Help With Encouraging My Wife

When you go to exercise drag her along with you.
I have tried so many new things thanks to my hubby. I LOVE biking now because of him, and we get to spend quality time together too.
Or plan active dates. Hiking, bike riding, golfing, etc

I don't know if this helps you or not.. it helps me

Dear Concerned Loving Husband,
* NO ONE will get your wife's attention on this "diet" plan - but YOUR WIFE - by herself & at her own time & palce. A person has to CHANGE THEIR MIND - 1st! As you most certainly have done yourself - no one "encouraged you to lose all the weight so far - but yourself. And as you mention in your profile a big nudge form your doctor. Some thing internally simply MUST occur in an individual's own brain in order to "GET IT!"
* Sadly - it seems that this has just NOT happened yet for your wife. But don't allow her to sabotage YOUR efforts & success! She will begin her successful journey to health & wellness ONLY when she is ready - so simply go about your life in peace, kindness & continued love in relating to her. Trying to MAKE (i.e. same for encourage) someone else to CHANGE is like trying to nail Jello to the wall - just NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!

nail Jello to the wall

:laugh:

Definitely a touchy area. First of all, men lose weight much more quickly than women. Secondly, they are (usually) stronger. I know that during my times of trying to live a healthier lifestyle, I often get discouraged watching my husband eating junk and *still* lose more weight than I do (or at the least not pack on the pounds)... and when I do try to exercise, he can easily outstrip me there as well. (Admittedly, some of that is that he has 9 inches of height on me so I have to walk twice as fast to keep up!)

I think that touching on your wife's eating habits is probably not the best way to go about this. As others have said, she needs to do this for herself and not because anyone wants her to. Reading through your post, I realized that at one point in my life, exercising for 2-3 times a week for 20 minutes really was the extent of what I thought I could do (and, honestly, I still think it was all I could do with everything else going on in my life at the time).

I'm just going to tell you what my husband does that helps me. He is *not* trying to lose weight... but he is trying to be supportive of me in doing so. I plan our meals, and I plan healthy options for the meals we will eat together. He is considerate enough to (usually) limit eating junk food in front of me. He also tries to make sure that I have time to exercise... and sometimes as women it is easy to feel guilty about taking that time for ourselves. Another thing that I think would be helpful, but we just aren't there yet is to make exercise a priority as a family. I don't mean going to the gym together or even competing against each other (that would not work for me, because I'd usually lose and get further discouraged!). But even taking times to walk around together, hike some trails or spend time playing frisbee at the park. Encourage her when she *is* down about weight loss. I've been down because I've gained weight over the past few weeks despite working hard. It meant the world to me that my husband pointed out that he saw how hard I was working and that it would pay off in time. He is not the one that I need being the food or exercise police... unless I ask for that (and I do often ask him to wake me up to go walking in the mornings).

I hope that helps a little... obviously your wife is not me, but all I can speak from is my own experience. I would encourage her to find a plan that she likes to. If she doesn't like what she is doing and feels like it is not working for her... that's just 4 wasted months, in my opinion. I also think that since you are both committed to making lifestyle changes it might be helpful to set some noncompetitive goals for what you want that to look like -- cooking at home more, eating less processed foods, trying some new food once a week or exercise once a month. Things where you acknowledge that you are both in this together but not necessarily competing against each other (and I am not saying that you are being competitive at all... it is just really easy in weight loss efforts to feel that way!)

Everyone enters this "journey" in their own time, as a woman once said to me, one day she just got tired of being fat and she did something about it. You need to keep on your path and encourage your wife to exercise with you whenever possible, but you need to stay positive with her but don't bug her about losing or gaining because that may only discourage her. Once she starts to lose you may want to "notice" how well she is doing to keep her motivated but you can't force her to do it.

I have to say that the best words from my husband have been positive, he notices when I have done well and he doesn't say anything when I backslide but he will just hop off the couch and say lets go for a quick walk or he will make a nice dinner when I am tired and I'm ready to order pizza and hit the couch. It is the little things we do as spouses that will help our other halves get better!

