New, from the UK, aim to lose 126 lbs and here's my story..

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Hello,

I'm new to MFP. A mate who previously used this site, recommended I join and set the account up for me. Now it's my turn to make things happen for myself. I'm nineteen and from the United Kingdom. My aim is to lose 126 lbs, I've already lost 6 lbs myself and I'd love to possible lose more once my goal is reached. It'd be a bonus if I gained muscles too! But the biggest reason I'm doing this? Is to gain confidence. I've had enough of getting called "fat", "ugly" and "somebody who should have been swallowed".

I've figured out why I gained weight and now I want to lose it. Along with the reminding image of my past, I want it gone. I was neglected and abused as a child by family, taken into care at the age of 16 when I finally opened up to the police (June 2010). But was put through hell as a child, older boy's I looked up to in my community? Took advantage of the broken me, I was sexual assaulted repeatedly growing up. Along with getting bullied because I was a 'social outcast', who was quite and wouldn't talk to nobody. Just from that? I was a chubby child and teenager cause I found comfort eating as my way out.

Then after I was taken into care, I got bullied by boy's in the home. Ended up getting into endless fights, put down and scared to go out my bedroom. Then came a time for three months, I stopped eating.. dropped two dress sizes and then social workers relised that a care home wasn't the best environment for me. I got sent up to Scotland to visit a distance family member (September 2010).

Who I then figured was my father's sister, who gave me the same abuse and neglect my dad did growing up. She stopped me from having contact with everybody, friends and my mother down in England. She took away my mobile, internet and I wasn't aloud out.. only to college. I already suffered depression from my childhood and got told it'd never go. But her doing this? Broke me and I broke down. The instant I started crying in a corner in my room, she packed me into a car with her fiance and took me to the local hospital. Tried to get me done for being mental, they told her I'm completely normal. So a college friend, saw how broken I was. Bought me a secret mobile, so if I needed her.. she'd pop round and ask for me to come out! Even though she lived in the next village, she said she'd travel just to help me. But soon as my aunt found my phone? She phoned the police and the told her she can't take it off me as I was 17. So that day? She sent me back to England.. well London In-fact.

Aged 17, on the 1st February 2011.. I came back to London and was also made homeless that day. I spent 3 night on the street, then a charity found me and took me to a housing place who put me in a Bed and Breakfast until 14th March. When I was put into a young women's hostel. On the 23rd of February, I met a young man who had autism like my younger brother (who still lives at home) and he soon became my boyfriend. His autism wasn't bad and doctors said if he went to get diagnosed today? They wouldn't be able to see it. The day I moved into my hostel, I asked him to help me set it up to be homely in my room. Instead of making my bed? I ended up losing my virginity that night. Biggest regret of my life.

On April 2011, he demanded me to get the implant for birth control. So I did, cause I was scared.. alone and had nobody. He was the only person who seemed to care about me. With the implant? I gained a lot of weight that bumped up to 18 stone. Plus my boyfriend at the time, only ate McDonald's and fatty snacks. That was a part of his Autism. He didn't eat normally, so I ate the same and the weight just piled on.

Then in December 2011, my period's started going dodgy and February 2012 doctors told me my implant was failing and I have to get it removed asap cause it was making me unwell. My boyfriend, kept putting it off and 29th April 2012 he dumped me.. out of the blue and blocked all contact after 14 months of dating. A week later, hostel worker took me to the clinic to get my implant removed and I had to take tests. One came back pregnant.. I was pregnant (2 weeks) with my ex's baby who just dropped me.

I tried contacting him, his family and friends. He didn't want to know and didn't believe I was carrying his child. During may to mid June. I cried none stop, felt alone and on June 14th. I woke up in pain and a pool of blood on my bed.. for a few days it was none stop bleeding like a period then I had to go toilet one-day and felt as if I needed a poo. But instead, it was a huge blood looking thing in the toilet. When I went doctors the next day, they said that was my baby. (Crying now why typing this). I broke down once agian, turned to comfort eating and hit 18 and a half stone.

In July, my ex then agreed to meet up. I looked in his eyes and cried as I told him.. about loosing our baby and how much it hurt that he did a runner. He kissed me and said he wants to build bridges but doesn't want to date me because he mum didn't like me and then after that? He blocked me out again. So that resulted in me smoking and drinking at the age of 18.

August 20th 2012, I finally got out my hostel and got my own flat. Didn't have nothing in it, beside a mattress cause I couldn't find work and I'm on benfiits to pay my bills. Then Oct 2012, I met my current boyfriend via a dating website a mate signed me up for. I wasn't exactly looking for a relationship. But decided to give this a chance and went on a date with him. We've been together since and since he's come into my life? I've never been happier or felt okay like this before.

He knows I suffer manic depression, may have bipolar and he loves me for me. He helped me get second hand furniture for my home and helping me budget, look for work. Helping me build a future for myself. He knows my past, he knows my hurt and he knows I break-down at times. But what he does? He sits there, listens, holds me tight when I cry and tells me to focus on our future.

Its funny too, we're the same height.. but I'm 247 lbs and hes 11 stone with muscles. I wonder why he's with me and he says I'm a strong person and my personalty so amazing. Although I've been hurt and broken, I try to smile and carry on. He said thats a beautiful quality to have and he said I always put people before myself and I should have somebody to care for me and thats him.

(I'm actually in tears now)

We've spoken about my past and I've told him? This weight reminds me of it so much and I want to lose it. So he's said he'll support me 101%, gives me advice and even bought me an exercise bike to use at home because I don't have money for GYM. He's in UNI, works out and eats healthy. So he's like my own personal trainer and with his support, help and motivation. I've lost 6 lbs.

I've also told him I want to lose the weight to be happier and confident. But also so when I do eventually start a family, I can see a pregnancy bump and not fat. I'll never forget the child I lost, a family member in his family who's psych... who didn't even know I lost a baby. Told me that I would have had a little boy, so I named him Alex and I'm also doing this in his memory.

Sorry about the essay, but I want to get it out there.. my life and why I'm this size. But I can truly say? I'm happier now and I've never felt this good emotionally. I'm happy, in love and want a future with this man!

So yeah, don't know what else to say?

Here's some fact's, may as-well put it on the end and once again sorry its long and depressive.

Weight - 247 lbs
Night - 5'7
Neck - (Will do when I find tape thing)
Thighs - "
Waist - "

Another thing is, because of my past and lack of confidence. I honestly don't feel like putting a photo up yet.. till I'm slightly happy with my body. Sorry.

Paige ♡