Any other sad mommies out there?

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Christie23
Christie23 Posts: 357 Member
in Motivation and Support
My baby is going to Kindergartern. Just typing that makes me cry. It has been an emotional road because Ava was diagnosed with autism at 2 and I left the corporate world then to devote almost all my time to her. It's entirely possible that I have fostered a codependent relationship in that time. But I felt so guilty for working so hard during her first two years. I missed so much. Anyhoo, I am keeping on the straight and narrow, as far as my diet is concerned, but I haven't been feeling as invincible since August started because it's looming. I know it sounds silly. And I know that this will pass. I am not quite sure I can even conceptualize the free time that I will have now. But every time i think of it, I just feel so sad... Anybody out there able to relate?

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  • Phoenix_Rising
    Phoenix_Rising Posts: 11,417 Member
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    Honey, is this severe enough to consider reaching out for help (i.e. an anti depressant)? :frown:
    I'm worried just because of how sad your tone was. It reminded me of my postpartum depression. :cry:
    (((hugs))) Can you go ahead and sign up to volunteer at the school? Join her for lunch every day, and begin to wean yourself off the number of days you go for lunch? (((hugs)))
  • mablesyrup
    mablesyrup Posts: 286 Member
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    First of all, congrats for all that you do and have done for your daughter! Do not feel guilty about things in the past. We cannot go back and change them, so no need to stress over them. My oldest is starting 5th grade this year, and I have cried on the first day of school every single year. lol It never gets easier to have them leave and your emotions are completely normal and rational.
    Give it a week or two and you will realize how much you've missed having some alone time while she is away at school. You will quickly embrace the time alone to recoup and get errands or housework or exercise/whatever done. Trust me on this, you will ♥ it again! =) And it's nothing against your children, every mom needs a break and deserves one!

    It's never easy letting your children grow up, and the older and more independent they get- the harder is can be. This is where learning to trust God 100% with every fiber in you, is about the only thing that can get you through. lol The world is a scary place!
  • krinio
    krinio Posts: 138 Member
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    I'm not a sad mommy...but I thought I would comment because you said your daughter was diagnosed with autism. My brother has autism, he's 16 now, and my mother, like you left work when he was diagnosed. In his case that wasn't until he was 7 years old and found it difficult to string a sentence together or pronounce words properly. He's partially sighted too. I sympathise with you in that as his sister the idea of sending him off on his own even now terrifies me, never mind a little child. That being said, my brother has managed to achieve phenomenal things in his life, and sometimes it's a blessing for him. Eg. he got full marks in his GCSE maths and sat it a year early. He also holds national records in disability swimming for his age. My mum credits all of this to treating him like the rest of us whilst understanding the things in life he finds difficult.
    I'm rambling, :laugh: I'm sure your daughter will love kindergarten and I wouldn't stress about it too much. It's probably harder for you than it is her. lol It's a big change in your life, but absence makes the heart grow fonder so maybe those few hours away from you each day will make little Ava love her mommy more :laugh:
  • 1harleygal
    1harleygal Posts: 226 Member
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    :sad: I so can totally relate because my baby is 34 years old and lives in Albuquerque, NM because of his stupid ex-wife. Not a day goes by that I don't think of him, pray for him, miss him incredibably and keep him in my heart. My one solace is that we are very close since it has been he and I for many years being a single mom. All my vacation time is wrapped in seeing Andy and spending as much time with him as I can. Unfortunately the job he works at which is union doesn't have paid vacation time, holidays or sick days so any time he takes off is not paid for so he doesn't get to come home (Metamora, IL) very much which means I go to him, talk on the phone and do Facebook! The first moment I found out I was pregnant I was over come with so much love I can't even begin to describe it and it has only grown with each passing second of his life!! :sad:

    :cry: Except for 2 years of Andy's life I have had to work and some times it was a 2nd shift job where I missed school functions which totally tore me apart. But as a mom we do what we have to do provide for our children and believe me they understand. Remember also that it isn't how much time you spend with your child but the quality of time you spend with your child. :cry:

    :cry: Please do not let this eat at you because it will only hurt you and your daughter. Let her go to school with hope, happiness and joy for her new adventure! That is a great gift you can give to her! :cry:
  • xojox
    xojox Posts: 187 Member
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    i can relate completely!!

    My youngest of 3 has been diagnosed with develepment issues and has several upcoming appointments which will probably lead to him being diagnosed autistic - he's 21/2. He will be going to playgroup in sept( pretty much the equivalent of kinder in britain). I had taken him a couple of times before the summer hols and he sobbed while he was going in - apparantley fine while there - but it killed me inside :sad:

    I too have noooo idea what i am going to do without any children at home? he's only going 3 mornings a week for just over 2 hrs but the thought is turning my stomach!! add me as a friend if you want and maybe we can help each other through this stage xxx
  • beckbeck
    beckbeck Posts: 31
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    Yes, I'm a sad mom too...my 14-year-old daughter has been missing for a week. She snuck out of her bedroom window a week ago last night. In fact, in about 15 minutes it will be the time it was when I discovered it last Tuesday morning. I've talked to her friend and no one knows where she is but I have seen that she logged into MySpace last night after three days of not, so that's helpful to at least know she is alive and has the ability to log onto the computer.

    You're always a mom and always gonna have these times that make you cry your eyes out. It never really gets easier! Motherhood is such a selfless love and sometimes it HURTS!
  • Phoenix_Rising
    Phoenix_Rising Posts: 11,417 Member
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    Yes, I'm a sad mom too...my 14-year-old daughter has been missing for a week. She snuck out of her bedroom window a week ago last night. In fact, in about 15 minutes it will be the time it was when I discovered it last Tuesday morning. I've talked to her friend and no one knows where she is but I have seen that she logged into MySpace last night after three days of not, so that's helpful to at least know she is alive and has the ability to log onto the computer.

