Anyone else do this on dating websites?
Lizlicious2187
Posts: 178 Member
in Chit-Chat
I've found myself saying that I'll put myself out there blah blah and join a dating site...then 3 days later I'm deleting my profile because I'm over it. I've probably done this about 3 or 4 times now..and I guess it's because I'm sort of afraid of putting myself out there (like many people are). I keep doing this cycle of going online and then saying oh no I'll try to meet someone the "normal" way, but I don't. I'm not the type to walk up to a guy. I haven't been in a real relationship since I was 19 years old..So just wondering if anyone else does the yo-yo game and how you broke the plateau so to speak.
Plus I'm bored...and may have had a glass or two of wine...
Plus I'm bored...and may have had a glass or two of wine...
0
Replies
-
i told myself that once i lose my weight, i'll go on a dating site.
chances are that i actually won't do that lol.0 -
i told myself that once i lose my weight, i'll go on a dating site.
chances are that i actually won't do that lol.
ha ha...i said the same thing...but did go on the dating sites....went on 7 first dates...yup 7....nothing more happened after them...was a blow to the ego...but i got over it once i found the love of my life, on this website of all places...i then deleted my online dating profile.0 -
I met my husband online.... I wasn't looking for it though.... but he found me and we have been together every since then....
Before that.. I met my 3 serious relationship online as well (I was looking for BF online though)
I've try the whole real life thing, and it hasn't work at all... I guess online work better because all you do is to look online and look exactly what you are looking for, and if a guy just wants to have a fun night or he is looking for a relationship, most likely he would let you know....0 -
There's no such thing as meeting someone the "normal" way. Online, offline, at the store, playing a game, meeting someone is meeting someone. You need confidence in yourself.I've found myself saying that I'll put myself out there blah blah and join a dating site...then 3 days later I'm deleting my profile because I'm over it. I've probably done this about 3 or 4 times now..and I guess it's because I'm sort of afraid of putting myself out there (like many people are). I keep doing this cycle of going online and then saying oh no I'll trying to meet someone the "normal" way, but I don't. I'm not the type to walk up to a guy. I haven't been in a real relationship since I was 19 years old..So just wondering if anyone else does the yo-yo game and how you broke the plateau so to speak.
Plus I'm bored...and may have had a glass or two of wine...0 -
I totally relate to this! I haven't deleted my profile, but I have re-read my profile after weeks with very few emails, realized that I am probably not getting attention because I come off like a prude with no sense of humor, and instead of tweaking my profile to reflect my personality, just left it alone. I have a profile on Christian Mingle right now and before that, I had one on Match. I have had one or the other of these for the past year and still have not actually dated anyone, and only have spoken to 3 or 4 people on the phone. I also sometimes go two or three weeks without checking the email account that is linked to my profile.
For me, I think fear is a big factor. I am 43 and removed myself from the "dating pool" when I was 32. Now that so much time has passed, I am terrified! The oldest guy I ever dated was 35, and I am worried about how different dating will be at my age. I worry that I'll seem immature to someone my own age, but can't bear the idea of dating anyone younger than 38 or so. I am also so used to being single that, even though I'd ideally like to remarry and have a sex life again, part of me wonders if the aggravation of a relationship is worth it. I have lost 60 lbs in the last couple years, but I still have 30 to go and definitely don't "feel sexy" yet.
I know I need to either take it seriously or change to one of the free sites rather than a paid one, but I don't know...What do you think it is with you? Are you squeamish about the idea of online dating? Do you have trouble dating guys you meet in real life? There isn't much of you in your picture, but it doesn't look like you could be heavy enough to be self-conscious about your body (though I realize this is a very subjective thing, and to some women carrying an extra 5-10 lbs feels to them like 100). Are you enjoying your singlehood?0 -
I was on POF0
-
I've recently done this. I signed up for a site a few weeks ago, and a week later... even after receiving a bunch of emails... I couldn't do it. My ex left me gutted, so I'm trying to rebuild my confidence to even start dating again. deleted my profile. Maybe I'll try again in a month, dunno.0
-
Met my husband online. He lived in England and I was in the states. Never thought we would meet let alone get married! Just celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary in March.
