'lads' holidays

lady_in_weighting
lady_in_weighting Posts: 196 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hey everyone.

My boyfriend is going on a lads holiday in a few weeks time.

I feel nervous about him going because lets face it, these types of holidays are for alcohol and getting laid. I have read other peoples views on this. All the male opinions I have read are, 'we are men, thats why we go to these places, ive been with my girlfriend for years, i love her, but im away with my pals to have a good time and if a hot bird wants it then she's gonna get it!'

Majority of male opinions are like this.

I trust my boyfriend and he said he wouldnt do anything like that but I think that with alcohol and girls half naked throwing themselves at boys it might all end up being too much.

I considered going on a girls holiday but I dont want to be in a situation where men throw themselves at me. I think that going to these places when your in a relationship is just asking for trouble. You dont need to go to magaluf/ayia napa to have an amazing holiday in the sun with your pals.

Thoughts?

Replies

  • jandthebops
    jandthebops Posts: 28
    I don't agree at all that the majority of men would go away and cheat on a long term partner. If he says he's not going to do anything then you have to trust him. Monogamy and staying faithful is a choice you make, trust him to make the right choice. Just because half naked girls throw themselves at him and he is tempted doesn't mean he has to or will do anything.
  • Katieloula
    Katieloula Posts: 73
    Tbh, I would not be happy with my boyfriend going on a lad's holiday but luckily he hates clubbing and doesn't drink spirits so always says a chilled relaxing hol with me or his rents would come first anytime!

    I have and will be going on girl's/friend's holidays though. I have a thing called willpower, when a guy comes on to me I just politely brush it off, big deal. I go to places like Ibiza and Malia because I love a good dance and want to spend the week getting tipsy every night with my friends. I think it's better for us to go to a place where the majority of people will be doing that, and coming in late, than going to some family resort and feel like I have come in early or be super quiet because I'm upsetting children/waking people up.

    I have my relaxing do nothing holidays too, but just because you go to a place like Napa or Maga, does not mean you HAVE to get with whoever comes on to you. Enjoy yourself :) we're only young once!
  • kezza8888
    kezza8888 Posts: 75
    It seems I have a very similar view point to you.....rightly or wrongly I dont feel many men can be trusted when they are boozed up and surrounded by girls...these types of holidays can be pretty hedonistic! I also agree it's the type of thing you should consider giving up when you settle down with someone...WHY risk the temptation - we are all only human at the end of the day, and sometimes part of staying faithful is about avoiding these types of scenarios.

    My fella is having a random "Lads Weekender" in September! We have been together 5 years and I thought we were past the point of doing what-we-want-when-we-want...we are meant to be saving for a house and wedding! However, I dont ever want to be the type of girl who stops a person from doing things they enjoy and I know I have to trust him 100% if we are going to stay together forever. It has taken me 5 years, but I can now take the attitude "give him the rope and see if he hangs..." Not easy, but putting a leash on him could result in even worse problems or betrayals!

    P.S - YES, I will be taking my own "Girlie Weekender" tit-for-tat style, especially as he also travels with his work alot, I think it's fair he knows how it feels to be the one sat at home wondering! :-)
  • emmalouc93
    emmalouc93 Posts: 328 Member
    My boyfriend isn't really the lads holiday type of guy, but if he was to say he wanted to go on holiday , I don't think I would have a problem, because none of his friends are really like that either. Who am I to say no, if he wanted to, I'd support him the whole way, but every woman on this earth would be lying if they didn't have a small qualm about it. I'm not going to lie and say I'd be really happy, I do really trust him, and I know he wouldn't ever do it, I just don't trust other women and even the thought of them TRYING would annoy me.

    I know a lot of guys that would 'never' do anything, yet they go on holiday and their friend egg them on to do things.. Guess it depends on their peers and what they themselves are like. Girls are just as guilty of doing it sometimes, so I'm sure my oh feels the same if I was to go on one.

