I have a terrible binging problem-advice needed!
abrandnewme18
Posts: 305
Hey guys. I am in desperate need of some advice. I need to stop my binging problem once and for all and establish a healthy relationship with food. This is going to be long, but I hope you still read it because it's important.
It all started 3 three years ago when I was a sophomore in high school. For some reason I decided I wanted to become a model, so since I was naive, I thought I had to become super skinny in order to do so. Well my sophomore year I was 5'7" and around 127 pounds, so a perfectly good weight. But I wanted to get skinny, so I ate less. A lot less. I didn't exactly starve myself, but I probably ate around 1200 cals per day, with an hour of exercise. Anyways, it was hard to eat that little so when my family brought home sweets or when I went to parties I couldn't control myself. I binged. I ate a ton of food and always felt terrible afterwards. I even tried to force myself to throw-up a couple of times, but I was too scared. After the binges I would be good with my diet until my family brought home something yummy. I would eat all of it and then search for more food.
That cycle continued for about a year. I got down to 115 pounds, but during January 2011, my junior year, with all the homework and crap, I realized I couldn't become a model. I also realized that weighing 115 pounds in an unrealistic weight for me. I stopped eating so little, but I kept binging. Also, the tennis season had ended so I didn't exercise very much. Well guess what?! The weight packed on. In a year and a half I gained 50 pounds! I went from being underweight to being overweight! That gave me bright, red stretch marks everywhere. Ugh. So much for ever wanting to wear a bikini again.
The summer of my senior year, I tried to lose weight, but I failed. I kept on gaining and gaining weight. Since I had my license, I would drive to vons and spend my OWN money on food. Most teen girls would spend their money on makeup and clothes, but I spent mine on food. I would buy a box of donuts, a box of cookies, and maybe a candy bar and it all would be gone within 1-2 days. I ate it all in my room, hiding it from everyone. And guess what?! I still sneak out of the house to buy junk food. Anyways, that habit continued throughout my senior year. I felt fat and ugly and desperately wanted to lose weight, but of course I kept on binging. About a year ago, I tried to lose some weight for graduation. I just exercised less and ate more, and I lost about ten pounds in 1.5 months.
I was down to 145 then, but of course I thought I still looked fat and ugly. During summer 2012, I gained 20 pounds. 2 weeks before I started college, I tried to lose weight again. I lost 4 pounds in 2 weeks, but when school started, I started binging again and gained it all back plus more.
In November, I decided to try myfitnesspal because I was tired of feeling fat and worthless. For the first month it worked and I lost around 4 pounds, but then the Holidays came around. I gained it all back plus some more, making my all time hw (167). In January I decided to go gluten-free (didn't have a good reason, I just wanted too) and lost over 8 pounds! I was doing so well! I was under 160 and was feeling good. But then I just lost my motivation and started binging again. I gained it all back!
Ugh! Now the pattern is that for a week I'll eat well, and then I'll binge and eat a bunch of crap.
I think I weigh around 164 now, so since November I've literally only lost ONE pound! When I read the success stories where people have lost 30+ pounds since November, I sometimes get jealous and upset. I know, that's a terrible thing, and of course I'm happy for them and glad they got healthier, but it reminds me that I've only lost one pound and have wasted 5 months losing only pound when I could have been at my goal weight already.
Anyways, I'm done with this. I want to reach my goal weight and establish a healthy relationship with food. Gaining weight has made me so self-conscious and depressed. It's making me think I'm worthless and that is affecting my grades and relationships (too scared to have one) and especially the quality of my life. The pattern of my eating habits is that I'll be good for a few weeks (or days) and then get a craving for food, lose motivation, and then start binging. I won't binge for just one meal, I'll keep doing this until I gain the weight back. It's not that I want to stop losing weight when I binge, it's just that I feel like I want junk food more than I want to lose weight. When I binge sometimes I'm stressed, sometimes I'm upset, but sometimes I'll have a perfectly fine day but I'll still head to vons to go buy junk food. I still take it up to my room and I usually eat it all, even if I'm full. I have terrible portion control. I know this is my fault, but I need to stop this. I'm actually scared about my health now too.
