WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR JULY

Before I begin I want to apologize for complaining, but I just want to put my thoughts down so I can let them go. I do not understand why I always must sabotage myself. I am my own worst enemy. I am so trying to understand this about myself, so I can stop. The moment my life starts to get stressful and I have no time to regroup it seems I let every area spiral out of control. I know I am not being clear, I am just frustrated and upset with myself. I have never realized how I do this except now that I have been on here I am aware of my slipping away. If I do not make a large goal that I set up, I cannot accept less and instead almost see how bad I can make it. I see it with my weight loss, because I lose so slow and am not seeing the numbers go down. (my sisters called to let me know they are losing a a fantastic rate) I just stop exercising, watching what I eat and drinking water. I see in our family where there was just so much crazziness that we somehow thought it was normal. I see how each of us learned to cope differently, me I am a runner. If things get tough I run. My goal for my entire life has to feel safe. I do not want this to happen this time. I find even as I write this, I feel the panic in me. The urge to not come on here again. The fear of having people really know my weaknesses. And why is losing weight so tied up in all of this.
Well, thanks, for providing a place for me to writer.
linda

Before I begin I want to apologize for complaining, but I just want to put my thoughts down so I can let them go. I do not understand why I always must sabotage myself. I am my own worst enemy. I am so trying to understand this about myself, so I can stop. The moment my life starts to get stressful and I have no time to regroup it seems I let every area spiral out of control. I know I am not being clear, I am just frustrated and upset with myself. I have never realized how I do this except now that I have been on here I am aware of my slipping away. If I do not make a large goal that I set up, I cannot accept less and instead almost see how bad I can make it. I see it with my weight loss, because I lose so slow and am not seeing the numbers go down. (my sisters called to let me know they are losing a a fantastic rate) I just stop exercising, watching what I eat and drinking water. I see in our family where there was just so much crazziness that we somehow thought it was normal. I see how each of us learned to cope differently, me I am a runner. If things get tough I run. My goal for my entire life has to feel safe. I do not want this to happen this time. I find even as I write this, I feel the panic in me. The urge to not come on here again. The fear of having people really know my weaknesses. And why is losing weight so tied up in all of this.

Linda, its good that you HAVE a place to be able to vent. It sounds like you don't feel comfortable venting or as you put it "letting people know your weaknesses" anywhere else but here. So take advantage of it. Like Barbie says, "They're are a lot of ladies here to help you". Don't apologize for anything. It's good to vent, it's healthy to release those bad feelings rather than eat them away.(Which in case you haven't noticed doesn't work)

I know what it means when you say you had a crazy family or life with them, that you assumed was normal, what everyone went through. Mine was hell, but I survived and out of everyone in my family I think I am the healthiest both physically and mentally by far! That my dear is the way you need to put things in perspective. You survived and look at what you have accomplished so far.

As for the setting a big goal and being disappointed when you do not complete it or reach it, consider making your goals more attainable. Baby steps, not leaps! You will feel like you accomplished much more that way and feel better about yourself. Make smaller, more attainable goals.

As for your sisters, I really don't know how well you get along with them, but it sounds like their telling you how fast they are losing or how much, frustrates you. Are they doing this on purpose, like its a competition, or subconsiously to sabotage you, is this the way you all have handled things like this, competing to see who is the best? I don't know if it is any of those. All I do know is that if after you look at it, and you see a pattern of destructive behavior, maybe you need to not discuss this subject with them or draw a line on what to discuss. Tell them how it makes you feel. However if this makes you feel like you are being weak then don't discuss it with them at all. My brother is extremely pessimistic, and when he would talk about anything it was so negative and always had me feeling crappy and bring me down. I had to eliminate him from my life. We just aren't good for each other. Family issues. You may not have to be this drastic, but you want to surround yourself with positive people, not negative. It would make me feel poopy too if I heard them estatically telling me of the thousands of pounds they are losing!!!:noway: What happened to courtesy and feelings? They are your sisters for pete's sake, shoudn't they be able to pick up on what makes you feel bad or recognize the triggers? Are they good for you?

I was a runner too. It is extremely important to feel safe. There is a reason that you need this. And only you know why you do. I know why I did. You have to protect yourself. Maybe you never felt safe when you were small. Whatever the reason, being around positive, supportive people is essential! Make your house your home, and in that home have an area you can go to that is yours only. A safe haven. Start a gratitude journal, listing the things you are grateful for, Even if you can't think of a single thing that day to be grateful for, then write that you were thankful for getting out of bed today. I think you are supposed to write 4 or 5 things you are thankful for the day. I thought I saw on this site someone talk about this before. It is very helpful. The book that accompanies it and guides you to feel better about yourself or as they put it "Become your authentic self" is called, "Simple Abundance A Daybook of Comfort and Joy" written by Sarah Ban Breathnach. This helped me tremendously. And I felt so good about myself while doing the daily excerpts.Check it out.

Okay I am off my soap box now. sorry about putting the quote on first. I accidentally hit the reply post button and sent it before I wrote anything.

Hang in there.
Chiclet
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Suezzzque: Even so-called adult kids can wreak havoc with our feelings. Maybe it's more painful because they ARE adults and should know better. It's pretty mean for you to find out via facebook something that you would expect your son to have shared with you. It would be an emotional discovery for me, too. I don't mean to sound intrusive, but what is his wife like? Could she be a behind the scenes manipulator? It doesn't excuse his behavior, but may offer a reason for it. I hope you know that his rudeness and thoughtlesness will come back to bite him someday. I know you don't wish this for him, but I believe firmly that what goes around eventually comes around. I'll be thinking about you...positive thoughts!

Elizabeth(ainslieglen):flowerforyou: :drinker: :drinker: :drinker: