the pscychological effects of weight loss

Apeck87
Apeck87 Posts: 68 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
So recently I have been thinking more and more about this.. as someone who has been a bit chubby her whole life and constantly felt like she couldnt wear a bathing suit, or even a pair of shorts that arent bermuda's now that i have lost 30 pounds people keep telling me about how i look skinnier than ever, and they say my body looks good. i am not here to compliment myself i am just saying that as a person who has been heavy her whole life when people compliment me i dont believe it, i feel like they say it to be polite. when i look in the mirror i still see imperfections after imperfections, my husband tells me i should be more proud of my achievements but I still feel like that chubby girl. do you ever have issues like that? do you still feel like you have to hide yourself in clothes because you are still heavy? im wondering if im going crazy!
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Replies

  • cookiealbright
    cookiealbright Posts: 605 Member
    Yeah, you're crazy like the rest of us :heart: I was skinny all my life until I met my husband 11 years ago. He likes to cook and in the beginning I felt bad if I didn't eat alot of what he made. That went on for a few years and 30-40 pounds later, I can't wear even my bigger clothes. So I told him - that's it. But when I look in the mirror it's like "Well not too bad" then I sit down & see my pot belly and say to myself "No you are a fatty". It's really hard to change the image of what we think we are and women are always harder on themselves than anybody else is going to be on them. I was married before to a very vain guy before and if I gained a pound it's like he knew it. My current wonderful husband says I look fine all the time. So listen to your husband he's the only one you have to impress anyway!! :flowerforyou:
  • FitToBeKim
    FitToBeKim Posts: 85 Member
    I have lost 40 lbs but when I look in the mirror it is like I still see it there.
    (I lost some weight before starting MFP).
    My husband told me... you always thought you were fat even when you were 100 lbs. (years ago)

    People aren't usually going to say things to you to *just be nice*, especially now days.
    I bet you look GREAT !!
    Trust your husband and enjoy the new you !!
    Proud of you for having a good healthy life style !!
  • peopletalk
    peopletalk Posts: 519 Member
    you've done amazing. trust me, you should be proud of yourself.

    as for me, i have only lost 16lbs and i look in the mirror and see my same self.
    but i took pictures and compared them, and believe it or not... just 16lbs makes a difference!

    try taking pictures :) just keep reminding yourself how far you've come.

    i heard from others that it took about a year before people started seeing themselves in a different light.
  • 1two3four
    1two3four Posts: 413 Member
    No one outside of my home commented on my weight loss until I lost 70lbs (26% of my total body weight) and still only four people did. I didn't really believe the nice words. It took me losing 92lbs and having A BUNCH of people comment over the course of a month (and a small freak out on my part) and a round of new pictures (b/c I rarely see anything in the mirror. Only pictures) for me to really realize that I haven't looked this good, ever. The last time I was this weight I was in 6th/7th grade and I was shorter, so bigger around. In HS I had the beginnings of a double chin (which I never noticed until a few nights ago looking at friends Facebook albums) and I wore my clothing too big or too small. The double chin is gone and I'm trying really hard to wear the right sized clothes (oh my god this is hard -- I never realized how ill fitting my clothes were!) and I've lost 92lbs. I do look good, at least comparing myself to the old me.

    It's hard to get here mentally and I might not stay in this frame of mind but right now today I know what people say is true. I may not be pretty or skinny but I do look better than I ever have before.

    Also, another thing that helps me is that I have never had the luxury of looking 'normal' I've always stuck out and looked different (I have a disability). I will always clearly see those imperfections that make me different and I know there isn't a damn thing I can do about them. So perhaps I don't see small things that other's do, so YMMV.

    And PS, I still think I am 92lbs heavier when trying to navigate in space... I think there's not room for me to go from point A to point B. I'm still surprised when I sit in a seat and fit. Or when I'm laying in bed and my whole body sits on the mattress in a different way. No idea if that ever ends. I hope this helps. Losing weight is a complicated business. Physical, mental. It's a whole shift in your life. I've never felt so 'crazy' ever in my life.
  • jesslintch
    jesslintch Posts: 63 Member

    And PS, I still think I am 92lbs heavier when trying to navigate in space... I think there's not room for me to go from point A to point B. I'm still surprised when I sit in a seat and fit. Or when I'm laying in bed and my whole body sits on the mattress in a different way. No idea if that ever ends. I hope this helps. Losing weight is a complicated business. Physical, mental. It's a whole shift in your life. I've never felt so 'crazy' ever in my life.

