Eating "Normally"? Can anyone help?

kvetkaro
kvetkaro Posts: 31 Member
in Motivation and Support
TRIGEGR WARNING (just in case) DISCUSSES EATING DISORDER

Hi, First I guess I should kind of explain my situation.

Basically, I was a very large child, and was always told to go on diets. Everyone in my family has some kind of eating disorder (compulsive over-eating, bulimia, ednos). When I was about 14, I did the GM diet, lost 1.5 stone (21lb) and thn stopped eating, basically. I would starve myself during the week, then binge at the weekend. I'd lose maybe 7-10lb in the week, but gain back all but one. Anyway, so I have been yo-yoing since then.

I have tried to eat clean and exerise, but the progress is so slow, I just get demoralised, and start starving again. Then I binge, cry, and stop thinking all together. I developed EDNOS through it.

So the year before uni I was desperate to recover from the starve/binge cycle, so I forced myself not to think about calories at all and just eat whatever, whenever. I have gained about 3 stone form my lowest weight, and I feel horrible. For the last month oof last term I was starving myself, and lost a stone, felt great! But I gained it all back when I went home for the holiday. THen I returned to uni, restricting below 500 calories again, and had a weekend away - and guess what? Binged and gained it all back. The cycles continueing, and my choice seems to be - end up obese forever, or miserable and starving myself.


I know what healthy eating is, I know how, I'm just frightened of it. I have screwed up my metabolism so much through starving (or at least, i think that's what it is) that when I eat the recommended 1,200 of good food, I gain weight. I don't understand and it really upsets me. For some reason I'm sur ethat eating nothing then everything is healthier - when I know it isn't.

I just don't understand what to do. I am now obese, weighing in at 165lb, and 5'2.5'' I am completely miserable and I need to be a healthy weight by August, when I have an army training week and they weigh you. Last time I ended up bursting into tears because I'd gained so much "recovering" from EDNOS. But I'm not recovered.

I learnt about calories deficits, but to lose 2lb a week, with a BMR of 1500, I shoud eat 800 calories a day. But I'm told not to go under 1200, and 1200 makes me gain!! I don't know what to do!

I realistically need to lose 2-3lb a week to be a healthy weight for the army. I can't afford the gym membership, or a nutritionist, and I just don't know what to do, or how to start. Please, please, please can someone help me with this, because I am desperate.

Should I eat 1200 calories? Will that help me lose weight or is it too much? What foods should I avoid?

Because I am overweight, the doctors won't help me with my eating problems, even to refer me to a nutritionist. The EDNOS mentality comes back every time I try and I starve/binge again.

I just want to break this cycle, but I can't do it alone. Even a weightloss buddy who wants to work together would be invaluable.

Because I am totally lost.

PS. please do not send me hate for my ED, because I get enough from the web. I need support please.


Thank you so much.

Replies

  • kvetkaro
    kvetkaro Posts: 31 Member
    Also, does anyone know how one goes about "repairing" one's metabolism? Because mine is slower than a concussed snail.
  • djshari
    djshari Posts: 513 Member
    You need to push your doctor for that referral to the nutritionist because it sounds like you need someone to sit down with you and go over everything. It doesn't sound right that they WOULDN'T refer you because you are overweight - they should be more likely to because of that. There are many threads here on why eating so few calories could potentially sabotage your weight loss - so you can read those but ultimately I think you should seek help in person.
  • kvetkaro
    kvetkaro Posts: 31 Member
    I think it's because you have to be underweight for them to actually care about an eating problem. At least that's my experience...

    And okay thanks.
  • Uselessly_Irrelevant
    Uselessly_Irrelevant Posts: 58 Member
    I was also having problems eating normally. When I was a teenager I felt like the only thing I could control in my chaotic screwed up life was my physical appearance and I ended up developing an eating disorder. I'm also trying to find a nice balance between eating good healthy food, exercising reasonably, and not becoming obsessed.

    As far as gaining weight at 1200 calories - I genuinely and pig-headly believed I was eating 700-1200 calories a day and trying to figure out why I was gaining weight. I wasn't actually eating that few calories. I didn't count drink calories (I was drinking about 3 beers/cocktails a night), I was giving myself slightly too large portions, and I seemed to have some snacks that just snuck under my radar. Are you keeping a food diary? And more importantly, are you really being honest with what you're eating? I would *highly* recommend buying a scale, it's a great investment and you will be shocked with how easy it is to underestimate weight. It turns out I was eating about 2200 calories a day.

    Long story short, I'm in the same boat as you and trying to find a healthy balance between eating right, exercising, and not losing my mind. So far so good. I'm eating too few calories right now (I feel guilty for admitting that) but I'm doing my best to slowly increase that and fill in my nutrition gaps. If you want a friend, feel free to add me. But be warned, I'm snarky, sarcastic, and I won't hesitate to call bull**** :)
  • kvetkaro
    kvetkaro Posts: 31 Member
    I'm exactly the same with the control thing. And I dont know, I count drinks, and before I started using MFP again this week, I would add it all up in a book and round each set of calories up just in case... I'm just frightened I've screwed my metabolism beyond repair.

    It would be good to have someone dealing with the same sh** to add to be honest so thank you!
  • Uselessly_Irrelevant
    Uselessly_Irrelevant Posts: 58 Member
    I was keeping track in a book too, but it was like as soon as I decided to start logging stuff I stopped eating those extra snacks and chose the lite beer over the double-screwdriver!

    I am interested to find out about permanent damage to metabolisms too (if anyone knows some studies, not just bro-science please feel free to post them) - I'll start looking into this for my own curiosity and I'll send some info your way if I find anything interesting. My hunch is that the human body is an amazing machine, and hardly anything we do to it does life long damage. It's my hope that it will rebound, and that it's going to take about as long to fix the problem as it was to create it.

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