Feeling attacked by family - switching to vegan
kaylabrose
Posts: 71
Hi all,
So I've decided starting tomorrow to switch to a vegan lifestyle, I told my parents and there replies were ''that's a stupid idea'' ''may as well stop weight training you'll waste away and have no muscle'' ''you won't get any protein'' I was left feeling attacked by them and just replied ''okay then'' before walking away. Has anyone experienced this? I know that from now on every time I turn down meat or animals products I'm going to get snarky comments from them.
It really sucks to feel this way because of people who should ACCEPT me for who I am, being my family and all.
I guess I'm just after advice on what's the best,non rude way to reply next time they make a comment about my eating choices?
So I've decided starting tomorrow to switch to a vegan lifestyle, I told my parents and there replies were ''that's a stupid idea'' ''may as well stop weight training you'll waste away and have no muscle'' ''you won't get any protein'' I was left feeling attacked by them and just replied ''okay then'' before walking away. Has anyone experienced this? I know that from now on every time I turn down meat or animals products I'm going to get snarky comments from them.
It really sucks to feel this way because of people who should ACCEPT me for who I am, being my family and all.
I guess I'm just after advice on what's the best,non rude way to reply next time they make a comment about my eating choices?
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Replies
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They say you will have harder time to consume nutrients, vitamins and protein. These are some valid arguments. If you wanna discuss with them get some valid arguments from your side as well. Why you are even vegan? There isn't really much of a health benefits and benefits in weight loss, it's still manly about cals, of course it will be harder to consume them so that might help. I guess that's a one valid argument. Or maybe you find eating animal flesh and other things disgusting?
If you don't wanna talk and want them to just **** off then I see two options. Either not be polite when replying with short answer such as "My eating choices are not your concern". Or ignore their comments you dislike. Personally, I think politeness is overrated...0 -
They say you will have harder time to consume nutrients, vitamins and protein. These are some valid arguments. If you wanna discuss with them get some valid arguments from your side as well. Why you are even vegan? There isn't really much of a health benefits and benefits in weight loss, it's still manly about cals, of course it will be harder to consume them so that might help. I guess that's a one valid argument. Or maybe you find eating animal flesh and other things disgusting?
If you don't wanna talk and want them to just **** off then I see two options. Either not be polite when replying with short answer such as "My eating choices are not your concern". Or ignore their comments you dislike. Personally, I think politeness is overrated...
I'm not trying to lose weight. I'm just trying it out for two months, then seeing how I feel after that. I've never enjoyed meat, and only really have eaten tuna, and chicken on occasion, the only food I'm going to struggle with is not having milk, although I enjoy soy milk. Thanks for your options :-)0 -
I say do whatever feels right for your body
I imagine that with a vegan lifestyle, it's harder to get the nutrients your body needs when it's consuming more variety, but I think doing your research and gaining knowledge from experience will help!
I would just advice you to listen to your body. As for your family, don't worry about them! Change is hard and going vegan may seem crazy to your family, but do what works for you. I personally wouldn't adopt a vegan lifestyle, but to each their own! More power to you, girl!
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I've always attributed this reaction to such a lifestyle change as guilt. I'm a a vegetarian, (I own and breed beautiful high horses) and I've gotten that kind of reaction. The reason I think people feel guilty is that they know if you can do it, so can they, but they're not. It's the reason people don't support healthy changes in general.
I know this isn't true for every situation, but I think it is for many.
Vegan is hard. I did it for 4 days and with good planning got more protein and nutrients than I normally do. Just tell them if they're so afraid of you wasting away to nothing that they should enjoy you while they can.
Or just tell them what you said here, that they should be supporting you, not making you feel bad.0 -
I'm going to be honest with you- I had an ex-boyfriend who's entire family were gluten-free vegans except him (vegetarian) and his dad (omnivore).
Not only was his sister one of the most boring people imaginable, because she had absolutely nothing to talk about except being vegan, but they were some of the unhealthiest people I have ever known. The sister was terribly under weight (possibly the criticism for this is why she felt she had to constantly tell everyone how great she felt and how great it is to be vegan).
There was an event where their whole family could eat only one thing- chips/fries. The whole family sat there and gorged on traditionally made, deep-fat fried chips because there was nothing else.
