary so those browsing this topic can scrutinize.
Also, if your eating behavior has been bad, then you are going to have a hard time losing weight at this stage until your body recuperates the warfare you waged on it. It's a difficult concept, but that's why so many people on here agree that you have to "eat to lose weight".
I'm going to reiterate that first link I posted as important to someone in the same scenario. You're not obese, but it's written for those who have been eating at a huge difficiency over X amount of time.0 -
As far as weighing myself, last Wednesday I was 168. Today, I'm 167.8. I only weigh once a week, let's say. In an entire week of busting my *kitten* at the gym I only lose two ounces? It's not good enough for me. I'd rather see the fluctuations than no progress. Personally I think you guys are focusing on the wrong part of the issue.
eh, what?!
you're not losing weight because you're not eating enough....0 -
This could be starting something really bad. Years ago I decided to lose weight and get in shape. I lowered my calories and every time I saw that scale move I was ecstatic. It made me want to keep lowering my calories because I thought "Hey, if I'm seeing progress now i'll see even more with less food!!" Long story short I was eating 100 calories a day for a long time. My period stopped for a year, I passed out multiple times, my hair fell out, and people did not want to be around me. As soon as I ate normal I gained all the weight back and then some.
Please either get help or change how you are eating because trust me, if you keep this up you are going to go down a path that will be extremely difficult to deal with later down the line.0 -
Please either get help or change how you are eating because trust me, if you keep this up you are going to go down a path that will be extremely difficult to deal with later down the line.
... I thought I was doing that?0 -
Please either get help or change how you are eating because trust me, if you keep this up you are going to go down a path that will be extremely difficult to deal with later down the line.
... I thought I was doing that?
I think you are too. My advice would be to try to maintain where you are as you continue to increase your calories so you're netting at least 1200 each day, while continuing your workout routine, whatever it might be. Your body is probably confused by the extra calories it needs.0 -
As far as weighing myself, last Wednesday I was 168. Today, I'm 167.8. I only weigh once a week, let's say. In an entire week of busting my *kitten* at the gym I only lose two ounces? It's not good enough for me. I'd rather see the fluctuations than no progress. Personally I think you guys are focusing on the wrong part of the issue.
eh, what?!
you're not losing weight because you're not eating enough....
Yesterday morning I was 166.4, today I gained a lb of it back... um... I'm pretty sure NOT eating made me lose the weight in the first place, and now eating MORE is causing me to gain, so... I understand that eating more will cause me to gain weight initially. I get that. What this topic was about was asking for support and motivation (and advice on how to hit higher calorie goals) so as to not immediately starve myself of work out for an additional hour to help counter act it.
I want to change my habit, but I know I can't do it alone.0 -
As far as weighing myself, last Wednesday I was 168. Today, I'm 167.8. I only weigh once a week, let's say. In an entire week of busting my *kitten* at the gym I only lose two ounces? It's not good enough for me. I'd rather see the fluctuations than no progress. Personally I think you guys are focusing on the wrong part of the issue.
eh, what?!
you're not losing weight because you're not eating enough....
Yesterday morning I was 166.4, today I gained a lb of it back... um... I'm pretty sure NOT eating made me lose the weight in the first place, and now eating MORE is causing me to gain, so... I understand that eating more will cause me to gain weight initially. I get that. What this topic was about was asking for support and motivation (and advice on how to hit higher calorie goals) so as to not immediately starve myself of work out for an additional hour to help counter act it.
I want to change my habit, but I know I can't do it alone.
the best thing that help me deal with b/p was understanding that a pound up on the scale (especially overnight) does not mean a pound of actual fat/weight gain. There are many reasons as to why your weight will shift like that. I know it's hard but stop weighing yourself everyday. Please try to get help to deal with this.0 -
I think there is a possiblity that you will get a lot of opinions here...some good, some bad, some offensive. I would strongly suggest talking to a trainer, nutritionist, or dietician....someone who has some professional training. They will help you ease back into a healthy caloric intake whilst losing weight/exercsing.
You are very wise to reach out for help. This site is good to give emotional support...but you also need professional support to lose the weight healthily.
Best of luck to you
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As a recovering bulimic and a mental health counselor, I say this with the utmost sincerity:
***You need to get help.****
You have some issue with food. We all do, but yours has become the manager in your life, not you. Unless you figure out why and what is going on to cause the issues, you will struggle. Maybe you can conquer that struggle, maybe you can't. But a good therapist/support group will definitely make a difference.
MFP, while helpful, is not the support group you need. I dont know what your health insurance status is, but many people do a sliding scale for payment and I run a support group in my area free of charge. It is my way of giving back and hoping that I can stop someone before they go the route I did. I still struggle. I still fight the problems and messed up way of thinking. There are still days I lay beside the toilet and through sheer willpower manage to not make myself throw up. And that is after 2 years of treatment and grad school. Some have an easier road back. Mine is littered with fast food bags, lol. I hope you take this to heart.0 -
I have a friend dealing with bulimia and myfitnesspal is a trigger for her. I recommend getting off of myfitnesspal and seeing a therapist. I wish you lots of good luck with this problem.0
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In an entire week of busting my *kitten* at the gym I only lose two ounces? It's not good enough for me.Yesterday morning I was 166.4, today I gained a lb of it back... um... I'm pretty sure NOT eating made me lose the weight in the first place, and now eating MORE is causing me to gain, so... I understand that eating more will cause me to gain weight initially. I get that. What this topic was about was asking for support and motivation (and advice on how to hit higher calorie goals) so as to not immediately starve myself of work out for an additional hour to help counter act it.
I want to change my habit, but I know I can't do it alone.
The first quote is wat I was referring to... I don't understand if you are trying to gain or lose or what0 -
I'm glad you are reaching out. You recognized that it is a problem and you are seeking help. There is a lot of good advice in this thread. Overnight weight gains of one pound aren't real. You would have had to consume 3,500 Calories more than you burned during that time! We all know that didn't happen! Remember you had those nachos, which are probably high in sodium, and that will make you retain water. We are dealing with the human body, so there is no EXACT science here. As you see from others who have been there, seeking the help of a professional would be best. With a little help, you can do this! I know you can!0
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Hi, I have bulimia and for the past 2 days have binged on anything fatty/high carbs/sugary I could find in my house. Seen as my mum doesn't buy confectionaries I binged today and last night (2.30am!) on peanut butter, jam on bread, cereal, peanuts, cheese on toast, yoghurts, and tea biscuits. I ate so much and because it was mixing salty and sugary I genuinely felt sick. Problem is Im so used to gagging I now can't vomit anything due to my gag reflex. This left me feeling mortified and I stupidly drank salt water and baking soda to try and enduce vomiting.. which got me nowhere except feeling extremely dizzy and with bad stomach cramps.
I checked my weight and have put on 1 kg just within 2 days of b/p. Is there anyway I can lose this rapidly? Im becoming so desperate now I'm considering plastic surgery which I don't have money for but which I would get a loan for.
Definitely lost my mind, and losing my battle to bulimia.
Please if you are in similair situations and would like to overcome this add me with a message. I really want to talk to people about it and help people recover as it will be helping all of us. I can't tell my family or friends because they wouldn't understand.
Lets beat bulimia the bully together.
Bexta x0 -
You need to see a doctor. Not too much healthy behavior in any of these posts.0
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