Need some straight talk

Madam_Patrick
Madam_Patrick Posts: 30 Member
in Motivation and Support
I am 5'3" and weigh 213lbs. I started at 243lbs about a year and a half ago. In October 2012, I got down to 199.

I feel stupid. I haven't had the motivation. I haven't had the will power. I am struggling with believing I can get down below 200lbs and stay there.

Please do not be super nasty or negative, but I need some straight talk. I need someone to tell me I can do it and help me get back on track.

Help.

Thank you.

Replies

  • JesterMFP
    JesterMFP Posts: 3,596 Member
    You already have the motivation, or you wouldn't be here. Will-power is over-rated. You will not always feel like doing what you need to do. What you need is the determination to do it anyway. You need to make the decision to make this a priority, and then keep making that decision. You can do this. I have been obese for most of my adult and teenage life. At my highest (recorded) weight I was 214 lbs, and I am 5'3" too. So, I know it can be done!

    What's worked for me is making small, sustainable changes. Look at this as something that's going to take a long time. It's going to take a long time to lose it, but it doesn't even stop there. Don't make changes that you can't see yourself living with for the next year, or 5 years, or 10 years. Don't cut out all the foods you love or rush into an exercise programme that you don't really enjoy. Keep it simple and start with logging your food. Log everything and try to meet your calorie goals. Do that for a while, and when you feel ok with that, you can look at your diet as a whole and make any changes you decide are necessary. Even if you've been doing this consistently for a while, sometimes just going back to basics can take the pressure off a bit.

    I saw on your profile that you're a runner. Are you still keeping up with that? Have you/can you set more goals to do with running?

    You say on your profile that you're a "busy lady". Think about some of those things that you're busy with. I'm guessing there are some things in your life that are non-negotiable, whether it's to do with your marriage, or job, or even just having a shower in the morning. Some things that you do without even thinking, some things that maybe are a chore or difficult, but are important enough to keep doing anyway. Make weight loss one of those things. Stop making it an option not to do what you need to do. It's not easy, otherwise people wouldn't spend their whole lives struggling with weight. It can be done though!
  • rebelate
    rebelate Posts: 218 Member
    It's not easy, and sometimes getting off track is just what you need to remind yourself where you want to be. You need to remind yourself why you're doing this, and where you want to be. You're still 30 pounds lighter than where you were before, don't forget that or discredit that loss. You've done it once, and you can do it again.

    I'm 5'4", and in 2009 I went from 235 down to 170lb. I was elated. BUT, last June I stepped on the scale, and found myself back at 225lb. I was so upset with myself. I knew I was buying bigger sizes, but I didn't realize just HOW much I had gained. I was so discouraged, and just pis~ed off at myself. I got down on myself for days, looked up old pictures, cried. I kind of floundered around, and half heartedly attempted to lose weight. I slowly got more serious about it, and I'm down to 193.

    I still get upset that it's taking me a long time to lose the weight, but at least I'm losing it and getting back on track.

    <3
  • lkenn67
    lkenn67 Posts: 215 Member
    I know you can do it.

    I started at 257 four years ago. I am currently at 169. It has not been an easy task. Sometimes I am on it, doing everything right, getting exercise and eating healthy food. However there are many times I struggle, have a great morning and then start eating in the pm and blow all my hard work. But the most important thing is I don't give up. I hurt my neck last year and gained back 20 lbs, but I am not giving up. I am still here, I am making a plan.

    The only way you fail is if you give up. You aren't doing that you are asking for help and you are sticking with it. I have confidence in you

    I will send you a friend request we can help each other get over this hurdle.
  • rosebarnalice
    rosebarnalice Posts: 3,488 Member
    OWN IT!!!!!

    You CAN do this-- you HAVE done this. It's not magic: Eat less, exercise more. It sucks, but it's the only way it works, and you know that.

    Nobody else can do this for you. You are responsible for every piece of food that goes in your mouth and every step you take. BE responsible. OWN that responsibility.

    Now, "responsibility" is a funny word. The phrase "I'm responsible" can mean "I'm guilty" -- as in, "I'm responsible for finishing the half a cake in the freezer," or "I'm responsible for blowing off my workout today."

    But "I'm responsible" can also mean "I can be trusted" or "I did that!"-- as in "I'm responsible for making good meal choices", and "I'm responsible for the awesome high I feel for about an hour after I get off the treadmill."