These things are what your family is worried about. Being a healthy vegan is extremely hard work (both diet-wise and not becoming the kind of person who has nothing to say apart form "hello, I'm vegan"). Best of luck with it.0 -
Hey! I have been a vegetarian for four years and have now been vegan for over three months and it is GREAT! I didn't make that choice because because of wanting to lose weight but purely out of ethical reasons. I believe that if you convert to veganism purely for its health benefits then you will have a hard time going through with it in the long run. If you however think about what actually happens to animals and keep that in mind in case you are ever tempted to make an exception then that will really help.
My boyfriend and I converted to veganism together which made it a lot easier at the start. However, his family was really worried as well and thought it was a bit extreme. It is a common misconception that you won't be getting enough protein and all that. Beans and pulses have a lot more protein than meat and dairy. Of course it may take a while to get used to what your body needs when you feed yourself from vegan sources but believe me, it's worth it and you will get used to it! The Vegan Society http://www.vegansociety.com/ provides a lot of guidance on how to start, what to pay special attention to and even how to deal with relatives. You can spend hours on that website and they cover basically everything you need and might want to know.
Being vegan, we spend so much time cooking and baking the most amazing things I have ever eaten in my entire life and there are thousands of recipes out there.
Finally, it is such a good feeling that everything you eat and drink has not caused any direct harm to animals and that feeling is definitely worth a million times more than having a some cheese or conventional chocolate.0 -
Hey! I have been a vegetarian for four years and have now been vegan for over three months and it is GREAT! I didn't make that choice because because of wanting to lose weight but purely out of ethical reasons. I believe that if you convert to veganism purely for its health benefits then you will have a hard time going through with it in the long run. If you however think about what actually happens to animals and keep that in mind in case you are ever tempted to make an exception then that will really help.
My boyfriend and I converted to veganism together which made it a lot easier at the start. However, his family was really worried as well and thought it was a bit extreme. It is a common misconception that you won't be getting enough protein and all that. Beans and pulses have a lot more protein than meat and dairy. Of course it may take a while to get used to what your body needs when you feed yourself from vegan sources but believe me, it's worth it and you will get used to it! The Vegan Society http://www.vegansociety.com/ provides a lot of guidance on how to start, what to pay special attention to and even how to deal with relatives. You can spend hours on that website and they cover basically everything you need and might want to know.
Being vegan, we spend so much time cooking and baking the most amazing things I have ever eaten in my entire life and there are thousands of recipes out there.
Finally, it is such a good feeling that everything you eat and drink has not caused any direct harm to animals and that feeling is definitely worth a million times more than having a some cheese or conventional chocolate.
I have to add that I admire you for this- you're doing veganism safely and sensibly with research, which many would-be-vegans don't do. You've also told us about your beliefs without being preachy.0 -
Firstly I am not sure switching to "being a Vegan" just to loose weight is such a good plan!! Veganism is more than just eating a plant based diet. It seems to me you are wanting to switch to a plant based diet to loose weight.
Being Vegan is a lot more than just eating a plant based diet there are ethical and compassion issues too.
It is absolute rubbish that you do not get enough nutrients, protein and everything else your body needs being a Vegan. The health benefits are well documented if you care to do some searching!! The amount of wonderful recipes online and in cookbooks are incredible and you will find after transition your body will not want to consume animal products and you will have more energy than you have ever had before.
Being a healthy Vegan is not hard work it is so very easy as long as you are not lazy and just want to eat a burger or eat fast food!! Although Pizza Hut and Pizza Express do Vegan Pizzas and you can even add your own vegan cheese (Nom nom nom)
Personally I think you just need to education your family with the correct facts as it is quite obvious they don't actually understand what you will be eating and so on ....0 -
I forgot to add good luck I know you can do it and I am sure you will get plenty of support on MFP 0
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Ugh, I can't really understand why people think it's their business what others eat (or do in general). If they're truly, really concerned about you then they should be more compassionate and open to a two-way discussion of concerns and clearing up misconceptions about veganism rather than just jumping on you and being total jerks.
