No Confidence...

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Change4Love
Change4Love Posts: 17
in Health and Weight Loss
I have been with my partner for two years, at the start of the relation I was a size 8 very happy and confident, I would enjoy going to the bedroom etc but now I hide my body, I feel and look disgusting and even though he assures me I don't, he is so underweight as he is only 8 and half stone at 5'11 it just makes me feel even worse!
Does anyone else feel like this
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Replies

  • babydiego87
    babydiego87 Posts: 905 Member
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    give your cheese burgers to him
  • Change4Love
    Change4Love Posts: 17
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    give your cheese burgers to him
    .... Not helpful what so ever
  • babydiego87
    babydiego87 Posts: 905 Member
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    what do you want people to say? he says he loves you the way you are which means unconditionally. your body still makes you feel bad, im assuming your on MFP because youre in progress of changing this....carry on and you will see results.
  • lambchoplewis
    lambchoplewis Posts: 797
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    I wonder if he is making you feel insecure?? Look for clues as this might not be the person for you. If he is so thin, maybe you just think he does not like your body. He hasn't left. If he is the reason for you hiding and being sensitive, then he needs to go. Stick with your diet plan for you, not him.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    I wonder if he is making you feel insecure?? Look for clues as this might not be the person for you. If he is so thin, maybe you just think he does not like your body. He hasn't left. If he is the reason for you hiding and being sensitive, then he needs to go. Stick with your diet plan for you, not him.

    so you're saying the OP is insecure, so her boyfriend who is probably just naturally thin, should leave..... WTF!?

    next you'll be saying she should find an obese person to go out with so she feels better in comparrison!
  • casy84
    casy84 Posts: 290 Member
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    My wake up call was when I got a bathroom scale and found out that my bf weighs less than me. I knew that I was gaining weight and was insecure about it, but those numbers made me do something about it. I'm sure yours still loves you and is still attracted to you as mine was, but you should do something about your insecurities because it's worth it.
  • SunnyMama828
    SunnyMama828 Posts: 15
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    I know how you feel, my boyfriend is much thinner then I am, I weigh about 25lbs more then he does since I had my daughter. And of course there are times when I feel bad about my body because I compare myself to him, but you need to remember he's a man. Men are naturally built differently, obviously. He's with you because he cares about you, if he wasn't happy he would leave.
    You need to just concentrate on loving yourself, because how can you expect to love someone else if you don't love yourself first. Focus on becoming a better you instead of focusing on all the negatives. There will always be someone out there who is thinner, or heavier, or prettier, or more ugly then you are and if that's all you focus on then you'll get nowhere. Accept you for who you are and don't let the negatives hold you back from achieving your goals.
  • prium01
    prium01 Posts: 306 Member
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    I wonder if he is making you feel insecure?? Look for clues as this might not be the person for you. If he is so thin, maybe you just think he does not like your body. He hasn't left. If he is the reason for you hiding and being sensitive, then he needs to go. Stick with your diet plan for you, not him.

    what?:explode:
  • jdhoward_101
    jdhoward_101 Posts: 234 Member
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    I know exactly how you feel, my boyfriend can eat and eat and stays skinny as a rake. I've put on about a stone since we got together, and although he tells me i'm being silly and i'm not fat, i can't help but feel it. Sometimes i'm so busy worrying about what i look like naked that i forget to enjoy myself.

    Also, it doesn't help that my boyfriends ex's are all skinny. When we first got together (2 and a half years ago) there was an issue with him still being in love with his ex, who was a complete douche. The only thing that she has on me is that she has the most perfect figure you have ever seen. That is still something that gets to me no and again, even though it's an issue long resolved between us.

    But look on the bright side; he hasn't left, he hasn't told you to lose weight and he still loves you. And if you work hard enough, you will lose that weight and feel fabulous!
  • goodnamegone
    goodnamegone Posts: 237
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    Yes I feel like this and try not to on a daily basis. I think it's important to have good self esteem no matter what shape or size we are. I try to wear things where I don't feel vulnerable about my weight and try to speak to mysefl in a positive manner. See if you can find something beautiful in yourself, or wear colours that you love. You wouldn't speak to a friend like that so why speak to yourself like that? Let's not wait to lose weight, lets feel good about ourselves now!
  • pollyineedtobeskinny
    pollyineedtobeskinny Posts: 362
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    I understand you, my boyfriend has a naturally good slim body and I haven't but it should be a goal for you :-) I feel like this quite a lot, but listen to your boyfriend, if he didn't find you attractive, why would he be with you or want to have sex with you? If you feel insecure and you've lost your confidence, then help yourself and regain it. Everyone's here to help :-) Keep losing weight and getting back to where you were confident. Don't let it eat you up x :flowerforyou:
  • prattiger65
    prattiger65 Posts: 1,657 Member
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    From this man's perspective. As men, we don't know what to say. I love my wife unconditionally, and tell her so. However, if she has body image issues there is nothing I can do or say to help her. If I say " you are not fat", she doesn't believe me and I have lost credibility. If I say " I don't care what size you are" she either doesn't believe me or thinks I want her to remain fat for some reason. You have to exorcise your own demons, he can't help you. You have to trust him or not, but please don't transfer your insecurities on to him. Get healthy for yourself and you will then see how he really feels. Good luck!
  • lambchoplewis
    lambchoplewis Posts: 797
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    What I meant by the "insecure" comment is that some people want you to feel as bad as they do!! Some can be very sneaky doing this or not aware of it. The saying "misery loves company" came from somewhere. I just don't want someone spending their entire life (or wasting years) with someone who does this. It does not have anything to do with weight but, some find your weakness and prey on it.

