If you've already lost a lot of weight,

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  • Tamishumate
    Tamishumate Posts: 1,171 Member
    OH, and NOW, when I look at old pics of me, or step into a pair of jeans that use to fit me ( and now I fit in ONE LEG ), the first thought that comes to mind is " Why didnt anyone tell me I was so big" ?? I know why, they didnt want to hurt my feelings, but I so wish someone told me I was doing incredible damage to my health.
  • lyndsloo
    lyndsloo Posts: 242
    As a child, I was much like Keith's fourteen year old. I was athletically built but overweight because I did not exercise and I lacked confidence. I often thought that I would fail at any sport I tried and my mom worked ALL the time so a lot of my meals were prepared by my sister, who struggled with bulimia for 15 years, and me. You can only imagine the portion sizes and types of foods we would eat. It was not until high school that I found a crowd of girlfriends that were very kind, sweet, AND athletic.They were all on the field hockey team and convinced me to join too. Luckily, our field hockey team was NOT that great to begin with so I never felt like I was negatively contributing to the team. I hope that Keith's daughter can find some kind of "out," like I did!

    Also, I used to be very guilty of the "Am I as big as her?" question, which could have been seen as judgmental, but like someone said before, it had more to do with me than with the person I was observing. I've realized that as I've gotten more into shape I've become less worried about others opinions and I've begun to focus more on ME. I think that growing up I was always concerned with what others thought of me, and I never really sat back and said, "WHAT DO I THINK OF ME? HOW DO I FEEL ABOUT MYSELF? WHO AM I?" Since I've done that, I've seen my self confidence go up and my compassion for people completely change. I think those that judge others are just as insecure, even the skinny, beautiful, perfect ones...they're insecure too!
  • mafery
    mafery Posts: 167 Member
    It's funny. I feel like I judge people more now that I have lost weight. It isnt that they are large. it is that they are unhealthy. So when I see a large person ordering a double quarter pounder and large fries, I just want to go up to them and ask them why they would do that to themselves.

    I tend to agree with this, don't know why...I also am more harsh on myself than when I was heavier..and I should clarify...I started my weight loss journey at 252 lbs....and before that I was 298...so I do know how hard it is but I know when you make better choices, you can change.
  • MusicalMe
    MusicalMe Posts: 64 Member
    I also tend to agree with the few people who have said they are more harsh in their thinking toward overweight people now. However, that is if I see obese people doing stupid things like ordering HUGE meals and sitting on their butts while shopping at WalMart. If I see overweight people at the gym, I get sad because I remember how I felt 50 pounds ago. But, at the same time, I get so excited for them because I know that if I can do it, so can they.

    I am noticing just how many people in this country are overweight. Before I started losing weight, everyone looked skinny to me, but now I'm realizing that there are more overweight people than I realized. It's sad because most of the time, they won't do anything about it.
  • Cytherea
    Cytherea Posts: 515 Member
    I also tend to agree with the few people who have said they are more harsh in their thinking toward overweight people now. However, that is if I see obese people doing stupid things like ordering HUGE meals and sitting on their butts while shopping at WalMart.

    I mean, I totally agree with this, and what some others have said, even though I still am overweight- there are certain things that drive me crazy and always have. The thing is, is someone thinking that about ME when I'm at McDonald's? Because I don't go there often, but who would know the difference? I know I sometimes look at obese people and wonder why they would do that to themselves, but I do it too, I'm not perfect. And that is part of the reason that I feel so judged. The people looking at me with disgust the one time my husband and I go to McDonald's or are sitting in the drive through don't realize that I'm getting a kid's meal with apples and no soda! Or a fish sandwich because it is a Friday during Lent and I can't cook seafood for the life of me (and there is only so much plain pasta and grilled cheese and salad you can eat!)! I feel like I need to justify everything I eat to the rest of the world because they are watching me.

    I do completely and totally hate it when people have those little carts or wheelchairs just because they are fat. I mean, man, of all the reasons in the world to be walking, right?! I have never, and would never, use one of those, no matter how big I was or how big I got. You see people like this a lot at places like Walmart and Disneyland. The fact that they can't even go shopping without sitting down or wander around an amusement park with their kids is sad and pathetic. For me, walking around Disney can be tough (it got SO much better after I lost 30 lbs. though!!), but you gotta do it. Especially since you know you'll be eating crap all day! And it makes the whole experience that much more fun, even if your feet ARE killing you!

    I think it is people like that who give the rest of us overweight people, trying to lose or not, a bad name. People look at them and think that all overweight people are like that: lazy, unhealthy, want to be given things because they are handicapped, and just don't care. That isn't the case at all, but I think they are partially the reason why the rest of us are judged so much.

    Maybe that was a bit harsh, but man do those people drive me up the wall!!
  • slieber
    slieber Posts: 765 Member
    It makes a lot of sense. I haven't read through the entire thread, so please forgive if I repeat what someone else has said. When I see large people in the gym, I secretly cheer them on. I'm also open when asked about the weight I've lost. Many of my friends have seen the transformation over the past two years, some of whom are or were overweight themselves.

