Sabotage

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Dauntlessness
Dauntlessness Posts: 1,489 Member
in Motivation and Support
I dont understand why I rebel so much when it comes to food consumption. It seems that every time in the last few years if I have a deadline or a goal I end up gaining weight and binge eating. I am going to Vegas the day after tomorrow and at the beginning of the year I was all gung ho about losing the majority of my access weight by the time I went. I gained 13lbs instead. When I first started eating healthy and exercising I met a goal of 50lbs in 4 months! It worked then, its not working now.

Its not secret on how I did. I have been eating everything in sight even though I workout 6 days a week 2-3 hours a day. Its like I make a conscious choice every night to eat those chips or stop by the store and get something chocolate. Its like all my rules go out the window. I have this thing that goes through my head "I will be better tomorrow, I worked out hard enough today to cover the calories and maintain my weight".

Stress eating maybe? Not only we have been planning the trip, finding family and friends to take care of our 2 dogs, dealing with a severely OCD husband that has insisted on packing this past weekend and we go over our plans and items several times a day, doing all the odds and ends to leaving my normal life for over a week but we also had some really crazy financial things (in a good way) to happen to us and the pressure of waiting was super hard. Being in limbo is one of my weaknesses. The pressure of needing the money before we go was scary. It finally arrived yesterday. ***Phew, wipes her brow***

My plans are to just have fun in Vegas and give myself a break from the pressure. Once I get back, I hope that I can change this path. Summer is coming and I would love to feel good about myself. I still look good, I still look fit but I want to look even better. I want to succeed. I need to finish this!
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Replies

  • supplemama
    supplemama Posts: 1,956 Member
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    Counseling. You can't change what you don't acknowledge. It sounds like you need some help figuring out what's troubling you and causing you to overeat. This kind of help can be a wonderful breakthrough.
  • mmddwechanged
    mmddwechanged Posts: 1,688 Member
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    I think we all tend to do what we think or say we are going to do. I like to stop and think: "what is my thought process here." And if I need to change it I figure out a way to do that.
  • LoseWithLaurie
    LoseWithLaurie Posts: 64 Member
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    I can relate. The last two months of 2012 consisted of eating well and logging in the morning and afternoon. Then in the evening, it would fall apart. At the end of each day, I'd say "tomorrow will be better. I'll eat right tomorrow." Well, that went on for two months. I couldn't figure out why. Since then, I've figured it out. It didn't have any special emotional reason.
    What it boiled down to, was my actual thought process, not what I thought my thought process was. I felt justified in eating more. My reasons were: I've lost a lot already, I've been working hard, I look pretty good now, this isn't as easy as it was before..etc. I was justifying my bad eating, making excuses. The reality was that I didn't want it bad enough! Even though I thought I did, my actions revealed what my REAL priority was-instant gratification.
    I finally came out of it a few days before New Years.. I got real honest with myself and realized that tomorrow needed to turn into today...and I've been going strong ever since.
    I realize now that I will never be "done" in the sense that I can just eat what I want, or so what I want. I need to duplicate my daily behaviors and choices EVERY day, or I'm in dangerous water. This is a permanent life change, and I have to respect the discipline of this being a daily battle, or I'm in trouble.

    You CAN do this...you just need to decide that you really want to:)
  • laurenz2501
    laurenz2501 Posts: 839 Member
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    I do the same thing. Hence having lost 8 pounds in a year (which is terrible I think). I knowingly overeat, especially on weekends. It's easy to eat healthy during the work week and pack my lunches, etc so that I have no choice but to eat well., but then when the weekend comes and friends go out drinking and everyone eats like crap, it's difficult. For some stupid reason I tell myself "I deserve this pizza after a long stressful week". What I deserve is a good workout. I also can't stand working out though. I really despise it. Every aspect of it. I'll get into a good routine for a week or two and then fall off. Every. Single. Time. For years. Sorry I can't offer any advice but I can say that you're definitely not alone.
  • laurenz2501
    laurenz2501 Posts: 839 Member
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    Even though I thought I did, my actions revealed what my REAL priority was-instant gratification.

    That's SO me all the way!! Instant gratification!! If I DO go to the gym I expect to see results in a week or two, and when I don't I'm like "screw it"! UGH!
  • lazergirl21
    lazergirl21 Posts: 24
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    Hi there,

    I know exactly how you feel - I actually lost just over 70lbs then as I was reaching an important mini goal I started binging and gaining weight - I acutally gain back 40lbs, quite depressingly. I have many reasons for binges but the main one is self-sabotage. I hold off my goals, dreams and relationships based on my weight. I tell myself that things will miraculously change when I hit my goal weight. As a result I have effectively made my weight a convenient excuse not to have to do something. I actually want to be a professional actress but I am scared that I am not talented or attractive enough, while I still have the weight on me, I don't have to find out. If I am rejected I can blame it on being fat, and don't have to face the possibility that I am not talented enough.

