Friends and fitness

I agree, you cant just change people if they don't want to. so here's a little story.

about 8 months ago I was very angry. angry and sad really. my brother has always been a bit of a douche, he only moved out of home at 27 to crash at his new girlfriends house, and just went from biological mom to "girlfriend mom" so he pretty much never learnt to do anything like an adult. dishes? no. cooking? no. cleaning? no personal hygiene? no. healthy living? no.

he had everyone very concerned, cause every time they saw him he was all over the place, and he literally looked like ****. every time saw him he was high, smoking, drinking a red bull or with a beer in his hand. a lot of those at the same time. eventually his girlfriend kicked him out after a 24 hour drinking session and he came down to the beach house. my mother was very stressed and worried and I was extremely pissed because this is bull****, hes 35, and my mother deserves to not be worried about things like this in her old age, so I decided to go sort this out.

after a few days at the beach, it became clear that he wasn't as erratic as he seemed, he was just wasted every time everyone had seen him. his diet consisted of alcohol, cigarettes, red bull, weed, and potato chips with dip. he was under some illusion that the reason he was all tired and run down and didn't feel hungry was because he was just special or something. I decided that by example, competition and incentive I had to turn this around. hes by brother. hes gonna die way young if this doesn't change.

I was eating healthy, so I started making food for him too, I was exercising a lot, and it showed if we went surfing how much fitter and stronger I was than him, which as hes older than me, was probably a new occurrence. he could see that I was getting benefits from food and exercise, I had so much more energy than him, and these things are more powerful than just telling someone something. he could see it every day.

for the first 4 months, nothing really changed much, he would feel ****, then eat better with me, then drink/smoke etc too much and feel ****. repeat. I would buy food and cook, he would show up with a box of beer, and chips. I had to hold my tongue as much as I could not to be a preachy mc preacher, and let the results do the talking.

after this long period of hard living for the last who knows how long, in the fifth month his body crashed. he literally had no energy and felt like **** every day, and it wouldn't lift. at this point he decided to stop drinking for a while, and we started having fruit smoothies with coconut milk and protein. all of a sudden he had all this energy, and a lot of questions about where it came from, he felt great and started actively seeking healthy food and because of the new found energy, exercise too.

finally in his own words in the last month or two he said "man, I was living off of alcohol, cigarettes and red bull, that was messed up" "thank you for showing me the way".

so now he eats well, looks healthy, still occasionally has a drink, but almost doesn't smoke (very close) and in general is a nicer person to be around.

this wasn't easy. I spent a lot of time wanting to punch him in the face for being such a man child. telling people doesn't work. the only thing that worked in this case was example, and the incentive of feeling great with a healthy diet.

it took me 6-7 months, 7 days a week 24/7 to help implement this change. I'm lucky cause it could have failed. I'm pretty convinced that hes converted because when he has a bad food day, or has a few too many drinks, hes like "man i feel like *kitten*, we need to have some good food today".

luckily in this case I could make a difference. biting your fist is very difficult. you have to just be and example and wait until they request the knowledge. its like fishing, you just have to wait to take the bait.

you cant push things onto people, so no its not a bad thing to respect her in that way, and you don't need to feel guilty, but I understand it can be hard, infact very very difficult to watch, want to help, know how, but not be able to.

just breathe, look hot and buy a stick blender and take it to her house and make chocolate berry smoothies

2 bananas
125g frozen berries
1tbsp coco powder
2-3tbsp coconut cream
sweetener to your taste if necessary.

in the end it is actions that speak louder than words.