My story

Hi everyone,

Second time posting, but my first time introducing myself.

I'm a happy but overweight 30 year old woman and I am trying hard to be more mindful and care for my health better now than I have for the last few years. I love food, but I think this really can work to my advantage. I really love good, wholesome, tasty food that respects the environment and the producers and my body at the same time. I find so much joy is sharing a home cooked meal with friends and family. Of course, I also love Taco Bell nacho cheese sauce, which does none of the above. But I'm trying to focus more on the former and find ways to fit buying (organic, local) food and cooking healthy meals into my schedule and budget.

Like mostly everyone, I have some emotional baggage and a touch of body dysmorphia tied up with my weight. I spent my late teens and early 20s in the Navy, where I exercised regularly but hated it. I have always been, even at my most fit, a genuinely curvy woman--I have a large chest and behind and hips, along with bad knees and high arches. And running, even when I met reasonable standards, was never ever fun for me. I also always felt, even when I was in good physical shape, like I was larger than my colleagues--petite women who conversed about whether they fit into size 2 or 4, while I, with low body fat and good muscle mass and comfortable and healthy fit into a 12 or 14.

So I guess it's no surprise that when I got out of the Navy, I pretty much stopped exercising all together. I reveled in no longer having to show up to predawn PT sessions and do exercises that hurt my knees or caused me never-ending shin splints and stress fractures.

And so, of course, I started slowly gaining weight. I went from the pretty healthy 160 I had been for most of my Navy career up to 175. But to tell you the truth, that kind of fit my view of myself as larger-than-average anyway. Then a few years later it was 190, then a doctor's visit a few years ago had me at 213. I didn't step on the scale too much, but I finally caved last year and saw I was at 226. Ugh, no good. Somewhere along the way I also stopped liking how I looked and stopped feeling attractive.

I've been pretty reserved about jumping on the weight loss bandwagon, though. My mother has been overweight my entire life, and she's been on and off the Atkin's diet so many times, her weight yoyoing up and down by hundreds of pounds, that I just told myself I was happy with my weight and when I wasn't, I would do something about it. Quietly. If I didn't tell anyone I was trying to lose weight, no one would be able to judge me when I failed.

And I did try a few times. I tried to find ways to incorporate exercise into my schedule, but I never really stuck to them. My best effort was last year when I saw that 226 lbs. I bought a Gazelle (trying to find a cheap elliptical that would be easier on my joints than running), signed up for MFP, and set myself the goal of exercising at least 45 minutes 5 days a week. I managed to keep it up for a few weeks, then I ended up on a work trip out of town with no access to a gym, and by the time I came home I was done.

Fast forward to this year. I finally stepped on the scale again, and it read 226. I decided I really needed to do something, but I needed to be methodical about it this time around. I reset my MFP goals to lose .5 lb a week, just so that I would be losing rather than gaining. I'm fine with slow and steady. I started tracking calories and quickly realized my take-out meals were doing me no favors, so I bought a few cookbooks for fast and fresh home cooked meals and made an effort to be excited about cooking after a long day at work. I've also bought and surrounded myself with healthy, tasty snacks that are as un-processed as possible.

I haven't started a new exercise plan, but I've taken advantage of any opportunity to walk at work; we have a remote location about 3/4 mile from my office, and I try to walk there and back a few times a week, especially during this period of nice weather. I've also started doing a few pushups and situps in my office during the afternoon, and taking the stairs instead of the elevator some times. Small steps, but I know they'll add up.

So this is me taking another step, and asking for support. I don't know anyone else who is trying to lose weight right now, and I still feel shy about telling the people in my day-to-day life that I'm trying to make this change. But the success stories and the forums here seem really supportive, and I would love to make a few friends here to help me, hold me accountable and keep me coming back even when I have days that I don't make my calorie count. Thanks again for providing such a supportive, helpful place and letting me share my story.