    I understand completely how hard it is to take that first step towards losing, and how hard it is to stay on track. So, yes, I view overweight people with more sympathy than, possibly, those who have never been overweight.
  • Amy_B
    Amy_B Posts: 2,317 Member

    I mean, I totally agree with this, and what some others have said, even though I still am overweight- there are certain things that drive me crazy and always have. The thing is, is someone thinking that about ME when I'm at McDonald's? Because I don't go there often, but who would know the difference? I know I sometimes look at obese people and wonder why they would do that to themselves, but I do it too, I'm not perfect. And that is part of the reason that I feel so judged. The people looking at me with disgust the one time my husband and I go to McDonald's or are sitting in the drive through don't realize that I'm getting a kid's meal with apples and no soda! Or a fish sandwich because it is a Friday during Lent and I can't cook seafood for the life of me (and there is only so much plain pasta and grilled cheese and salad you can eat!)! I feel like I need to justify everything I eat to the rest of the world because they are watching me.

    I sometimes feel like when I'm getting something that's not so healthy (usually my treat meal) that I need to let everyone around me know that I already got in a workout that day or am planning a big one for later on. :wink:
  • KendalBeee
    KendalBeee Posts: 2,269 Member
    Yes! I seriously want to give big people high fives when I see them working out in the gym or around the track. But I don't want to be the weird girl giving strangers high fives so I dont lol


    As for the poster with the teenage daughter hiding in the closet eating a bag of cheesy poofs....I would try to find the pyschological reason why she's doing it. Sounds like she needs a mental adjustment on how she feels about food or herself, not just someone telling her over and over "you need...." "this is better..." "try this instead..." Maybe in her situation she feels like food is the only thing she can control in her life...maybe she is dealing with self esteem issues. Just my 2 cents. :smile:
  • keith0373
    keith0373 Posts: 2,154 Member
    She has been stealing food and eating it since she was 2. Not sure that there is some deep seated psychological reason other than that she really likes chips and cheesy poofs! We're working on it and there is alot of improvement over the last year. I just get to refix everything after she gets abck from visiting her mom for the summer.
  • bellanean
    bellanean Posts: 220
    Family is a different matter.

    Yes, its worse. When you are criticized all the time for everything you eat by your family, your psyche will be incredibly damaged because of it. I was always told that and trust me, it has caused almost all of my problems. If you are taking care of your kids the way you have to, that's fine, just remember what you may be doing to them.

    Its never the food that is the problem. It is the food combined with a lack of exercise. She is atheletically blessed, but unwilling to work at anything for long. You just can't do both if you are a certain body type.

    One of our daughters can eat anything she wants, the other 2 have to be more careful. One of them knows this and the other one has to be limited externally. I am not talking about normal eating here, I am talking about sneaking into the pantry after dinner and dessert and eating a family sized bag of cheetos while hiding in your closet, then blaming it on someone else. She has been like this since she was a baby and is just now, at almost 14, learning some impulse control. It is just part of the lessons for a child that is willing to get in any kind of trouble to do what she wants to do at any given moment and willing to blame the results of her actions on anyone other than the person who's actions truely led to those results.

    Maybe she will hate me for it later, but I know of no other way to teach her what she needs to know and be fair to the other kids when she is making things harder for everyone. After many hard years , things are getting better!

    Im sure she wont hate you for it later! There are times when I hate my mom for letting me eat and eat everything I did ( and yes I snuck things all the time and ate it alll and then I would blame it on my brother). I know it wasnt really her fault, but after watching my family break apart and go threw a divorce at a young age thats how I handled it.

    I wish my mom would have put locks on things, I wish she would litteraly just not let me eat the stuff I was eating, instead of just telling me I shouldnt or cant.
  • HealthyChanges2010
    HealthyChanges2010 Posts: 5,831 Member
    ,
  • dmdaigle17
    dmdaigle17 Posts: 918 Member
    I'm not sure if my response completely goes with your topic but, I would have to say that I am MUCH MUCH MUCH more self-conscious now that I've lost almost 100lbs. It baffles my mind that I really wasn't when I was much bigger.
  • Cytherea
    Cytherea Posts: 515 Member
    I sometimes feel like when I'm getting something that's not so healthy (usually my treat meal) that I need to let everyone around me know that I already got in a workout that day or am planning a big one for later on. :wink:

