"Bigger girl" all my life.

benya23
benya23 Posts: 2
in Introduce Yourself
I've never exactly posted an introduction message on a forum before, but here goes:

I'm a 27 (almost 28) year old woman who has been a bit bigger all my life. My mother has always had a weight issue (and continues to do so) and the eating habits of the entire family was terrible. It wasn't until I moved out on my own that I realized that I am capable of making my own choices and that my family was really influencing my food.

I have never, ever been happy with my body. I've always been bigger. I weigh about 220 now--the most I've ever been. I haven't even had children yet, and I shudder to think of how I will look then. For whatever reason, my friends/coworkers are always saying that I don't look my weight... but that's how it is.

I've tried numerous diets and things, even medication. This is my first attempt at actually calorie counting. My boyfriend is taking a trip across the country (on a bicycle, of all things) and will be gone for a few months. He teasingly said that all of our friends, including me, needed to have an exercise regimen while he was gone so we could keep up with him. Uh, that probably won't happen. The guy runs five to eight miles for fun. Then plays video games for an entire day. It doesn't make any sense.

Since he left, I've been walking every day. He hasn't been gone long (since Monday......) but I've done a two mile, a four mile, and another two mile. I plan on doing this daily. I've started the calorie counting process, though I seem to have difficulty eating enough, rather than too much.

I'm hoping to drop down to 150. I'd be happy with 170. Hell, I'd be happy with anything under 200. Seriously.

I want to like the way I look. I never have. I want to feel confident, whether I'm dressed for work, dressed to go out to party, or in bed. I am comfortable with who I am on the inside--I just want the outside to match.

So hello, welcome to me.

Replies

  • yuko120
    yuko120 Posts: 36
    Girl, reading your message was like reading my own life story. I too am 220lb. With my 5ft 1in small frame, that's extremely obese. Same as you, I've always been on the bigger size all my life. And yes, this is also the heaviest I've ever been. In my late teens (and early twenties), I went up and down 20lb easily doing fad diets and not losing weight the healthy way...always gaining even more back. For the past few years, I've been stuck between 200~220lb.

    My husband is a bodybuilder. Yes, he's between 225~240lb, but with less than 4% body fat. He practically lives in the gym, but he only eats healthy when he gets ready for his competitions. He usually eats whatever he wants: Pasta, pizza, cookies, pies, burgers...etc. (which I cook for him), and it's so hard because how can I eat salad when he's eating all that goodies?

    I do go to the gym....I love lifting weights, but I hate cardio (though I know that's the best way to burn fat). I don't work-out with my husband on purpose most times...all his gym buddies comes up to him (including super-skinny barbie-doll-looking hot girls), and they think he's my trainer (like I'm just some stranger he's training). When he tells them I'm his wife, they give me this look like "oh...YOU'RE his wife??", like it's so hard to believe someone that looks like a Gladiator, is married to a big round ball like me. It's embarrassing, and I'm often ashamed of letting myself get this way.

    Anyway....I totally understand what you're going through and we can totally do this. Let's change our lives and feel comfortable next to our active men in our lives together. Thank you for posting your story. Now I feel like I'm not alone in this journey. :-)
  • lilbuddha007
    lilbuddha007 Posts: 30 Member
    hi hi! i introduced myself elsewhere but i'm a yo-yo. I've gone up and down between 120-200 since 2004. Being up at 200 is really, really, really lame... I just found MFP and I've lost 8.5 lbs in about 40 days, so I am super excited about it! my boyfriend (ok, fiance) is small build and about the same height as me, so it is sooooooooooo humiliating to dance with him ... we went to a wedding and I felt like a huge butterball. All his ex girlfriends and female friends are beautiful, and it sucks. But I'm going to try my best to get in shape. Not just for all that - I need to stop overeating and being so unhealthy. Anyway, welcome!
  • benya23
    benya23 Posts: 2
    Thank you for the welcome. :) I keep reading success stories on the forums and they are completely inspirational. Knowing that even ten pounds of weight loss can make a visible difference will easily boost my body image. So here we go! :)
  • JustQuitIt
    JustQuitIt Posts: 38
    You can do it! I was definitely heavy my whole life too , reaching 251 at 27..it's been a slow weight loss journey for me, but I've lost 71 so far (my ticker on here doesn't reflect everything, just when I joined MFP). You'll be under 200 before you know it :)
  • tinana_RN
    tinana_RN Posts: 541 Member
    Hi, and welcome :) Don't give up on yourself. Stay active, the walking will definitely help you out. Be honest with yourself and your calories- if you go over, you can fix it the next day. Good luck!
  • earvizu92
    earvizu92 Posts: 320 Member
    Welcome! Your going to do great here on MFP!!!!!! Ive always been a big girl too!!! I have lost a total of 27 lbs (10 lbs before joining MFP). Add me if you'd like Im motivated and devoted...:smile:
  • shirleygirl910
    shirleygirl910 Posts: 503 Member
    Walkig is the best thing you can do along with calorie counting. Baby steps is key. Be proud of what you have decided to do and are now doing. This is how we all start, with little habit changes.

    When you say you are not eating enough, it's because you are so concentrated on it you don't want to mess up. Give yourself a little room to play. Don't cut anything out of your diet (except soda and alcohol) but look at serving sizes, and eat on a smaller plate. Don't build your plate more than a half inch high either. Knowing what a serving is suppose to look like is a big help.

    I too have been heavy all my life. I was a size 28 when my knee collapsed and I finally got scarred enough to do something about it. Today I am down to 199.7. I've been between 200 and 210 for I don't know how long, and finally found spinning classes. I love them and sweat my rear off. It's all about changing your habits, but if you are not aware of what should be, like portions, it seems over whelming.

    Good luck, you can do it.
  • Smokey19
    Smokey19 Posts: 796 Member
    I am glad that you have taken this opportunity to start walking and watching what you eat. You can lose the wt. I know that you can.
  • arcticfox04
    arcticfox04 Posts: 1,011 Member
    I was always bigger. Though I'm not that big as I was now. Basically just do what the site says. Just watch out though. Water weight will flux so much the scale can't be trusted as much. Always make sure you get measurements also. Its much more rewarding dropping an inch or 2 then a pound or 2.

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