Help - I need a final goal

So, I've been gaining and losing weight for as long as I can remember. This time, I'm determined to find a maintenance weight and stick to it. here's my problem.... I have never been able to pick that final goal which I think contributes to my yo yo cycle of gaining 20 lbs and losing 20 lbs, over and over again.

Currently I weigh in at 196. My personal trainer says I look fantastic and that she believes I will be thrilled with just 11 more lbs. of weight loss which will put me at 185... theoretically, for good.

Okay, so, here's the problem... I am a 5' 6.75" tall woman, to be exact. My trainer says I am very muscular and that 185 seems perfect for me.

Of course, I think, good god, that's still fat. I'm in a size 10 at 185 lbs.

Sometimes I think, you know, maybe she is right. The lowest I ever could while strength training was 178 and I was working out twice a day. It was incredibly difficult to maintain that weight. Could 185 be my ideal weight?

I am very muscular and I do have a large frame but I can't stop obsessing over the number, the size, etc. Size 10 at 185, is that really my end goal? Sigh....