    I leaned over in the kitchen the other day and slammed my head into the counter. My husband said, "Sweetie. You're closer to the cabinets now."
  • joleenl
    joleenl Posts: 739 Member

    And PS, I still think I am 92lbs heavier when trying to navigate in space... I think there's not room for me to go from point A to point B. I'm still surprised when I sit in a seat and fit. Or when I'm laying in bed and my whole body sits on the mattress in a different way. No idea if that ever ends. I hope this helps. Losing weight is a complicated business. Physical, mental. It's a whole shift in your life. I've never felt so 'crazy' ever in my life.

    I leaned over in the kitchen the other day and slammed my head into the counter. My husband said, "Sweetie. You're closer to the cabinets now."

    ^^ this has happened to me. LOL
  • keriberi9
    keriberi9 Posts: 159 Member
    I've read through topics/comments on the board lately, and I've thought, "Wow it would be nice to be at that lower weight!" Then I realized that I am now LOWER than that weight that I keep seeing. It's still very difficult to comprehend that when you've been overweight your entire life. What a change, not only physically but mentally and emotionally! You are doing great and you need to trust that people are giving you a real compliment :) Keep it up!
  • lkplibra
    lkplibra Posts: 147 Member
    I don't know what to tell you to make it better, but I can tell you that you are not the only one who experiences this.

    I've lost 38lbs and I still feel like I look the same. Rationally I know by the scale and using a tape measurement that I've lost lbs and inches but looking in a mirror and in pictures I still "see" myself as the same me. I have to buy smaller clothes so I know that I can't really by the same size, but losing weight doesn't change your emotions and it doesn't fix your problems. It doesn't fix your life. It can make you healthier if you did it right, but its still up to you to address your demons.
  • TheArmadillo
    TheArmadillo Posts: 299 Member
    I have recently started to believe people some of the time. It's been 18 months since I started losing weight.

    You do need to reprogram your mind, reinforce the weight loss, as worse case scenario, it can lead you to regain the weight due to feeling like you are still as big as you always were.

    Take progress photos, regular measurements and keep an old pair of trousers, use these to help you visually 'see' the weight loss. You need to retrain your brain. This is one of the reasons that weightloss is largely psychological.
  • sullus
    sullus Posts: 2,839 Member
    I still turn sideways to "fit" between things, when I don't have to any more ...
  • KateRunsColorado
    KateRunsColorado Posts: 407 Member
    Yeah, I think it definitely happens, and both ways actually!

    I gained a lot of weight in college, and although the scale showed me that, I would look in the mirror and say, "well I don't look that different." etc, etc. I guess I was in denial...

    Now that I've lost all the weight I gained plus a little more, I feel smaller, but I still don't feel "skinny" at all! I know I am at a healthy weight, but I just can't really believe it when people say I look skinny.
  • LoraF83
    LoraF83 Posts: 15,694 Member
    There will come a point when you feel good about what you have accomplished and you will embrace your new body and see it for how others see it.