Ok ladies, I need a little help here. I could use some advice. My wife and I have been dieting and watching our diet now for about the same length of time. We both started around May 12th. Since that time, I have been pretty serious about getting myself back to good health. Since then, I have lost 34 pounds and am continuing to do my best to be fair about counting my calories and being honest with what I have eaten for the day.

My wife has been on a Metabolic diet. It's a very strict diet, she has to take a lot of pills and drink supplements and in my opinion just sucks. It's a pretty expensive program and my mother-in-law feels paid for it for the next 4 1/2 months so my wife feels obligated to continue the diet. My wife has tried several diets, weight watchers, south beach but nothing seems to work for her. She says she lost the most weight doing weight watchers which is similar to the calorie counting we do here.

Now comes the problem. My wife supposedly gained 11 lbs. while we were on vacation and she was totally rejected. I on the other had lost another pound and a half. I was very good on vacation considering all the good food and did extra exercise and cut back in other places if we were planning to eat a high calorie meal on a particular day. I watched her while we were there and to me, she really wasn't watching what she was eating, especially in the snacking/sweets area. She seems to do o.k. on her regular meal times but not on the snacking on sweets.

She does a workout DVD maybe twice a week for 20 to 30 minutes and calls it exercise. While she is at least doing a little, I don't know how to tell her that she needs to combine good eating habits and laying of the snacks with a consistent, sustainable exercise program. I don't want to hurt her feelings but any time I try to in a civilized and caring manor talk to her about counting what she eats more closely and exercising on a more regular basis, she jumps down my throat and tells me she has dieted plenty of times before and doesn't need me to tell her how to do it.

I love my wife very much and want her to be as excited as I am about getting in better shape. I need some advice here. If anyone has any suggestions about what I could say or do, please reply to my post. Thanks!

The long and the short of it here is this, she can cut out the snacks, sweets and crap food and lose the weight or she can continue with the snacks, sweets and crap food and put the weight back on.

There is absolutely no easy way for you to tell her either and it is not a job I envy, I can tell you. Unfortunately, until she realises for herself, there is nothing anybody can say that may make a difference.

To be honest, perhaps she is genuinely starving hungry on that diet she is on. If you can get her to eat a good protein breakfast such as eggs, that should make her feel more full and less likely to snack than if she were to have a light breakfast. Make sure her meals are spaced out regular and hopefully she will be willing and able to exercise regularly. The more she loses weight, the better she will feel and then of course, the exercise will get easier too.

Good luck!

also...my mom was really haevy for YEARS, and my whole family tried to get her to lose. She recently lost 40 lbs, when people STOPPED telling her that she should. She will lose when she's ready. Focus on you ; )

you can't make her get on board if she isn't ready. Just set an example and be encouraging when she is ready.

I agree with mooz in that there are so many good replies here already, but I'll add to the pile. Internal motivation is an individual concept. No one can get someone to internalize a message; the person has to be ready for change and willing to do what it takes to get to a goal. I have worked with individuals struggling with food, gambling, and substance addictions- the concepts are very similar to weight loss. Your wife has to be ready to be done with her old habits and until she is the one who is ready...no amount of nagging or observing/commenting you do is going to be helpful. In fact, as you have already pointed out, she is defensive. You are putting your goals, restrictions, standards, etc. on her and she isn't ready - for whatever reasons (some conscious and some not). Concentrate on changing you. Lead by example, stop verbalizing and pointing out where she is going wrong. Be supportive when she does makes healthy choices. She may continue to be defensive and upset that you are continuing to lose weight, but that's her own "stuff"; she's angry with herself. She may come around on her own. Check out the link below to the "stages of change" and know as you read it that it is not linear; people will bounce around in those stages before choosing a path. Congratulations on choosing a healthier lifestyle

