Anyone relate: family is my food enemy.

Zaefira
Zaefira Posts: 13
in Health and Weight Loss
SO just started MFP literally 3 days ago. I strangely haven't had any severe binge desires (I just feel calm and ready for this) BUT my family cannot help. Literally I want to scream in my uncles face and ram the chocolate he offered me (a HUGE bar) up his nose. He buys me one every day and I have three bars in the fridge. Am tempted to just bin them. My mother rang and offered me a variety of takeaways which I refused. She then decided to make carbonara and her carbonara is FATTY AS HELL. But it's also my favorite meal lol. I used to eat in excess of 2.5k cals a day easy so even if I'm not directly not on the 1310 mpf recommends (which is damned hard may I add after my lifestyle!) I won't keel over with sadness, not that it's an excuse to stuff my face ofc.

How do you deal with this or how do you think I should? Moving out isn't an option as even at 23 am paying the mortgage (how this happened I have no idea really...) and I've been brought up in a household where food DOES NOT GET WASTED or you end up in a fuming argument. Eek.

Thanks for your input and letting me rant.

Replies

  • mrscapamerica
    mrscapamerica Posts: 67
    Family pressure will become much easier over time. Try not to get too frustrated about it. Getting healthy is a decision you make on your own, and you can't expect them to really understand all your lifestyle changes right away. Give them time. Eating that way is normal for them, so they don't feel they are doing anything wrong. Just remember, you can't change them. You can only change you. Cook for yourself, eat the things you feel like you should and eventually they will get the hang of what you want.
  • Vex325
    Vex325 Posts: 31 Member
    My situation is a bit different, but related. My husband has it in his mind that he doesn't need to eat healthy until he's 30 (we have 2 more years). Aside from the fact he never seems to gain weight in spite of the soda and fast food that are his dietary staples, I get frustrated by the fact he seems so unwilling to be supportive of my lifestyle changes. Not only does he not feel the need to eat healthy, he flat out refuses. I've been trying to cut out a lot of really processed foods and things with lots of dyes in them but he will not budge with his eating habits. He's from a relatively typical Southern home and he can always tell when I try to make his (and my) favorite foods a little healthier. I stay home with 3 kids aged 4 and under so I don't feel like having to cook 2 different meals every night. I just bought some big containers so I'm going to try and make my meals during the day and save them in the fridge so I can just warm it up for myself.
    I do know if you constantly deny yourself the foods you love you run the risk of eventually losing your self-control. My weakness is chocolate. And cupcakes. Just about anything sweet. Plus, if you're like me, as soon as you decide you can't have a certain food you NEED it right then and there. So make a little room for the foods you love. I found over time, I want those things less. It becomes easier to find healthy alternatives to your favorite foods. For me, eating healthy is not something I can just wake up one morning and do. I have to wean myself off of the really unhealthy stuff. It took me 2 months to start seeing any weight change, but honestly, I feel it was worth it. I can say with confidence I won't go running back to the store to restock my stash of junk food. I would recommend cutting back slowly, but you have to find what works for you!
    Also, to not waste food, maybe you could get little containers and divide the food into several single-serve portions and keep them in the freezer? They'd keep longer and you're less likely to feel obligated to eat them. I totally get that, too. Since my husband is the only one working, our budget is pretty tight and I've come to see wasted food as tossing out money that could have been spent on diapers or anything else the kids might need. I hope you figure something out!
  • affacat
    affacat Posts: 216 Member
    ...by the fact he seems so unwilling to be supportive of my lifestyle changes. Not only does he not feel the need to eat healthy, he flat out refuses.

    being supportive of you and eating what you eat are not the same thing. be careful not to think of it this way. if he hasn't gained any weight, and is happy eating what he's eating, let him. my wife can eat whatever she wants, and burns it off easy. i can't. she eats whatever she wants, and that's okay by me - she also supports my crazy regimented diet.
  • Vex325
    Vex325 Posts: 31 Member
    affacat, you're right. That wasn't the best way to word it. He's uncompromising. I'm learning to manage my temptations and work around him because I don't expect him to change if he doesn't want to. It seems differently than I intended it to. It's just a pain in the butt to have to cook, and clean up after, 2 different meals. There is a lot more going on than just this and we will soon be in counseling for it. I do love him so I'm not going to bash him; there are just a few wrinkles in our relationship we need to iron out.
  • affacat
    affacat Posts: 216 Member
    affacat, you're right. That wasn't the best way to word it. He's uncompromising. I'm learning to manage my temptations and work around him because I don't expect him to change if he doesn't want to. It seems differently than I intended it to. It's just a pain in the butt to have to cook, and clean up after, 2 different meals. There is a lot more going on than just this and we will soon be in counseling for it. I do love him so I'm not going to bash him; there are just a few wrinkles in our relationship we need to iron out.