    I could be totally off base but this is just another completely different thought.
  • neandermagnon
    neandermagnon Posts: 7,436 Member
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    maybe he feels really bad about his body too? Maybe he feels bad that his girlfriend weighs more than he does. I'm female, 5'1", 22% body fat and I weigh more than him (9 stone 4) and I'm within the normal/healthy BMI range for my height (right at the top of the range because I have a large frame). Unless he has a very tiny frame it sounds like he's underweight. men don't usually aim to be supermodel thin, maybe he wants to be more muscular but doesn't know how he can do it, or even that it's possible for him... or maybe he doesn't care so long as he's healthy.... or maybe he's worried about his health and trying to gain weight....

    definitely don't say anything to him about how thin he is, I'm just saying it because you've interpreted the whole situation as "I'm heavier than my (probably underweight) boyfriend therefore he must think I'm way too fat and that means I'm unattractive" The reality is that whether or not you're overweight does not depend on whether or not your boyfriend is heavier than you. If you're carrying too much body fat (you don't say if you are or not, but if..), then your health will benefit from reducing your body fat. Unless your boyfriend has a very tiny frame, then his health will benefit from him gaining weight and working out so it's muscle he puts on, not fat. My husband is 5'11" medium frame, and if he only weighed 8 and a half stone I'd send him to the doctor. If I weighed more than what he weighs currently (he's 166lb approx, I only know that because I use him as a barbell to do calf raises lol) I'd know that I have to lose some fat. So it's all relative. And if he does feel bad about being thin, then he's probably thinking "I'm so skinny even my girlfriend weighs more than me, she must hate my body.... blah blah" .... you don't think that.... so he probably doesn't think you're too heavy either.
  • Tenster
    Tenster Posts: 278 Member
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    Hi there,

    by the sounds of it its your BF with the actual problem, weighing that little is scary. Has he been to the Dr's?

    As for you, if your not confident then excersise and diet until you are confident.

    Regards
  • marygee1951
    marygee1951 Posts: 148 Member
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    You don't mention any issues with your boyfiend - you say he's underweight and you say he assures you that you don't look disgusting -- so I don't see any issues on his end. (ie - he's not berating you in any way; he tries to reassure you.)

    You're uncomfortable with the weight you've gained. You'll gain your confidence back once you start making progress in losing the excess weight. From what you've posted your lack of confidence is not due to your boyfriend. You've been with him for two years. If you said "my boyfriend doesn't find me attactive" or "my boyfriend is looking at other women" or "my boyfriend doesn't support me" - then I'd say have a talk with him.

    Don't make your lack of confidence a relationship issue - because it sounds like you've got a good guy from what you've posted. Just start working on the real problem - the extra poundage. You can do it. I'm sure if you ask for your boyfriend's support he'll be there for you.

    Good luck to the two of you. :heart:

    Mary
  • Change4Love
    Change4Love Posts: 17
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    I wonder if he is making you feel insecure?? Look for clues as this might not be the person for you. If he is so thin, maybe you just think he does not like your body. He hasn't left. If he is the reason for you hiding and being sensitive, then he needs to go. Stick with your diet plan for you, not him.

    His weight makes me feel insecure but thats not his problem! He has never put me down, he always tries to make me feel happy, so he is not the fault here, I am! :)
  • Change4Love
    Change4Love Posts: 17
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    My wake up call was when I got a bathroom scale and found out that my bf weighs less than me. I knew that I was gaining weight and was insecure about it, but those numbers made me do something about it. I'm sure yours still loves you and is still attracted to you as mine was, but you should do something about your insecurities because it's worth it.

    My wake up call was that I went from 9 stone to a 11 and half, it broke me up completely and my partner doesn't even know how much I weigh.
    Thank you so much:)
  • Change4Love
    Change4Love Posts: 17
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    What I meant by the "insecure" comment is that some people want you to feel as bad as they do!! Some can be very sneaky doing this or not aware of it. The saying "misery loves company" came from somewhere. I just don't want someone spending their entire life (or wasting years) with someone who does this. It does not have anything to do with weight but, some find your weakness and prey on it.

    I could be totally off base but this is just another completely different thought.
    I understand where your coming from but this isnt the case with me but thank you XD xx
  • MizTerry
    MizTerry Posts: 3,763 Member
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    Trust me honey, if he didn't want you, it would be incredibly obvious.
    Go with what the man says. If he's still wanting to get it in the bedroom, he's a gem. Keep him.

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