Dealing with the "Oh, YOU don't need to diet" comments and g

Options
servingthealiens
servingthealiens Posts: 144 Member
in Motivation and Support
I'm not obese. Never have been. But the bottom line is, in the last several years, I have legitimately put on about 12 pounds that don't belong on my frame and should not be there. I don't like the way I look, and I know I can look and feel better, more confident, and more fit.

I deal with 2 issues: the people who automatically assume I have/am developing an eating disorder, and feeling bad talking about my weight loss around people who are overweight.

I know the first one I just have to let slide, but it gets hard sometimes. I hate the assumption that it's wrong for me to want to lose a few pounds. I'm not trying to live up to some Hollywood ideal of skinny. I don't have an eating disorder. It's not about control or body image (other than there IS a muffin top around jeans that used to fit fine, and I'm a size or 2 larger than last year). The fact that I'm relatively slim does NOT mean it's healthy weight or that I had great eating habits before. Nothing is wrong. I just want to nip the problem in the bud before it gets unmanagable, and not look in the mirror and sigh because "that never used to be there."

The second problem I may be overblowing in my own mind, but I know a lot of people who would count their blessings if they "only" had 12 pounds to lose. I don't judge anyone based on weight. My best friend in the entire world is obese. I know she'll make changes when and if SHE is ready, and I love her for who she is, and think she's beautiful inside and out. I do worry about her, because while she's healthy now, she probably won't be if she doesn't lose weight. But I only feel that way because I care for her. I'll love her like my family regardless of what size clothes she wears.

I just... I don't know. Sometimes feel like the skinny girl who'll think she's fat no matter what. That isn't true, but I sometimes feel self conscious discussing diet around people who are trying to lose larger amounts of weight.

Thoughts? I'd love to hear from everyone, whether you have a little, a lot, or none to lose.

Replies

  • Raina0512
    Raina0512 Posts: 216
    Options
    I'm not obese. Never have been. But the bottom line is, in the last several years, I have legitimately put on about 12 pounds that don't belong on my frame and should not be there. I don't like the way I look, and I know I can look and feel better, more confident, and more fit.

    I deal with 2 issues: the people who automatically assume I have/am developing an eating disorder, and feeling bad talking about my weight loss around people who are overweight.

    I know the first one I just have to let slide, but it gets hard sometimes. I hate the assumption that it's wrong for me to want to lose a few pounds. I'm not trying to live up to some Hollywood ideal of skinny. I don't have an eating disorder. It's not about control or body image (other than there IS a muffin top around jeans that used to fit fine, and I'm a size or 2 larger than last year). The fact that I'm relatively slim does NOT mean it's healthy weight or that I had great eating habits before. Nothing is wrong. I just want to nip the problem in the bud before it gets unmanagable, and not look in the mirror and sigh because "that never used to be there."

    The second problem I may be overblowing in my own mind, but I know a lot of people who would count their blessings if they "only" had 12 pounds to lose. I don't judge anyone based on weight. My best friend in the entire world is obese. I know she'll make changes when and if SHE is ready, and I love her for who she is, and think she's beautiful inside and out. I do worry about her, because while she's healthy now, she probably won't be if she doesn't lose weight. But I only feel that way because I care for her. I'll love her like my family regardless of what size clothes she wears.

    I just... I don't know. Sometimes feel like the skinny girl who'll think she's fat no matter what. That isn't true, but I sometimes feel self conscious discussing diet around people who are trying to lose larger amounts of weight.

    Thoughts? I'd love to hear from everyone, whether you have a little, a lot, or none to lose.

    I completely agree with everything you just said :smile: I'm 5'6 and 118 lbs. NOT fat. I just need to trim up and maintain... People give you weird looks when I eat fruit all day and pass up (usually) on the chocolate... It's crazy and frustrating.

    Raina :drinker:
  • lobster888
    lobster888 Posts: 861 Member
    Options
    bump - need to post when I have a minute>>>>

    I understand completely !
  • tommygirl15
    tommygirl15 Posts: 1,012 Member
    Options
    Oh, I totally get these comments from others as well, you are not alone at all. Some people think they know your body as well as you do, when in truth they never will know. You really just can't tell what's right or wrong with a persons weight simply just by looking at them. There are woman out there who are super fit and still look very overweight.

    Personally, I'm about 5-7 pounds over my ideal healthy body weight but if you were to look at me you'd say I was thin. I do a good job of picking the right clothes to conceal the pooch, maybe that's part of my problem, lol... then again I don't feel like letting it all hang out either ;)

    Stick with your weight loss goals regardless of others comments, you know what is right for you and I commend you for sticking with it :)
  • 00trayn
    00trayn Posts: 1,849 Member
    Options
    In response to your comment about feeling bad when talking about weight loss around people who have lots more to lose:

    I have about 75 pounds to lose total to be in the healthy BMI bracket, I've lost about 47 of those. I can totally respect anyone who has lost ANY amount of weight. 12 pounds was hard to get rid of! And so were the next 12 pounds, etc. I've been trying to encourage my friends to check out this site and be healthier. Both of them want to lose less than 15 pounds, one only wants to lose about 5 and tone up. I completely respect that. You definitely shouldn't feel bad talking about weight loss, I'm not gonna hate you because you have much less to lose. It's all about wanting to be happy with yourself. Personally, I try to avoid talking about it too much if the person really wants nothing to do with losing weight and is unwilling to change. But if someone is making a weight loss commitment, I'm happy to talk about it with them whether they have 5 or 50 pounds to lose.
  • nd4sxs
    nd4sxs Posts: 5
    Options
    I know just how you feel, I am 5'6" and started this journey at 138 pounds, not over weight by any means, but I felt sloppy. I have now lost 12 pounds by sticking to this website and watching/logging what I eat as well as sticking to P90X and regular cardio. All of my friends, family, and husband have said right along that I didn't need to go on a diet... but I tell you what... I got the "wow" factor from all of them after these 12 pounds were shred. Best of all, I feel great! So keep pushing and do what feels right to YOU! Best of luck!
  • junebug523
    junebug523 Posts: 196
    Options
    Good for you for choosing to make healthy changes before they get out of hand! I'm kind of doing the same thing (although when I started, I had about 32 lbs to lose). I'm not obese either, but it's very important to me to become more fit, and also to reach a healthy bmi. I want to figure this stuff out now, so that I have the tools and habits necessary to remain healthy as I get older, go through life changes, possibly have kids, etc.

    I'm certain there are people in my life who don't think I "need" to lose weight. However, most of them do support my efforts to become healthier...weight loss is just a by-product of a healthier lifestyle.

    If people in your life are saying "you don't need to lose weight," this could be stemming from jealousy--but it also could be coming from loving concern for you and your health.

    My husband doesn't think I'm fat, and he loves me just as I am--but he fully supports my work to become healthier. If I was trying to lose weight in an unhealthy manner, or was shooting for a weight way below a good bmi for my height, you can bet that he would be very concerned about me.

    If you feel uncomfortable discussing your weight loss with people who are overweight, don't. Or, at least, don't be the one to bring it up. If someone asks you why you are trying to lose weight, express the fact that you don't want to be "skinny" as much as healthy and fit. If someone asks for your advice on healthy eating or fitness, feel free to share your wisdom. Otherwise, if someone is simply venting about being unhappy with themselves and their weight, keep it about them. Offer support, commiserate with them, or simply be the listening ear they need.

    So...once again, good for you for choosing a healthy lifestyle! It's a good thing. No one can argue with that.
  • TheMaidOfAstolat
    TheMaidOfAstolat Posts: 3,222 Member
    Options
    I feel the same way. So many people comment at work parties or at chuch that 'you shouldn't pass up that cake' or 'you're tiny, you can afford it'. Yep, I can afford it right now...what about when my metabolism crashes or I possibly have another child? What about then? Why can I not maintain where I am and be healthy without having people trying to push food on me? Ah, it's because each and everyone of them have their own issues with food. I'm a a healthy weight for my size and frame and I'd like to keep it that way. I lost the baby weight (only 10 pounds) and I'd like to keep it off without everyone judging me. I've learned to pretty much tune people out when they comment on it or I just say that I already ate and am already full. Good luck, people can be so mean sometimes.
  • mooz
    mooz Posts: 101
    Options

    I sometimes feel self conscious discussing diet around people who are trying to lose larger amounts of weight.

    Thoughts? I'd love to hear from everyone, whether you have a little, a lot, or none to lose.

    Well...Im one of those people with A LOT to lose and it doesnt bother me when thinner people say they want to lose weight. I remember meeting Susan Powter years ago [Stop the Insanity fame] and she said something that was so true...."the struggle is the same internally whether you have 5lbs to lose or 500lbs to lose" I agree.

    In the end the goal is to be healthy. Whatever weight that is, that's an individual thing. For one person it may be 100lbs, for me it may be 200lbs.
  • ♥Faerie♥
    ♥Faerie♥ Posts: 14,053 Member
    Options
    I feel the same way. So many people comment at work parties or at chuch that 'you shouldn't pass up that cake' or 'you're tiny, you can afford it'. Yep, I can afford it right now...what about when my metabolism crashes or I possibly have another child? What about then? Why can I not maintain where I am and be healthy without having people trying to push food on me? Ah, it's because each and everyone of them have their own issues with food. I'm a a healthy weight for my size and frame and I'd like to keep it that way. I lost the baby weight (only 10 pounds) and I'd like to keep it off without everyone judging me. I've learned to pretty much tune people out when they comment on it or I just say that I already ate and am already full. Good luck, people can be so mean sometimes.

    I HATE that! How people just assume that just because you are small, you can "afford" to eat that huge piece of cake or whatever...how do you think I stay this way??? Not by eating everything that comes my way, thats for sure....
  • summerblunden
    summerblunden Posts: 184 Member
    Options
    Maybe it will be better not to mention the weight you want to lose (except if you nee those people for support) and maybe otherwise say "I'm trying to make my lifestyle as healthy as I can." It is nobodys business WHY you're trying to lose weight, or how much you want to lose, unless of course it goes into the unhealthy range, and that is a different story.
    As for the peple that say you "only" have 12 pounds, I'll bet those 12 pounds will be as difficult as my 70. Since you have less to lose, your triumphs will be smaller, and you may feel less accomplished. It is all a matter of perspecitve. I'm going to "hopefully!" lose 12 pounds "easier" than you will, because I have more to lose.
    People are going to judge because that is what people do, I would just use the healthy lifestyle example for those people who are not in you "inner circle" and don't know you as well as your best friends.
  • Sherry1979
    Sherry1979 Posts: 457
    Options
    I can totally relate. . .right now I am really overweight, however a few years back (before I had a baby!!! lol) I got to my goal weight by doing Weight Watchers. I continued to go to the meetings even after I got to my goal weight because it helped me to maintain since I knew it would be so easy to fall back into the same old habits. . which I eventually did :frown: But back to the point, after I had lost the weight and I would go to meetings some of the people there would make comments about "Why are you even here?? You don't know what it's like to be fat, etc, etc". . . .what THEY didn't understand and what I would usually explain to them is "Yes I do know what it's like to be fat. . .that's why I'm here to keep it from happening again since I KNOW what it's like". But people are so quick to judge when they don't even know you or know your story. . .or for that matter even when they do and it is just none of their business why we make a decision!! That's why I'm loving this site. . .I get the support I need without going back to those meetings. . .not saying anything bad about the meetings, they worked for me once but now make me uncomfortable because of some of the people's comments that I had to deal with in the past. They actually had ME feeling BAD like I was doing something wrong by being there. . .and I wasn't even "skinny". . .just at a healthy weight. . .could have still stood to dropped a few lbs but I was happy. Now to just get back there. . .I will do it!! :happy:
  • hooah_mj
    hooah_mj Posts: 1,004 Member
    Options
    I hear ya & get the look all the time...
    the comments about what I "don't" eat have come much easier though now....

    I tell the truth, my doc says I'm fat and my BMI is too high & more importantly, the weight is directly attributed to my blood pressure and hot flashes............so there. When I can satisfy her recommendation and look and feel like the best me, then I'll listen to their ignorant/self-centered remarks:devil: :devil: :devil:

    WOW, that felt great! THX:tongue:
  • amicklin
    amicklin Posts: 452
    Options
    Oh girl! We see 'eye-to-eye' on this one! Soemtimes I wonder if I have to be morbidly obese before people will be supportive fo weight loss or a desire to drop my body fat percentage. My thought it that it is easier to tackle ten or fifteen pounds then let the problem escalate into a bigger problem.

    And for some reason people seem to have this outlook that if a thinn'ish person is watching what they eat they have an 'eating obsession' as my fiance put it. I just want to keep my hard work, maintain and dare I say, drop a few points off my body fat!
  • MaggieD3
    MaggieD3 Posts: 4
    Options
    I understand what you mean! I had to condone those comments quite awhile back, but then one day I just made up my mind that I wasn't going to talk about it because I would feel like I had to defend myself. I, too, have always been fairly slim, but at 59, I've watched some unwanted pounds, (granted it's "only" about 10 or 12), and unwanted fat creep up on me. I know what my body frame can handle and even though it might look OK with this weight on it, I don't feel OK and that's what matters. I keep track of my pulse rate, blood pressure, inches, weight, BMI, all the numbers, but I just avoid the subject of talking about weight. If someone brings it up, I've become very adept at switching the subject when it puts the light on me because I have drawn my boundary line that the subject of MY weight will not be discussed. Like you, I would inevitably hear the same comment about MY not needing to diet. Well, I DON'T diet - I made a change in my lifestyle and that change included changing my eating habits! We can't change other people, but we can change our reaction to what other people say. Like someone said previously, losing 10-12 pounds really CAN be as difficult as someone losing 70! I wish you success in learning how to deal with opinionated people.
  • LaurenH2010
    LaurenH2010 Posts: 71
    Options
    I understand completely! I hear it all the time from my family and friends telling me not to be obsessive about this and that I don't need to lose weight anyway. I always tell them, "I am not dieting, I am making a lifestyle change and want to do it now to develope the good habits before it becomes a problem and I HAVE to do it." Remember you are doing this for you, it doesn't matter how others perceive you and your body. You have the right to make this decision and if they don't want to support you well...don't let them into your life you don't need negativity bringing you down. Keep you head up doll you'll get through it :wink:
  • LotusF1ower
    LotusF1ower Posts: 1,259 Member
    Options
    I'm not obese. Never have been. But the bottom line is, in the last several years, I have legitimately put on about 12 pounds that don't belong on my frame and should not be there. I don't like the way I look, and I know I can look and feel better, more confident, and more fit.

    I deal with 2 issues: the people who automatically assume I have/am developing an eating disorder, and feeling bad talking about my weight loss around people who are overweight.

    I know the first one I just have to let slide, but it gets hard sometimes. I hate the assumption that it's wrong for me to want to lose a few pounds. I'm not trying to live up to some Hollywood ideal of skinny. I don't have an eating disorder. It's not about control or body image (other than there IS a muffin top around jeans that used to fit fine, and I'm a size or 2 larger than last year). The fact that I'm relatively slim does NOT mean it's healthy weight or that I had great eating habits before. Nothing is wrong. I just want to nip the problem in the bud before it gets unmanagable, and not look in the mirror and sigh because "that never used to be there."

    The second problem I may be overblowing in my own mind, but I know a lot of people who would count their blessings if they "only" had 12 pounds to lose. I don't judge anyone based on weight. My best friend in the entire world is obese. I know she'll make changes when and if SHE is ready, and I love her for who she is, and think she's beautiful inside and out. I do worry about her, because while she's healthy now, she probably won't be if she doesn't lose weight. But I only feel that way because I care for her. I'll love her like my family regardless of what size clothes she wears.

    I just... I don't know. Sometimes feel like the skinny girl who'll think she's fat no matter what. That isn't true, but I sometimes feel self conscious discussing diet around people who are trying to lose larger amounts of weight.

    Thoughts? I'd love to hear from everyone, whether you have a little, a lot, or none to lose.

    I completely agree with everything you just said :smile: I'm 5'6 and 118 lbs. NOT fat. I just need to trim up and maintain... People give you weird looks when I eat fruit all day and pass up (usually) on the chocolate... It's crazy and frustrating.

    Raina :drinker:

    Actually, you saying that, when I was slim quite a few years ago, I would pass on certain foods and it really got on my wick when some people would say "but you're slim, you don't need to diet!" - it really was irritating to keep saying "but I won't stay slim if I eat rubbish!" :laugh:

    Actually, I bloody wished I had stuck to my own phrase there, shame I eventually would stuff myself silly :frown: :sad:
  • wolverinefactor
    wolverinefactor Posts: 38
    Options
    I get the comments as well. I've been kind of lax lately though and need tog et back on track. your outlook is good though and your comments about your friend show that you appreciate people for who they are, a lot of people aren't like that.

    PS: love your username :-p

Categories