Moving Donations???

pipinana
pipinana Posts: 2,356 Member
edited September 21 in Chit-Chat
I was wondering if you all could help me out a bit. My husband and I are in the process of moving from New Hampshire to Alaska. We're moving up there to homestead. Be self sufficient and live off the land.

We're planning a big 'farewell BBQ', and I suggested to my husband, that we have a donation can at the house - that way if someone wants to help us out they can. He didn't think that was a good idea. Like we were begging for help.

My thinking - if one of my friends were to start a great adventure like this, I'd want to help them out...

Any thoughts? Please be honest - I really don't want to upset any of my family members... =) Thanks in advance!

Replies

  • skygoddess86
    skygoddess86 Posts: 487 Member
    I'm sorry you asked for honesty, that's tacky.
  • melanieann48111
    melanieann48111 Posts: 804
    I think that it's an excellent idea! There's no pressure to help out because it's a can and all donations can be anonymous. I wouldn't take offense to that at all. I think that most people would be givingyou some type of a going away gift anyhow. Do it!
  • pipinana
    pipinana Posts: 2,356 Member
    I'm sorry you asked for honesty, that's tacky.

    LOL no, I really appreciate it!
  • nehtaeh
    nehtaeh Posts: 2,849 Member
    I think that if someone wants to give you a gift to help you out - they'll do it without the can. I think the can is a bad idea.
  • pipinana
    pipinana Posts: 2,356 Member
    I think that it's an excellent idea! There's no pressure to help out because it's a can and all donations can be anonymous. I wouldn't take offense to that at all. I think that most people would be givingyou some type of a going away gift anyhow. Do it!

    =) Thanks Mel
  • pipinana
    pipinana Posts: 2,356 Member
    I think that if someone wants to give you a gift to help you out - they'll do it without the can. I think the can is a bad idea.

    true....
  • MissNova
    MissNova Posts: 563 Member
    I think it is a good idea. Its like a going away present. Its almost the same as a house warming party. People bring gifts. I think people that would want to help will. There is no pressure involved.
  • kimber607
    kimber607 Posts: 7,128 Member
    I'm sorry you asked for honesty, that's tacky.

    I couldn't agree more...don't do it
  • lutzsher
    lutzsher Posts: 1,153 Member
    This is actually very typical in my family, and many other families I know with a strong european connection.
    On many of the invitations to events there is a little note at the bottom that reads "presentation please", which implies that we would like a donation instead of a gift. You can get neat "money wells" or "money trees" at party supply stores for this as it is actually very common.
    We just had a 50th anniversary party for my in-laws and I put a "money tree" on the register table. It looks like one of those optic lights but at the end of each of the "arms" there is a little clip. We thought it would be a nice little extra something for the couple.

    A can may seem tacky, but an official "money well or money tree" is cute and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. We do this at all wedding, anniversary, graduation, and moving away parties. I prefer this type of gift, because Im a busy person darn it and I don't have time to shop!
  • tubbytabbytales
    tubbytabbytales Posts: 5,883
    This is actually very typical in my family, and many other families I know with a strong european connection.
    On many of the invitations to events there is a little note at the bottom that reads "presentation please", which implies that we would like a donation instead of a gift. You can get neat "money wells" or "money trees" at party supply stores for this as it is actually very common.
    We just had a 50th anniversary party for my in-laws and I put a "money tree" on the register table. It looks like one of those optic lights but at the end of each of the "arms" there is a little clip. We thought it would be a nice little extra something for the couple.

    A can may seem tacky, but an official "money well or money tree" is cute and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. We do this at all wedding, anniversary, graduation, and moving away parties. I prefer this type of gift, because Im a busy person darn it and I don't have time to shop!

    ohhhhhhhhh! Yes I like the money tree idea!
  • KaeChelle
    KaeChelle Posts: 576
    I don't think it's a good idea. It may come across to your friends that you just invited them over to the BBQ just to get something from them. As others suggested, they know you're moving, and if it's on their heart to help you out, they would do it on their own initiative.
  • MissNova
    MissNova Posts: 563 Member
    This is actually very typical in my family, and many other families I know with a strong european connection.
    On many of the invitations to events there is a little note at the bottom that reads "presentation please", which implies that we would like a donation instead of a gift. You can get neat "money wells" or "money trees" at party supply stores for this as it is actually very common.
    We just had a 50th anniversary party for my in-laws and I put a "money tree" on the register table. It looks like one of those optic lights but at the end of each of the "arms" there is a little clip. We thought it would be a nice little extra something for the couple.

    A can may seem tacky, but an official "money well or money tree" is cute and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. We do this at all wedding, anniversary, graduation, and moving away parties. I prefer this type of gift, because Im a busy person darn it and I don't have time to shop!

    ohhhhhhhhh! Yes I like the money tree idea!


    I did the money tree at my house warming for people that could not buy anything on time.
  • pipinana
    pipinana Posts: 2,356 Member
    This is actually very typical in my family, and many other families I know with a strong european connection.
    On many of the invitations to events there is a little note at the bottom that reads "presentation please", which implies that we would like a donation instead of a gift. You can get neat "money wells" or "money trees" at party supply stores for this as it is actually very common.
    We just had a 50th anniversary party for my in-laws and I put a "money tree" on the register table. It looks like one of those optic lights but at the end of each of the "arms" there is a little clip. We thought it would be a nice little extra something for the couple.

    A can may seem tacky, but an official "money well or money tree" is cute and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. We do this at all wedding, anniversary, graduation, and moving away parties. I prefer this type of gift, because Im a busy person darn it and I don't have time to shop!

    ohhhhhhhhh! Yes I like the money tree idea!

    I've seen them at weddings and anniversary parties.... hmmmmmmmm
  • princesspurple
    princesspurple Posts: 688
    what part of alaska are you moving to? I love alaska!
  • pipinana
    pipinana Posts: 2,356 Member
    I don't think it's a good idea. It may come across to your friends that you just invited them over to the BBQ just to get something from them. As others suggested, they know you're moving, and if it's on their heart to help you out, they would do it on their own initiative.

    Good point... I didn't look at it like that!
  • Families_R_Forever
    Families_R_Forever Posts: 630
    This is actually very typical in my family, and many other families I know with a strong european connection.
    On many of the invitations to events there is a little note at the bottom that reads "presentation please", which implies that we would like a donation instead of a gift. You can get neat "money wells" or "money trees" at party supply stores for this as it is actually very common.
    We just had a 50th anniversary party for my in-laws and I put a "money tree" on the register table. It looks like one of those optic lights but at the end of each of the "arms" there is a little clip. We thought it would be a nice little extra something for the couple.

    A can may seem tacky, but an official "money well or money tree" is cute and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. We do this at all wedding, anniversary, graduation, and moving away parties. I prefer this type of gift, because Im a busy person darn it and I don't have time to shop!
    I like this idea but I am still not brave enough to pull it off. I think that if they know you need help they will pull through for you. I wish you guys luck as this seems like a FUN adventure! You are braver than in just uping and moving that far. But Alaska is beautiful and I know it will be worth it!
  • LaurieB5578
    LaurieB5578 Posts: 1,297
    I don't see anything wrong with leaving a can out. People can donate if they want and if they don't want to they can ignore the can.
  • pipinana
    pipinana Posts: 2,356 Member
    what part of alaska are you moving to? I love alaska!

    Honestly?? We aren't sure yet! I know, crazy! haha I was born and raised in Eagle River (outside of Anchorage), and my husband has only been there two times. So, we're going w/ enough cash to spend a few months going around the state; see where we want to spend the rest of our lives!

    We've been looking in Palmer/Wasilla area, Fairbanks, and all the way down to Homer! LOL
  • Rubes
    Rubes Posts: 28 Member
    I think it really depends on your family and friends. Have you ever been to a party like that within your circle of friends? How do you think your family would react? If you were going to your friend's goodbye BBQ and they had the same thing, how would you feel?
  • ssmom
    ssmom Posts: 128 Member
    My personal opinion is no. It would be different if you HAD to move due to a job or something else and needed the help. But it sounds like you are moving to be away and live a more simple life because you want to.
  • pipinana
    pipinana Posts: 2,356 Member
    My personal opinion is no. It would be different if you HAD to move due to a job or something else and needed the help. But it sounds like you are moving to be away and live a more simple life because you want to.

    Well, yes and no. We've been dreaming of this for years. My husband did just get laid off, so we figured it would be the perfect opportunity to live our dream...
  • pipinana
    pipinana Posts: 2,356 Member
    I think it really depends on your family and friends. Have you ever been to a party like that within your circle of friends? How do you think your family would react? If you were going to your friend's goodbye BBQ and they had the same thing, how would you feel?

