Seriously about to cry...tired of the binging...

I wish I could remember the title of the book I read this concept in, and if I remember it I promise I'll edit my post, but basically what I think you're doing is pushing boundaries in your relationship. You know your husband loves you no matter what size you are, but somewhere in your psyche you want to figure out just where that boundary is (when will he stop being okay with my weight gain? etc etc) which is why you're binging as soon as he leaves but you also feel guilty about it and confused as to why you're doing it in the first place. This usually is rooted in parental disapproval, like your mom made you diet at a young age or somewhere in your past love was conditional based on your weight.

This could be totally bogus for you but I found it was true for me. Being aware of it will help you stop the cycle, and loving yourself and accepting that the love you have is truly unconditional is very important :flowerforyou:

I looked at your food journals as well and I am going to hope you just forgot to log in the rest of the food you were supposed to have eaten. Coming up short 500 calories a day is not a safe way to lose weight. Moreover it does not look like you are eating a large volume of food which may be more filling and cut down on the desire to binge -- many of your food choices (like pizza and cupcakes) may also be trigger foods for some people (myself among them) unless I also eat other filling items like a salad or veggies.

When I feel like going crazy eating it is usually because I have not had a satisfying volume of food for the day. I need to make more filling choices -- high fiber, protein, etc...

You need more help than you're going to find on a site like this. You have an eating disorder, and you need the help of a therapist.

I agree... You need help from a professional... Not the noise and confusion of the internet.

I third this.

I'm no expert, but life experience has taught me two things about binging. Maybe someone else can verify this, but my theory is that there are two reasons we have the urge to binge. Well, there are others, but I'm coming at this from a strictly physiological point of view (the psychological ones are quite valid, but outside my realm of experience for the most part).

1) Not enough calories--ie, energy--in a day.

2) Not enough nutrients--specifically micronutrients--over the last day or few days.

Now, we are the same height and almost the same weight (theoretically, I should have been 145 this week, but I think Aunt Flo is coming for a visit shortly and I understand she likes to make a body retain water or some such thing... but that's beside the point). I was 148 on Wednesday. I am currently breastfeeding a baby, 10 months, and estimating 2,000 to 2,100 calories needed to lose at a 500 caloric deficit. Now, you're not breastfeeding, which would put you around 1,700-1,800. Granted, I work out 5-6 days a week, so maybe you could reduce your calories by another 100-200 per day. At that point, you're going to be getting the energy your body needs for the day and will probably be less likely to binge, especially if you plan your portions before the meal.

So having addressed number of calories, let's look at micronutrients. These are found in everything, but especially fruits and veggies. Veggies especially are calorie light and nutrient dense. It's pretty much impossible to get fat eating raw veggies, and if you juice them, you can do even better.

Now, some people here think you have an eating disorder. That falls into the psychological side that I am totally unqualified to deal with, so I'm going to say if you do, get help. If you don't, then it's probably one or both of the above (because not getting enough calories can lead to lack of micronutrients as well). But I would say if you've been eating a lot of processed foods, replacing them with healthy alternatives (and by that I mean unprocessed foods, raw or gently cooked) will go a long way. That, and getting rid of every bit of junk food in the house. There are times when I have random cravings, and I open my pantry, and the only convenient food I see is corn chips. But I don't want chips. I want something sweet. But it's not there, because I don't buy it. If I want something sweet, I'll have to eat some raisins or a couple of dates or just eat some fruit.

A few months ago, people might have said I had an eating disorder. I would go into the kitchen and decide I wanted to eat. I would grab a box of cereal and pour milk over it and eat it. Then I'd pour another bowl. Then another. I'd eat 3-4 bowls of cereal (with what I now estimate to be at least 2 servings of cereal and 1 serving of milk each--and I will qualify it was a relatively high-fat soymilk). I felt bad but I just did it anyway. I think what clicked was when I decided I had to lose weight because I'm too cheap to buy bigger clothes! I don't have that kind of money, even if I buy them all at the thrift store. It would take me months, considering the budget I have has to go for the whole family (at least, me and the 3 kids), because kids grow legitimately. So something clicked, I started exercising, started eating less, and I couldn't be happier! Now I know that I was just bored, and eating made me feel less bored somehow. But I'm having more fun watching the measuring tape numbers go down than I was eating that much (and also enjoying the savings in the food budget!).

One thing you might try next time you have a craving (after getting rid of all the junk food first!): Get a container of wheat grass (Amazing Wheat Grass on Amazon, 60 serving size is a decent price and you get free shipping), mix it with something (I've had almond milk, but my favorite is 100% fruit juice--about the only time I have fruit juice anymore), and drink it. You might not like the taste of it at first, but it grows on you, and I can almost guarantee it will help the cravings. I mean, it helped *pregnancy* cravings when I was pregnant! It is nutritionally satisfying, that much I know!

{{{Hugs}}} I hope you can figure out what works for you.

Edit: I just looked at your diary, and I would say that whether or not you have that psychological issue mentioned above (at what point will my husband stop loving me?), you definitely ARE deficient in micronutrient foods. I saw no fruits or veggies for several days--unless there were some on that pizza. Try eating more of those and see if it doesn't help.

ok so I dont want to sound dumb. i have never let myself (besides when i binge) to eat more than 1600 calories a day. more than that scares me and its telling me (i work out like 3 times a week) to eat like 1800 a day in calories...that isn't going to make me gain weight?

How is it possible to eat less than you burn and gain weight? Think about that for a while......


Do you track every bite that you eat when you binge? You probably eat way more than an average of 1600 a day because of binging. What is better, 1800 a day of healthy calories or 1600 + binging on junk food that equals up to maybe 2500 calories a day?

The book "Women, Food and God" (not as religious as the title implies) may give you some insight into your emotional eating and why you are using food as your "drug of choice." Check out video below.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m0Nlre-836Q

The mechanics of losing weight (diet & exercise) only temporarily address the "symptoms"...unless you address the "cause" of your emotional distress, controlling your weight will be a life-long struggle.

You can do this... work through the emotional issues while creating a new and healthy lifestyle is the way to life-long success.

Resisting strong hunger and cravings is not a normal part of healthy weight loss. The body is designed to lose weight comfortably at a moderate deficit of calories that are satisfying.

If you eat healthy foods like fruits and vegetables and seeds and nuts and whole grains and lean meats, and if you eat often, and if you eat enough (not too much, but not too little either... just a moderate deficit), then you WON'T GET STRONG CRAVINGS OR URGES TO BINGE.

I used to think that I was an emotional eater or that I lacked self control. But it turns out that at least 95% of cravings/binges are PHYSICAL, not emotional or psychological. The body needs lots of vitamins, nutrients, protein, carbs, fats and calories every day. If it does not get it, certain chemicals and hormones are triggered and you get cravings.

I have been eating healthy since Sept 2012 and I have only had a couple true binges. I can only think of one off the top of my head. When you give your body everything it needs, there is nothing left to crave. I eat treats like cookies every day along with my healthy diet. But I can stop at 2 cookies and not binge on more. The urge is just not there. I am FULL all the time with good food.

Exactly! this is what I said above, essentially, only with about half the words, and probably more well put. Thank you, Bettyeditor!