    LOL exactly! Or that you haven't eaten it in forever and you have an excuse for being in a rush AND it fits into your food diary for the day!
  • Simplicity
    Simplicity Posts: 383 Member
    I'm incredibly judgmental all the time. Only in my head. I don't ever say horrible things or laugh at people.
    I got terrible when I was doing so well with my weight loss. Its hard to remember all the hard work you put in each and everyday. Sometimes its really difficult and sometimes it feels like nothing, its important to realise that others around us may already be making those changes and battling with the same difficulties we had at the start. I tend to feel sorry for people who are bigger than average adn try so hard. What I hate are TV programs about weight that deliberatly although somewhat subconciously makes fun of larger people. BBC three channel (UK) constantly shows documentrys called 'big meets bigger' and other such titles with no intention of providing helpful information but just filling an hour with big people plodding through hospitals and supermarkets sometimes arguing with family members. Telling the world that neither of the parents have a job and they cost us the 'taxpayer' this and that. One documentry showed an overweight family that ate 20,000 calories a day like it was some sort of freak show!. ooops!! lost the plot there.
    My point:
    I think I judge people so much because I lost so much confidence when I was confronted about my weight that I felt I had to compare myself constantly with the next bloke and be jealous of the skinny guys. Sadly I'd be secretly please when anyone of of my friends gained a little weight. It's terrible I know. I must admit I am improving though. I never pass comment and I never give advice unless i'm asked. I don't feel like I'm nasty but I do wish i could be better at acceptance and have a little more pleasure in seeing other people do well instead of constantly feeling like I'm doing worse or I'm not good enough. Anyone know what I mean?
    Ps. Right now I'm like totally kicking a**! I put on a little weight but I kinda know how to get rid of it and another month or two and I'll be back to Mr. annoyingly confident! yay!
    PPs. I do also find mobility scooters annoying espicially when they over take me jogging!! grr!!
    Ben x
  • kspeach
    kspeach Posts: 179 Member
    I don't judge people about their weight, but when I see a really big girl, I constantly ask myself, is that how big I am? Was I that big before I started my diet or even worse? I wonder how tall she is and how much she weighs? I always want to know if that is what I look like. I am horrible about doing it on the biggest loser. I watch the contestants and think, wow, I weight more than her but she is huge!! Then I get a reality check and realize...so am I.

    I try not to worry about what other people think. I did that for so many years, I would lock myself in my house and just eat.

    Me too! I am so 'used' to seeing myself in the mirror this 'fat', that I wonder what I look like to others, and if I'm like HER or HER or HER (especially HER because if I thought I looked like that, I would cry and cry and cry.....). Just like anorexics sometimes see themselves as 'fat' even when they are obviously thin, I think it works on the other side of it too...especially if it is gradual in either gaining or losing.
  • Nina74
    Nina74 Posts: 470 Member
    I don't know about anyone else, but I find it kind of sad that people who have been there are judging others who are still overweight, obese, 'big girls" etc. What about compassion? We never know what is going on in someone's life (ok, maybe not the people on the scooters and the ones who are going to McDonald's and buying 2 meals for 1 person). I'm kind of embarrassed to think that people at the gym are thinking they would like to congratulate me because I'm there working out, as an obese/ "big girl". If someone actually came up to me and said that to me, it would make me even MORE self conscious than I already am there. Maybe some of these people that are being judged ARE working on their weight, but it doesn't melt off overnight, as we all know. There are enough skinny people with hatred toward fat people/big girls, etc, that we have to combat.
  • SachaMichel
    SachaMichel Posts: 95
    I agree with nkk74... I would be kind of offended if someone congratulated me at the gym for working out, just because I'm overweight. You wouldn't do that to a skinny/fit person. It also confirms the thought that I'm being noticed and judged specifically because of my weight- Even if it's a positive kind of judgment.

    As for OP, I don't judge, but it's more out of apathy than anything.
  • fchopin42
    fchopin42 Posts: 51
    I try not to judge people in any situation.... I don't know what their personal situation is and what is going on in their life so I hate to label them. I do get a little upset when I see adults who allow their very young children to become obese... It is up to the parents to keep them healthy and eating junk all the time isn't healthy.

    I have had weight issues all my life and I have been on both sides (very thin and pretty chunky). I was raised by grandparents who have always made me feel that the way I look is most important. I remember being on diets at a very young age. I was never allowed to eat "junk" other kids were eating around me. I used to sneak food frequently... even if it was just toast. Comments were made by my grandparents all the time that were very hurtful and mean about my weight. For example I remember my grandfather telling me my thigh looked like a big ham.... and that if I lost weight I would be pretty..... I was miserable and I have a lot of "issues" now. Even now (I'm 30) they ask questions all the time concerning my weight. I was quite thin for several years before finding out I had thyroid cancer last Nov. After having my thyroid removed I gained about 40 pounds. I had to hear "When are you going to start loosing weight?" every time I spoke to them.

    If you have children whose eating habits concern you please help them understand the reason you don't allow them to have junk is for health reasons and that you think they are beautiful and wonderful no matter what they look like. Encourage them to do fun exercise like rollerblading, bowling, frisbee, swimming, etc.... and do these things with them....

    My husband is one to say horrible things about overweight people and it drives me nuts... He has never been overweight and couldn't possibly understand what it feels like to be this way. It really irritates me and makes me feel bad about myself because I am currently overweight. He tells me I don't count because my weight gain is because of medical issues.... ugh.. he's so clueless....

    Anyway, hopefully my post makes sense.... lol
  • eriny
    eriny Posts: 1,509 Member
    I don't care about others weight, but THEY seem to think I do! I have had coworkers turn their styro boxes away from me when I sit at the table. I could care less, so cant be putting off a vibe..............so now I aske what they are eating and ask to taste a bite.
    lol me too !!!!!!
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