    Yeah... I agree. See, my family would totally be into it. It's been done before at their church and on my side of family functions. My husbands side? I'm really not sure how they would react... I think it's about 50-50 out there... maybe I should just nix the idea... The others who said 'if they want to help, they will, can or not' are right... If someone want to help they will, regardless of the can.
  • Life_is_Good
    Life_is_Good Posts: 361 Member
    Honestly... that's putting the burden of your travelling expenses off on your family and friends. Not their problem!!! Enjoy the party & let them enjoy seeing you & saying good bye without any expectations.
  • AmyLynn4321
    AmyLynn4321 Posts: 30 Member
    Will you have internet access at all?? Maybe you could set up a table w/ pictures of the locations you'll be visiting and a sign up list w/ email addresses of people who would like to receive a newsletter or blog from you guys of your adventure. I'm sure as you share your struggles along w/ your accomplishments - those close to you in time may feel led to donate if the need arises?
    I don't think I'd put the can out though. I do agree if people want to help they will. Granted their are some who may not know you need help but the last thing you want to do is be sent off w/ people feeling guilty for not helping if they can't/ weren't prepared to etc...
    Good luck! sounds awesome!
  • nroesler
    nroesler Posts: 81
    Ok, it's super cheesy but could be super fun(depending on your family and friends' sense of humour). Many people won't know you are asking for money before they get there unless you tell them, and that is a little tacky 'hey, come to my BBQ and bring some 20's'....I don't think so.

    But...what if you set up a game of some sort and had your friends and family try it for 2 bucks a pop. That way you have an opening to tell them about it before hand without it being uncomfortable. Keep it personal, maybe an Alaska theme...some ideas:
    -Moose hunting game (great for kids, just like hide and seek but with a stuffed moose as the goal)
    -set up a video game round robin using a snow mobiling game or a hunting game and have people pay a entry fee (the final prize could be some jerky or something).

    And you're not getting married, you are moving away....no money tree!! Once you bring up this idea with people before hand they make take it upon themselves to bring something extra for you without having a basket full of money at the front door. I know if I went to a going away party and saw a money tree or whatever I would feel obligated and a little offended.
  • Precious_Nissa
    Precious_Nissa Posts: 416
    Just my own personal opinion, I wouldnt do it....Honestly they know you are moving, they know ya'lls plans on living on the land and being self sufficient, so if someone wants to help, they'll help without you suggesting it...If you and your husband have agreed that this is best in your life and that ya'll can handle living that way, then ya'll need to do it without requesting others help....Not being mean or anything like that, but it is a personal choice and family and friends should do it on their own kindness and honestly, if i showed up and there was a can for donations etc, i'd feel offended, like i was almost obligated to help...Just my opinion though.

    GOOD LUCK though, i've always wanted to visit alaska
  • princesspurple
    princesspurple Posts: 688
    what part of alaska are you moving to? I love alaska!

    Honestly?? We aren't sure yet! I know, crazy! haha I was born and raised in Eagle River (outside of Anchorage), and my husband has only been there two times. So, we're going w/ enough cash to spend a few months going around the state; see where we want to spend the rest of our lives!

    We've been looking in Palmer/Wasilla area, Fairbanks, and all the way down to Homer! LOL

    I love Homer ...the Homer spit is so pretty-great small brewery down there too, used to be anyway:)
  • Phoenix_Rising
    Phoenix_Rising Posts: 11,417 Member
    I don't think it's a bad idea. As Melanie said, it's completely anonymous and up to their discretion.

    I think people who know your situation (your husband being laid off but still following your dreams to move and live self sufficiently) would want to give you some sort of 'good luck, bon voyage' gift. It could be some thing or money or nothing but well wishes - which is up to them.

    I think it's perfectly acceptable. I think societal norms don't necessarily apply since you are so unique and your situation is unique. I think your friends would appreciate and understand.
  • pressica
    pressica Posts: 361
    what part of alaska are you moving to? I love alaska!

    Honestly?? We aren't sure yet! I know, crazy! haha I was born and raised in Eagle River (outside of Anchorage), and my husband has only been there two times. So, we're going w/ enough cash to spend a few months going around the state; see where we want to spend the rest of our lives!

    We've been looking in Palmer/Wasilla area, Fairbanks, and all the way down to Homer! LOL

    I love Homer ...the Homer spit is so pretty-great small brewery down there too, used to be anyway:)

    I would definitely can the can idea. I think it's a bit tacky. Even a money tree seems like you are asking for a handout. I would just be grateful for my family's support, and hopefully people will see your need. I LOVE Alaska. I agree that the Homer spit is just about the greatest place on earth.

    I was a tour guide in Alaska and lived ALL over the state. I am interested in where you choose to settle. Palmer is a nice area. I have lived in Anchorage and Fairbanks. I have to say that I wouldn't recommend Fairbanks as highly. No offense to anyone. :bigsmile: Best of luck to you! I am super jealous. That's a great way to turn a bad experience into a new opportunity. Take care!
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