i love you but stop buying me candy!
DancingDreamer
Posts: 520
Ok so here's the deal: my boyfriend thinks I'm perfect. WHICH IS GREAT, DON'T GET ME WRONG! But because I'm not anywhere near as big as he is (he's trying to lose weight, and succeeding, too) he doesnt think that I am overweight. So he buys me non diet soda, and candy with sugar in it and other such foods I should be avoiding like the plague.
Now I know, I should just talk to him, but here's the issue: he gets upset and calls himself an "*kitten*" whenever I mention something maybe not right that he's doing. I dont think he's an "*kitten*" I just think he has "boyfriend goggles" on and sees perfection, which again is sweet but can get frustrating when he buys me things chocked full of calories and sugar, all I want is for the candy to stop and if he gets me a soda for it to be diet.
Has anyone else had this problem with a BF or whatever you may have as sensitive as this? Any advise on how to talk to him without the emotional response? Help would be SO VERY appreciated!
Now I know, I should just talk to him, but here's the issue: he gets upset and calls himself an "*kitten*" whenever I mention something maybe not right that he's doing. I dont think he's an "*kitten*" I just think he has "boyfriend goggles" on and sees perfection, which again is sweet but can get frustrating when he buys me things chocked full of calories and sugar, all I want is for the candy to stop and if he gets me a soda for it to be diet.
Has anyone else had this problem with a BF or whatever you may have as sensitive as this? Any advise on how to talk to him without the emotional response? Help would be SO VERY appreciated!
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Replies
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Don't eat it. He'll soon feel like he's wasting his money and stop buying it.0
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Dancing Dreamer- My husband was the exact same way! Even before we were married he would buy me ice creams & cookies & boxes of candy "just because".. And at first I thought it was the sweetest~ until I was 2 sizes larger & counting. Eventually you will have to talk to him abt it. My husband can eat whatever he wants & doesnt get fat so he really never realized just how much of a sabotage to my diet it was! I sat down and explained that I LOVED the things he did for me.. But I just couldnt accept ANY food giftsd anymore.. I told him I wanted to grow old with him, I wanted to travel with him etc & if I continued to eat like this I would need a crane to get me outta the house.. Now (7 years later married with a one year old) he now brings me flowers, iced coffees & even sent me an edible arrangement one year.. He is much more sensitive! Just sit down & talk to him.. Openly & honestly.. If you plan on growing old with him- You have to learn to talk abt anything/everything.. This will be a lighter convo in comparison! Good luck & let me know how it works out!0
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i'd love to not eat it, foxxybrown, the problem is he'll keep buying it! he has HORRIBLE money habits -__-0
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NoelleLou- thanks for the advise. i guess your right and i'll just have to deal with him feeling bad about himself and mopeing and being rediculous. maybe i'll work in talking to him about that as well ;P0
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I've had to approach it this way: When you're just hanging out, out of the blue, mention your CRAVING or "addiction" to *fill in diet soda here*... Plant the seed of what you actually want. He sounds like a pleaser, so I am sure he will remember it and be sure to get you what you WANT to make you happy.
**Soapbox alert: maybe go for water or tea instead of diet soda....artificial sweeteners are SO bad!** (done with soapbox...lol)0 -
My mom does the same! We live on opposite sides of the country and she likes to send me flowers and chocolate and I have to keep reminding her not to send me chocolate!! Oh, the people who love us!0
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His heart is in the right place but men are dumb, talk to him.0
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I agree with Noelle, talk with him. It's the easiest way. Don't make him feel like he's doing something wrong. Just tell him that you LOVE that he wants to do something for you, how much all the little gestures mean to you and how loved you feel because he pays attention and wants to make you smile with his gifts. But tell him also that these gifts are actually not what you need right now, that they are the opposite of what you need.
Guys just try to impresse and show their feelings with things they buy. And usually candy, jewelery or flowers are the only things they can think of (yeah, my man is slow like that, so I know what I'm talking about). Take him on a shopping trip with you and show him the foods you would eat, if he would buy them for you. Tell him you like diet soda more than the normal one, because it tastes better, not so sweet. Explain SLOW why you wanna lose weight and that he is also a reason for this, because you wanna be active with him, spend time with him outdoor and just look good as his side. I'm sure he will get the message.0 -
Dancing, Sounds like this guy is a keeper! Nothing wrong with a man who thinks you're perfect!
Can you talk to him about your goals without mentioning the candy at all??? Make it more of an intimate confession - like you are confiding your deepest feelings to him, your best friend. Tell him what you're feeling about your weight and WHY you want to lose weight and how hard it is, how sad it makes you and how bad you want it. Ask him if HE thinks you can do it - and of COURSE he'll say "YES!!!" THEN you can say, "Im so glad you have faith in me! I'm so glad you're my champion! I can always count on you!" Make it about you. Good men want to be a knight in shining armor for the girl they love!
Lucky you! Hang onto that guy!0 -
My mom does the same! We live on opposite sides of the country and she likes to send me flowers and chocolate and I have to keep reminding her not to send me chocolate!! Oh, the people who love us!
My mom is the same way. She will randomly bring me candy that she knows I love. Sometimes it is too hard to resist..lol0 -
His love language it seems is Gift Giving. Start giving him gifts that aren't sweet but healthy (like fruit). Tell him how amazing it tastes ect. He may just be wanting to give gifts but doesn't know that you would perfer healthy ones. Show him by buying them for him and he will learn. Oh and I also think you can say something like, what Crysta said "I really LOVE apples, and it sounds SO good right now!" "I really have a craving for fresh peaches." those type of things and he will also get the hint. he is just trying to show you that he loves you, you just have to direct him how it would be better for you.