    I think it is important to find out and acknowledge what exactly it is that is holding you back - what are you avoiding doing or perhaps using your weight as an excuse for. It is the only way to break the behaviour - confronting and acknowledging.

    If you want some to talk to or give you motivation and support feel free to add me, you can message me any time you need to.

    Good luck! x
  • Rarity2013
    Rarity2013 Posts: 196 Member
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    Tomorrow is a nebulous concept- it never actually comes, we just chase it.

    Why don't you try tracking how you eat normally when you come back from your trip? You'll be able to see not only the calories, where you're going wrong or could cut back and when you eat them, but it might help you to identify how you were feeling when you started eating the treats.

    Once you know that, you can begin to address it, but you may need counselling, depending on whether you can identify/deal with it yourself. There's no weakness in seeking help.
  • katiejvogel
    katiejvogel Posts: 16
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    I feel the exact same way you do! I know the goals I have in mind. I know what I WANT to do. It's like in the Bible, Paul says "That which I want to do I do not, that which I do not want to do, I do."
    I don't know why I do it to myself. I get this attitude that I just don't care. But then the weigh in comes and I am so disappointed in myself. Why can't I get it through my head to just keep working??
    I know I eat from stress and I run a daycare in home and that can be stressful, and I am attempting to home-school my kids, and that makes me a little nervous. But I can't blame life circumstance on why I behave a certain way. Everyone has stuff they are dealing with. I am not so exceptional in my challenges.
    It's nice to read all the posts and know that I am not alone :)
  • katiejvogel
    katiejvogel Posts: 16
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    I should also say, at 75 lbs lost, you are inspirational. :)
  • Sweet_Pandora
    Sweet_Pandora Posts: 459 Member
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    I've been down this road a few times.

    Recently I posted a big note on my fridge that is a reminder for me.

    "What do I want more?"

    For me it helps alot. It's a constant reminder that the few moments of heaven in my mouth is not worth derailing my healthy lifestyle.

    Best of luck!

    What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, have fun!

    Karen
  • daniellemm1
    daniellemm1 Posts: 465 Member
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    I do the same thing. Hence having lost 8 pounds in a year (which is terrible I think). I knowingly overeat, especially on weekends. It's easy to eat healthy during the work week and pack my lunches, etc so that I have no choice but to eat well., but then when the weekend comes and friends go out drinking and everyone eats like crap, it's difficult. For some stupid reason I tell myself "I deserve this pizza after a long stressful week". What a deserve is a good workout. I also can't stand working out though. I really despise it. Every aspect of it. I'll get into a good routine for a week or two and then fall off. Every. Single. Time. For years. Sorry I can't offer any advice but I can say that you're definitely not alone.

    I think the key word for me here is deserve. I feel like I deserve to cheat on the weekends. I work so hard during the week that I deserve a reward. The issue is that we need to start rewarding ourselves wilthout using food to do it.

    Another thought that goes through my head when offered unhealthy but oh so yummy options is that I may never have another chance to have this yummy food so I have to have it and lots of it. Where on earth did I get that idea? I have never been without food or not been able to purchase food that I want so I'm not sure where I got this mindset from. I need to learn that I can have a couple slices of pizza and dont have to eat it until it is gone, there will be other opportunities (probably next week :)) I can share a dessert and don't need to have my own. I need to retrain my brain.
  • dewdrop
    dewdrop Posts: 1,715 Member
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    I still look good, I still look fit but I want to look even better. I want to succeed. I need to finish this!

    That should be your starting point.

    To me, you did pinpoint the main reason: stress. You wanted your trip to be perfect and want to make sure all the prerequisites are met. You don't need that. You can enjoy your trip even if you didn't lose a few lbs more. Take things as they come.

    As a rule, feel good, because you look good :flowerforyou:. If you lose more, bonus! If you maintain, well done! If you gain a little - wake up call!

    Have a nice time in Vegas! :smile:
  • Dauntlessness
    Dauntlessness Posts: 1,489 Member
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    Thanks sooo much! All your kind words really helped! I am so appreciate.

