I knew I was fat, but I didn't realize HOW fat.

dolcebellaluna
dolcebellaluna Posts: 7
in Introduce Yourself
My SO has been getting some flack recently for being overweight. I don't consider it a "deal-breaker" and although I'd like him to be healthier, I find his body very sexy and attractive. I think we've probably both gained a little weight since we started dating, but I haven't really noticed it, nor has he.

I don't know what possessed me to do the following, but I'm so upset with myself right now. I used an "ideal body weight calculator". I know that I'm obese for my height but I didn't realize how far off of the "healthy" spectrum I really was. I SHOULD weigh what my driver's license says I weighed at 16, almost 10 years ago. I was never a size 0 and while I'd like to get down to an 8/10, I feel like that's unreasonable to expect from myself. I can see myself at a 12, but the 5/6 jeans that are in my "wish" bin of clothing just look too tiny!

For the record, I'm 5' 2", weighing in at about 185 lbs.

I'm 50 pounds over what I SHOULD weigh (BMI says I should weigh 140 tops). I've got large breasts (36G), so I've always rationalized my weight by saying, "It's all in my chest," but I've got problem spots, like my hips, my thighs, and my tummy. I've gotten comfortable with my weight, weighing this much for so long. My SO finds me sexy, and that matters a lot to me. We both should get in shape and it's something we're going to work on together, but I'm almost scared to be a "normal" weight.

What's wrong with me? Yes, I know BMI calculators don't take a bunch of other things into account, but I'm at a weight/size where I'm almost sized out of big box stores and have to order online. It's embarrassing, but why oh why oh why did I not see it as a problem until it was shown in plain text, on the Internet?

I think the scariest thing is food. I can wrap my head around exercise easily. But giving up junk food, comfort food? TERRIFYING! How do I get over this mind-block?

It's not even like I'd characterize my eating habits as "binging". I just eat like a fatty. ARG. I eat because I like the taste of food. Sometimes I eat two meals a day, and other days I just snack all day long. I go into a panic if there's nothing sugary or salty or savory in the apartment. I'm ashamed to say that I ate some cookie icing from the tube a few days ago.

I'm so used to being this size. Okay, well somewhere between a 12-18 in pants.

My tops are XL. I think I'm scared of losing my boobs!

I look at skinny girls with disdain because I don't ever remember being that skinny. Now I'm wondering if they're just "healthy" and my view of body sizes is just that skewed.

I'd like to drop 15-20 pounds over the next 3-4 months. Is that reasonable?

I know I need to start with writing down ALL THE FOODS. I need to keep track of what's going in my mouth. I'm sure it, along with the calorie counts, would probably shock me.

I'm not afraid of exercise. I like the elliptical as far as cardio goes. I like yoga and I like the idea of rock climbing although I'm out of practice with both.

Replies

  • moni_tb_192
    moni_tb_192 Posts: 188 Member
    Hello, greetings from a 5'3 girl! I think 15 or 20lbs in 4 months is ok, you're planning on losing one pound per week, which is pretty healthy.

    You said you're afraid of not making it, because you don't know if you can give up junk food... Well, I can't see your diary to know if you eat junk food very often, but you can keep eating that and still lose weight. Some people might differ from what I'm about to say, but IMHO, if they fit your macros, don't deprive yourself of that; you might end up on a binge... and I'm not talking about junk food only, I mean, pasta, bread, chocolate and stuff like that. But at the same time, eat more veggies, drink more water instead of soda, when going to a restaurant go for broiled instead of fried, snack on nuts or carrot sticks instead of potato chips... small choices like that make a huge difference.

    I have pizza or a hamburger once or twice a week, and I've managed to lose around 15lbs on MFP... Just log everything you eat, exercise, give yourself a treat every once in a while. Eventually you'll notice that you start to crave healthier food more than junk food.

    Oh, and by the way... Boobs don't go away so easily. Mine were 40D and now I can fit into a 38D or 38C bra comfortably... I've lost 10cm in the boob region (in 5 months), but they look pretty much the same to me... probably it was fat from my back what melted away :laugh:

    Good luck!
  • onwarddownward
    onwarddownward Posts: 1,683 Member
    Honey, you can always buy boobs!