    It just takes time. Be patient and know that you will get there.
  • jlapey
    jlapey Posts: 1,850 Member
    I hear it takes the mind a little while to catch up to the body, but it will eventually. You are not crazy, you are transitioning.
  • jjlayden
    jjlayden Posts: 3
    I've dropped 62 lbs a so far in 2013, clean diet and hard work with a few supplements. 62 lbs of fat loss losing little to no lbm. I feel the best I've ever been and my confidence has increased considerably. When it comes down to it being healthy is a lifestyle. Live the lifestyle, Love the results!
  • PibblesRun
    PibblesRun Posts: 236 Member
    I was heavy my whole life too. If youre crazy so am I! I feel the exact same way. I feel like ill never be over the mental part of weight loss. I still feel fat and ugly, I still feel like people are staring at me thinking eww shes fat. I dont really believe what people tell me...Not sure I ever will. Ive tried to overcome it but...I guess it comes from being made fun of my whole life, and being in a mentally abusive relationship where his main target was my weight of course. When i got the nerve to leave him thats when I lost all my weight! (yes my ticker only says 31 lbs...this is my darn second time doing this) baby weight! I gained a whopping 70 lbs with my girl. The first time I went from 220 to 115.
  • Apeck87
    Apeck87 Posts: 68 Member
    Thank you ladies for the support. It just feels good to know there are women there who can understand how I feel. You never think about the psychological effects weight gain/loss has until it occurs. You think that once you get to that point ( not that im there yet but im closer than ive ever been) that life will just magically fix itself and you will automatically be gifted with tremendous amounts of self-confidence, but the rude awakening comes when you still feel the same and don’t see the weight loss even though you wear smaller sizes and see a smaller number on the scale. The truth is for years most of us ( especially true for women) were tormented by the skinny for being overweight and we started believing we weren’t good enough as the skinny, not physically nor mentally. Because of this constant bullying we believe that we are less than not only the people who have been consistently thin. I guess we all just need time to heals from this, but must understand that years of bullying can take anyone years of overcome, and losing 30 pounds isnt a self-esteem cure-all.
  • Apeck87
    Apeck87 Posts: 68 Member
    I was heavy my whole life too. If youre crazy so am I! I feel the exact same way. I feel like ill never be over the mental part of weight loss. I still feel fat and ugly, I still feel like people are staring at me thinking eww shes fat. I dont really believe what people tell me...Not sure I ever will. Ive tried to overcome it but...I guess it comes from being made fun of my whole life, and being in a mentally abusive relationship where his main target was my weight of course. When i got the nerve to leave him thats when I lost all my weight! (yes my ticker only says 31 lbs...this is my darn second time doing this) baby weight! I gained a whopping 70 lbs with my girl. The first time I went from 220 to 115.

    you are beautiful and dont you dare let anyone tell you otherwise!! :) **HUGS**
  • SunnySouth2013
    SunnySouth2013 Posts: 37 Member
    I've heard that there is about a 6 month delay in how we 'see' ourselves, and I believe that to be true. When I first lost a significant amount of weight (very quickly), I still saw myself as obese, even when others were commenting on it. Once I got to my goal weight (I've gained some again) I just couldn't see it. It took about 6 to 8 months, plus clothes shopping a few times for me to clue into the fact that I was a not the same person.

    Accepting a compliment is another issue. Whenever anybody told me how good I looked I would always reply that 'of course i look better, since I was a ton heavier before'. It took a lot of effort to just say 'thank you'.

    It's hard to deal with our self-perception and the perception of others.
  • xxcooneyxx
    xxcooneyxx Posts: 221 Member
    When I was in 8th grade I went to public school for the first time. In my first week, a boy came up to me and told me his friend thought I was cute, and did I want to date him. I looked to the friend he was pointing at (he was very cute) and nodded yes. Then all the boys in the group erupted in laughter at the idea that I thought they were serious that a guy like him would want to date a fat girl like me.

    Ever since then, when a guy approaches me out of nowhere it takes EVERY OUNCE of my self will not to shout "Get the **** away from me, I'm not a joke!" I was at the mall recently with one of my friends and I was feeling self conscious because everyone was making eye contact with me and smiling at me. I told my friend "Why is everyone STARING at me!?" and she said "Because you are cute." and I was floored. It also makes me sort of sad that when I was fat people would not even make eye contact with me or look at me. It's like I was invisible. Now I make it a point to walk over and talk to bigger people at work/ school and be super friendly because I don't want them to feel invisible. Still I should learn to just treat people like people instead of seeing their weight.
  • LisaJ2904
    LisaJ2904 Posts: 157 Member
    When I was in 8th grade I went to public school for the first time. In my first week, a boy came up to me and told me his friend thought I was cute, and did I want to date him. I looked to the friend he was pointing at (he was very cute) and nodded yes. Then all the boys in the group erupted in laughter at the idea that I thought they were serious that a guy like him would want to date a fat girl like me.