So, what can I do to stop my binging problem and finally achieve my goal weight?
Thanks for reading it all, it really does mean a lot
It all started 3 three years ago when I was a sophomore in high school. For some reason I decided I wanted to become a model, so since I was naive, I thought I had to become super skinny in order to do so. Well my sophomore year I was 5'7" and around 127 pounds, so a perfectly good weight. But I wanted to get skinny, so I ate less. A lot less. I didn't exactly starve myself, but I probably ate around 1200 cals per day, with an hour of exercise. Anyways, it was hard to eat that little so when my family brought home sweets or when I went to parties I couldn't control myself. I binged. I ate a ton of food and always felt terrible afterwards. I even tried to force myself to throw-up a couple of times, but I was too scared. After the binges I would be good with my diet until my family brought home something yummy. I would eat all of it and then search for more food.
That cycle continued for about a year. I got down to 115 pounds, but during January 2011, my junior year, with all the homework and crap, I realized I couldn't become a model. I also realized that weighing 115 pounds in an unrealistic weight for me. I stopped eating so little, but I kept binging. Also, the tennis season had ended so I didn't exercise very much. Well guess what?! The weight packed on. In a year and a half I gained 50 pounds! I went from being underweight to being overweight! That gave me bright, red stretch marks everywhere. Ugh. So much for ever wanting to wear a bikini again.
The summer of my senior year, I tried to lose weight, but I failed. I kept on gaining and gaining weight. Since I had my license, I would drive to vons and spend my OWN money on food. Most teen girls would spend their money on makeup and clothes, but I spent mine on food. I would buy a box of donuts, a box of cookies, and maybe a candy bar and it all would be gone within 1-2 days. I ate it all in my room, hiding it from everyone. And guess what?! I still sneak out of the house to buy junk food. Anyways, that habit continued throughout my senior year. I felt fat and ugly and desperately wanted to lose weight, but of course I kept on binging. About a year ago, I tried to lose some weight for graduation. I just exercised less and ate more, and I lost about ten pounds in 1.5 months.
I was down to 145 then, but of course I thought I still looked fat and ugly. During summer 2012, I gained 20 pounds. 2 weeks before I started college, I tried to lose weight again. I lost 4 pounds in 2 weeks, but when school started, I started binging again and gained it all back plus more.
In November, I decided to try myfitnesspal because I was tired of feeling fat and worthless. For the first month it worked and I lost around 4 pounds, but then the Holidays came around. I gained it all back plus some more, making my all time hw (167). In January I decided to go gluten-free (didn't have a good reason, I just wanted too) and lost over 8 pounds! I was doing so well! I was under 160 and was feeling good. But then I just lost my motivation and started binging again. I gained it all back!
Ugh! Now the pattern is that for a week I'll eat well, and then I'll binge and eat a bunch of crap.I think I weigh around 164 now, so since November I've literally only lost ONE pound! When I read the success stories where people have lost 30+ pounds since November, I sometimes get jealous and upset. I know, that's a terrible thing, and of course I'm happy for them and glad they got healthier, but it reminds me that I've only lost one pound and have wasted 5 months losing only pound when I could have been at my goal weight already.
Anyways, I'm done with this. I want to reach my goal weight and establish a healthy relationship with food. Gaining weight has made me so self-conscious and depressed. It's making me think I'm worthless and that is affecting my grades and relationships (too scared to have one) and especially the quality of my life. The pattern of my eating habits is that I'll be good for a few weeks (or days) and then get a craving for food, lose motivation, and then start binging. I won't binge for just one meal, I'll keep doing this until I gain the weight back. It's not that I want to stop losing weight when I binge, it's just that I feel like I want junk food more than I want to lose weight. When I binge sometimes I'm stressed, sometimes I'm upset, but sometimes I'll have a perfectly fine day but I'll still head to vons to go buy junk food. I still take it up to my room and I usually eat it all, even if I'm full. I have terrible portion control. I know this is my fault, but I need to stop this. I'm actually scared about my health now too.
So, what can I do to stop my binging problem and finally achieve my goal weight?
