Co-Worker has gone to far in weight loss.
texastumbleweed1
Posts: 30
How do you tell someone that they are at the point of looking bad instead of heathly. My co-worker lost 40 lbs, I applauded her for losing it but now she looks sickly, and its not just me that says that. We have people come in and ask me if she is sick. She keeps exercising and eating light, she has a obsession with getting rid of her tummy fat. Her husband and I have both told her thats stretch skin and its not going away with excess exercising. She is very defensive when someone says anything to her. She is a very dear friend and I am worried about her. What would you do?
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Replies
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I would not say a word.
Could it be that you are not used to her looking this slender?
I might be projecting, but I am getting those 'Don't lose anymore weight' comments when my BMI is still in the overweight range and although I know it comes from a place of love, it's really about them and how they think I should look.
Her body will let her know load and clear when she has lost too much weight.0 -
Another vote for: just keep the negativity to yourself.
During the course of my weight loss, about once a week I'm on the receiving end of:
===============================================================
"don't lose anymore weight"
"are you sick?"
"I liked the chunky version of you better."
Better yet, it's stuff like this:
======================
"you don't want seconds? Really? Come on, have some more cake."
"you should have two donuts"
"what, you don't want another beer? Come on, you can afford it"
Yep.. at least ONCE A WEEK, I hear this stuff!!!!!
I started hearing these types of comments when I had lost about 20lbs, and was still obese. At first, I was shocked by them... then they pissed me off... now I just chuckle. For some reason, many folks are extremely uncomfortable around a lean and fit person. It's even worse when I don't feel the need to eat/drink whatever I'm offered.
Yes, I'm lean now (less than 10% body fat), but as my wife foundly says, "you eat enough for an army." I work my *kitten* off at the gym 5-6 days a week and I'm getting stronger every day! I relish the effort required for every REP of every workout. Yes, it's like a drug... and it makes my whole life more enjoyable, whether I'm hanging out with my wife, walking the dog or typing at work. Progress at the gym, being better today than I was yesterday is adicctive. You should be happy that your dear friend has discovered the personal empowermennt of fitness.
On the positive side, I've heard:
========================
"how did you get so ripped"
"you look amazing"
"wow" (my wife's favorite saying when I take off my shirt now)
IMO, the world is full of well intentioned folks, but if someone is bringing you down, it's either because of some obstacle in their own life, lack of knowledge, or simple jealousy.0 -
If her husband is truly that concerned that she could be developing an eating disorder, he (and only he) could suggest that the two of them schedule an appointment to go together to your co-worker's doctor to discuss her health and get a check up. Everyone else, should stay out of it.0
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agreed.. don't say a word.
I have had friends lose weight -- and to me -- they looked bad because they were no longer how I i was used to them looking.
In one case, as time has passed and I've seen him a few times...he looks just fine to me now. It was MY perception that was off, not their weight. In fact, the man I am speaking of was at his ideal doctor prescribed goal weight. To me.. he looked half dead! I was used to him being bigger and I liked him that way because he looked like ..well.. him! my friend.0 -
Do you work with me? LOL! I feel like pretty much everything you said about your co-worker someone has said about me. I don't consider myself anywhere near needing any kind of intervention as far as getting too thin. I think like a lot of other posters have said, that you probably have a distorted view of your co-worker because you remember what she used to look like and she is so much smaller now. I think that if people never knew me when I was big and just saw me now, they wouldn't think that I was too thin. They would probably be applauding my efforts to lose more.0
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If her husband is truly that concerned that she could be developing an eating disorder, he (and only he) could suggest that the two of them schedule an appointment to go together to your co-worker's doctor to discuss her health and get a check up. Everyone else, should stay out of it.
I agree completely.0 -
Another vote for: just keep the negativity to yourself.
During the course of my weight loss, about once a week I'm on the receiving end of:
===============================================================
"don't lose anymore weight"
"are you sick?"