    Oh and I forgot, I just found out less than a month ago am gluten intolerant and starting a out of home bakery. What the heck is up with that? I started this plan long before I knew so now I am going to specialize in gluten free desserts. SMH. It will all work out somehow.
  • amy1612
    amy1612 Posts: 1,356 Member
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    1. Gluten free desserts are amazing. I'm GF and love baking.

    2. Stop looking at weight loss and getting fit as something to do for an occasion such as a trip....Just make small changes that lead to a healthier lifestyle and the rest will take care of itself. You don't 'need to lose weight' for a holiday. Its not like you're 'never going to drink wine ever again', so dont look at it as something youre cutting out, just having less of :)
  • bunnymum150
    bunnymum150 Posts: 311
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    1. Gluten free desserts are amazing. I'm GF and love baking.

    2. Stop looking at weight loss and getting fit as something to do for an occasion such as a trip....Just make small changes that lead to a healthier lifestyle and the rest will take care of itself. You don't 'need to lose weight' for a holiday. Its not like you're 'never going to drink wine ever again', so dont look at it as something youre cutting out, just having less of :)


    love this! Isn't it amazing the journey we are all on??????? "this time" my attitude has finally shifted to REALLY doing this for me, for health and for the right reasons. Not for ............. others, occasions, vacations etc - you can all can fill in the blank. We MUST focus on the positive, how far we have come and that the ultimate goal is for optimal health and not some #, though this is part of the equation :flowerforyou: :heart: :flowerforyou:
  • amy1612
    amy1612 Posts: 1,356 Member
    Options
    1. Gluten free desserts are amazing. I'm GF and love baking.

    2. Stop looking at weight loss and getting fit as something to do for an occasion such as a trip....Just make small changes that lead to a healthier lifestyle and the rest will take care of itself. You don't 'need to lose weight' for a holiday. Its not like you're 'never going to drink wine ever again', so dont look at it as something youre cutting out, just having less of :)


    love this! Isn't it amazing the journey we are all on??????? "this time" my attitude has finally shifted to REALLY doing this for me, for health and for the right reasons. Not for ............. others, occasions, vacations etc - you can all can fill in the blank. We MUST focus on the positive, how far we have come and that the ultimate goal is for optimal health and not some #, though this is part of the equation :flowerforyou: :heart: :flowerforyou:

    :flowerforyou: :smile: Hurray!!
  • TreeHugger2013
    TreeHugger2013 Posts: 65 Member
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    I can completely relate - I had lost 100 lbs a year ago, 40 of them were using this site. The closer and closer I got to my goal, the more I found myself eating a little extra here and a little there, thinking no one would notice. I have an issue with closet eating and it all stems from my father who used to poke fun at me when I would eat something I shouldn't growing up. The whole "if no one saw me eat it, it didn't happen" mentality, which we all know isn't true at all. So, I quite MFP because I was completely ashamed of my behavior, plain and simple. I have since gained the 40 lbs back, but I have no one really to blame but myself. I know what the problem is, I just need to figure out a way to cope with it and get it to work to my advantage.

    Anyway, the moral of the story is we all have struggles we go through on the road to getting healthy ... I just need to remember what is important and it's not all about instant gratification.
  • MissMormie
    MissMormie Posts: 359 Member
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    It sounds like your problem is that your is you're changing everything at the same time. And every change takes willpower to accomplish as long as it's not a habit. And you only have a limited amount of willpower. So, by doing too much and trying to hard your setting yourself up for failure.

    So how about not exercising 2 hours 6 days a week. But start with just getting your snacking under control. Don't change your entire diet. Just small bits. Skip the chocolate for example, or just take 2 squares. When that comes naturally add in exercise. Not 2 hours a day, but like 2 times a week 30 minutes. Or go for a short walk every day for 10 minutes. Slow and steady wins the race.
  • shells1234
    shells1234 Posts: 64 Member
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    I find if I deny myself, like you can't have chocolate or chips then I want them so bad I just go crazy an eat so many!! I ate just one Oreo the other day!! Lol plus I had a baby ruth yesterday as well I don't feel bad because I was still under my calorie goal . And today I could care less about chocolate or chips. As long as you save room for it in you calories maybe you wouldn't make a big deal about it. Also I make myself log everything even if it's a bad day.
  • Bibianna2012
    Bibianna2012 Posts: 88 Member
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    Bump. This is me! Thank you all for the helpful feedback. I dont have any tips to offer since I self sabotage daily! unfortunately its on many things.. not just eating and exercise...arrgh.
    Hang in there, relax and have a nice trip in Vegas!

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