Thanks for reading it all, it really does mean a lot
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Replies
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I think you're on the right track with the idea of developing a "healthy relationship with food." I spent most of my life eating whatever I wanted (or whatever was available). I never would have imagined that eating better could taste good, but honestly, my typical meals taste better NOW than they did back when I was having food delivered/frying stuff/whatever. It takes more time and some looking/shopping around, but it CAN be done.
Never give in to despair. There's always hope.0 -
First of all you are not worthless, you can get that out of your head right now. You are a beautiful young lady and brave for telling us your story, who has had some set backs most of us here have gone through the same thing.
Can I suggest that you try something new, you just need to channel your binging into something else. Keep your hands busy if your hands are busy you're not eating. It could be knitting, chat rooms (like I'm doing right now), painting whatever you fancy. I tend to not buy any junk for the house, if it's not in the house I can't eat it.
It will be a slow process but you will get there just hang in there.
You can add me as a friend and we can help each other out when the going get's tough.
I wish you all the best.0 -
I felt sad reading this as, while I haven't had an ongoing binge problem, I relate to the self-deprecation you put yourself through, and the feelings of 'fat and ugly'. You are very strong and brave to have posted this on a public forum
How about starting a food journal? When you feel a binge coming on, write down about your feelings. Did something happen that day that is making you want to binge? Are you happy, sad, angry etc? Why are you craving x food? How do you think it will make you feel? How did it actually make you feel after you ate it?
Are there any counselling services that you can take advantage of? I'm not sure how it works in the US (I think you're in the US
) but in Oz we have access to psychologist sessions through our GPs.
Best of luck to you sweetie, I really think you can beat this demon xo0 -
I have a similar problem. My roommate actually has this problem really bad. I had this problem worse before but it's gotten significantly better. The best advice I could give is patience. When I struggled with this, it was because I wanted results immediately, so I would diet and exercise to extremes, making it hard to maintain momentum and eventually binge, which would depress me and make me binge more. This last year was the very first time I tried something successful (And I've tried A LOT!). It was patience. I very gradually changed my habits. I went running a few times a week and slowly added healthy food and less junk food to my diet. I NEVER completely eliminated junk food, but I limited it drastically. Not only did I lower my portions, but I lowered how frequently I had bad food or carbs. Dont restrict yourself so much that you end up binging. If you do healthy right... it'll be slow, it'll take months, but it'll give you crazy good and lasting results with great habitss! wooo!0
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first journaling is a huge help. write down all your feelings out and any possible things that you feel might cause you to binge eat. keep writing until you get it off your chest. look to see if there are any free online classes for binge eating like I found for undereating/ occasional binges see about finding the root causes of the problem. take it one step at a time one day at a time
they also have a binge eating support group on mfp and I have a group private one called safe haven here on mfp as well.0 -
That was some long post haha!
Right first of all you are not worthless just because you have put on a bit of weight ok?
From what I have read it seems that you need to create and stick to an actual training and nutrition plan, may that be one that you have created yourself or one you have got off the internet. Having a plan is key because if you are going from one day to the next just doing whatever exercise you feel like on that day you will start picking the easy option and then it will just fizzle out to nothing, well that's what happened to me in the past anyway.
The hardest thing about dieting is resisting junk food but when you get that urge you have to concentrate on the goal you have set yourself and discipline yourself to stick to that goal.
Also try and drink a lot of water throughout the day as that will shrink your appetite and you wont feel as hungry as you usually do
I was at one point 180lbs and through trial and error I finally found the plan that was right for me and I am now 159lbs and I have no doubt that you will finally find the plan that's right for you
Next time you feel the urge for some chocolate just think about the way you feel about your health and hopefully that will put you off it
I hope I have helped in some way I know I have been rambling on haha!
