I got very big and muscular but finding comments hard work
feast4dabeast
Posts: 96 Member
I will rewrite this as people have obviously misunderstood. Yes I am happy with my new size but fed up with people commenting. I am shy by nature and am honestly finding it hard work!
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Replies
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Basically, what it amounts to is you're too busy bragging about yourself to get to the point of your question. I'm not even sure what the point of this post was, if it was a legitimate question: to get people to quit commenting positively, or negatively?0
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I don't really know what you expect anyone to say, it seems to me that these are your options:
1) Stay how you are and stop going out
2) Stay how you are, keep going out but tone down the tight tops and hope it helps
3) Stay how you are, keep going out and deal with the attention (maybe you need to be clearer that you don't want the attention, if you were sort of enjoying the attention like you said maybe girls were getting the wrong signals?)
4) Lose muscle
That is all I can suggest, you can speak to your friends/family about making you uncomfortable but usually when somebody puts a lot of effort into something people close to them will want to make them feel good about it, I'm sure they were not trying to make you feel uncomfortable and now they have all seen your new figure and commented on it I doubt it will happen as often next time you see them.
Strangers I'm afraid cannot be controlled so you have options 1-4. Welcome to most women's world on a night out!0 -
Dress conservatively, no form fitting clothes, have a talk with your family about exactly what you are doing to reassure them you are not on drugs nor in danger of hurting yourself and ask them to support you. If you go to a club environment, people are probably going to behave badly. Ask individuals to stop, and/or dance at the edge of the dance floor or don't dance at all. Yes, it sucks.
And btw, welcome to what it is like being an attractive woman with large breasts! Or, as I discovered after getting fat and assuming that sort of thing would stop, any woman with large breasts...0 -
I don't really know what you expect anyone to say, it seems to me that these are your options:
1) Stay how you are and stop going out
2) Stay how you are, keep going out but tone down the tight tops and hope it helps
3) Stay how you are, keep going out and deal with the attention (maybe you need to be clearer that you don't want the attention, if you were sort of enjoying the attention like you said maybe girls were getting the wrong signals?)
4) Lose muscle
That is all I can suggest, you can speak to your friends/family about making you uncomfortable but usually when somebody puts a lot of effort into something people close to them will want to make them feel good about it, I'm sure they were not trying to make you feel uncomfortable and now they have all seen your new figure and commented on it I doubt it will happen as often next time you see them.
Strangers I'm afraid cannot be controlled so you have options 1-4. Welcome to most women's world on a night out!
Yep. What she said!0 -
Dress conservatively, no form fitting clothes, have a talk with your family about exactly what you are doing to reassure them you are not on drugs nor in danger of hurting yourself and ask them to support you. If you go to a club environment, people are probably going to behave badly. Ask individuals to stop, and/or dance at the edge of the dance floor or don't dance at all. Yes, it sucks.
And btw, welcome to what it is like being an attractive woman with large breasts! Or, as I discovered after getting fat and assuming that sort of thing would stop, any woman with large breasts...
Thank you I think I will look at how I dress in future. I didn't mean this to be bragging at all I feel really uncomfortable0 -
You need to work on your self esteem and learn to say 'thanks, it was really hard work'... learn how to take a compliment...or alternatively, before they open their mouths, compliment them first.
As for the lecherous woman, yeugh, sorry you had to deal with that. Lucky your woman has a sense of humour!
Sorry buddy, you got big and muscly, you cant hide under rocks anymore. Gotta learn to deal mate.0 -
I will rewrite this as people have obviously misunderstood. Yes I am happy with my new size but fed up with people commenting. I am shy by nature and am honestly finding it hard work!
same here, except not shy(more like self conscious and also private as a person regarding my health) , and my comments are coming in regarding my weight loss. Unsure how this will play out since I'm only 25 lbs into an 80 lbs loss but summer is almost here so that will at least give me 3 months of anonymity from the daily grind. Maybe will have to frequent different stores and restaurants since now even those people are noticing and congratulating. *cringe*0 -
You need to work on your self esteem and learn to say 'thanks, it was really hard work'... learn how to take a compliment...or alternatively, before they open their mouths, compliment them first.
As for the lecherous woman, yeugh, sorry you had to deal with that. Lucky your woman has a sense of humour!
Sorry buddy, you got big and muscly, you cant hide under rocks anymore. Gotta learn to deal mate.
