awkward .....

crazydaisy15
crazydaisy15 Posts: 47
in Motivation and Support
My goal is to feel comfortable in my own skin and I think that everyone should be everyone's goal. I think this comes from taking care of yourself and being healthy.
I am not there yet. I haven't' been there in a long time. But what's good for me, and comfortable for me isn't going to be the same for everyone.
So tonight, when my younger, fitter, better looking friends are talking about needing to lose 4 pounds, or fussing over a little excess skin, I tried my best to listen, and be supportive. But I couldn't help feeling a little awkward. These are fit women. And they have had babies, etc. I just felt like there came a point in the conversation when it dawned on them that I don't have the same concerns as they do, and that maybe they shouldn't be talking about these minor issues in front of me.
I really don't' know what to say to people, when they talk about stuff like that. I don't have any advice or anything.
I just want to not be so fat. I'm not worried about a six pack!
But I don't want to ever belittle anyone else's issues, just because they are not mine. If a little bit of excess skin bothers this friend, then I hope she finds a way to take care of it, or feel better about it. But I'm sorry -- I don't know what to say when she lifts her shirt and shows me her tan, flat tummy. I can't have a lot of sympathy. But I tell her I know she works hard and she looks great. I don't compare her to me. I tell her her hard work shows.
Well, anyway, I handled it the best that I could. Sometimes I thought they were being a little insensitive, or maybe just a little dense. But I kept telling myself that these issues are just as important to them as losing 40 pounds is to me.
I don't' really know why I'm writing all this. Does anyone else get in to these situations?
I have such mixed feelings.

Replies

  • okcat4
    okcat4 Posts: 224 Member
    You are taking the high road! I vote for dense. I bet they do not see you as fat/ over weight or whichever term you think you are. But keep in mind 4 pounds or 40, we all have similar body issues and trouble losing. You did well and yes, it is awkward, but do ask for support when you need it.IF they are your friends, they will give it.
  • ihateroses
    ihateroses Posts: 893 Member
    This is what friends are for, discussing their issues and insecurities. When I was overweight I felt like every time I tried to confide in my friend (also overweight) she would always dismiss my problems and say something along the lines of "well i have it worse than you" (we are no longer friends).

    Be there for your friends, and they will be there for you.
  • paintlisapurple
    paintlisapurple Posts: 982 Member
    We tend to be our own worst critics, and our friends/loved ones don't judge us as harshly. For instance, my daughter (who is in her twenties, and I am (gulp) 43 are both on a weight loss/ healthy lifestyle mission. She weighs a bit less than I, but sees herself much differently, and vice versa but we have similar goals (and similar reasons for them) and we support eachother one hundred percent.
    Good luck on your journey. :flowerforyou:
  • theCarlton
    theCarlton Posts: 1,344 Member
    It sounds like you handled it well, but also try to remember that they aren't thinking about you (or each other) when they talk about their own goals. They're thinking about themselves, the same way you are solely concerned with your goals for weight loss and fitness. The path to feeling comfortable in one's own skin is sometimes only 4lb away. It doesn't make it any less important to that person. Good luck to you. :smile:
  • crazydaisy15
    crazydaisy15 Posts: 47
    Yes, they are really my friends and I know that no one would ever intentionally make me feel bad. This woman in whom I can see no physical flaws, really does see these things and is bothered by them. She's so nice and doesn't probably even see the flaws in others.
    But then on the other hand, I would never complain to a homeless person about how I get so tired of cleaning my 4 bedroom, 3 bath, home.
    But seriously, I'm ok with it. The responses here tell me I was right to not get hurt or offended, and to respect her comments because it was important to her.
    I am fairly private about my struggles with weight. But I know if I asked her advice, she would give me the best she had. So I should do the same.
    And maybe someday, I can fuss about some excess skin! :wink:
  • ckeatonrn
    ckeatonrn Posts: 17
    Real friends do notice when the conversation gets a little "awkward." It's good to know your friends are aware and care! It's hard when we want what others have. But we can get healthier, fitter and lighter! It's not easy but focus down the road a couple of years, not on tomorrow and your journey will be successful! Slow and steady wins the race, fast and furious wears you out (especially at our age!). Perhaps if you tell your friends that you need their help, tell them what would help (or not help) and then accept their assistance graciously. Ask how you can help them to meet their goals. It's easier together than alone.
  • MidnightDave
    MidnightDave Posts: 18 Member
    Thanks for sharing, there's some good advice above this post and let me chime in with this. We're all at different places in our fitness journey and all likely harder on ourselves than we should be. I'm basically a skinny guy with a paunch who's a strategic dresser so everybody says you look fine--only my wife and my massage therapist know the ugly truth! If you smile, EVERYBODY looks better instantly, no matter their size, shape, goals or feelings. We can get so caught up in clothing sizes, scales, BMI, inches, heart rates, caloric intake, muscle mass and again, a smile can add or erase any of that, instantly. Let's keep plugging away at our own personal journey and wear a smile all the while...
  • lithezebra
    lithezebra Posts: 3,670 Member
    There are always more interesting things to talk about that one's weight and minor physical flaws.

Categories