Body-Shaming and Obsession

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llama_sammich
llama_sammich Posts: 124
in Motivation and Support
I have recently started a secret blog on Wordpress (that has nothing to do with health or fitness) and was skimming through the Freshly Pressed articles by other writers. I stumbled across this one and fell in love. It really made me think about how much of an affect my body's shape and size has had on my personal relationships and my mental health. I have grown to feel ashamed of enjoying food. And the ones that are bad for me? IF I admit that I like them, I do so with complete guilt for being such a gluttonous fatso.

THIS....this has made me feel that this obsession and self-loathing deprivation is ludicrous. I'm not saying we shouldn't eat healthy or stay active. I'm saying that maybe we need to take a step back and look at things that are more important than our bodies and what we look like.

Enjoy.

http://whinybaby.wordpress.com/2013/04/28/bikini-body/

Replies

  • breeshabebe
    breeshabebe Posts: 580
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    Good point. Ya know, sometimes when I go to a restaurant with a group of lady friends, and I normally judge how much I am going to eat by how much they eat. It could be the healthiest thing on the menu, I could be hungry and have the calories to eat it all right then.... but if I notice that everyone else is complaining about being full when they have only eaten half, then I will eat half. THEN, after we leave, I'll either eat the rest as soon as I get home or in the car on the way home. It's so crazy to feel shame for food!
  • mikey1976
    mikey1976 Posts: 1,005 Member
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    great post
  • llama_sammich
    llama_sammich Posts: 124
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    I know what you mean @breeshabebe. I went out for lunch with my old roommate, her sister and mom. My roomie is a model and skeletal and her mom is very uptight and judgmental. They all ordered little salads and stuff, I was like, screw you guys, I want steak! I could see the disgust in their eyes as I tore into that tasty, bleeding morsel of dead animal on my plate and.....felt bad about it for months. All I could think was, no wonder I'm fat and they're looking at me like I have three heads.

    I especially felt bad cause the sister was being lectured by her mom about what she can and can't eat and that she needs to start training again. Why should I feel bad that they're obsessed with being unnaturally thin and I just want to enjoy a nice hunk of beef? Maybe my iron was low...it's not the end of the world. But definitely felt like it.
  • Vune
    Vune Posts: 673 Member
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    Food has become so integrally tied in to our emotions. When we're babies, we are fed with love and praised for having great appetites. As children, test boundaries by refusing or demanding food, and we are made to feel guilty with the knowledge of starving children. As we get older, we are shamed by our parents for choosing junk, and we endure all kinds of torment from classmates for being big or small or well developed, further complicating our feelings about eating. But food is also tied in to our celebrations. We have cake for getting a year older. We leave cookies for Santa. We fry up latkes to remember the trials our ancestors overcame. It's difficult to separate food from our feelings, so it's natural to be confused and ashamed when we we are forced with choices.

    I also have trouble separating food from my emotional needs. I'm hoping that I can keep improving my practice of mindful eating, especially when faced with my stress stomach. I had a rough week, and I decided I really needed that brownie to go along with my lobster roll. Now, I'm paying for it because my stomach always lets me know when I'm not treating it kindly.
  • LuHox
    LuHox Posts: 136
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    Thanks for sharing the post :)

    I do agree that it's irritating for someone to imply that you should be ashamed and experience feelings of self-loathing for eating "bad" foods or wanting to enjoy them. What bothers me most is that these comments are often made without any consideration, as if it's a universal fact that should not be questioned that women (or men, though such comments are more common from women) should feel highly guilty for even thinking about cookies. And without ever intending to, "friends" reinforce negative thought patterns for each other.
  • llama_sammich
    llama_sammich Posts: 124
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    Good points... I agree with you to a point, Vune. I remember a few years back, this group wanted to make Santa skinny cause it's unhealthy to be overweight. Now, I think changing old traditions like that is ridiculous and would totally ruin my childhood. How is Santa supposed to be jolly if he eats celery and weighs 170lbs? That just perturbed me.

    Same with Sesame Street changing the Cookie Monster into the Veggie Monster. WHY!!! Cookies are delicious. He's fat because he eats too many cookie. Give him some heart failure or thyroid problems, but don't take away the man's cookies! I thought parents existed to teach what's good and bad for their children, not Saturday morning cartoons...

    But I digress. You know what I did this weekend? I had ice cream. Three times. But I also went for a long walk around the ponds, checking out the geese, took my friend's kid to the park, went tot he beach and walked around town.... I don't really feel too bad about having amazing, chocolatey delicious ice cream on the first super nice weekend of the summer. No sir ;)

    I think we let other people's opinions affect us far too often. As long as I'm still losing weight and still love myself, I'm going to eat some damn ice cream when it's 26C out (that's pretty warm for us Canucks). If some 96lb girl who starves and stresses everytime she puts a carrot in her mouth wants to stare me down, it's not my fault she can't let herself enjoy life.
  • LiftAllThePizzas
    LiftAllThePizzas Posts: 17,857 Member
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    I have recently started a secret blog on Wordpress (that has nothing to do with health or fitness) and was skimming through the Freshly Pressed articles by other writers. I stumbled across this one and fell in love. It really made me think about how much of an affect my body's shape and size has had on my personal relationships and my mental health. I have grown to feel ashamed of enjoying food. And the ones that are bad for me? IF I admit that I like them, I do so with complete guilt for being such a gluttonous fatso.

    THIS....this has made me feel that this obsession and self-loathing deprivation is ludicrous. I'm not saying we shouldn't eat healthy or stay active. I'm saying that maybe we need to take a step back and look at things that are more important than our bodies and what we look like.