    And that's what I mean about OWNING it:

    OWN your responsibility! Make it yours! And when you DO get to your goal and somebody asks you how you did it, you can say "I'm responsible!" "I DID that!"
  • kwoodson94
    kwoodson94 Posts: 37
    I so know what you are going through! I have been struggling for about a year. I was at my highest over 300 lbs, I was so discouraged I quit weighing myself. But a size 28 was snug. Once I had the nerve to get on the scale again, I was 298. I am now 264. I had actually been 20 pounds less and gained that back! For me, it has been a mental struggle. I need 2 hip replacements and eventually, after the hips, 2 knees. I do walk as much as I can, but its limited and I swim. That kinda got spoiled when I fell on the wet surface and cracked my head open on the steel gate. I have been avoiding the pool since my 7 stitch gash. I cannot seem to wrap my mind and will power around the process. I am my own worst sabotager. Of course it doesnt help that my husband and one of my daughters, are not on the same page and will lbe tempted by their food at times but I cannot blame them, I will always be tempoted so I need to just get over it. I like what the one person told you, that this is a decision we need to make over and over. THat makes sense to me. Even if I just go day to day and every day, every meal, make that decision. Maybe that is enough to take on right now.
    I wish you great success. Friend request me if you like, I love and need the support too. Plus when we help each other we reaffirm our commitment.to ourselves, our bodies and a healthy life style.
  • Beeps2011
    Beeps2011 Posts: 12,151 Member
    My favourite saying right now is:

    "Do or do not - there is no trying".

    If you KNOW where that quote is from, 100 points to you.

    More importantly, if you FOLLOW that quote, in regards to your fat loss, 1,000,000,000,000,000,000 points to you!
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
    youve done it once you can do it again, but do it before it's too late.
  • lkenn67
    lkenn67 Posts: 215 Member
    My favourite saying right now is:

    "Do or do not - there is no trying".

    If you KNOW where that quote is from, 100 points to you.

    More importantly, if you FOLLOW that quote, in regards to your fat loss, 1,000,000,000,000,000,000 points to you!


    Well done my young Jedi
  • jgcurry3
    jgcurry3 Posts: 172 Member
    If you need motivation look in the mirror. If that isnt motivation enough I dont know what is.
  • olDave
    olDave Posts: 557 Member
    I don't have the answer for you. Seriously, I doubt that anyone does. I know that sounds discouraging, but think about it for a minute. Can the comments of total strangers (let alone people we know) REALLY cause something inside of us to change?

    You asked for straight talk and I'm not saying these things to be mean....just honest.

    Now....speaking for myself and other people I have had this discussion with in the past, there seems to be an indescribable something in our psyche that "clicks" for no appearant reason. It has to happen before we can do those things we have previously found hard or impossible to do. When that happens to you it will be obvious and you'll be successful.

    Good luck.:smile:
  • Madam_Patrick
    Madam_Patrick Posts: 30 Member
    Special Thanks to each of you! Thank you for the straight talk! If you're willing to be an encourager and if you want/need more MFP friends, please request me.
    Each of you has helped me!
    Rethinking and refocusing is helpful.

    I will do this!
  • Smokey19
    Smokey19 Posts: 796 Member
    You really can do this. Just keep logging everything. Try changing up your calorie intake...staggering it by increasing it a couple days a week and decreasing it the other days. Do cardio exercises several times a wk. and wt. lifting a couple times a wk. Keep the faith.
  • jzammetti
    jzammetti Posts: 1,956 Member
    Of course you CAN do this - we all CAN. Whether or not we DO, is another issue altogether.

    Some tips to maybe make it easier:

    1. Do not undereat - calculate your BMR and TDEE and eat at a reasonable deficit from there
    2. Incorporate weight training into your weekly routine (this will improve esthetcis by a HUGE amount)
    3. Take measurements as well as weight so when you think you are stuck you can see the changes going on in inches
    4. Take before photos (something I did not do and am sad for it) - use them to self-check when you get frustrated or unmotivated
    5. Be patient! Losing 75 pounds took me over 2 years. Learn to feed yourself for helath and workout for fitness and use what you learn to maintain forever.

    That's right - I said FOREVER. You CAN do this. Now Just DO IT. :flowerforyou: :happy:
  • rsjoWECHANGED
    rsjoWECHANGED Posts: 11
    Hi Madam P. I just got back on track this week after the winter blues and some other excuses I used to allow myself to re-gain the 15kgs I lost last year!

    I am blogging about it and looking for some company on facebook if you are interested (https://www.facebook.com/HealthyIntentions)

    If you need a real kick in the pants you should look up Sharny and Julius and Fitlosophy - they are all over the news in Australia with their tough love approach.
  • sc10985
    sc10985 Posts: 347 Member

    Now....speaking for myself and other people I have had this discussion with in the past, there seems to be an indescribable something in our psyche that "clicks" for no appearant reason. It has to happen before we can do those things we have previously found hard or impossible to do. When that happens to you it will be obvious and you'll be successful.

