No Confidence...

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  • Change4Love
    Change4Love Posts: 17
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    maybe he feels really bad about his body too? Maybe he feels bad that his girlfriend weighs more than he does. I'm female, 5'1", 22% body fat and I weigh more than him (9 stone 4) and I'm within the normal/healthy BMI range for my height (right at the top of the range because I have a large frame). Unless he has a very tiny frame it sounds like he's underweight. men don't usually aim to be supermodel thin, maybe he wants to be more muscular but doesn't know how he can do it, or even that it's possible for him... or maybe he doesn't care so long as he's healthy.... or maybe he's worried about his health and trying to gain weight....

    definitely don't say anything to him about how thin he is, I'm just saying it because you've interpreted the whole situation as "I'm heavier than my (probably underweight) boyfriend therefore he must think I'm way too fat and that means I'm unattractive" The reality is that whether or not you're overweight does not depend on whether or not your boyfriend is heavier than you. If you're carrying too much body fat (you don't say if you are or not, but if..), then your health will benefit from reducing your body fat. Unless your boyfriend has a very tiny frame, then his health will benefit from him gaining weight and working out so it's muscle he puts on, not fat. My husband is 5'11" medium frame, and if he only weighed 8 and a half stone I'd send him to the doctor. If I weighed more than what he weighs currently (he's 166lb approx, I only know that because I use him as a barbell to do calf raises lol) I'd know that I have to lose some fat. So it's all relative. And if he does feel bad about being thin, then he's probably thinking "I'm so skinny even my girlfriend weighs more than me, she must hate my body.... blah blah" .... you don't think that.... so he probably doesn't think you're too heavy either.

    Thank you, it's very true what you say. I think I will just focus on being healthier, I am just over my bmi but my doctor says I'm a healthy weight and not rely on bmi as it doesnt take in to account of your muscle etc :)
  • Change4Love
    Change4Love Posts: 17
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    Hi there,

    by the sounds of it its your BF with the actual problem, weighing that little is scary. Has he been to the Dr's?

    As for you, if your not confident then excersise and diet until you are confident.

    Regards

    Hey,
    He has thyroid problems due to his weight, he would like to be slightly bigger but I think he's overall happy with his shape.

    I will :) Thanks
  • TimeForMe99
    TimeForMe99 Posts: 309
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    Everyone feels this way from time to time; it's perfectly normal. Even people we think are 10's have their insecurities.

    Take a good long look at yourself in the mirror. See the beautiful hair, pretty face, loving eyes. Find something about your figure that you can feel positive about - just one thing. Ask your boyfriend for help - I'm sure he'd be willing to provide perspective.
  • lauren3101
    lauren3101 Posts: 1,853 Member
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    Your boyfriend shouldn't even really be mentioned in this, as you said, he is supportive and loves you, the problem here is indeed just with you.

    If you are feeling unconfident because of your weight, then you are in the right place already. You've joined here for that reason and it's a step in the right direction. Keep at what you are doing and the weight will come off.

    You need to learn to love yourself though. If he says he loves you and finds you attractive, believe him. Confidence is probably one of the sexiest things a person can have.
  • Cr01502
    Cr01502 Posts: 3,614 Member
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    Your boyfriend shouldn't even really be mentioned in this, as you said, he is supportive and loves you, the problem here is indeed just with you.

    If you are feeling unconfident because of your weight, then you are in the right place already. You've joined here for that reason and it's a step in the right direction. Keep at what you are doing and the weight will come off.

    You need to learn to love yourself though. If he says he loves you and finds you attractive, believe him. Confidence is probably one of the sexiest things a person can have.

    QFT.

    The issue is with yourself. I'm laughing at the people ridiculing your boyfriend for being skinny. Maybe you should dump him and get a fatter person more suited to you?

    In all seriousness, lose weight, gain confidence, and be happy in your own skin. Whether that happens with or without your boyfriend is irrelevant.
  • theblondetrick
    theblondetrick Posts: 192 Member
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    I completely understand you,I feel the same way.I don't have a boyfriend,but I've recently developed some major insecurity issues.I'm pretty sure it's going to go away once I get to my goal weight and therefore,I'll just try to get there as soon as possible.
    As for your boyfriend,I think he might even be anorexic,I mean, 5'11'' and 8.5 stone?That's super thin.Not that it's any of my business,though.
    I do however think that he does love you,because from your post I assume he never made any comments about your weight and he's still there,right? So,there's nothing to worry about.Just stick to what you're doing to lose weight,for yourself,obviously.

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