I think the most important things for online dating is safety and red flags. Always meet publicly and don't get into a car alone until you have a better picture of what the person is really about. If you get any red flags, don't ignore them because the relationship will never work for you no matter how hard you try. I met a few guys online and ignored them, they weren't good for me yet I didn't want to be alone, so I thought I could make it work.
Not a single red flag with my husband and we have the most amazing Christ centred marriage. Well, we are working on the Christ centred but still amazing.0 -
Replying to tigersword: I agree. Confidence is not only important for getting up the courage to "put yourself out there", it is one of the most attractive qualities for a guy or girl to have. I heard about a survey recently that said that guys rated confidence as one of the sexiest traits a woman can have, and that the right amount of it can make up for any number of physical imperfections. Bottom line: if you believe you are sexy and project that, he'll believe it, too.
As far as "normal" ways of dating, the stigma of online dating has lessened a lot in the last few years, and with good reason. It kind of IS the new normal. Five years ago I would have been humiliated at the very IDEA; now, I see it as a way to avoid wasting time. When you know what you want in a person and have several things that are 'deal breakers' (in my case, it is important to me that the guy be a Christian and that he make at least as much money as I do, for example), it just makes sense to go online and register on a site that will filter out the people who don't fit your criteria. It seems to me that you have a better chance of finding a compatible mate within a reasonable amount of time if everyone you date shares the common ground that is most important to you.0 -
@jamiwren ..I can't really say I've enjoyed being single because I haven't gone on a whole lot of dates. I attribute it mainly to the fact that I don't really like doing something I've never done before...and that I still sometimes see myself as 35 lbs heavier than I really am (the weight I've lost)...even when I do see my actuall weight (like 154 lbs) I'm still seeing the flaws. I think of myself as "cute", but not sexy..ya know. I think a lot of it honestly lies within me..because I know I'm generally a down to earth person, but physically I just not there yet with having complete confidence in myself..Meh i guess I need to just grow a pair!
0 -
I keep doing this cycle of going online and then saying oh no I'll try to meet someone the "normal" way, but I don't.
As someone else mentioned meeting people online is perfectly normal. In fact these days it's probably the most normal way for people who aren't still at school/university. I'd never meet anyone new if I wasn't online.
It's really not a big deal. In many ways it simplifies things. You both know you're interested. You can be pretty upfront about things that bother you (I find it much easier to say 'sorry, I don't date smokers' to someone online than I would to say it to someones face if they walked up to me in a coffee shop) and it's efficient. My main advice would be to get a thick skin, people can be pretty rude and you have to make sure that you know that's their problem, not yours.0 -
stay away from plenty of whales0
-
@jamiwren ..I can't really say I've enjoyed being single because I haven't gone on a whole lot of dates. I attribute it mainly to the fact that I don't really like doing something I've never done before...and that I still sometimes see myself as 35 lbs heavier than I really am (the weight I've lost)...even when I do see my actuall weight (like 154 lbs) I'm still seeing the flaws. I think of myself as "cute", but not sexy..ya know. I think a lot of it honestly lies within me..because I know I'm generally a down to earth person, but physically I just not there yet with having complete confidence in myself..Meh i guess I need to just grow a pair!
Just wanted to say I find you very attractive. If I got to know you, I would invite you over for a romantic dinner and as soon as you arrived, I would pull you close and whisper in your ear "I have a swanson tv dinner in the freezer with your name on it" and then I would proceed to fill a wine glass with welch's grape juice0 -
Hey, Liz, why don't we make a deal? You pick a dating site and put up a profile and leave it up. Put a flattering picture of yourself on it (your profile pic here is really pretty and would be good as a secondary pic, but one of you smiling would be a better main picture for a dating site) and spend some time on your profile, really showing your personality. Leave it up for 2 weeks. I will put a better pic on the profile I have on CM and rewrite my profile to show that I am funny and interesting, rather than a celibate bore. Let's "friend" each other on here and talk in 2 weeks about what has happened. I bet if you hear from some interesting guys, you'll want to leave your profile up. This will give me a reason to finally get out of my "bad profile, dressed for church in my photo" rut.
