down in the dumps

2»

Replies

  • whatshouldieat
    whatshouldieat Posts: 101 Member
    Try writing down your feelings and when he says things to you it makes you feel this way. (The cause and effect emotion).Put it into his lunch box or truck or whatever he does on a daily basis. List the reasons you are doing this for you and how his support of encouragement can help and if he has negative things to say then let him know he can keep them to himself. Otherwise if he does something negative, dont reward him with cooking meals or doing his laundry. Show him that you are serious that you need support from your husband. Either way you have the strength to get through this and become the person you desire. Stay focus and good luck.
  • whatshouldieat
    whatshouldieat Posts: 101 Member
    Also for those that are saying Get a Divorce, Run, Get out Now, that is the easy way out. Marriage is a committment and it takes lots of work to make it work. They obviously got married for a reason, I assume because of LOVE. Instead of becoming another divorce statistic as the rest of the society, try talking about your feelings and his behavior and how it affects you. If he cant support you, then kick him in the Balls and dont reward any of his rude comments. Make him suffer until he grasps the fact that you are here to stay and to be in the best health you can possible be. Good Luck.
  • Babygirl928
    Babygirl928 Posts: 378 Member
    I agree with the fact that he may be jealous, or as my hubby was when i started, he was afraid I was going to get back in shape and then leave him. We have been married for 20 years and he is still insecure. I talk to him as much as I can when he was negative and now he is finally working out with me. You are correct, marriage is a committment and you should do everything possible to save it (unless there is physical abuse...sorry that is not something to work on) Sometimes fear and insecurity come off , from men, as being a douche and being mean. Talk to him and not during a fight. Just talk to him and tell him how you feel and how much it hurts, and maybe he needs to be reassured that you love him and arent doing this for any other reason than to be healthy! best of luck :flowerforyou:
  • Mexicanbigfoot
    Mexicanbigfoot Posts: 520 Member
    I hate to say this but it sounds like emotional abuse. He sounds controlling and insecure. I think you need to make some very careful and tough decisions. This is only the beginning of the marriage and still the "honeymoon" period. You need to ask yourself if you think you can live with this or worse the rest of your life. Be careful.

    This. Maybe seek couples counseling; and if he isn't willing to work on things, go to a counselor by yourself and work on your self esteem. He'll either follow or he won't, but you are only responsible for your behavior and your actions. Sounds to me like you deserve better than he is willing to give you. Good luck to you!! :heart:
  • rachel4304
    rachel4304 Posts: 115 Member
    Have you tried actually talking to him? Telling him how he is making you feel and asking what is up? Communication is a two-way street. You cannot blame him for your unhappiness unless you tell him you are unhappy and he refuses to make an effort to fix the problems in the marriage on his end.

    In regards to the previous porn addiction, it is my understanding that people who are addicted to porn have a skewered idea of what intimacy is like, real women look like and cannot perform without porn. Maybe get him counseling.

    I also recommend "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman.

    In the end, you can only get healthy for you.
  • earvizu92
    earvizu92 Posts: 320 Member
    Oh honey, get out while you can he is emotionally abusing you! Stay strong and lookout for yourself!
  • _kannnd
    _kannnd Posts: 247 Member
    I'm a little confused as to why you got married if he treats you like that. My best advice is to ignore him. Better yourself for you, don't listen to his sabotage. Know that you are putting forth your effort to make yourself healthy and if he can't respect that and support you than screw him.

    This.