    A good workout kills hunger. Don't be afraid to start.
  • kbailey374
    kbailey374 Posts: 71 Member
    Dolce I know the pain of which you speak lol... the thing I noticed (other than TODAY'S disaster) is once I started tracking the food it was no longer that difficult. and once I started exercising I started enjoying it. "Tell that to me Monday," Dulce says... lol. Well today was a wash out but I do expect to get right back on the horse... monday (lol - think son is taking me out to eat tomorrow!)
  • craigmandu
    craigmandu Posts: 976 Member
    Is your SO willing to get a bit "healthier" as you desire to? I find it easier to actually stay focused when my SO is onboard as well, we reinforce each other.

    If I were you, I would start by getting a food scale and accurately tracking everything you eat. This means everything, even the cream in your coffee, ketchup on your burger, pickles in your sandwich etc...

    Using your food scale, start eating single servings of the foods you have. You may find it shocking for some foods, as alot of the foods we eat the serving sizes are way smaller than we picture in our heads.

    Stick to your daily calorie budget. Try not to let yourself go over. Start drinking water if you don't already, I have about 12-15 glasses of water daily.

    I would start with a scheduled workout routine, in something you enjoy doing (or don't mind doing), at least 3 times a week. Whatever that activity is, slowly try to increase either the intensity or length. Even if it's only a 1 minute increase in time etc.. an increase will ensure you are always pushing yourself more.

    Good luck with your journey. I wish you the best.
  • Ed98043
    Ed98043 Posts: 1,333 Member
    What's wrong with me? Yes, I know BMI calculators don't take a bunch of other things into account, but I'm at a weight/size where I'm almost sized out of big box stores and have to order online. It's embarrassing, but why oh why oh why did I not see it as a problem until it was shown in plain text, on the Internet?

    From my own experience and reading this board, a lot of people were in denial about how big they really were. Then they see a candid picture of themselves, or those "temporary" fat clothes start getting too tight, or they just see a number on the scale that they never thought they'd see and it all comes crashing down. I recently went through my old clothes and found some shorts that I wore 80 lbs ago and the waist is about the size of my thigh now. But I also found some other items that I haven't worn in years that fit now because I've lost 20 lbs. :^D

    Acknowledgement really is the first step to changing things. I started with just looking at the calories of what I was eating, not even writing them down but adding them up in my head and I was truly shocked. I was the queen of "I skipped breakfast, ate a small lunch and dinner, so I can have a snack", but my snacks were always a box of Cheez-its or Nilla Wafers, a pint of ice cream, or a box of chocolates...it turned out that I was regularly scarfing down 2500 or more calories a day. No wonder I was gaining 15 lbs a year. I was also quite good at telling myself that a size 14-16 wasn't "that fat" (although I'd started creeping into the 18s) and mentally comparing myself to larger women that I saw at the store or whatever and thinking "I'm just medium-sized, not big". It's the fat talking - it wants to preserve itself.

    The best thing you can do is educate yourself. Before joining MFP I had no idea what I was doing. I thought it was black or white, too - starve to lose weight, or eat and gain weight. There's so much gray area between those extremes, believe me. You can have your cake and eat it too (just not as much of it, but probably more than you think). The last time I went on a diet was 2011 - I lost 17 lbs in 4 months eating about 900 calories a day and then gave up because I was so hungry all the time and couldn't live with it (gained the weight back, too). This time I'm eating 1400-1600 calories a day and have lost 20 lbs in 3 months and I'm not thinking of quitting. There is a right way to do it, you just have to learn what that is.
  • godsgrl33
    godsgrl33 Posts: 307 Member
    One thing that is important to remember is that you can have that comfort food, you just have to watch how much you eat of it. Measure out a cup of mac and cheese, or count out 14 tortilla chips. If you can't eat it without scarfing down the whole bag (me and potato chips), then don't buy them. Once you get going with it, it will become easier. A habit takes anywhere from 14 days to three months to become a lifestyle change. don't give up.
  • supplemama
    supplemama Posts: 1,956 Member
    I think the scariest thing is food. I can wrap my head around exercise easily. But giving up junk food, comfort food? TERRIFYING! How do I get over this mind-block?