    yea, i figured there was more to it... i just wanted to be clear on that one point, that 'support' doesn't equal doing the same thing. it sounds like you're on the right path.

    re: cooking two meals. i don't know if it's a viable solution, but perhaps you only partially cook for him? for example, i make 2 salads for myself for my dinners (i eat dinner twice, a couple hours apart). while doing that, i make a small salad for my wife. i also make her breakfast, because we have the same breakfast (i have one egg, she has 2). i even put together her dessert for her, while i'm putting together my smaller dessert.

    but i don't generally cook for her if i'm not going to be eating it (except if she's had a bad day or something and i'm just being nice, of course). she makes her own dinner, etc, and is happy i make her the side salad.

    if you're constantly making food you can't eat, it's understandable there might be tension. removing that source of tension might be part of your solution.

    you should cook healthy. anything he wants from what you're making, he's free to have. but if he wants something greasy? let him be on his own. he might end up eating more food you make than you expect, lol.
  • AnninStPaul
    AnninStPaul Posts: 1,372 Member
    Toss the chocolate or give it to someone who will appreciate it. Take smaller portions of what your mother makes. If she keeps the leftovers, they are her problem. If you are paying the mortgage, why can't you move out and take your payments with you? If they moved in with you, they need to be better tenants.
  • Vex325
    Vex325 Posts: 31 Member
    ...you should cook healthy. anything he wants from what you're making, he's free to have. but if he wants something greasy? let him be on his own. he might end up eating more food you make than you expect, lol.

    I have no idea why this hasn't occurred to me. Thanks! I'm afraid of the fights that would ensue over it so I'll work around him for now. It's definitely something I will suggest in counseling, though. I cut him a lot of slack right now because he took a great job opportunity 90 miles away thinking we'd be able to reason with our landlord and get out of our lease when he took the job in January. We couldn't so he makes the commute. We still have a couple more months left, too. So for now I put up with a lot more than I normally would.
  • rosiez321
    rosiez321 Posts: 14
    I understand what you are saying. My SO loves sweets and loves to make snacks. He is always making me things to "try", or "take half". I'm getting better at saying no to him. Last night he brought me strawberries, so he is now getting it. Hang in there and I agree with AnninStPaul, just take smaller portions of what your mother makes.
  • Zaefira
    Zaefira Posts: 13
    Thanks for the replies - it's a nice feeling to know I'm not the only one struggling - not that I wish this upon anyone. I will give the chocolate away that's a good idea and he'll stop buying if I'm wasting money on a "stranger". He's gonna get mad as well though. I don't own the house at all btw - I'm 23. My nan needs care - she's not senile just unable to walk properly (70yrs) and my mother had me so young - she was forced and didn't need to keep me but she did. So the burden of guilt and responsibility is heavy here. If I stop the mortgage payments the house gets taken; not only would they struggle but I'd resent giving up a house worth a million when all I had to do was wait another year. I get it all the time about moving out but I'm well and truly stuck :/

    This is just part of the problem of the whole food binge thing. Typing this just makes me so angry at how powerless I am at times ><

    Thank you all for your kind replies though :)
  • girlmeetslife
    girlmeetslife Posts: 15
    Ah, I know this feeling all too well. Fortunately and unfortunately we cannot control the actions of other people, no matter how good the our intentions. The only person in control of anything in your life is you. The best thing you can do is politely saying "No thank you" when you have to, and smiling no matter inconsiderate others can be. Don't worry about being "100% clean" or exactly within your calories every day. Each day is a learning process and given time you'll get better at choosing what's best for you. So long as every step is in the right direction, you're doing great! :)

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