confident friends and those with a healthy self esteem

my first thing I want to work on is developing confidence in myself and to develop a healthy self esteem towards myself. I have come to realize I've been going about my goals all wrong. I need to work on myself from the inside out. I am looking for friends with confidence in themself and who have a healthy self esteem and would love to learn from you guys how I can achieve and develop confidence and a postive and healthy self esteem. I've heard it said by being around people with the attributes I desire to have are the best teachers.

to give a little background about myself so you will know who you are working with so to speak. I grew up in a very abusive enviroment . I grew up most of my life without grandparents up until the age of 4 when I met my dad's parents. my mom's parents died when she was 3 years old so I never got to know them. when I met my dad's parents they were not what I expected. my grandmother was abusive to me emotionally and physicially and she tried to kill me when I was 10 with a loaded gun

my grand father wanted nothing to do with me or to develop a relationship with me in any way shape or form. My dad was very abusive mainly emotional with his words and putting me down a lot. my mom was really quiet and reserved fighting for her own survival so I was left to figure things out on my own. I never knew what confidence was like or being around people with a healthy self esteem

before my healing I was handicapped due to having eplisey and delayed learning. up until 2 years old I couldn't even talk. I said my first word in the special school when they were teaching me how to eat using a fork. in grade school I was bullied all the time and picked on by my peers for being learning challenged mainly being called names but also beat up and stuffed into lockers. this was up until 9th grade when I dropped out of school to go to school at home.

when I was 26 years old I married an abuser not only was he abusive but his family as well. that was all I knew what to look for that was the enviroment I grew up with. I knew nothing else. by the time a friend encouraged me to leave my spouse not before I was pregnant with my now 11 year old daughter what self esteem I did have was a zero. I began gaining weight and would use food refusing to eat as my crutch before I knew it I was netting 900-1,000 calories a day and my once 5"4 inches tall and 125 pound frame became 250 pounds. currently I am at 171 pounds and want to finish to return to the weight I used to be before I gained.

I realize that I need to work on myself from the inside out that when you work on your inside it reflects to the outside. I really desire to be a success from the inside out and that starts with reaching out and askin for help on the areas I need to work on. I can't do this on my own would love support and encouragement as I begin to get healthy and well from the inside out.
Yes I am very serious about this. It's time for me to change and I am ready for the challenge.