    Enjoy.

    http://whinybaby.wordpress.com/2013/04/28/bikini-body/
    It's such a well-known and common idea that there's already a word for it: moderation. :)
  • samanthajade124
    samanthajade124 Posts: 217 Member
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    I'm mainly posting so i can come back later and read all the comments, because I really enjoyed what everyone has had to say thus far. I'm a big believer in enjoying whatever you want... but in moderation :)
  • chunkydunk714
    chunkydunk714 Posts: 784 Member
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    Love it! Thanks for sharing.
  • morkiemama
    morkiemama Posts: 894 Member
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    Food has become so integrally tied in to our emotions. When we're babies, we are fed with love and praised for having great appetites. As children, test boundaries by refusing or demanding food, and we are made to feel guilty with the knowledge of starving children. As we get older, we are shamed by our parents for choosing junk, and we endure all kinds of torment from classmates for being big or small or well developed, further complicating our feelings about eating. But food is also tied in to our celebrations. We have cake for getting a year older. We leave cookies for Santa. We fry up latkes to remember the trials our ancestors overcame. It's difficult to separate food from our feelings, so it's natural to be confused and ashamed when we we are forced with choices.

    I also have trouble separating food from my emotional needs. I'm hoping that I can keep improving my practice of mindful eating, especially when faced with my stress stomach. I had a rough week, and I decided I really needed that brownie to go along with my lobster roll. Now, I'm paying for it because my stomach always lets me know when I'm not treating it kindly.

    This really made me think... thank you.

    Also, thanks to the OP for the topic. :)
  • khall86790
    khall86790 Posts: 1,100 Member
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    Completely agree. My self loathing literally almost destroyed my relationship and it wasn't until I started losing weight that I even realised what the problem had been in the first place.
  • Jolene5329
    Jolene5329 Posts: 14 Member
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    You just reminded me that hubby tells me I'm beautiful every day (sniff). But for some stupid reason that's not good enough for me.

    I think I need to re-think this attitude I have about "I'm fat" to - okay, I quit smoking - bravo for me, so now its time to take care of the caboose and whittle it down to a size 10 again.

    Thanks!
  • CrazyTrackLady
    CrazyTrackLady Posts: 1,337 Member
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    I am of the school of thought that education and awareness of what we're putting into our bodies is the key to health and happiness. I also believe that we should be allowed to eat what we want, as long as we do it in moderation.

    And yes, there is such a thing as "skinny shaming", because a morbidly obese woman I know started throwing out insults at me because I was being very, very disciplined while she was not.

    It goes both ways -- if I want a salad instead of a second piece of cake, I shouldn't have to explain WHY I choose the healthier option. Comments like: "Aw come on, it's just cake! Cake is yummy, delicious! How could you NOT want it?" and "It's the weekend, for Christ's sake -- LIVE A LITTLE!"

    Lastly, my health IS important to me, so yes, I will be diligent and disciplined, if that's what it takes to keep myself healthy.
  • uthatswho
    uthatswho Posts: 34
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    Thanks for sharing that blog. I've been down guilt trip lane more times than care to count. Really love the quote about body image at the end, "people who ... love you don’t care what you look like." Too bad I still have to be bombarded by media of airbrushed/surgically altered bodies. Hard seeing that and not falling into thinking that's what you're supposed to look like.
  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,834 Member
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    It really made me think about how much of an affect my body's shape and size has had on my personal relationships and my mental health. I have grown to feel ashamed of enjoying food. And the ones that are bad for me? IF I admit that I like them, I do so with complete guilt for being such a gluttonous fatso.

    I have a few people on my FL that have made AMAZING stides to beat obesity and being overweight, only to seemingly become obsessed with health, to the point of being unhealthy about it. It is easy to do once you start losing the weight, feeling the confidence of being seen different, and hearing comlkiments. But it is not healthy. You can hear it in their conversations and see it in their actions.

    We get in shape so we can enjoy a better quality fo life, but that doesn't make sense if we relegate ourselves to a narrowly constructed view of ourselves in what we eat and how hard we train. Too much more there.
  • darrenkhalaf
    darrenkhalaf Posts: 10 Member
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    Unfortunately, body shame isn’t a topic we often hear about.When an individual begins experiencing body shame, it stems from outside influences and eventually is integrated on a deeper level within a person. I think that yoga and movement therapies in general can be a valuable asset for individuals dealing with body shame
  • emjaycazz
    emjaycazz Posts: 330 Member
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    I really, really like this topic. I DO still have guilt if I go close to or over my goal calorie intake, like I am going to wake up in the morning and the fat that I have lost recently will have all of a sudden come back and have deposited itself on my arms and belly. Whether or not it comes from my own internal issues about beauty or just my past ignorance about eating habits...I'm not sure. But that is changing slowly for me. I have been soaking up knowledge like a sponge since I joined MFP.

    Last night, I asked my husband if he noticed a difference in my body's shape, and after he said yes, he added "But you were always beautiful to me" (awww). Then, I answered "Yes, but this is something I've wanted to do for myself." So I need to start thinking about WHY I want it for myself--is it to provide that I am stronger than I thought? Or is it to conform to someone else's idea of beauty? As a side note, I grew up Asian American in the Midwest so I wonder whether a lot of this stems from that experience.

    I avoid posting pictures of fitness models in skinny clothing on my fitness-based Pinterest board (although the ones of women with loose hair floating around, punching heavy bags with light bag gloves and/or just hand wraps make me laugh), but if you do a search under "Fitness Motivation," you see a lot of that.

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