If nothing happens, neither of us has lost a thing. And see, you're already having some success! 5erious wants to nuke you a tv dinner!0 -
I've been back and forth with it for a while now on dating sites. I guess I'm in the same boat. I have this negative self image that I can't seem to shake. I think with me it's more about the fact that I don't look like the person I know I am on the inside (yet). Six years ago I lost 75 lbs (I've since put it back on and I'm starting over, but that's another story). Even when I was in the best shape of my life weighing less than I ever have in my adult life since 7th grade I still had issues with only seeing the flaws. I think it's more about changing your mindset to reflect the "new" you. I held onto my old mindset and I'm sure it played a factor in me regaining the weight as well as my reluctance to date. Letting go of the old mindset and breaking down emotional blocks are key to losing weight and changing your life. Do that and the confidence will follow. I learned this the hard way. Now I'm doing it in reverse this time. Changing my mindset and working on the emotional blocks so I can enjoy my journey this time each pound at a time.0
-
Chloe, that's funny. Did you have a bad experience on that site? I've known at least one person who met her husband on there.
I had a profile on there very briefly, years ago. They matched me up with my cousin.0 -
@jamiwren ..I can't really say I've enjoyed being single because I haven't gone on a whole lot of dates. I attribute it mainly to the fact that I don't really like doing something I've never done before...and that I still sometimes see myself as 35 lbs heavier than I really am (the weight I've lost)...even when I do see my actuall weight (like 154 lbs) I'm still seeing the flaws. I think of myself as "cute", but not sexy..ya know. I think a lot of it honestly lies within me..because I know I'm generally a down to earth person, but physically I just not there yet with having complete confidence in myself..Meh i guess I need to just grow a pair!
Just wanted to say I find you very attractive. If I got to know you, I would invite you over for a romantic dinner and as soon as you arrived, I would pull you close and whisper in your ear "I have a swanson tv dinner in the freezer with your name on it" and then I would proceed to fill a wine glass with welch's grape juice
damm welch's.... you're underage huh...i guess I could settle..this time......
0 -
i never used a dating site mostly creeps there and the pages usually try to rip off your money. That said i met my boyfriend of 3 yrs online in a video game. And now we live together and i couldnt be happier.0
-
@jamiwren ..I can't really say I've enjoyed being single because I haven't gone on a whole lot of dates. I attribute it mainly to the fact that I don't really like doing something I've never done before...and that I still sometimes see myself as 35 lbs heavier than I really am (the weight I've lost)...even when I do see my actuall weight (like 154 lbs) I'm still seeing the flaws. I think of myself as "cute", but not sexy..ya know. I think a lot of it honestly lies within me..because I know I'm generally a down to earth person, but physically I just not there yet with having complete confidence in myself..Meh i guess I need to just grow a pair!
Just wanted to say I find you very attractive. If I got to know you, I would invite you over for a romantic dinner and as soon as you arrived, I would pull you close and whisper in your ear "I have a swanson tv dinner in the freezer with your name on it" and then I would proceed to fill a wine glass with welch's grape juice
damm welch's.... you're underage huh...i guess I could settle..this time......
i've had a crush on you for years.0 -
Chloe, that's funny. Did you have a bad experience on that site? I've known at least one person who met her husband on there.
I had a profile on there very briefly, years ago. They matched me up with my cousin.
yes, people catfish on there0 -
Chloe, that's funny. Did you have a bad experience on that site? I've known at least one person who met her husband on there.
I had a profile on there very briefly, years ago. They matched me up with my cousin.
yes, people catfish on there
strong profile to post content 0 -
My best friend actually met her husband on plenty of fish...and I almost hit on him..except I was on her screen name hahaha fail. @Jamiwren I like that I idea, but I honesly hate my smile..I have an ever so slight gap between my two front teeth..that i got from my momma (miss her)...I shall try though..promise! I'm trying to just go with the flow on okcupid..0
-
i'm on a dating site at the moment and find that the most common men that message me are those i've specifically said in my profile i'm not interested in. gah.
is it really too much to ask that someone in my age bracket with a career approach me?0 -
@jamiwren ..I can't really say I've enjoyed being single because I haven't gone on a whole lot of dates. I attribute it mainly to the fact that I don't really like doing something I've never done before...and that I still sometimes see myself as 35 lbs heavier than I really am (the weight I've lost)...even when I do see my actuall weight (like 154 lbs) I'm still seeing the flaws. I think of myself as "cute", but not sexy..ya know. I think a lot of it honestly lies within me..because I know I'm generally a down to earth person, but physically I just not there yet with having complete confidence in myself..Meh i guess I need to just grow a pair!