    Good luck.:smile:

    This is sooo true! I have half heartedly attempted to lose weight in the past but only for all the wrong reasons. This time around I'm doing it for me and I truly feel that it's gonna happen. Good luck! You CAN and WILL do it!! :)
  • TheDarlingOne
    TheDarlingOne Posts: 255 Member
    My best advice, start looking at the positives:

    1. you've lost before, so you know how! :)
    2. at least you're not starting at 375/could be worse (as is yours truly lol)

    You can do it! :)
  • jenf235
    jenf235 Posts: 157 Member
    If you have done it before, you can definitely do it again! I have been so discouraged all week because I have hit my first major plateau, so I am going to tell you the same things that everyone has been telling me...get ready....

    You can do this. You are strong and have the desire to do this. We all hit points where it gets hard and we want to give up, but the final prize is so worth all of the hard work! And YOU are worth the hard work!

    (Now can you remind me to be strong and keep fighting, because I totally felt like giving up this week!)
  • cranium853
    cranium853 Posts: 138 Member
    Weight loss is pretty cool because it's about NOT doing something. I do NOT eat things that aren't good for me any more. I do NOT abuse myself for having imperfections. I do NOT behave in an unrealistic manner. And I do NOT give up. If I can eat properly, be nice to myself ten minutes at a time, I will NOT have to buy new clothes for a decade, just keep going deeper into the closet where the formerly fitting clothes are still hanging. I was in labor for about 20 hours for that first kid. I can go ten minutes without eating something that isn't good for me. If I had to choose between standing on my head and going ten minutes without something I won't want to tote arund tomorrow or going into labor for ten minutes, um, no contest.

    I use the positives. I find foods I like and stick with them. Sometimes taking the adventure out of the food is more important than finding twelve new recipes to obsess about. My breakfast is A or B or C or D. An IHOP sandwich or a bowl of cereal or a turkey sandwich or toast and jam. I like jam. I have some fruit that I enjoy with my breakfast and I get out of the house. Lunch is often Subway because I like Subway. It worked for Jared. Or it will be a frozen dinner because I don't want to think too much. Or a can of really good soup at my desk. Dinner is simple. Bedtime is that fabulous Greek yogurt and fruit I don't have to obsess because I have already made up my mind what to eat and I don't bring wierd stuff into the house.

    The toughest part of joining MFP was being willing to stop calling myself names and to just do it, to accept where I was and that I wanted some support to make the changes. I have a poster in my office that has a Carl Rogers quote, something about the paradox of change not coming into our lives until we are willing to accept ourselves just as we are. If I never lose another pound I am still a good person. If I see myself as a good and loveable person why would I want to feed myself garbage?
  • jdevory
    jdevory Posts: 3
    Here it is, I am a mother of 3 with a very high demanding career and I weighed 233 last May...today I weigh 158, only about 10 pounds left to goal! If I can do it, you can! Just imagine how it feels to go shopping and buy a size 10, or just getting up off the floor doesn't feel like you have a piano on your back. That is what you want! You deserve to feel energetic, light and good about yourself and the only person who can change to get there is you!
  • jdevory
    jdevory Posts: 3
    Weight loss is pretty cool because it's about NOT doing something. I do NOT eat things that aren't good for me any more. I do NOT abuse myself for having imperfections. I do NOT behave in an unrealistic manner. And I do NOT give up. If I can eat properly, be nice to myself ten minutes at a time, I will NOT have to buy new clothes for a decade, just keep going deeper into the closet where the formerly fitting clothes are still hanging. I was in labor for about 20 hours for that first kid. I can go ten minutes without eating something that isn't good for me. If I had to choose between standing on my head and going ten minutes without something I won't want to tote arund tomorrow or going into labor for ten minutes, um, no contest.

    I use the positives. I find foods I like and stick with them. Sometimes taking the adventure out of the food is more important than finding twelve new recipes to obsess about. My breakfast is A or B or C or D. An IHOP sandwich or a bowl of cereal or a turkey sandwich or toast and jam. I like jam. I have some fruit that I enjoy with my breakfast and I get out of the house. Lunch is often Subway because I like Subway. It worked for Jared. Or it will be a frozen dinner because I don't want to think too much. Or a can of really good soup at my desk. Dinner is simple. Bedtime is that fabulous Greek yogurt and fruit I don't have to obsess because I have already made up my mind what to eat and I don't bring wierd stuff into the house.

    The toughest part of joining MFP was being willing to stop calling myself names and to just do it, to accept where I was and that I wanted some support to make the changes. I have a poster in my office that has a Carl Rogers quote, something about the paradox of change not coming into our lives until we are willing to accept ourselves just as we are. If I never lose another pound I am still a good person. If I see myself as a good and loveable person why would I want to feed myself garbage?

    This was an awesome post! I need a "like" button!

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