Thank you. I have suffered depression most of my adult life and do have self-esteem issues. I find compliments so hard to take. I like your idea about being on the front foot0 -
I will rewrite this as people have obviously misunderstood. Yes I am happy with my new size but fed up with people commenting. I am shy by nature and am honestly finding it hard work!
same here, except not shy(more like self conscious and also private as a person regarding my health) , and my comments are coming in regarding my weight loss. Unsure how this will play out since I'm only 25 lbs into an 80 lbs loss but summer is almost here so that will at least give me 3 months of anonymity from the daily grind. Maybe will have to frequent different stores and restaurants since now even those people are noticing and congratulating. *cringe*
yes i know for most it is from losing weight .............I think I will look at where I go to be honest0 -
Basically, what it amounts to is you're too busy bragging about yourself to get to the point of your question. I'm not even sure what the point of this post was, if it was a legitimate question: to get people to quit commenting positively, or negatively?
No I just wanted to put it in context. I am struggling with it and thought this would have been a place for support. To be honest I think I was wrong for assuming that!0 -
Yes I am proud of what I have achieved. But I don't want it talked about constantly by those around me! If you read it carefully I have asked for advice and your comment is far from helpful! Troll!
I wasn't trolling. I genuinely didn't understand the point of your post. When you say things like 'I go out clubbing and all the women can't keep their hands off me' it doesn't come off like your genuinely seeking advice. I actually thought that this was a joke post. If you're really concerned about looking 'to good' maybe you should stop working out, sit around all day, and over eat?
But I do however understand the repeated and annoying 'you're losing weight' comments. Yours just appear to be in reverse. All I can say to that is that they'll pass with time as people become used to the 'new' you.
As far as going out clubbing and all the ladies viciously attacking you because your so hot . . . I would recommend just eating something that gives you gas beforehand.0 -
Basically, what it amounts to is you're too busy bragging about yourself to get to the point of your question. I'm not even sure what the point of this post was, if it was a legitimate question: to get people to quit commenting positively, or negatively?
No I just wanted to put it in context. I am struggling with it and thought this would have been a place for support. To be honest I think I was wrong for assuming that!
no you were not wrong. just possibly wording the post wrong. i think I get you. let me just add that one thing that works for me is that i try to dress in a way that does not show my results. i realize that i won't be able to do that forever, but bank on the idea that once i'm closer to goal, nothing anyone says will shake my resolve or my methods. This early though, i'm not so sure, so I don't want anyone chiming in. So yeah, dressing a certain way can help with that. KNOW that how you dress WILL influence people's responses. It's something women deal with all the time. I'm sorry you are going through this, but then again not, because it is a sign of success and you only need to build up your arsenal of appropriate responses both verbal and internal self talk to handle those instances. Once you have that you'll feel confident to dress however you want and let any comments roll right off you and let it be their problem, not yours. Good luck...and congratulations, you may be the first male ever to earn my :flower for you: :flowerforyou: .0 -
I will rewrite this as people have obviously misunderstood. Yes I am happy with my new size but fed up with people commenting. I am shy by nature and am honestly finding it hard work!
you've as much right to talk about your successes as anyone else, and plenty of other people post about it, believe me!
I hate that kind of attention from other people as well, so I understand. Don't stop being yourself though on account of other people. Haters gonna hate... that goes from negative comments on the internet and comments from people who don't approve of big muscles. As for women hitting on you, be firm and say no.0 -
I will rewrite this as people have obviously misunderstood. Yes I am happy with my new size but fed up with people commenting. I am shy by nature and am honestly finding it hard work!
same here, except not shy(more like self conscious and also private as a person regarding my health) , and my comments are coming in regarding my weight loss. Unsure how this will play out since I'm only 25 lbs into an 80 lbs loss but summer is almost here so that will at least give me 3 months of anonymity from the daily grind. Maybe will have to frequent different stores and restaurants since now even those people are noticing and congratulating. *cringe*
I missed the original post but from the bits and pieces I am gathering, I can understand where the OP is coming from. I too am very shy and reserved and have a hard time dealing with the compliments about my weight loss such outside of family and friends. On MFP, I have no problem talking about it and having pictures up. I think to an extent the anonymity of the internet helps. Outside of MFP though, I rarely do. At my gym I know quite a few number of people there but only a couple of people know of my weight loss and I haven't showed those people any of my before pics either. It is something I am learning to deal with and I agree that it's a confidence thing.0 -
Yes I am proud of what I have achieved. But I don't want it talked about constantly by those around me! If you read it carefully I have asked for advice and your comment is far from helpful! Troll!
I wasn't trolling. I genuinely didn't understand the point of your post. When you say things like 'I go out clubbing and all the women can't keep their hands off me' it doesn't come off like your genuinely seeking advice. I actually thought that this was a joke post. If you're really concerned about looking 'to good' maybe you should stop working out, sit around all day, and over eat?
But I do however understand the repeated and annoying 'you're losing weight' comments. Yours just appear to be in reverse. All I can say to that is that they'll pass with time as people become used to the 'new' you.