    By understanding you don't have to give up any food in order to lose excess fat. I eat chocolate, chips, danishes, etc. frequently. I have wine nearly every day. I have creamer in my coffee.

    The key is moderation. A handful of chips as opposed to half the bag. One glass of wine as opposed to a whole bottle. 4 cookies instead of 12. See?
  • onwarddownward
    onwarddownward Posts: 1,683 Member
    I think the scariest thing is food. I can wrap my head around exercise easily. But giving up junk food, comfort food? TERRIFYING! How do I get over this mind-block?

    By understanding you don't have to give up any food in order to lose excess fat. I eat chocolate, chips, danishes, etc. frequently. I have wine nearly every day. I have creamer in my coffee.

    The key is moderation. A handful of chips as opposed to half the bag. One glass of wine as opposed to a whole bottle. 4 cookies instead of 12. See?

    And every time you get that power to moderate, you praise yourself because you stopped. You note that you're better than you used to be, better, stronger, more awesome!
  • M______
    M______ Posts: 288 Member
    For the OP. I was much the same with the eating habits, quantity sometimes doesn't matter so much as the quality of what you eat. Example being you could have 3 full plates worth of vegetables for the same calorie intake as 1 krispy kreme donut. This was my pitfall for many years until I committed myself to learning about good nutrition. This site is actually a great place to get realistic ideas about what kinds of food you should be aiming to get in to your daily diet. Other members food diaries, talk on the forums, ideas are everywhere you turn on here. It would be a great starting point and should help with your goals.
  • juliegrey1
    juliegrey1 Posts: 202 Member
    I feel your pain!I just love food and its as simple as that,I dont eat junk food or drink any kind of sodas its a good thing I dont because heaven knows what size I would be if I did!lol I am 5 ft 2 and at this moment weigh 152lbs so I should be about 17 lbs lighter I cycle 12 miles 3-4 times a week and walk 6-8 mile when Im not cycling,so Im not inactive,I eat 6 times a day ,there isint an ounce of flab on my legs or arms but I have plenty on my stomach cant shift that!lol My TDEE as I understand it is 1700 a day I never eat above 1600 cals anyway I cant manage above that,I dont think I will actually ever get below 140 lbs and to be honest I dont mind,would love to tighten up the tummy though but after 5 kids I dont think I will!Am hopeing to go back to swimming soon which I used to do for an hour each day that might help!But my love of food is just:smile: too strong!!!
  • marcvandenberg
    marcvandenberg Posts: 190 Member
    1 pound a week is a perfect loose.
    So in 4 months it can be around 17.
  • LilynEdensmom
    LilynEdensmom Posts: 612 Member
    Maybe you will be lucky like me and not loose to much in the boob area...I've not been below a DD in years even when I was at a healthy weight.

    One pound a week is a good goal.
  • Mokey41
    Mokey41 Posts: 5,769 Member
    You don't have to give up foods, just learn to eat them in proper portions and amounts that fit in your calorie budget. Also don't start off by saying "I could never be X size". You're defeating yourself before you even start. You obviously have issues with being able to see yourself as you really are so saying you'd never be some other size is the same kind of thinking.
  • Coast_of_Maine
    Coast_of_Maine Posts: 27 Member
    Maybe you will be lucky like me and not loose to much in the boob area...I've not been below a DD in years even when I was at a healthy weight.

    That . is. just . awesome
  • krissy_krossy
    krissy_krossy Posts: 307 Member
    Don't give up foods you like, just eat it in moderation. That's actually harder, imo (though I am an "all or nothing" type of person so maybe it's just me.) I still eat pizza and ice cream, but an ACTUAL serving size and less often.