"I liked the chunky version of you better."
Better yet, it's stuff like this:
======================
"you don't want seconds? Really? Come on, have some more cake."
"you should have two donuts"
"what, you don't want another beer? Come on, you can afford it"
Yep.. at least ONCE A WEEK, I hear this stuff!!!!!
I started hearing these types of comments when I had lost about 20lbs, and was still obese. At first, I was shocked by them... then they pissed me off... now I just chuckle. For some reason, many folks are extremely uncomfortable around a lean and fit person. It's even worse when I don't feel the need to eat/drink whatever I'm offered.
Yes, I'm lean now (less than 10% body fat), but as my wife foundly says, "you eat enough for an army." I work my *kitten* off at the gym 5-6 days a week and I'm getting stronger every day! I relish the effort required for every REP of every workout. Yes, it's like a drug... and it makes my whole life more enjoyable, whether I'm hanging out with my wife, walking the dog or typing at work. Progress at the gym, being better today than I was yesterday is adicctive. You should be happy that your dear friend has discovered the personal empowermennt of fitness.
On the positive side, I've heard:
========================
"how did you get so ripped"
"you look amazing"
"wow" (my wife's favorite saying when I take off my shirt now)
IMO, the world is full of well intentioned folks, but if someone is bringing you down, it's either because of some obstacle in their own life, lack of knowledge, or simple jealousy.
Awesome words!!0 -
If her husband is truly that concerned that she could be developing an eating disorder, he (and only he) could suggest that the two of them schedule an appointment to go together to your co-worker's doctor to discuss her health and get a check up. Everyone else, should stay out of it.
This. Period.0 -
Another vote for: just keep the negativity to yourself.
During the course of my weight loss, about once a week I'm on the receiving end of:
===============================================================
"don't lose anymore weight"
"are you sick?"
"I liked the chunky version of you better."
Better yet, it's stuff like this:
======================
"you don't want seconds? Really? Come on, have some more cake."
"you should have two donuts"
"what, you don't want another beer? Come on, you can afford it"
Yep.. at least ONCE A WEEK, I hear this stuff!!!!!
I started hearing these types of comments when I had lost about 20lbs, and was still obese. At first, I was shocked by them... then they pissed me off... now I just chuckle. For some reason, many folks are extremely uncomfortable around a lean and fit person. It's even worse when I don't feel the need to eat/drink whatever I'm offered.
Yes, I'm lean now (less than 10% body fat), but as my wife foundly says, "you eat enough for an army." I work my *kitten* off at the gym 5-6 days a week and I'm getting stronger every day! I relish the effort required for every REP of every workout. Yes, it's like a drug... and it makes my whole life more enjoyable, whether I'm hanging out with my wife, walking the dog or typing at work. Progress at the gym, being better today than I was yesterday is adicctive. You should be happy that your dear friend has discovered the personal empowermennt of fitness.
On the positive side, I've heard:
========================
"how did you get so ripped"
"you look amazing"
"wow" (my wife's favorite saying when I take off my shirt now)
IMO, the world is full of well intentioned folks, but if someone is bringing you down, it's either because of some obstacle in their own life, lack of knowledge, or simple jealousy.
Excellent post! And you look amazing!
OP - Unless she's malnourished and passing out on the floor in need of you calling 911, I'd pretty much stick to the "if you can't say anything nice ...." rule. She's probably perfectly healthy you're just not used to seeing her so lean.0 -
I think people think that people sometimes have "lost too much" even though their bmi and weight are still higher than what is recommended. I know that I have been told by many people to stop losing weight even though I am still over 30 pounds overweight, i.e. my bmi is still unhealthy and since I am doing this to get healthier I want a better/ healthy bmi and dont see a reason to stop otherwise.
That being said her husband should have more insight and unless you are sure that she is really harming her health, dont worry too much.0 -
I agree with the other posters. If it is an malnourishment issue, it's up to the person's doctor to talk to them about it. Most doctors do weight & blood pressure every appointment. They are professionals & know what this persons weight, nutrient needs, etc should be.