    Ever since then, when a guy approaches me out of nowhere it takes EVERY OUNCE of my self will not to shout "Get the **** away from me, I'm not a joke!" I was at the mall recently with one of my friends and I was feeling self conscious because everyone was making eye contact with me and smiling at me. I told my friend "Why is everyone STARING at me!?" and she said "Because you are cute." and I was floored. It also makes me sort of sad that when I was fat people would not even make eye contact with me or look at me. It's like I was invisible. Now I make it a point to walk over and talk to bigger people at work/ school and be super friendly because I don't want them to feel invisible. Still I should learn to just treat people like people instead of seeing their weight.

    That was so horrible! I can relate though, I am fairly confident, with my work, family, intellegence and I look good but I get this feeling of paranoia when people stare at me like I have something wierd on my face! I was never a good looking child and I don't really notice what other people do because I was happily invisible at school. I don't think I will ever get used to looking good completely, but now that I do , I really don't want to lose it x
  • sandlerlover
    sandlerlover Posts: 96 Member
    I don't know how to handle compliments. I blush. I shake my head no. I embarrassly say thank you. I always think to myself I shouldn't have gotten so big to need to lose so much. I too don't give myself as much credit as I deserve. I'm getting there though!
  • xxcooneyxx
    xxcooneyxx Posts: 221 Member
    When I was in 8th grade I went to public school for the first time. In my first week, a boy came up to me and told me his friend thought I was cute, and did I want to date him. I looked to the friend he was pointing at (he was very cute) and nodded yes. Then all the boys in the group erupted in laughter at the idea that I thought they were serious that a guy like him would want to date a fat girl like me.

    Ever since then, when a guy approaches me out of nowhere it takes EVERY OUNCE of my self will not to shout "Get the **** away from me, I'm not a joke!" I was at the mall recently with one of my friends and I was feeling self conscious because everyone was making eye contact with me and smiling at me. I told my friend "Why is everyone STARING at me!?" and she said "Because you are cute." and I was floored. It also makes me sort of sad that when I was fat people would not even make eye contact with me or look at me. It's like I was invisible. Now I make it a point to walk over and talk to bigger people at work/ school and be super friendly because I don't want them to feel invisible. Still I should learn to just treat people like people instead of seeing their weight.

    That was so horrible! I can relate though, I am fairly confident, with my work, family, intellegence and I look good but I get this feeling of paranoia when people stare at me like I have something wierd on my face! I was never a good looking child and I don't really notice what other people do because I was happily invisible at school. I don't think I will ever get used to looking good completely, but now that I do , I really don't want to lose it x

    I know it seems silly, but it makes me feel good that I started dating my boyfriend a month before I started losing weight. It's like I can feel secure in knowing that he loved me when I was fat so I can be sure that he "really" loves me. Isn't that ridiculous? I want to marry my current BF, but I always thought if things never worked out between him and I, that I would join a dating web page and use my old fat pictures on my profile. That way I could be sure the people that agreed to go on a date with me would like me for me. Isn't that silly?
  • unapologetically_crystal
    unapologetically_crystal Posts: 278 Member
    the brain takes forever to catch up. im now at almost a year and a half of my journey and am just now starting to see myself in a different light. im proud of all that i have done and i really am gaining confidence. the thing is.. you are still the same person you were when you were heavier. you have to get rid of the negativity.. and replace it with positive thoughts and reminders. gotta fight your inner demons. im still "fat" but im okay with it. im healthier then before.. and i plan to continue on so there is no need to stay in the self loathing rut. why? because we are strong! we are amazing. we are rockstars. just admit it to yourself. you are pretty freakin awesome. best of luck. one day your brain will catch up. and its a beautiful thing!
  • Celeigh12
    Celeigh12 Posts: 763 Member
    Oh boy, my brain is so not there yet. I feel like I still take up the space of a 300+ pound person. I still have a pang in my heart when I'm at a restaurant and the hostess wants to seat our party at a booth. When I compare myself to others, the "me" I'm comparing is the big me. At least I'm aware of it and know that one day they'll sync up. In the meantime, it's just surreal.
  • xxcooneyxx
    xxcooneyxx Posts: 221 Member
    Oh boy, my brain is so not there yet. I feel like I still take up the space of a 300+ pound person. I still have a pang in my heart when I'm at a restaurant and the hostess wants to seat our party at a booth. When I compare myself to others, the "me" I'm comparing is the big me. At least I'm aware of it and know that one day they'll sync up. In the meantime, it's just surreal.