    I was 191 pounds when I weighed at my heaviest (could very well have been over 200 at some point and just not weighed *shrug*) and I'm 5'4". It took me a while to realize just HOW fat I was. I started actually using this account at the begininng of January and have lost 50 pounds so far. It was quick in the beginning, slow now that I'm closer to my goal and no longer obese (I'm now a "healthy weight" according to my doctor.) I haven't had to give up foods I love and it's been well worth it.
  • kcoftx
    kcoftx Posts: 765 Member
    I still eat junk food. I will recommend,however, that you increase protein and fiber sources for awhile to increase fullness while trying to adjust to a lower calorie range. You will get more bang for buck than if you over fill it with a lot of high calorie junk. Having said that, I still eat a little bit of junk pretty much daily and some days more or less than others. I am definitely not a clean eater but I do try to focus on adding it more often. It is a learning process to balance it. Sometimes I succeed and sometimes I don't. As long as I focus on making my calorie goals, I just keep working on this balance. Deprivation though, would never work for me.

    Yesterday I ate chicken and vegetables for lunch served with hot lemon and honey infused tea (real honey). I was just dipping in while made a huge pot of chicken, veggie and rice soup (illness going through the house). I don't like chicken enough to eat it twice in one day or for every meal so this was mostly for convenience. What junk did I eat? I had a single serving of brownie cheesecake and some goldfish crackers.

    Although initially I worked towards a daily goal, after I got better at it, I switched to weekly intake goals instead. This matches me better. Sometimes I eat more and sometimes less calories but it all works out the same by the end of the week. Everyone is different in what they need to make this part work.

    Over time you will also learn how to make choices within your junk food selections. Fro example. did you know that 6 pizza rolls come to about 220 calories? I would rather have a medium slice of deep dish pepperoni pizza from Pizza Hut for 280! You may also start eliminating some foods altogether because you realize you don't crave that item to be worth pulling it out of your budget. I like Pringles but haven't had them in over a year because I have other foods I would rather allot my calories on. I don't think I've had one of those breakfast muffins in a long time either. I may have had 4 donuts this year. But I have some form of chocolate several times a week.

    It's a process of learning and making choices. It happens over time. Half the battle is in our heads. My advice, try to treat it as a learning experience rather than a torture experience and don't try to cut everything out completely.
  • kcoftx
    kcoftx Posts: 765 Member
    I can't go back and edit so I will offer a confession. A year later, I still have some mostly or all junky days and even a string of days where this is the case. It hasn't affected my weight loss as long as I continue to make choices to stay within calorie range. I do try to inject more healthier days when I can because I recognize that the value of better nutrition and because you truly do get more bang for buck with most whole food options (not all, some of those can be high calorie too). I just don't sweat it or hate myself for liking and eating pizza, hamburgers and chocolate. You will, however, have to learn to make some choices. Your choices, don't have to be nearly as severe as you might initially perceive. Five Guys and Fries and Chipoltes is just too tasty to forever dump.

    Bottom line is there are 3 goals here: weight loss, health, and fitness. They aren't mutually exclusive but they aren't tied to the hip either. Start out with what you can manage and just let it be a process. Again, a lot of this is mental. Be kind to yourself. Recognize your accomplishments and keep working at it.

    Last but not least, you will have to practice willpower and commitment. Motivation won't always carry you. That sounds scarier than it really is but it also isn't a piece of cake either, hence the need for support.

    Good luck. This is well within your reach if you believe and act. You don't have to be perfect to succeed. You don't have to give up everything to succeed either.

    ( I lost 60lbs and maintained for several years until I moved abroad and actively decided to overindulge in vacation mode and it went on a bit too long, along with the fact that I didn't account for a difference in daily movement when I quit working as a teacher. One day I woke up eating Pringles and chocolate for breakfast and combined with the fact that I had gained some pounds, I decided it was enough. This time I added fitness goals along with weight loss goals. Holy Moley, I am a tiny thing! I never strived for nor dreamed I would wear a size 4, ever! It wasn't even a goal! You don't have to aim for this at all. I would recommend not putting a limit on your dreams either. There is a quote somewhere about focusing on change which will naturally lead you to where you are meant to be. I think that can be far more positive than only focusing on the end goal. Life happens though. This year I have been sick for about 11 weeks. I have simply readjusted my goals in order to continue maintenance until I can tackle fitness again.)

    Even as I type that above paragraph, I urge you to start with small changes and build up. Good luck!
  • goodtimezzzz
    goodtimezzzz Posts: 640 Member
    love the honesty!! u are gonna be awesome:) enjoyyyy!
  • collingmommy
    collingmommy Posts: 456 Member
    I about died when i seen how big your boobs was!! You have some to lose, unlike me!! I weren't from a36c to a depressing 36 a !! I now know where my weight was! Lol.. I think mine was from lifting weights!
  • bkknauer
    bkknauer Posts: 28
    i was in denial too. When i look back at pictures now i almost cant recognize them as me. I have lost around 170 pounds and although my bra size is smaller 34 from 54 i am still a DD so still "chesty" and since the rest of my body is smaller its maybe even more "noticeable" if you will. However even if it was not it would still be so worth it for so many reasons not to least of them being healthy and strong for the first time in my adult life.. What you eat matters but you don"t have to give up every thing every day just find a reasonable place for you. I find that by subbing some meals for protein bars and shakes i lessen the amount of choices i have to make which works for me.What you should do however is a lot of exercise for me that is at least an hour a day of something that you love and makes you sweat Good luck!!
  • TheRunningGuppy
    TheRunningGuppy Posts: 651 Member
    I can't say I was really in denial, but I was at the point of not caring. When it started getting hard to do normal everyday things (putting on shoes!) I decided I was done, and a change was needed. Quite honestly, I wish I was at the weight you are currently. I am the same height, 5'2", and weigh 243. And that's down 36 lbs from where I began.
    What worked for me in terms of food, was to log every item I ate, just to get a sense of what I was eating on a normal day. After I realized how much I ate, then I started in on portion sizes. I still eat what I want (chips, chocolate, ice cream) but always in moderation, and with more emphasis on what will keep me full rather than what my cravings are. In fact, one of my pals on here called me a "16 chip enigma" yesterday :happy:
    Also, I exercise like a fiend! I love to eat, and with my calorie goal set at sedentary on here, I eat back portion of my exercise calories (never all though).
    Just remember, the end goal is a calorie deficit. That is what causes weight loss. So if you happen to eat something that is deemed junk food, make up for it with your other food for that day, or exercise, or both. You can do this!
  • NicoleS228
    NicoleS228 Posts: 17 Member

    I'd like to drop 15-20 pounds over the next 3-4 months. Is that reasonable?


    YES!!!! This is absolutely reasonable. Today is my 40th day on MFP and also my "weigh day". I have lost a total of 18 pounds. And I still have my junk food every single day. I am an ice cream finatic and I still stay under my allowed calorie intake. I usually go over on my sugars but I try to keep it low and I try to always stay under my carbs and fat allowance. Anyway, my point is, you can do it!! Feel free to add me. Oh yeah, I am also chesty but I have not noticed a change there. Plus with what you say you have, you 'll be alright. :) You 'll feel great and look it!!
  • kcoftx
    kcoftx Posts: 765 Member
    love the honesty!! u are gonna be awesome:) enjoyyyy!

    I am so glad you said that because that's what I like most about this OP too!

    Op, you can use this ability to reflect and be honest with yourself to really take you places. It's a fabulous trait!
  • gingersnaps828
    gingersnaps828 Posts: 86
    Dolce, you totally sound like my twin! Everything you said? Me. I don't even know what to say except WE CAN DO THIS!!!! I am on my first week and so far, so good. I have sent you a friend request!!! ;)
  • bristarn90
    bristarn90 Posts: 13
    I can totally relate to how you feel. I've never been a skinny girl and I don't want to be skinny. I just want to be average and healthy. I've always been overweight. Usually around 145 pounds. But over the past few years I've gained A LOT of weight. I knew I was fat but not HOW fat I really was until I finally worked up the courage to weigh myself. I weigh 195 pounds! That's horrible! I feel very self-conscious and I don't like getting naked around my husband anymore. (I still do but I feel more shy about it now.) I won't even tell him how much I weigh. I'm very disappointed in myself but that's why I decided to finally get serious about losing weight and exercising. I'm a size 18 in jeans and would love to be a size 8 if possible. I used to be a size 12 in high school. Just don't give up and try to stay positive and motivated.

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