    You're always a mom and always gonna have these times that make you cry your eyes out. It never really gets easier! Motherhood is such a selfless love and sometimes it HURTS!

    :brokenheart: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:
    Oh my gosh. My thoughts are with you. I'm glad she is logging on MySpace.
  • Christie23
    Christie23 Posts: 357 Member
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    Yes, I'm a sad mom too...my 14-year-old daughter has been missing for a week. She snuck out of her bedroom window a week ago last night. In fact, in about 15 minutes it will be the time it was when I discovered it last Tuesday morning. I've talked to her friend and no one knows where she is but I have seen that she logged into MySpace last night after three days of not, so that's helpful to at least know she is alive and has the ability to log onto the computer.

    You're always a mom and always gonna have these times that make you cry your eyes out. It never really gets easier! Motherhood is such a selfless love and sometimes it HURTS!

    Oh my!! That's terrible! I would like to send you a friend request and keep posted on how she is.
  • Christie23
    Christie23 Posts: 357 Member
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    Thank you to all of you. I am not so much depressed as lamenting. Ava is my only child. When I found out I was pregnant with her, it was a beautiful surprise! I had been told for most of my life that I wouldn't have children and I had previously had 3 miscarriages. At 20 weeks pregnant, we found out that she had a condition called Gastroschisis, which is a very serious gastrointestinal birth defect where she developed a hole in her abdomen and was pushing her organs out through it, in utero. I was on bedrest for the entire pregnancy but I was determined to get her here safe and sound! They offered me the option to terminate, since she only hadd a 50% chance of survival at birth, but I refused. She pulled the ejection seat a little early, which took everyone by surprise, and she was delivered with all of large and small intestines, stomach and ovaries external. I wasn't able to see or hold her. She went into surgery for over 24 hours. I was finally able to hold her 4 weeks later and she was able to take my milk 8 weeks later. After 4 months in NICU, she came home. Clearly, I have always been so protective of her. I think I would have been for any child, but I have never seen such a strong creature in my life! She was determined to be on this earth!! When she was diagnosed with autism at 2, it was hard for me and the rest of my family. No one wanted to believe it, least of all me. But that's when I left the work force and I took it on... TONS of research!! Speech and occupational therapy interventions. Changed her diet. Started her on a rigorous supplement schedule. Her father and I have been separated since she was a year old (medical issues with children wreak absolute havoc on a relationship) and we share custody, so I'm used to her being away from me for a few days at a time (They keep a food/supplement journal for me so I can make sure all her needs are being met). But I guess I am just afraid for her to enter the big old world by herself. Like I said, I know it's perfectly normal. And I know that this is a necessary part of life... I WANT her to get out there and take on the world! I want her to kick its butt, like she has everything else that ever got in her way!!! I'm just having trouble turning off that protection button, I guess.

    Whoa... this was probably all the biggest overshare ever... but thanks to everyone for reading. I never really talk about it all, I guess, so sometimes it's just gotta come up. But I am a big believer in staying positive. I am hoping to enter the real work force again (I was initially an accountant, but I have been bartending part time since Ava was diagnosed so I could go to work after she was in bed or with her father). I wonder if there is a demand for "moms who make 5 supplement juices a day, drive to appointments and administer detox baths daily", and THAT'S what I've really become skilled in! Lol...
  • misty589
    misty589 Posts: 319 Member
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    I can relate, My baby turned 3 yesterday :( I went back to work a year ago, just after his second birthday and I hate it!
    I think it's pretty normal to be sad, when my dd went to her first day of Kindy, I came home from the bus stop, sat in the armchair and stayed there until 1 30 when the bus brought her home. I didn't know what to do with myself!!
  • faithstephenson
    faithstephenson Posts: 280 Member
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    I was nervous when I sent Gideon (my autistic son) to Kindergarten last year. I worried about how the teacher and other kids would respond to him and if he'd be able to adjust to the school routine, and if not, how the school staff would respond. And let me tell you, it went wonderfully. I spoke with his teacher most days after school to see how things were going, but he did awesome. He was routinely exceeding our expectations. And seeing him form friendships with the other kids was so heartwarming:) I know you've put so much into your daughter and I'm sure that it will be hard, but try to get involved with some other moms during the week. It's been so nice to be able to talk about our lives and our concerns. Volunteering at her school could be good, but remember that you need something outside of her to connect to. Then when she comes home, you can focus on her. Just what I found helpful.
  • justahorsen
    justahorsen Posts: 234
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    Try and make it a "special milestone" time, don't be sad, be pleased that a milestone is faced and surpassed...make memories of these "special" times in her life with LOTS of pictures (I'm a camera nut!!! LOL)
    I took a picture of my girls every year standing out at the mailbox (we live in the country) on the first day of school, as we waited for the bus. As they got older they are sometimes on top of the post or hanging from it....but it is what we did the first day of school every year (even when I got the "OHHH MOM, NO") It's fun to go back now and look at those .....and on their graduation day, we took pictures in their cap and gowns......it was just something that I had decided to do and now I am SOOOO glad we did it.....the mailbox changes and the post it is on changes (gets hit by the snowplow every once in a while...lol) but we always know that those pictures are an important day in their lives....
  • beckbeck
    beckbeck Posts: 31
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    Wow, that is a lot to sacrifice of yourself for your child! But that is being a mom, isn't it? :) A good one, anyway...

    It sure does help knowing other people have problems and heartbreaks and are being strong and dealing with it the best they know how!

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