-shudder- I know someone like this who used to be a pretty cool dude once upon a time. Kind of waiting for them to get over the initial stage of zealous veganism and become a little more mellowed out and tolerant (know lots of vegans who have done so), but I'm starting to fear that will never happen. Hahaha. [/off-topic]Not only was his sister one of the most boring people imaginable, because she had absolutely nothing to talk about except being vegan0 -
I think that if you feel like youre going to struggle and thus are depriving yourself of something you shouldnt do it
Why are you doing it if you dont want to give up those foods?
And what is your veganism based on - ethics? Weight loss? Health? Environment?
Im a long time vegan, for ethical reasons, and, as much as i want more people to adopt this lifestyle, i find it incredibly strange that people seem to start doing it for no particular reason or strong feeling
Why not just not eat the things you dont like but eat the things you do? Seems to make a lot more sense
What made you want to try veganism?
:S0 -
I tried being vegan for a number of months. My parents were hard to deal with during this time. They had their own minds made up, and didn't really listen to anything I told them about it. Eventually they had said all they could say about it, and I was still doing it, so they lived with it. Eventually I stopped, but that was for different reasons, which is a long story. In any case, it may be best to just say "Ok I hear you." and pretty much agree to disagree.0
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Yeah, your family has totally valid points(Shame sarcasm can't be heard over the internet)...wait a minute these vegans might disagree.......
Do what makes you happy, people are generally not agreeable if they don't properly understand. And yes to some reply's you can have an unhealthy vegan diet but this is the case with any diet.
From personal experience it doesn't take the monumental effort to create a healthy vegan eating plan, there is plenty of info out there and its not a bad thing to pay attention to what you put into your body.
I am Vegan and have been for some time but refrain from being a judgmental lentil. (preachy)
Good luck!!!!0 -
I don't see this as much different to the 'clean eating' diet that is quite the rage at the moment and seems to be doing the committed followers the world of good. Nor do I see it being any different to people who just don't like certain foods or want to go and try new foods. I couldn't do it personally (clean eating, vegetaring or vegan!) but I can still see why it would work.
It really sucks that your family aren't supportive but I think you'll get plenty of support here. MFP will be really helpful if you're tracking your food as it can show you what vitamins & minerals you need to top up on. As long as you stay on top of that then you should be able to maintain a healthy diet and just determine if you like that diet or not.
As long as you're not trying to change other people then it shouldn't be anyone else's business!0 -
They say you will have harder time to consume nutrients, vitamins and protein. These are some valid arguments. If you wanna discuss with them get some valid arguments from your side as well. Why you are even vegan? There isn't really much of a health benefits and benefits in weight loss, it's still manly about cals, of course it will be harder to consume them so that might help. I guess that's a one valid argument. Or maybe you find eating animal flesh and other things disgusting?
If you don't wanna talk and want them to just **** off then I see two options. Either not be polite when replying with short answer such as "My eating choices are not your concern". Or ignore their comments you dislike. Personally, I think politeness is overrated...
I'm not trying to lose weight. I'm just trying it out for two months, then seeing how I feel after that. I've never enjoyed meat, and only really have eaten tuna, and chicken on occasion, the only food I'm going to struggle with is not having milk, although I enjoy soy milk. Thanks for your options :-)
why not go veggie first, and if being a veggie goes well, then go vegan. Or stay veggie. Or go back to eating tuna and chicken on occasion. Whatever you think suits you best. It takes your body a while to adjust to a new diet, too much change in one go isn't always a good thing. Even a lot of vegans don't recommend going vegan overnight, but to take things step by step.
Additionally, it is harder to get enough protein on a vegetarian and vegan diet... but not impossible. I think there's a website for vegan bodybuilders that probably has a lot of good tips. In any case, you will need to get advice about how to eat right. If you have the info from organisations/websites like that, it might reassure your family that you're doing everything the healthy way. The comments you quoted sound like they're just concerned about you getting enough nutrition... I don't think they're attacking you for the sake of it, just some people are not very careful how they phrase stuff so they end up sounding critical and disparaging.0 -
In your first post I see a red flag. You are already making this about identity and having other accept the "who I am" part of this. They are having a normal emotional reaction to one of their group deciding to make an identity switch. I can respect a choice to become vegan for ethical reasons, and I admire it. But ostentation is as distasteful in a soy thumper as it is in a bible thumper.