Feel free to add me if you want and I will be honoured to help motivate you on your journey and you never know maybe one day you will be that model you always wanted to be 0 -
What helps me is putting in on MFP. Over time it has been getting better and better.0
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aww thank you everyone! y'all are so nice! the journal idea is good, but i'm not sure if i could keep up with it. i guess i might as well try, right?
and i actually go to a psychologist every 2 weeks, but we talk about other issues. i've told her i want to lose weight, but we haven't had a serious discussion about my eating problems. 0 -
I can relate to your binge eating. I will sometimes wake up at night and eat. If there is something sweet or salty in the house I will eat it until its gone. I'm looking forward to seeing what suggestions people may have. It's a terrible cycle.0
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I have a similar problem. My roommate actually has this problem really bad. I had this problem worse before but it's gotten significantly better. The best advice I could give is patience. When I struggled with this, it was because I wanted results immediately, so I would diet and exercise to extremes, making it hard to maintain momentum and eventually binge, which would depress me and make me binge more. This last year was the very first time I tried something successful (And I've tried A LOT!). It was patience. I very gradually changed my habits. I went running a few times a week and slowly added healthy food and less junk food to my diet. I NEVER completely eliminated junk food, but I limited it drastically. Not only did I lower my portions, but I lowered how frequently I had bad food or carbs. Dont restrict yourself so much that you end up binging. If you do healthy right... it'll be slow, it'll take months, but it'll give you crazy good and lasting results with great habitss! wooo!
This! I forgot to mention patience in my post, also good point about cutting down junk food gradually, I treat myself to a Chinese every Saturday night as my cheat meal if I have stayed disciplined all week and it tastes so good then haha!0 -
I can relate to your story. When I was in highschool, I would go through periods of time where I would eat my feelings and put on 20-30lbs. Then it would be such hard work to lose the weight. I continued on this pattern through college (basically going up and down 30 lbs). I got my degree in nutrition and became a registered dietitian. Even though I am now a nutritionist, it still takes a conscious effort to use food for fuel and not engage in emotional eating. The first step is to identify if you are truly hungry or if you are eating because you feel sad/depressed/anxious.
Not sure if you'd be interested, but Bob Greene (Oprah's personal trainer) wrote several books on developing healthy habits and identifying emotional eating. I found these really helpful for finding the root of my decisions about what to eat. His books are all part of the "Best Life Diet" series.
Also, make sure you keep your calories at a moderate level (maybe just try to lose 1/2 lbs/week). If you go too low you are setting yourself up for a binge. Just trust me on that one...0 -
Its a process....lots of good stuff here. Remember its a horrible cycle.....we binge, we hate ourselves for it, and binge some more. I know that being really restrictive makes it worse. I have spent two years figting this and working on it. My favorite rescource is a book by Beck called "The Diet Solution" it is not a diet but full of helpful information on staying on a diet. It really was about changing habits and thoughts. Feel free to add me if you like I am happy to support and encourage.0
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Hi, there. Three cheers to you for giving voice to your "issues" with food. I have beaten the battle against the urge to binge on food and alcohol most of my life. (Unfortunately, a hard lesson learned through observing what it does to my mother and did to my father. Also unfortunately, my issues have manifested themselves in other ways!)
I recommend going to a therapist.
I have relied on therapy to help me understand why I do or don't behave in certain ways and it has been illuminating, and, at times, life-saving. Therapy is not about admitting weakness or that one is "broken." Rather, I think it takes *a lot* of strength to face fears and weaknesses head-on, process them, think about them, understand them, and work 'em like a punching bag when needed! A good therapist will help you identify the root cause of your behaviors and do so without judgment.
You are young, beautiful, and bright. If you can take the time to tackle whatever it is that makes you think you're "worthless" now, you will avoid dragging that negative mental weight around for years.
Oh, and perhaps obviously, I do not believe that your binging behaviors are merely physical behaviors.
In the meantime, consider each day a small battle. If you don't win today's battle, tomorrow is a new day. If you have a "bad day," it doesn't mean you are losing the war.
Also, consider some "life hacks." You say that you buy food and bring it to your room in the evening. What if you made plans to do something else now and then--thereby removing yourself from the routine you've established? Maybe meet a friend for a walk, a pedicure, or some craftin' (I am a knitter!). What if each time you sense yourself about to reach for some binge-worthy food you set a timer for five minutes, drink a glass of water, take a few deep breaths, and then see what happens? What if you started a journal to keep track of your binge behaviors and each time you "sense the urge" you pause to write about it? OR maybe you treat yourself to something else, like a hot bath or "window shop" on Amazon for some jazzy earrings? I know this is all easier said than done. BUT maybe you can develop a variety of tools to tackle the symptoms/problems/issues day-to-day.