http://www.uri.edu/research/cprc/TTM/StagesOfChange.htm

Dear Concerned Loving Husband,
* NO ONE will get your wife's attention on this "diet" plan - but YOUR WIFE - by herself & at her own time & palce. A person has to CHANGE THEIR MIND - 1st! As you most certainly have done yourself - no one "encouraged you to lose all the weight so far - but yourself. And as you mention in your profile a big nudge form your doctor. Some thing internally simply MUST occur in an individual's own brain in order to "GET IT!"
* Sadly - it seems that this has just NOT happened yet for your wife. But don't allow her to sabotage YOUR efforts & success! She will begin her successful journey to health & wellness ONLY when she is ready - so simply go about your life in peace, kindness & continued love in relating to her. Trying to MAKE (i.e. same for encourage) someone else to CHANGE is like trying to nail Jello to the wall - just NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!

I have to agree with the above. The only person who is going to convince your wife to be more diligent about her calorie counting and exercise is your lovely wife. Really the only thing you can do is lead by example and concentrate on your own goals. Ask her to go to the gym with you or workout with you (I don't know that you go to a gym), tell her that it would really help you out to have a workout buddy and if she still ends up irate just let it go and she'll deal with her own weight loss demons when she is ready to.

Your a good man and a caring husband and I know that it hurts you to see her struggle but she'll come around. I think asking her to be your workout buddy will help her get on her feet without feeling like you're on her case.

That is what is great about this site. You can believe all those little sugary snacks aren't hurting anything but when you see them all added up it's a wake up call. This weight loss thing works only when you decide you really want it and only when you see it as a life long journey, not just a quick loose 10 pounds by swimming season diet. You wife will have to decide that on her own.

However, it really helps me when my husband suggests walks, bike rides, hikes, because basically I am as lazy as they come. But it is hard to turn down a good looking man like my husband when he suggests a walk along the river on a full moon night..... oh yeah, baby.

Don't worry too much about it. My wife took a while to get on board with the program also but once she did she was unstoppable. I found that just staying in shape myself helped encourage her to try. She will see it work for you and want to join in. It is your job to stick it out and show her the difference it will make. Took me a year to get her started on serious dieting and exercise(not some bogus TV program). After two months she has lost 19 lbs and this morning got on to me for not really wanting to lift weights with her. That's right my wife wanted to lift imagine that. Anyway be strong and be an example that's what she needs.

First off, she says she's dieted lot of time before and she doesn't need you to tell her how to do it. That's were she's wrong! If the "diets" that she did before had been effective than she wouldn't need to lose weight now! You are doing nothing wrong here, she is the one who needs her mind set to change. She's still thinking "diet" in the new meaning of the word, as in eat a little less of the same junk until I lose a little weight and then go straight back to my old bad habits. What you need to help her see isn't that she need to lose weight (believe me she already knows that) or that she needs to exercise more, but that she needs to completely change her life style. Just working out and eating less may work to get the weight off, but it does very little for your over all health. I don't know your ages or if you have children, but I know my wake up call came when I had to have a surgery that was only supposed to be a hour long and ended up lasting three and a half hours because I had let my health fall so low that an other wise obvious tumor on my thyroid had been hidden for around six years. I have two children and knowing how bad that was I decided that I needed to get healthy for them, because I want them to have a mother not a gravestone somewhere! Maybe if you have kids this would be a good way to come across to her about her health, not her weight. If you get healthier by eating right and physical activity, then the weight will come off in turn. I have fought with my weight most of my life, but I remember when I was the smallest and healthiest and what I had to do to get there. It is a long road, but if you walk it together it doesn't seem as long or as hard as it could be alone. The best advice I can give you is just be patient and supportive of her, that's what she really needs from you right now. Oh and tell her that it's okay to not listen to everything her mother tells her, I know what it's like to have a mother who does nothing more than tell you how much weight you've gained and remind you how much you still have to lose! The best thing to do there is just not listen, it makes life better. Good luck with your healthy life style, and I hope she sees the light soon!

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