Good Luck 0 -
Ok so here's the deal: my boyfriend thinks I'm perfect. WHICH IS GREAT, DON'T GET ME WRONG! But because I'm not anywhere near as big as he is (he's trying to lose weight, and succeeding, too) he doesnt think that I am overweight. So he buys me non diet soda, and candy with sugar in it and other such foods I should be avoiding like the plague.
Now I know, I should just talk to him, but here's the issue: he gets upset and calls himself an "*kitten*" whenever I mention something maybe not right that he's doing. I dont think he's an "*kitten*" I just think he has "boyfriend goggles" on and sees perfection, which again is sweet but can get frustrating when he buys me things chocked full of calories and sugar, all I want is for the candy to stop and if he gets me a soda for it to be diet.
Has anyone else had this problem with a BF or whatever you may have as sensitive as this? Any advise on how to talk to him without the emotional response? Help would be SO VERY appreciated!
Well it's like this, tell him not to buy the stuff, he calls himself an *kitten*, you console him but stand your ground and he won't do it again. He will soon get over his feeling of being an *kitten* (because he isn't of course!) and you will be happier as you won't have to put up with the constant sweet stuff.
If however, he continues to buy you the stuff even after calling himself an *kitten* and you telling him, then you need to rethink your strategy
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Start dropping hints about how much you love having fresh flowers in the house. Or shoes!
Last thing my boyfriend bought me was a gym membership, which I do appreciate.0 -
I think you should be honest. Speak the truth with love. Acknowledge his thoughtfulness and how sweet he is, but ultimately, be honest. As far as him being sensitive, just be kind. If he wants to put himself down then that may be an issue he needs to work through.
I don't know how serious you are in your relationship, but if you cannot be honest than that will be a major problem down the road.0 -
so tell him everytime he gets the urge to buy you candy, put the money in a savings account instead even if its only a few dollars. That way when you're both at your goal weight you can go shopping for a new wardrobe!! 0
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Thanks so much all of you guys! Wonderful advice all around. I'll try talking to him and some of the other suggestions you've given me here!
(About the soda and not tea or water. I PERSOANLLY love tea and water, when at home its what I live on. But he's a soda guy, so when he hears "get me something to drink" he thinks "get me a soda". My problem is that I keep forgetting this (I have really bad ADD, and so, horrid memory) so he keeps buying me Dr. Peppers, which taste like heaven but are in reality hell. Amusingly (kind of) he gets himself diet coke.)
And i know he's a keeper! He's great and i love him, he's just a little misguided and a little too sweet for his own good
Again, THANKS!0 -
Elokyn- THATS A BRILLIANT IDEA! I think you may just be a genius. :happy:0
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i have the same problem with my husband...I'm chicken though...LOL I made him read this thread.....that clued him in really quickly that it was a similar situation and asked me if there were better alternatives to give me. We now have a plan that includes healthier options. He just wants to make me happy....too bad it was before the idea about the cash....LOL
Good luck with your guy He sounds sweet and loving, like mine....they can't help themselves :P 0 -
Just tell him! :happy: He'll get it eventually.0
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Elokyn- THATS A BRILLIANT IDEA! I think you may just be a genius. :happy:
haha I try!!0 -
I know EXACTLY how you feel. Before my hubby and I got married, he would go out and buy an extra large special dark candy bar, dark chocolate Hershey's kisses bag and etc. Then if he took me out to eat he would want to buy me a milkshake or frapp of some sort for dessert. He graduated from school one semester before me so I was on my own that last semester as far as food was concerned and I dropped about 20 lbs in time for the wedding. When I told him after we got married that I wanted to get the weight off he became very supportive and bought me things that were not candy related for Valentine's day. I think sometimes guys are trying to show affection and just how much they love us but don't always know how to do it in a way that would be helpful. Like your boyfriend probably wants to give you candy to show he loves you, and probably thinks that he is complementing you on your appearance by giving you candy as if you are not concerned with your weight. Try channeling the affection he is showing towards you not by telling him that you don't want the candy, but by suggesting other things that you love at various times. If you pass some flowers, tell him how much you love flowers. If you love jewelry, tell him how much you love something that you saw. And then if he gives you candy now and then, thank him but don't make quite as big a deal of it as you would if you got flowers. That way he might start trying to lean towards the things that you make a really big deal of. I dunno just a thought. Good luck to you and you sweetheart! 0
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Tell him you'd rather have flowers instead of candy. If that doesn't work you can always take the candy with you to your workplace and make your co-workers happy lol
I almost wish I had this problem with my fiance... he just insists on sharing all his bad foods with me :laugh:0 -
Take it from me, ladies, stop with the hints! Men do not get hints, or if they do, the hint given involves a frying pan to the head. I tell my wife this all the time, but she still hasn't gotten the hint Tell him the things that you would like him to give you. You must tell him and then tell him again. When he does get you these things, fawn over it like it is the best thing ever. Do not ever give fake enthusiasm for something that you don't like / want, because he will not get it, will think you really do like it, and will just buy you more (another very not nice lesson learned). 0
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Take it from me, ladies, stop with the hints! Men do not get hints, or if they do, the hint given involves a frying pan to the head. I tell my wife this all the time, but she still hasn't gotten the hint Tell him the things that you would like him to give you. You must tell him and then tell him again. When he does get you these things, fawn over it like it is the best thing ever. Do not ever give fake enthusiasm for something that you don't like / want, because he will not get it, will think you really do like it, and will just buy you more (another very not nice lesson learned).
My man says the same ... "If you want me to get the hint, write it down on a stone and hit me with it ... maybe I will remember then. If not, hit me harder!" LOL0
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