If they physician feels like it is a mental health issue, they can seek mental health treatment for their patient....0 -
Another vote for: just keep the negativity to yourself.
During the course of my weight loss, about once a week I'm on the receiving end of:
===============================================================
"don't lose anymore weight"
"are you sick?"
"I liked the chunky version of you better."
Better yet, it's stuff like this:
======================
"you don't want seconds? Really? Come on, have some more cake."
"you should have two donuts"
"what, you don't want another beer? Come on, you can afford it"
Yep.. at least ONCE A WEEK, I hear this stuff!!!!!
I started hearing these types of comments when I had lost about 20lbs, and was still obese. At first, I was shocked by them... then they pissed me off... now I just chuckle. For some reason, many folks are extremely uncomfortable around a lean and fit person. It's even worse when I don't feel the need to eat/drink whatever I'm offered.
Yes, I'm lean now (less than 10% body fat), but as my wife foundly says, "you eat enough for an army." I work my *kitten* off at the gym 5-6 days a week and I'm getting stronger every day! I relish the effort required for every REP of every workout. Yes, it's like a drug... and it makes my whole life more enjoyable, whether I'm hanging out with my wife, walking the dog or typing at work. Progress at the gym, being better today than I was yesterday is adicctive. You should be happy that your dear friend has discovered the personal empowermennt of fitness.
On the positive side, I've heard:
========================
"how did you get so ripped"
"you look amazing"
"wow" (my wife's favorite saying when I take off my shirt now)
IMO, the world is full of well intentioned folks, but if someone is bringing you down, it's either because of some obstacle in their own life, lack of knowledge, or simple jealousy.
Love this! Thank you!0 -
Her husband needs to talk with her.
I hear from family that I look so thin, they worry about me, I don't need to lose more weight...etc.
It's really upsetting.0 -
If her husband is truly that concerned that she could be developing an eating disorder, he (and only he) could suggest that the two of them schedule an appointment to go together to your co-worker's doctor to discuss her health and get a check up. Everyone else, should stay out of it.
This 100%.0 -
I think what can happen sometimes when a person loses a lot of weight is that the skin and hair & such need time to "catch up" to the new body underneath, so sometimes they don't match yet and it looks off. That said, back off, if she's doing too much her body will tell her, and if she's ignoring her body only her husband should actually say something. And can it with the discussions behind her back, guarantee she'll pick up on it and not be happy.0
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Maybe you can just voice your concern and encourage her to see her doctor for a check up. Not everybody goes for wellness checks so I'm not sure why such assumptions are being made here.
I've always felt saying something and finding nothing wrong is better than saying nothing and regretting it later. But that is just me and people in my life expect it of me.0 -
I aqgree with those who said , keep your comments to yourself... just be supportive. the most I'd say is "you look great" and leave it at that.0
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Her husband needs to talk with her.
I hear from family that I look so thin, they worry about me, I don't need to lose more weight...etc.
It's really upsetting.
but you look gorgeous :flowerforyou:0 -
We have a friend that lost too much weight. I pulled him aside and mentioned it to him and he blew me off.
The only thing that got to him was when my wife told him that there was a group at their church who were going to pray for his quick recovery from cancer.
He's never had cancer.0 -
We have a friend that lost too much weight. I pulled him aside and mentioned it to him and he blew me off.
The only thing that got to him was when my wife told him that there was a group at their church who were going to pray for his quick recovery from cancer.
He's never had cancer.
That is exactly what people are saying about her. When you look very pale and dark circles under your eyes it not good. so I'm not going to say you look wonderful to someone who looks sick.0 -
I would try to play up eating at maintenance and lifting heavy for body recomposition. Point her to MFP and some of the wonderful success stories involving lifting. That would help her reach her goal without killing herself with low cal and excess cardio.0
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