    Tell me about it! I still freak out when I sit in an office chair and I can put my arms at my sides without touching the arm rests.
  • Bettyeditor
    Bettyeditor Posts: 327 Member
    Wow, I can so relate to everything that you all are saying. I'm learning some things and it's helping me. For example, I need to start buying clothes that actually fit the new me instead of swimming around in my old clothes that are now miles too big. And I need to take pictures -- its true that I don't see 70 lbs gone when I look in the mirror. My body looks the same as it always has. I think it will take pictures to convince me.

    It is a weird dichotomy: half the time I don't feel like I lost an ounce (my body is the same lumpy shape... just a smaller version. but still lumpy and misshapen... maybe after I lose the last 50 lbs it will be different). But other times I feel small/skinny, like how I fit in a chair or how I swim around in my big clothes. So I either feel more fat or more thin than I actually am. so weird. I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels slightly batty right now!
  • mrscarolbernard
    mrscarolbernard Posts: 32 Member
    Yeah, you're crazy like the rest of us :heart: I was skinny all my life until I met my husband 11 years ago. He likes to cook and in the beginning I felt bad if I didn't eat alot of what he made. That went on for a few years and 30-40 pounds later, I can't wear even my bigger clothes. So I told him - that's it. But when I look in the mirror it's like "Well not too bad" then I sit down & see my pot belly and say to myself "No you are a fatty". It's really hard to change the image of what we think we are and women are always harder on themselves than anybody else is going to be on them. I was married before to a very vain guy before and if I gained a pound it's like he knew it. My current wonderful husband says I look fine all the time. So listen to your husband he's the only one you have to impress anyway!! :flowerforyou:

    My story is the same as yours. Wasn't really into food until I met my husband and started cooking, going out for breakfast, etc. He's gained about 25 lbs in 12 years and I've gained 50+. But I've had enough and it's starting to go down now!
  • tzig00
    tzig00 Posts: 875 Member
    I'm so glad other people are like me. I was just writing one of my friends on this. Thank you for letting me know I'm not alone.
  • Bettyeditor
    Bettyeditor Posts: 327 Member
    Oh boy, my brain is so not there yet. I feel like I still take up the space of a 300+ pound person. I still have a pang in my heart when I'm at a restaurant and the hostess wants to seat our party at a booth. When I compare myself to others, the "me" I'm comparing is the big me. At least I'm aware of it and know that one day they'll sync up. In the meantime, it's just surreal.

    Tell me about it! I still freak out when I sit in an office chair and I can put my arms at my sides without touching the arm rests.

    That happened to me! I had a moment of panic when we got seated at a booth the other day because in a booth the table is bolted to the floor so you can't push it out to get more room. But to my surprise I fit behind the booth just fine. So surreal.

    And when I look at the size on my jeans that doesn't really register with my brain. It just doesn't compute. For years I would have killed to be this size. Now that I am..... it doesn't seem real.
  • debbylee_maxine
    debbylee_maxine Posts: 24 Member

    And PS, I still think I am 92lbs heavier when trying to navigate in space... I think there's not room for me to go from point A to point B. I'm still surprised when I sit in a seat and fit. Or when I'm laying in bed and my whole body sits on the mattress in a different way. No idea if that ever ends. I hope this helps. Losing weight is a complicated business. Physical, mental. It's a whole shift in your life. I've never felt so 'crazy' ever in my life.

    I tend to tuck my arms behind my back when trying to navigate through our tiny workspace in an attempt to squeeze through, I started that when I was close to three hundred pounds, and now that I'm 240, I still do it. And I'll probably continue to do it when I reach my goal weight.

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