Whatever happens, there are a bunch of people here cheering you on! Thank you for your refreshingly honest post. And now, I am going to friend you...
Good luck!0 -
dana,
the first thing that caught my attention about this post is the way you refer to and view yourself. if you call yourself "fat and ugly," it makes me wonder if you'll be happy when you lose the weight, or if you'll still feel ugly or inferior. you need to sit down and have a heart to heart with yourself- if at one point you wanted to model, i hope you felt beautiful-- because YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! and your weight doesn't define you as a person, so i don't want to read any more posts where you drag yourself down for no reason.
next, it's good that you have pin-pointed your issues with food. realizing and accepting a problem is the first step in remedying it! since you know that you are sneaky-eater, which i am as well, i think it helps to keep yourself accountable. don't lie to yourself or those around you...if you eat 5 extra cookies...own it and accept it. don't sneak around and have an affair with food...there is no shame in slipping up from time to time. but lying to others, and yourself, isn't healthy.
the good thing about weight loss is that there is always tomorrow- if you mess up, remember how it made you feel guilty, and then try to avoid it in the future. also, try to make swaps that are better decisions for when you just have to snack...instead of eating 3 donuts, eat some celery with peanut butter or some yummy yogurt with granola...this is a diet...not PUNISHMENT, you should still be able to enjoy yourself. hell, eat a donut, but don't go overboard and eat 3 without working out.
if you do realize that you've over-snacked, it's okay. you can just kick up a little more cardio. i tell myself that if i want to eat dessert...i can...but i also have to walk an hour after dinner. it's working for me pretty well, and it may help you as well.
lastly, i've found that losing weight is easier if you have a partner. do you have a friend or family member that you can make mini-challenges and goals with? my roommate and i go on walks together and do weekly weigh-in's to see who's the Biggest Loser in our apartment...it's cheesy but the friendly competition has helped me stay in check...and i get a sick sense of pleasure when i see her eating candy and fried chicken...because i know i'll be winning at the next weight in
p.s. don't worry about the stretch marks. *almost* every woman has them...they really aren't a big deal unless you make a big deal of them. i used to be super self conscious of mine but then i was like "eh...they're here. they aren't going anywhere...may as well get over it." and the moment i stopped be self conscious about them was the moment everyone else stopped caring about them. -- but if you really hate them, tanning can reduce the appearance and turn them white instead of bright red. 0 -
I know what you mean with the stretch marks! In middle school, weighed 88 lbs at 5'4". The doc freaked my parents out and they basically force fed me. I got up to 115 lbs in a few months. Still got those little reminders on my thighs! And eventually I got up to a weight I didn't like and decided losing some would be a good idea. It's been VERY slow. I've only lost 10 lbs in the last year. But I'm doing it in a healthy, sustainable way. I'm not eating much less than I would without a diet, and I'm exercising regularly. It takes time and patience, especially if you're already at a relatively low weight compared to many people on here. But guess what?
YOU CAN DO IT!!!0 -
The most helpful advice I've received has been "remind yourself, it's not really about the food." I've been a binge eater for years so your struggle resonates so much with me. When I'm feeling the urge to binge coming on, I try so hard to rationalize with myself and tell my self things like, "you're not that hungry," "you're not even craving this right now so why waste the effort at the gym," or "I can make this better and healthier than this drive thru." etc. I'm a pretty damn smart woman, but when that urge to binge comes on, it seemed like all my rationalizations were overtaken by "but I wanna." That's when a friend said "when you have that kind of internal dialogue, and you can recognize that all the negatives outweigh the positives, and you want to do it anyway you need to keep one thing in mind -- remind yourself, it's not really about the food." What she meant by that is that there's some other else going on that is manifesting through binge eating. Maybe you're filling a void, maybe you're suppressing a feeling (anger, fear, sadness, etc). Just realizing that fact has helped some.