As far as going out clubbing and all the ladies viciously attacking you because your so hot . . . I would recommend just eating something that gives you gas beforehand.
Sorry if it came across the wrong way - I just haven't had that sort of attention before and I don't like it. I didn't say that I am too hot either just got groped a lot and I felt very uncomfortable. What I was shocked at was fact I was clearly with my wife. That I can deal with it is the comments from some friends and family members that are getting to me0 -
I will rewrite this as people have obviously misunderstood. Yes I am happy with my new size but fed up with people commenting. I am shy by nature and am honestly finding it hard work!
same here, except not shy(more like self conscious and also private as a person regarding my health) , and my comments are coming in regarding my weight loss. Unsure how this will play out since I'm only 25 lbs into an 80 lbs loss but summer is almost here so that will at least give me 3 months of anonymity from the daily grind. Maybe will have to frequent different stores and restaurants since now even those people are noticing and congratulating. *cringe*
I missed the original post but from the bits and pieces I am gathering, I can understand where the OP is coming from. I too am very shy and reserved and have a hard time dealing with the compliments about my weight loss such outside of family and friends. On MFP, I have no problem talking about it and having pictures up. I think to an extent the anonymity of the internet helps. Outside of MFP though, I rarely do. At my gym I know quite a few number of people there but only a couple of people know of my weight loss and I haven't showed those people any of my before pics either. It is something I am learning to deal with and I agree that it's a confidence thing.
Yes I don't know if my wording of it was the best. I am very proud of what I have achieved but I dont want it to define me if you know what I mean.0 -
Put the original back up, perhaps clarify your questions at the end. I kinda get the idea - I find unsolicited attention quite awkward but I'm not one for night clubs and stuff anyway. I struggle to take compliments myself, having had periods of quite severe depression as well.
So yeah, put it back up and focus the post with some questions at the end.0 -
Yes I am proud of what I have achieved. But I don't want it talked about constantly by those around me! If you read it carefully I have asked for advice and your comment is far from helpful! Troll!
I wasn't trolling. I genuinely didn't understand the point of your post. When you say things like 'I go out clubbing and all the women can't keep their hands off me' it doesn't come off like your genuinely seeking advice. I actually thought that this was a joke post. If you're really concerned about looking 'to good' maybe you should stop working out, sit around all day, and over eat?
But I do however understand the repeated and annoying 'you're losing weight' comments. Yours just appear to be in reverse. All I can say to that is that they'll pass with time as people become used to the 'new' you.
As far as going out clubbing and all the ladies viciously attacking you because your so hot . . . I would recommend just eating something that gives you gas beforehand.
Sorry if it came across the wrong way - I just haven't had that sort of attention before and I don't like it. I didn't say that I am too hot either just got groped a lot and I felt very uncomfortable. What I was shocked at was fact I was clearly with my wife. That I can deal with it is the comments from some friends and family members that are getting to me
BTW this used to happen to the BF I had during my clubbing days. It's part and parcel of clubbing. I'm short and two tall girls would just walk up to my tall buff man and dance on both sides of him shoving themselves between me and him until he'd gently insert himself back between one of them and me, face me only and surround me with his arms and legs. That's clubs. Learn to use your physicality in those times gently because with bumping music body language is all there is, but you can still make your intentions known regarding your lady without too much ruckus. My ex used to. *sigh* *reminisce*0 -
Sorry if it came across the wrong way - I just haven't had that sort of attention before and I don't like it. I didn't say that I am too hot either just got groped a lot and I felt very uncomfortable. What I was shocked at was fact I was clearly with my wife. That I can deal with it is the comments from some friends and family members that are getting to me
No.
It was my bad. I formed a judgement to hastily.
I went through the same thing when losing weight. The constant 'Wow! You look great!' really got on my nerves. However I lost mine over two years ago so now people don't comment on it as much. This is really just a side effect of your hard work and progress. You've gotten some good advice so far. And all of it is stuff you should take on board. But I just wanted to reiterate that it does go away with time, at least from family and friends. As far as the girls at the clubs goes, you probably now know what it's like being a woman trying to go to one of those places.
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Basically, what it amounts to is you're too busy bragging about yourself to get to the point of your question. I'm not even sure what the point of this post was, if it was a legitimate question: to get people to quit commenting positively, or negatively?
No I just wanted to put it in context. I am struggling with it and thought this would have been a place for support. To be honest I think I was wrong for assuming that!
no you were not wrong. just possibly wording the post wrong. i think I get you. let me just add that one thing that works for me is that i try to dress in a way that does not show my results. i realize that i won't be able to do that forever, but bank on the idea that once i'm closer to goal, nothing anyone says will shake my resolve or my methods. This early though, i'm not so sure, so I don't want anyone chiming in. So yeah, dressing a certain way can help with that. KNOW that how you dress WILL influence people's responses. It's something women deal with all the time. I'm sorry you are going through this, but then again not, because it is a sign of success and you only need to build up your arsenal of appropriate responses both verbal and internal self talk to handle those instances. Once you have that you'll feel confident to dress however you want and let any comments roll right off you and let it be their problem, not yours. Good luck...and congratulations, you may be the first male ever to earn my :flower for you: :flowerforyou: .
