yo yo no mo!

Hi everyone~

I'm a 32yo female who has had weight issues her whole life. I've never been a small girl, even as a child. Obviously I never learned proper eating and exercise habits as a kid. I was also *extremely* picky...carbs carbs and more carbs were my fave! Still my weakness! Anyway, I've done the yo-yo thing a couple times. Depression issues definitely contributed at times. Most recetly, in 2010, my family and I did a "Biggest Loser" contest to prep for our trip to Yosemite. I blew 'em away, losing 70+ lbs, and I had never felt better! I was convinced that I had finally found the way to healthy living, and truly I had. Unfortunately *keeping* things that way still proved a challenge.

I moved away from my regular gym, and started dating someone. Dinners out, movie nights, and a gym too far away to be practical started the slippery slope back to big (10 lbs from my heaviest, to be exact). To complicate matters, my partner also struggles with simliar issues. Instead of being each other's support, we've played devil's advocate. As I've said many times, it's hard enough to get yourself to live healthy, let alone convince TWO people. Talks abound of returning to a healthy lifestyle, but not much has actually happened.

I feel a lot of anger and bitterness...over the loss of that achievement, my energy, sense of accomplishment, not to mention my nice clothes and most importantly, my self-esteem... Yes, sometimes that anger is lashed out at my partner, which I feel bad about. I have recognized that no one makes these choices but me. No one has held me down and force-fed me pizza and keep me from going to the gym.

Ultimately, I have decided that I need to be responsible for my own path, and so I am trying to make healthier decisions in everything I do, just as I did 3 years ago. For some reason it seems harder this time, perhaps just like quitting smoking gets harder every time. (Trying to do that too!...lord help me!) But if last time I had to be strong, well, now I will have to be even stronger. Still no one does it all on their own, so hopefully this site and this community will be the support network I need!

:happy: