I don't get it!

MColette · July 2010

Hello everybody!

I’ve been working real hard to get back in shape, more or less for the past 4 months. Now that the results are finally started to show I realized that my hubby is not very supportive anymore!

At first he was impressed with my willpower and now he just seems annoyed by the fact that I never want to eat hamburgers or pizza anymore.
Also the other day I got all dressed up for him, to show him that I’m back in one of my favorite pair of jeans, and he was like: “Meh” he acted like it was no big deal.
I have to perform at an event in August and I was rehearsing in front of him so he would give me his opinion and he was acting like he wasn’t very interested and I think he was intentionally trying to distract me.
I go to the gym 1 hour a week on Fridays, and now he always tries to make me feel guilty for leaving him with the kids to go workout! I’m always at home taking care of them, I don’t think one hour for myself is too much to ask .
I don’t understand why he started acting like this! Now I get more support from friends and family, than I get from him.
Lats 2 days I felt like he was trying to burst my bubble, he told me things like he thinks that having babies aged me, or that he can still tell that I had babies cause I have a little pouch still, stuff like that and even if it’s true, why tell me? That will only make me upset

I would love to hear your opinions!

lutzsher · July 2010

I want to start by apologizing to any other men before I type more . . . . many men have a hard time with change, plus, often there are items such as ones you have experienced that are subtle sabotage. Keep it up, but also keep up lots of affection and affirmations that your new found health will only make you a better wife (and lover) and mother.
He will come around . . . this is actually fairly typical behavior and it doesnt mean he isn't proud of you or doesn't like the changes, ti will just take him some time to accept the new "change".

ryssaan · July 2010

he probably thinks that if you are getting in shape it will make you attractive to other guys and you'll leave him. Stay on track don't let him get you down. You lose weight and get in shape for yourself that is what is most important don't worry about other people's actions worry about your own. And if you are only going to the gym once a week for an hour he'll have to deal with it don't feel guilty about an hour.

surlydave · July 2010

Speaking as a man, it doesn't sound too great any way you slice it up! Sorry :frown:

simplyJD · July 2010

Most guys feel like if we're trying to change ourselves, we might want to start trying to change them too. Find new ways to stay close and hang out together (that don't involve eating hamburgers or pizza) and keep taking care of yourself and going to the gym. If he still keeps on with the disparaging remarks, flat out confront him and ask what his motivation is about making them. He might not even realize he's doing it.... And as someone said on the thread, he might be feeling insecure. Reaffirm your feelings for him and tell him you'd appreciate it if he did the same!

Congrats on all of your success!

misty589 · July 2010

He's probably a little insecure. When I started this and actually have stuck to it for awhile, taking 4-5 zumba classes a week, my dh watching the kids sometimes and me even getting a sitter for the hour other times while he is at work, it made my dh nervous. I'm not sure what he thought I was doing during this time away from the family, or if he thought I had other motives in getting in shape, but he actually finally came out and asked me if I was happy in the marriage. The answer was YES! probably more than ever now that I am doing something for me! Sometimes men see women trying to change and automatically take offense to it. Have you tried talking to him and letting him know that you are doing this so that you can be healthier and more confident which will make you a better mother and wife (not to mention what the confidence does for you sex life, tell him that you really want to turn him on, that should stop the negativity I hope)

Binki · July 2010

Don't give up! My husband had a difficult time when I started because I didn't spend as much time with him...I was working out every night. Maybe you can try to include him into your goals? Maybe you can have a date night to celebrate a mini goal of yours, like dinner, or just desert, take the family on a picnic or a movie? Hang in there...men usually don't like emotional change and they can't see the physcial change.

sangrea · July 2010

I'm sorry I know that it is really hard when the person you need the most support from isn't giving it to you. I can think of 2 reasons that maybe part of it. The first is that hes scared because you are looking so good that other men will be taking a greater intrest in you and it worries him. The second reason is that maybe he was use to getting a lot of attention and now you are taking that away from him and he's jealous of you.

I don't know if i am anywhere close to what you are dealing with but a couple years ago when i was still with my ex. i lost just over 40 pounds and i was sortof going threw the same think though he called me fat almost from first day we were married and i wasn't big then not a size 2 or 4 but not big but it seemed to get after i started having a noticable loss and friends were becomeing more supportive and complementing me about it.

You may want to talk to him about it he may not even realize how he is making you feel. I don't know, wish i did. I hope things get better for you and congrats on you weight loss its not easy at all.

KellieMcMurdy · July 2010

When he balks about having to watch the kids, tell him you'll hire a babysitter if he can't handle it but you're going either way. That would get my other half to be quiet.

As for the comments, mine is the same way. He'd rather make comments about what's wrong rather than compliment me for what I've done. I saw that someone said that men don't deal well with change or that they're worried you'll get more attention ... I think they're both right ... mine wants me to get "skinny" as long as it doesn't get me any more attention ... go figure.

I hope you find a solution that fits for you and congratulations on what you've dome so far!

I don't get it!

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