Can marriage survive major weight loss?

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Newb_Jaycee
Newb_Jaycee Posts: 3
in Chit-Chat
Hi all,

I'm hoping to gain some insights here as to relationships and major weight loss. My partner has recently lost a lot of weight and is considering leaving the marriage/family. I'm so proud of their achievement and have been supporting them from the sidelines while taking care of the house and children. Now there's a whole new life out there for them and perhaps more attractive new mates. While I may not appear to be super healthy I have amazing endurance and have never been the one to tire out on excursions. I'm always looking for things to do with the little ones. There have been discussions out there about those who go through dramatic weight loss can benefit from counseling to help figure out how to deal with all these new feelings. Any suggestions or insights are welcome. I don't know who to talk to about this stuff.

Thanks!

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  • _the_feniks_
    _the_feniks_ Posts: 3,443 Member
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    I'd recommend counseling, it may help. The grass is not always greener on the other side. My ex-wife and I both lost a lot of weight together and she still felt the urge to act on those "more attractive new mates". Her loss, I'm f'n awesome.

    Best of luck to you. Just know that whatever happens, you'll be OK and stronger for have gone through it.
  • BlackStarDeceiver
    BlackStarDeceiver Posts: 590 Member
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    Mine didn't. But it was only a small piece of the puzzle.
  • staceybrewer
    staceybrewer Posts: 36 Member
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    Mine did not survive. I have weight loss surgery and the surgeon told me up front (in front of my spouse) that it would probably kill the marriage. He wanted me to be aware of that up front.

    Let me be clear - The weight loss did not kill the marriage.

    The marriage did die, however.

    Counseling could help. I wish you luck.
  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,834 Member
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    Hi all,

    I'm hoping to gain some insights here as to relationships and major weight loss. My partner has recently lost a lot of weight and is considering leaving the marriage/family. I'm so proud of their achievement and have been supporting them from the sidelines while taking care of the house and children. Now there's a whole new life out there for them and perhaps more attractive new mates. While I may not appear to be super healthy I have amazing endurance and have never been the one to tire out on excursions. I'm always looking for things to do with the little ones. There have been discussions out there about those who go through dramatic weight loss can benefit from counseling to help figure out how to deal with all these new feelings. Any suggestions or insights are welcome. I don't know who to talk to about this stuff.

    Thanks!

    Weight isn't the issue. If they are thinking of leaving it is something that has always been there, revolving around some other issues. Probably their own issues and not completely related to the marriage either.

    Best of luck.
  • Alex_is_Hawks
    Alex_is_Hawks Posts: 3,499 Member
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    I have never been married, but my last relationship did not survive.

    Oddly enough weight was at the "crux" of it for him but not for me. For me our relationship died on a very different rocky cliff.

    He however insists that if I hadn't lost the weight we would still be together.

    (THAT is NOT true, I still would have left him).

    I have however moved on and found a partner that is 1000 times more supportive and better.

    So. in short, I WIN.
  • rosebarnalice
    rosebarnalice Posts: 3,488 Member
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    I suspect that the weight loss is an excuse and that there may be something else that is at the core of what is challenging the relationship . . . and that may or may not have anything to do with the weight loss.

    If the only thing that was keeping your partner in the relationship was/is a poor self image {as in "I can't do any better than this, so I might as well hang in there . . ." } you have to ask yourself if it was a relationship worth having.

    You may have some difficult days ahead, dear. Counseling may not be the worst idea--either for both of you, or for you.
  • DontStopB_Leakin
    DontStopB_Leakin Posts: 3,863 Member
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    Mine did, and it's stronger than ever.

    When my husband and I started dating, I was 190 lbs. By the time I had our son, I was 298 lbs.

    I'm now 155 lbs. He has been nothing but supportive the entire time. Yes, he went through a bit of insecurity; he's a bit overweight, with maybe 30 lbs to lose. He thought I would explore greener pastures, since I had started being approached by attractive men who would have never even given me the time of day when I was at my heaviest.


    I just reminded him, over and over, that HE is the one I loved. HE is the one I chose to have a son with. HE is the one I had chosen to live out the rest of my life with. No amount of weight loss or gain will ever change that.

    I'm sorry you're partner doesn't feel the same way. I'd suggest counseling, but it might just be that their true nature is finally shining through.
  • Newb_Jaycee
    Newb_Jaycee Posts: 3
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    Thanks everyone. Of course there are other issues at hand, what relationship doesn't have them. When I've been fed up of being over weight in the past and thought about taking control, I'd wonder to myself if I too would want to move onto new exciting sexy men. Truth is I love him, and have unconditionally from his +300 lb days.

    Well if it ends up not working out and I keep on my quest, I'll be smokin' hot and in control. :glasses:

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