:$ thank you that has made my day0 -
Yes I am proud of what I have achieved. But I don't want it talked about constantly by those around me! If you read it carefully I have asked for advice and your comment is far from helpful! Troll!
I wasn't trolling. I genuinely didn't understand the point of your post. When you say things like 'I go out clubbing and all the women can't keep their hands off me' it doesn't come off like your genuinely seeking advice. I actually thought that this was a joke post. If you're really concerned about looking 'to good' maybe you should stop working out, sit around all day, and over eat?
But I do however understand the repeated and annoying 'you're losing weight' comments. Yours just appear to be in reverse. All I can say to that is that they'll pass with time as people become used to the 'new' you.
As far as going out clubbing and all the ladies viciously attacking you because your so hot . . . I would recommend just eating something that gives you gas beforehand.
Sorry if it came across the wrong way - I just haven't had that sort of attention before and I don't like it. I didn't say that I am too hot either just got groped a lot and I felt very uncomfortable. What I was shocked at was fact I was clearly with my wife. That I can deal with it is the comments from some friends and family members that are getting to me
BTW this used to happen to the BF I had during my clubbing days. It's part and parcel of clubbing. I'm short and two tall girls would just walk up to my tall buff man and dance on both sides of him shoving themselves between me and him until he'd gently insert himself back between one of them and me, face me only and surround me with his arms and legs. That's clubs. Learn to use your physicality in those times gently because with bumping music body language is all there is, but you can still make your intentions known regarding your lady without too much ruckus. My ex used to. *sigh* *reminisce*
I think I will go back to my old hide at the bar and drink myself into an oblivion lol0 -
Put the original back up, perhaps clarify your questions at the end. I kinda get the idea - I find unsolicited attention quite awkward but I'm not one for night clubs and stuff anyway. I struggle to take compliments myself, having had periods of quite severe depression as well.
So yeah, put it back up and focus the post with some questions at the end.
I have decided that not worth the hassle mate0 -
You've worked hard and are right to be proud of what you've achieved, and what you're still yet to achieve (a lot, I'm sure!) - just seems the people around you are going to have to get used to it as it is your life and your choice to do what you do.
PS - I promise not to grope you if we go for beers in July ;p0 -
You've worked hard and are right to be proud of what you've achieved, and what you're still yet to achieve (a lot, I'm sure!) - just seems the people around you are going to have to get used to it as it is your life and your choice to do what you do.
PS - I promise not to grope you if we go for beers in July ;p
I trust that you won't....looking forward to dem beers though0 -
Well, some others may think you're bragging, but I understand what you're saying. For me, as the fat kid growing up, I got comments alright - just not those that I was after. When I lost weight, I started getting compliments on what good job I'd done, I bet you feel better, "how can I lose weight", blah, blah, blah. After putting in about 2 years of constant cardio (4-6 times/week with my recent personal best of 6 miles in 61:01) and heavy lifting, instead of me looking at others, they now look at me. At first, I was uncomfortable but then I said, "I'm 41 and getting looks from youngsters (female and male). ****, I worked hard to get it and damnit, I'm gonna be proud to show!" If that's bragging, then label me a braggart. I don't flaunt it with the intention of getting noticed, but I flaunt it nonetheless. Enjoy it and keep working those lats. Looks like you might be able to give me a run for my money in a pull-ups competition!
I'm out and headin' to the gym! 0 -
Honestly, if you are frequenting places where the general atmosphere is for people to "hook" up...then I would absolutely expect people to try to "hook up" with you. Just seems like the norm to me.
You edited your post before I could read the original, so I have no idea and am trying to "infer" what your original post was.0 -
Now that you have worked on your physical game, I highly recommend working on your mind now. You'll just have to politely fend off the ladies who are being too forward with you at the clubs. As far as complements go, a simple thank you will suffice. There are a lot of mental self help books out there if you need help with your confidence.0
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Embrace the compliments that came along with you getting bigger and muscular. And be sure to put those people down that compliment you. Make them think twice about it next time!0
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Shame I missed the original text. But I can understand the general basis from reading other comments. It's one thing to become more confident in yourself, and redesigning your body. It's another to hear about it from others beyond general platitudes that we get from the community here. I get uncomfortable getting more than the stereotypical comments of "great job" or "you are doing great."
But yet I still want so much more for my body.0
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