Update on "friend" making rude comments from last Sunday!

30togomoveit
30togomoveit Posts: 116 Member
edited September 21 in Introduce Yourself
Little background: she has made rude comments to me in the past and last Sunday, in front of her new BF, she held up an oinking pig toy that she got one of my kids and said: "You don't need to go to Weight Watchers, you just need to have your hubby use this around the house." I told her in the letter that I thought it was f***** up that she would even suggest that as my hubby is supportive of my efforts. I told her I would not allow anyone else to get away w/ talking to me like that and I'm not going to take it from her anymore. This has been an on and off problem w/ her for a few yrs now. I DO NOT know what her issue is!

She got my letter and called today. I was at the gym and was not willing to listen to my message while on the elliptical. I didn't want to get annoyed while I was working out eventhough I was anxious to hear her reaction.

She apoliged 3 times, said she's sorry she hurt me but that "was NOT her intention." I am planning on asking her, once I'm able to talk about it to her, WHAT her intention was. I mean, how else does she think one will take a comment like that? She also told me she "gave me credit" for sending the letter.

I have not responded to her message yet but will plan to tell her I'm not ready to talk to her yet. I am not sure when I will be ready!

Replies

  • april522
    april522 Posts: 388 Member
    Wow, she doesn't sound like much of a friend. Out of curiousity, is she overweight herself? Some people honestly don't think before they speak . . . geesh!
  • hammersue1
    hammersue1 Posts: 96 Member
    Well done to you. Some people arent worth the effort. you just stick with what you are doing. Its all a form of jealousy. I am sure she will be sorry when she sees you all nice and slim and she will be gutted that she didnt be a real friend.
    Go for it girl. hugs xxx
  • shazzannon
    shazzannon Posts: 117 Member
    Good for you! People really need to be called out on their B.S. And I agree, what other intention could she have to make a hateful comment like that?

    Sometimes we keep people in our lives that are basically dead weight and bring us down. Sometimes you just have to cut your losses and decide what's best for YOU. She's obviously not supportive of your efforts. But luckily you have people in your life who ARE supportive.

    I say ditch this chick, at least for now. She clearly needs to learn what constitutes appropriate behavior.
  • mamaDaisyJ
    mamaDaisyJ Posts: 395
    I'm glad she got the message and you haven't had to deal with it. She will have to understand that an apology, or three, isn't always enough to make all OK. I hope that when you are ready to speak with her, she will not ever forget how she made you feel and it makes her into a better person. It takes alot more courage than it should to stand up to our friends, and you had the self confidence to pull it off and stick to your guns. :drinker:
  • vencellia
    vencellia Posts: 89 Member
    I THINK SHES JEALOUS OF YOU!!! AND THATS HER WAY OF MAKING HERSELF FEEL BETTER!! THATS NOT A FRIEND I WOULDN'T TRUST HER!
  • Beleau
    Beleau Posts: 143
    First I applaud you for telling her how annoyed you were...either she knew exactly what she was saying…or speak without thinking

    B
  • HealthierMamasita
    HealthierMamasita Posts: 1,126 Member
    I agree with the previous post... she is NOT a friend.

    Good for you for standing up for yourself hon. People are so damn rude and I don't understand how in the he!! she could say that it wasn't her intention. She would have gotten a mouth full of fist from me so I am very proud of you. You handled it so well!

    You don't need "friends" like that so if she continues, cut her off. Ignore her calls and you continue doing you the best way you know how.

    ~Jo :flowerforyou:
  • lizpell
    lizpell Posts: 10
    Well done you! My sister is exactly the same... and unfortunetly i have real trouble being around her because now i think all her comments are spiteful even though they may not be!

    If your friend can't support you then ditch her, unless she can prove herself to be a true friend!

    Good luck on your weight loss
  • EpiGaiaRepens
    EpiGaiaRepens Posts: 824 Member
    I know that people tend to say things like this when they have issues with themselves. Does she joke about herself like this? Even if she is "thin" she probably has some major body issues with herself.

    Being thin or pretty isn't everything. It's nowhere near as important as basic human decency. Maybe remind your friend of this.
  • 30togomoveit
    30togomoveit Posts: 116 Member
    WOW...thanks everyone.

    She is smaller than I am BUT should still could afford to lose "some" weight/tone. She always says to me about herself: Well my pants don't fit b/c I've lost SO much weight (meaning herself) or doesn't it look like I lost some weight? Honestly, I don't really see it and I"m not just saying that b/c I'm pissed at her. She's not "trying" to lose weight and she does not eat as healthy as she could. She is the "take out queen" as I call her...I have said that to her so I'm not talking behind here.
  • RDTaylor13
    RDTaylor13 Posts: 160
    Good for you, standing up to your friend, I had something similar happen with my brother. For as long as I can remember, he and I have always been close in weight. and size. yet he constantly put me down, telling me I'm fat, overweight, asking me when I'm due, etc.... just over a year ago I got fed up with it, cause he wasn't supportive of my decision to lose weight, and stopped talking to, and visiting him. he's called a few times, and wondered why I've missed family events, but I'm not ready to talk to him, not sure if I'll ever be ready.
  • Amber030583
    Amber030583 Posts: 490 Member
    Great job!!!!! Thanks for the update. Let her sit and stew till your able to talk to her. That crap was uncalled for. I am so proud of you! Wish I could stick up for myself like that sometimes.
  • natspoiledbrat
    natspoiledbrat Posts: 133
    She is clearly not a good friend and if I were you I would get rid of the extra weight you carry around (meaning her) right away. You need people in your life who are going to encourage you and love you for who you are, not what you look like. My sister has said really hateful things to me about my weight and I know its due to the jealousy she has over all the other aspects in my life. I might not be a size 6 like her, but I have a master's degree, a beautiful home, a great career, and an awesome relationship with both parents. She has none of those things, nor does she have the ambition or desire to work hard to gain them. My point is maybe your friend is jealous of something else about you. If the only way she can try to criticize you is by bringing up your weight, then you must be doing a lot of things right in your life. Just work hard to get to where you want to be and where you are happy. Let her hate be your motivation! Good luck!
  • diet45
    diet45 Posts: 392 Member
    I think you said before that you have never told her that her comments hurt your feelings. She did call and apologize. I think you should call and talk to her. You know soon if she will change or not change!!!
  • NewImprovedCnbethea1
    NewImprovedCnbethea1 Posts: 1,108
    This is what your friend is doing:

    As long as you keep a person down, some part of you has to be down there to hold him down, so it means you cannot soar as you otherwise might.
    -- Marian Anderson

    Anyone can sympathize with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathize with a friend's success.
    -- Oscar Wilde


    This speaks volumes clearly she has her own issues to deal with and to make herself feel better she is trying to bring you down!! Don't let her win.....every stone she throw at you stack them nicely and use them as stepping blocks to your success!! I wish you well on your journey. Everyone is not meant to stay in your life forever you have to decide who stays and who go!!

    Keep pressing foward!!
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