As for what to do about it, I echo other's recommendations to maybe start journaling what you're feeling/thinking when the urge to binge comes on. Even if you don't want to write things down, take a moment to reflect on what you're feeling and what may be behind the urge. Hopefully, after some time, you'll start to see trends. And once you do that, you can try to figure out healthy substitutes for binge eating. For instance, if you find you're binging when you're stressed out, you can look for other substitutes that might provide relief when you're stressed such as calling a friend, going for a walk, getting a manicure, etc.
The other thing to keep in mind is that this is going to be a struggle every day. I don't say that to discourage you -- while it might be odd, making peace with that fact has actually helped me. I've learned to accept that I'm going to have good days, okay days and, well, days I just want to forget. But that's okay because the sun will rise again tomorrow and I'm going to keep fighting the battle until I win.0 -
You need to accept that bingeing is an emotional response to food. I have it at times, where one chocolate turns into the whole box - so not on such a bit scale. You can learn to have strength, but it does take times.
And I hate to read 145lb on 5'7 is FAT! Thanks a lot... NOT! I have been 145lb for a couple of years (BMI around 23) and there is no way I ever felt fat. You need to have realistic views of what 'fat' is in your mind as well. It's most important to feel healthy and confident with yourself.0 -
You need to accept that bingeing is an emotional response to food. I have it at times, where one chocolate turns into the whole box - so not on such a bit scale. You can learn to have strength, but it does take times.
And I hate to read 145lb on 5'7 is FAT! Thanks a lot... NOT! I have been 145lb for a couple of years (BMI around 23) and there is no way I ever felt fat. You need to have realistic views of what 'fat' is in your mind as well. It's most important to feel healthy and confident with yourself.
No, no, no! I never said 5'7" and 145 is fat. I said I still thought I looked fat, compared how little I weighed the year before.
Sorry for the confusion! But yeah I did have an unrealistic view of what 'fat' was, I guess I still do, but now I would kill to be 145!0 -
I'd urge anyone having binge eating problems to join the Binge-Eating Support Group here on MFP.
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/groups/home/726-binge-eating-support-group
You can meet a lot of great people that are going through the same things you are. No judgment, just support and help. You won't regret it. 0 -
Be careful of setting off your hunger hormones, which leads to most binges. Eat more calories each day and keep them within a slight deficit. That will help taper your hunger down.
Eliminate habits that set off binges - don't buy the trigger foods in the first place, don't go to the store hungry, and find low calorie filling substitutes for the junk. That way if you binge on something like apples you probably won't get too far over your goal for that day.
Best wishes, I know binges are hard ! Keep the faith, you will lose the weight.0 -
aww thank you everyone! y'all are so nice! the journal idea is good, but i'm not sure if i could keep up with it. i guess i might as well try, right? and i actually go to a psychologist every 2 weeks, but we talk about other issues. i've told her i want to lose weight, but we haven't had a serious discussion about my eating problems.
MFP, read Geneen Roth 'When Food Is Love', 'Women, Food & God'. Let your psychologist know this is an issue for you. I'm doing all three and am planning on booking an appointment with a registered dietician. I've been an emotional binge eater for 20 years. I tried everything, had started the process of getting gastric bypass. Don't get me wrong- I am still working on binges. They are happening less, they are less intense, I am learning what my triggers are and developing my 'tools' in my toolbox.0 -
Hey Dana,
I can definitely relate! I've had an unhealthy relationship with food most of my life. I'm in grad school right now (also in the LA area), and the course load and program demands virtually wipes out my social life and fun time. I've had to sacrifice most of the things that made me happy. I noticed that in the past 2 months, I've been binging too. It is so emotional eating, and I know it! High fat and processed food is instant gratification and gives me that euphoria that I'm missing in my life. I may not have time to get ready and go out, but I always have time for oreo cookies! If food is rewarding for you, it may indicate that there is an absence of healthy coping when you get stressed. This might mean figuring out what are the non-edible things in your life that are gratifying and give you a sense of euphoria and bliss. Just my two cents
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