    We did discuss it before but, since it's not really our scene we would rather just go somewhere nice together.
    I do agree with OP that going on these things when in a relationship is asking for trouble, because it usually just bachelors/singles that go on these crazy holidays, at least that's what I always thought. I don't really see the need for it if you're with someone, and if you don't want your other half there, that probably means you will be hiding something, maybe I'm wrong - Usually if my boyfriend is going to his friends house or something I'll say oh I'll stay here I don't want to intrude on 'man time' and he'll just look at me funny and say we have nothing to hide, you're more than welcome to come if you want to. I do the same back, because we're all kind of friends with each others friends.
  • Sawjer
    Sawjer Posts: 229 Member
    If you don't trust your boyfriend you shouldn't be with him, full stop.

    Normally its the partner who is always paranoid and questioning that is the unfaithful one.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    my husband (boyfriend at the time) went on a lads holiday in 2010.... he got sh*tfaced every night and behaved like an idiot with his mates (having 'wrestling matches' on the dance floor of clubs etc and he is 30 by the way!!!)

    thats all he did because he had a girlfriend... i know 100% thats all he did because i trust him!
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    it's the type of thing you should consider giving up when you settle down with someone...WHY risk the temptation - we are all only human at the end of the day, and sometimes part of staying faithful is about avoiding these types of scenarios.

    you should give up having a good time with your mates because you're settled down with someone? WHY?!

    i love getting chatted up - it rarely happens, i have a massive rock on my finger, but occasionally its nice. if they are attractive i will have a little flirt back and then say 'sorry i am married' no harm done, great ego boost for me! the husband got chatted up when he was last out with the boys (and told me about it!) - it just makes me think how lucky i am to have such a fit husband!!!!

    there is 'tempation' everywhere unless you live in a cave! women at work, in the supermarket, wherever.... men dont need to go on holiday to cheat! if they're going to do it they will happily do it anywhere!!!
  • luceegj
    luceegj Posts: 246 Member
    I would be so nevous as well! I hate any type of cheating!
    But at the end of the end you know him more than anyone! and if he say he won't and you can trust him then it's fine! Nothing eles you can do! (No point worring about things)
  • lady_in_weighting
    lady_in_weighting Posts: 196 Member
    Thanks for all your replys! :)

    Most of you have confirmed what I have reasoned with myself. Im not the only girl whose boyfriend it going abroad on a mad bender holiday with the boys and i guess every girl who cares about their boyfriend and values their relationship has the right to be a little worried.

    Im not really bothered about going on a girls holiday cause if i went it would realy be tit-for-tat kind of thing. Id rather save up the money and put it towards a holiday I really want to go on next year. Just see what happens.

    x
  • squatsandlipgloss
    squatsandlipgloss Posts: 595 Member
    How old is your boyfriend? I would not be with someone that would want to go on a lad's holiday, rather than go on holiday with me (holidays are a rare occassion when you work/study full time, so I would be upset if he would "waste" it by going with friends, without me - but then again we are 27 & 28, so I guess that is a different story). I don't agree with people saying that guys cannot be trusted with booze and girls - but you also have to consider GIRLS being drunk and being around your boyfriend, they sure as hell won't care. And I would already not be happy if a girl would even touch him - that would mean he would put himself in that position.

    I don't mind my boyfriend going out with his male friends, they do things together and I trust him when he is out without me, but a holiday is something different, I don't see a reason for him to do that.
  • nikilis
    nikilis Posts: 2,305 Member
    personally, I'd never do that to someone. I don't think of a lads holiday as a construct where you can mess around and its ok. thats me tho.

    the thing is, if he has never given you a reason to not trust him, you will have to trust him. the fact is that if he was going to cheat or will cheat in the future is something you cant control. you shouldnt treat someone who has given you no reason not to trust him as if hes not trust worthy. which means:

    let him go out with his friends, don't even call.

    he can go anywhere and do anything, because you can trust him.

    if you cant trust him, either hes done something to cause this, or this is an internal issue.

    ill pop my invoice in the mail.
  • ladyraven68
    ladyraven68 Posts: 2,003 Member
    If you went on a girls holiday, would you be temepted to cheat? if not, then why assume he will?