I notice you said you "only" ate tuna and chicken. Well, if you are truly doing this for ethical reasons, why is that statement coming from you? Both fish and fowl have well developed mechanisms for feeling pain and anxiety, and furthermore, ocean going top predators like tuna are the least sustainable protein source on the planet, hands down.
Identity is mutable. You barely just turned vegan, please don't become one of these annoying people who constantly rub it in everyone's face and thrive on outrage when others don't think ahead to accommodate them. Go about your veganism quietly and understand that it is an ethical choice. Reassure your family that you don't want to separate yourself from them.
And please don't go telling people there is more protein in beans and pulses or making ridiculous health claims. That's bull**** and we can all read pie charts and do simple arithmetic. Some of us even know about the trick where you dry the thing you want to prove is higher in protein, then measure it against fresh meat.0 -
do you live with them, and do your parents provide your meals??
If so, then i think youre being unreasonable, and should maybe just consider vegetarianism, and if not and you live seperatly from them, then its none of their business0 -
I think I have a couple of more thoughts on this thread.
I probably gather you are letting your parents know about your lifestyle change because well their your parents and they need to be made aware of it so there is no problems when eating together. I don't think this is unreasonable you are entitled to your own beliefs and dietary choices and if they are unwilling/unable to accommodate your diet you will just have to prepare your own food...not a big deal for everyone involved.
As for people becoming upset about the subject of Veganism being bought up, well sometimes this is unavoidable at times, such as if you are eating with or out with people inevitably you will have to let people know your dietary needs, at moments like this it is best to not sound preachy or condescending but don't let peer pressure make you feel like you are being unreasonable...after all it is your body not theirs and worst case scenario prepare your own food.
Lastly people are often complaining or relating stories about obsessive vegans with their vegan agenda, I would recommend that as you found it annoying that your parents are unaccepting of your new eating life style refrain from doing the same to others, its their life let them eat what they want. But watch out, I personally make an effort not to judge others for eating animal products but am often baited by people who ask why I choose a vegan lifestyle and when I try to give an honest brief answer it often starts an unwanted debate with them criticizing my answers(which they asked for) then later referred to as me preaching even tho I didn't offer the information or criticized their eating habits was just answering THEIR questions.0 -
No worries about "wasting away" etc with a vegan diet. There are plenty of websites out there that show that we can, and do
train, compete and thrive on this sort of meal plan. There is a supportive website called "NO MEAT ATHLETE" that is worth checking out. Don't worry about what others say or think - it really has nothing to do with them.
I most often just avoid the conversation with others as it's really none of their business what I eat (or don't eat) or why.
My very favourite ridiculous comment of all from a non-vegan relative when I explained why I was not eating the meat at dinner
was that "God put animals on earth for us to eat!" Do what is right for you, and you will learn to deflect and ignore these comments.
People are afraid, confused and ignorant of what veganism really is and the health benefits. I also find that they suddenly feel
as though we are judging what THEY eat and will often try to defend it. I personally don't care what others consume as it's everyone's choice to do what they believe is best for them.0 -
The Vegetarian Resource Group is a non-profit that has been around a long time, and has a lot of helpful information on their website, including a section for teens: http://www.vrg.org/0
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It is sad they won't support you initially but you can prove them wrong. Some people don't understand being vegan, however you can prove that it does work and change their minds. I had an ex who wasn't very supportive but my family were fine. I would occasionally get mocked but they did it in jest and there was always something for me to eat. I mainly went vegan because of food allergies so I had more support. I recently gave up gluten and it I haven't had any problems with my family, in fact I have been influencing my sister and her husband to eat more vegan.
There is so much food out there that you can't possibly lose a drastic amount of weight unless you have been eating bad foods. The easiest meals are made from fruit/veg/legumes.
Good luck on your two months of veganism and I hope you continue with it.0 -
i went vegan well most of the time i do have cheese very rarely as my reason for going vegan was health reasons my son and husband are on a vegan diet two the problem i have is when my mum trys to give my hubby meat when im not around i dont care if he eats it but the fact she does it behind my back and is always saying to me let him eat meat drives me crazy! im not forcing him to eat like me he chooses too0
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Just do as you planned, with a smile on your face, succeed and prove them wrong. You cant change how people (even family) react to you, but you can show them how strong and determined you are and that you know what is right for you.0
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I'm going to be honest with you- I had an ex-boyfriend who's entire family were gluten-free vegans except him (vegetarian) and his dad (omnivore).
Not only was his sister one of the most boring people imaginable, because she had absolutely nothing to talk about except being vegan, but they were some of the unhealthiest people I have ever known. The sister was terribly under weight (possibly the criticism for this is why she felt she had to constantly tell everyone how great she felt and how great it is to be vegan).
There was an event where their whole family could eat only one thing- chips/fries. The whole family sat there and gorged on traditionally made, deep-fat fried chips because there was nothing else.
These things are what your family is worried about. Being a healthy vegan is extremely hard work (both diet-wise and not becoming the kind of person who has nothing to say apart form "hello, I'm vegan"). Best of luck with it.
What an idiot reply, so you know one person who is a vegan and id boring and underweight and your using that as an argument to not do it?
I know plenty of meat eaters who are underweight and boring, so does that mean everyone that people should eat meat either?
You can be perfectly healthy while being a vegan, the same as you can be perfectly healthy eating meat or whatever, it just takes a little forethought is all.
Lots of people have this idea that veganism is unhealthy, but im sure when your family see that you arent wasting away or whatever they will stop harassing you. I know a few vegan bodybuilders so its deffinately possible to gain muscle on a vegan diet! Good luck x0 -
Good for you for trying this out! One way to respond to this type of behaviour from your family is to do your research so that you're prepared with answers when they ask how you'll get protein, etc. You'll also want to do research for yourself. I was vegan for about a year (it was not for me - I got really sick (not from a plant based diet, but my immune system was compromised), discovered that I have a soy allergy, and my body just wasn't healing - I went back to eating meat periodically and now I eat fish and eggs on a regular basis) and the best cook book I bought was Let Them Eat Vegan. So many people who choose to eat vegan load up on simple carbs and tofu products as meat replacements. This book does not rely on soy at all, and for me that was really important.
Two important things to remember: 1) Do not make your diet (whether vegan, vegetarian, omnivore, etc.) your identity. Otherwise you will feel attacked any time someone comments on it. And there will always be small minded people who do not understand dietary choices. 2) Do what FEELS RIGHT for you. If you feel good eating a plant based diet, that is amazing and continue doing it. Many people thrive on a vegan diet. It's not necessarily for everyone, but it could be an important step in figuring out what is right for you.0 -
I can sympathize with you because I don't like veggies so I always have to tell people who invite us over that I'm a picky eater because I don't want to hurt their feelings when they go through the trouble of making a nice meal and I won't eat half of it. I like raw veggies and few cooked ones so it has been a life long thing for me. After a while they will get used to it so do what makes you happy.0
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Hi: There is an old saying "You can pick your friends-but you can't pick your family'
For whatever reason we take their approval or disapproval so personally.
Do what you want!
But own it !! - No excuses for them to criticise you!
Setting an example is much more convincing then just lip service!
Best Regards!
Annie0 -
most people hear 'vegan' and think 'nibbling on lettuce'. it's never been that way, and in 2013 it's not even close. do your research, and you'll be more than fine.0
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Just be strong in your reasons...be aware that dairy and eggs are hidden in many foods. Many people find the transition easier if they go vegetarian first. Just tell people that you don't really care much for meat and want to see how you feel cutting it out for awhile. Just be honest but be aware anytime you have a headache or get sick someone will blame it on your diet. Get some books on veganism and read up, it can be done, but must be well planned. There are also many vegan and vegetarian weight lifters so that's proof that weight lifting can be done. Look some up to give as examples or famous athletes.0
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My daughter is a strict vegan. I have been "attacked" in the past for allowing it. It's usually by people who have not done their research. I'm proud of my daughter's dedication. She is 20 years old and has been vegan since she was 16. She started out as a vegetarian at 14. She did all this on her own. She has taught me so much.0
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