Private, and Personal

goldiejoe
goldiejoe Posts: 121 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hi everyone, I'm a very private person. I'm not necessarily shy, but I don't like a lot of attention focused on myself. Which has become a problem as my weight loss has become noticeable. People I barely know are stopping me to ask how much weigh I have lost, or how many calories I am eating, or what my exercise regime is.

Aaak! This causes me social anxiety no end. I want to be cool and nonchalant, but I really have no idea how to defray this and wind up answering their prying questions or accepting their unsolicited advice.

I'm not talking about friends and family, who generally already know what is up with me. I'm talking about nodding acquaintances.

I don't want to be rude, as I work with these folks and would like to advance and be promoted sometime. I just need some considered advice on how to handle all this unwanted attention.

I know it is natural to be curious when you see a change like this in someone, but I'm starting to feel like a circus freak.

Replies

  • SailorSarah311
    SailorSarah311 Posts: 172 Member
    I find that the best way to get over a fear is to write it down. Not saying that you are fearful of talking to these people, but you do have a slight tendency to pull away from these people. (At least that is what it sounds like.) If someone asks what you are doing just simply state that you are working out more and eating healthier. A short brief answer should be enough. Now, if they want more details then just say a brief deal about what you are doing. People will seem interested for a short time, but after a while they will stop asking/talking about how good you look. Not saying that they won't think you look good, just referring to the fact that they won't need to say it anymore/all the time. You can always prepare a short answer that you can tell anyone and everyone who asks questions. Another thing you could do is start a blog. You can share your success/tips there, and when someone asks what you are doing send them to your blog page.
  • goldiejoe
    goldiejoe Posts: 121 Member
    Thanks sarahvalentine311. A blog is an excellent idea. I had considered making up some "product" that I was "promoting," somehow a multi-level-marketing pitch always gets people to back off. LOL. Or saying I had consulted a shaman or some other such nonsense. But a blog would probably be the totally better way to go.
  • ShellyAnn1965
    ShellyAnn1965 Posts: 12 Member
    OMGosh! I think God lead me to this post! I have NEVER, EVER heard anyone else express this feeling before. I have stopped trying to lose weight on PURPOSE before because I was getting too much attention by dropping pounds! Crazy hungh?

    I CAN NOT stand people commenting about how "great" I look.... what are you doing?.... how much have you lost?....

    Now, I will go on and read the responses from others and try to prepare myself to NOT sabotage my health when I get unsolicited attention....
  • ShellyAnn1965
    ShellyAnn1965 Posts: 12 Member
    Thanks sarahvalentine311. A blog is an excellent idea. I had considered making up some "product" that I was "promoting," somehow a multi-level-marketing pitch always gets people to back off. LOL. Or saying I had consulted a shaman or some other such nonsense. But a blog would probably be the totally better way to go.

    <Giggle> Good one, I would love to be a fly on the wall to listen to that drawn out and very detailed response! Good luck!
  • ruleof9
    ruleof9 Posts: 5 Member
    I don't personally have this issue, and am happy when someone asks, although it does remind me of how out of shape I still am. Either way, people ask, and because I'm on here using this site, I simply tell them that. I mention the site, they can look it up, end of story. "ps- no I dont work here ;)"
  • Carfoodel
    Carfoodel Posts: 481 Member
    what about just a stock phrase like "good old fashion healthy eating and exercise, no secret" ? and then deflect the conversation back to them. most people like to talk about themselves :) people really don't want to hear it is that simple so they are usually happy to let the conversation move on.
  • AprilOneFourFour
    AprilOneFourFour Posts: 226 Member
    Ha! I love it when people notice that I've lost weight and will happily tell them all about it in boring detail...

    But, if somebody asks me a question I don't like, about a subject I find too personal, I keep the answer very vague and boring. That tends to send a signal that you're not keen to discuss plus the lack of interesting answer will put most of them off asking again. Not all, some people are just insensitive.

    So you can practise some basic stock answers....

    What are you doing? Oh, you know just eatin' less and movin' more. Just the usual boring stuff.
    How much have you lost? I'm not tracking that - my boring old plan is working, that's all.

    Now you can pause for a beat after any of these answers and have a change-of-subject question for them lined up...if it's work it could be something about the company. Or something about the weather...the news?

    People are probably asking you because they are impressed - it's a form of flattery because everyone knows that it's hard to lose. Others are hoping that you have discovered some miracle and they want you to share it with them. Remember that they mean well, but you are entitled to not engage beyond basic politeness.
  • mazdauk
    mazdauk Posts: 1,380 Member
    what about just a stock phrase like "good old fashion healthy eating and exercise, no secret" ? and then deflect the conversation back to them. most people like to talk about themselves :) people really don't want to hear it is that simple so they are usually happy to let the conversation move on.


    THIS absolutely! Mostly people want to know if you've found a "magic" solution which means they won't have to cut calories and/or exercise.

    Or if you fancy a real laugh, try some absolute BS like "There's this new diet where, if you eat an egg before each meal, it actually eats some of the calories for you" and see how they react. :laugh: (thanks to Victoria Wood for that one!)
  • cland160
    cland160 Posts: 3 Member
    Carol, all the replies I see here are excellent! I can't add anything to them. However, I would encourage you to be a bit more upbeat about your success. You have done remarkable. You are losing weight and getting healthy. That is the envy of almost all of us 'bigger than we like' people over 50ish. Be proud of your accomplishments. And never forget, you are my hero.
  • BohemianCoast
    BohemianCoast Posts: 349 Member
    They just want to know the magic formula! I say, oh, yes, I have a secret system, it's brilliant... and then whisper "I have been *eating less* and *exercising more*."

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