    I have been married 23yrs,

    next weekend my husband is going away with his mates - not an issue, because he has no objection to me going away with my friends either.

    My father still goes on "lads" weekends in his 60s, but now it tends to be to watch rugby or play golf.
    There is absoluteley nothing wrong with spending a weekend with your mates.

    If there is no trust, there can be no relationship.
  • kezza8888
    kezza8888 Posts: 75
    it's the type of thing you should consider giving up when you settle down with someone...WHY risk the temptation - we are all only human at the end of the day, and sometimes part of staying faithful is about avoiding these types of scenarios.

    you should give up having a good time with your mates because you're settled down with someone? WHY?!

    i love getting chatted up - it rarely happens, i have a massive rock on my finger, but occasionally its nice. if they are attractive i will have a little flirt back and then say 'sorry i am married' no harm done, great ego boost for me! the husband got chatted up when he was last out with the boys (and told me about it!) - it just makes me think how lucky i am to have such a fit husband!!!!

    there is 'tempation' everywhere unless you live in a cave! women at work, in the supermarket, wherever.... men dont need to go on holiday to cheat! if they're going to do it they will happily do it anywhere!!!

    Perhaps "give up" is a bit strong - but I do believe a reduction should be noted when you choose to have a serious relationship - time and money isnt endless......! NOTE how some of my main gripes are that he already travels A LOT with work and we are meant to be saving for a house and wedding.....! Temptation and will power are completely altered in a drunken state IMO! In additon to that perhaps my trust issues lie within my OWN insecurities, hence I am here on MFP!!
  • Calliope610
    Calliope610 Posts: 3,783 Member
    Personally, I won't be with a man that I couldn't trust to be faithful, sober or drunk, with me or with the "lads".
  • JennaM222
    JennaM222 Posts: 1,996 Member
    Where can one find these Holidays?
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    Personally, I won't be with a man that I couldn't trust to be faithful, sober or drunk, with me or with the "lads".

    exactly!
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,021 Member
    All the male opinions I have read are, 'we are men, thats why we go to these places, ive been with my girlfriend for years, i love her, but im away with my pals to have a good time and if a hot bird wants it then she's gonna get it!'

    Majority of male opinions are like this.

    I disagree. I think a lot of guys may say things like that because they think it's cool to pretend like they have girls in every destination city in the world on speed dial. But I seriously doubt that a majority of males think it's completely acceptable to cheat on their wives or girlfriends while they're on a guy's trip.

    Guys go on these trips to have fun with each other, and I think that's awesome. I think it's normal and healthy and should be encouraged. You know what kind of man your boyfriend is (at least I hope you do). If you're not okay with this, you must have a reason. If you are okay with it, then BE OKAY WITH IT, and stop worrying about it.
  • servilia
    servilia Posts: 3,452 Member
    I wonder why there are so few men replying..
  • Laces_0ut
    Laces_0ut Posts: 3,750 Member
    everyone couple i know will at times take separate holidays...guys will go to Vegas or a golf trip..girls to the beach etc...

    if you cant trust him now just break up.
  • lauren_gibbons
    lauren_gibbons Posts: 61 Member
    Where can one find these Holidays?

    Haha that
  • Laces_0ut
    Laces_0ut Posts: 3,750 Member
    and on every guys trip ive been on i cant remember 1 core friend cheating on his wife. now friends of friends i have seen a few transgressions but in general its the exception and not the rule.
  • SmartAlec03211988
    SmartAlec03211988 Posts: 1,896 Member
    You must be surrounded by some ****ty men, if that's the majority opinion of them all.

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