Just wanted to say I find you very attractive. If I got to know you, I would invite you over for a romantic dinner and as soon as you arrived, I would pull you close and whisper in your ear "I have a swanson tv dinner in the freezer with your name on it" and then I would proceed to fill a wine glass with welch's grape juice
damm welch's.... you're underage huh...i guess I could settle..this time......
i've had a crush on you for years.
and you never messaged me...whyyyyyyyyy?!0 -
I did that once, and never went back.
I personally felt that the ratio of decent men to creeps really wasn't all that even!! But if you are committed to finding someone then I guess you make the effort to weed through the crap and find a good one. I was lucky enough to find a goodone accidentally through a friend. He is someone I would have passed up had I seen him on a dating website as he is 16 years older than me, has been divorced twice and has two kids, something at 26 I didn't think I would take on but the connection when we met was undeniable and now we're happy as anything.
Do what you feel comfortable with, yeah push through your confidence barriers etc, but don't let any of them push you into meeting or communicating if you don't feel it. Go with your gut.
Oh and good luck :-)0 -
@jamiwren ..I can't really say I've enjoyed being single because I haven't gone on a whole lot of dates. I attribute it mainly to the fact that I don't really like doing something I've never done before...and that I still sometimes see myself as 35 lbs heavier than I really am (the weight I've lost)...even when I do see my actuall weight (like 154 lbs) I'm still seeing the flaws. I think of myself as "cute", but not sexy..ya know. I think a lot of it honestly lies within me..because I know I'm generally a down to earth person, but physically I just not there yet with having complete confidence in myself..Meh i guess I need to just grow a pair!
Just wanted to say I find you very attractive. If I got to know you, I would invite you over for a romantic dinner and as soon as you arrived, I would pull you close and whisper in your ear "I have a swanson tv dinner in the freezer with your name on it" and then I would proceed to fill a wine glass with welch's grape juice
damm welch's.... you're underage huh...i guess I could settle..this time......
i've had a crush on you for years.
and you never messaged me...whyyyyyyyyy?!
i was afraid u'd reject me0 -
OP, 5erious is a shy guy, you have to dominate him.
hes peppering his angus as we speak0 -
trudijoy, I've had the same experience. It's annoying to have someone message you just based on your picture who didn't care enough to actually read your profile, isn't it? That's a guy shooting himself in the foot right off the bat.
It's even more annoying when you answer the questionnaire for the website and fill out the information they request about what your highest priorities are in a match and have them then match you with someone outside your preferred age range, or someone who doesn't consider religion a priority when you do, or someone who wants a childless mate when you already have 3 kids. That's why I stopped using free sites.0 -
I find that I am horrible at "selling" myself on online dating sites. I find that I can find more negatives about myself then positives, but I think everyone can do that.
I also find that there are so many creepy guys out there that the decent guys get typecasted before they've even had a chance to say Hello.
Also, there are many upon many upon many of fake female profiles out there. Just trying to get me to join another dating site or some porn site.
Best day I ever had was on OKCupid when they did the "Blind Date" thing and everyone's pictures were disabled. I got countless messages from women on there. Some I even struck up a good conversation with. Down side is once the pictures were brought back, every one of them stopped talking to me.
Oh... now I've made myself depressed.0 -
OP, 5erious is a shy guy, you have to dominate him.
hes peppering his angus as we speak
i can confirm, i am shy guy0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 393.4K Introduce Yourself
- 43.8K Getting Started
- 260.2K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.9K Food and Nutrition
- 47.4K Recipes
- 232.5K Fitness and Exercise
- 427 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.5K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 153K Motivation and Support
- 8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.7K MyFitnessPal Information
- 24 News and Announcements
- 1.1K Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.6K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions